What you need to know in advance
Find out from your fiancé in advance what his parents' names are and remember their first and middle names before your first visit to their home to avoid awkward situations. At least in general terms, take an interest in their type of activity and hobbies - the more information you have, the easier the communication will be.
Every family has taboo topics, so ask your boyfriend what not to talk about with his parents. Sometimes the most neutral conversation or the smallest thing mentioned can cause an awkward situation, and that's the last thing you need. There are topics that it is generally not customary to talk about with strangers, for example, politics and religion.
How do you know if the meeting was a success?
The importance and responsibility of the first acquaintance is absolutely not exaggerated. The girl will be able to feel how successful it was the very next day after this event.
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If the guy’s parents began to invite you to visit, or you are going to invite them to your place, then everything went well. This course of events indicates the seriousness of your couple’s intentions. And after communicating with the family of your future spouse, you will have experience in organizing such an event in order to plan a meeting of your other half with your relatives.
What to wear
As you know, guests are greeted by their clothes. Leave clothes that are too revealing, tight and sexy for another occasion. In it you will please your boyfriend without the presence of his parents. You don’t want to embarrass his father with your appearance and give his mother the impression of a frivolous girl?
A business suit and formal clothes are also not the best solution. Trying to look serious in this way, you will appear before his parents in the image of a girl who does not quite understand where and why she came.
Don't go overboard with decorations—you're going to a family dinner, not a nightclub. The more modest they are, the better.
The best option is to dress simply, but tastefully, in comfortable and non-provocative clothes, and this could be a non-evening dress or ordinary jeans with your favorite blouse.
Makeup, hairstyle and perfume
Cosmetics in large quantities have never made anyone significantly more attractive. To meet a guy's parents, you don't need too bright an image. Moreover, he may be perceived as overly critical by the young man’s mother.
The hairstyle should be comfortable. Lush, flowing hair sticking out in different directions will have to be constantly straightened, and doing so is ugly. If you don’t have time for styling, you can get by with a regular tail or a braided spikelet.
As for perfume, the main thing here is not to overdo it. Only neutral aromas and in the smallest quantities. If the groom's parents get a headache from the smell of your perfume, the meeting can hardly be called successful.
Preparing for the first meeting with parents
To successfully complete a meeting with the guy’s mother, you need complete preparation in all respects. You should ask the young man in advance about what his mother likes and what topics should not be covered in the dialogue. You need to figure out what to talk about at family dinner when meeting your parents.
Collection of information
First you need to talk with your loved one about common topics. You should find out what habits, favorite pets, family life and education of his ancestors, how many years the mother and father have been together. This information is necessary to study the life of the family with whom you will subsequently have to maintain contact. At this stage, it’s worth deciding what to give to your boyfriend’s parents.
Wardrobe selection
In this area, they adhere to the rule “meeted by clothes, seen off by mind.” The ideal outfit for a meeting with parents is considered to be soft clothes, which contain gray, dark green and pleasant blue shades, skillfully combined with each other.
Beads and hoop earrings (tunnels that stretch the ear) should be excluded from jewelry. Piercing will not benefit those who are hoping for a warm welcome. It is best to use discreet pendants, elegant earrings and rings.
Exposed skin areas are required in moderation. You shouldn’t wear cropped tops, ripped jeans and miniskirts, but you also don’t need to wrap yourself in shapeless sweatshirts and turtleneck sweaters, or wear sweatpants. A warm knitted dress in gray or white with a boat neck and long sleeves is considered a good option. You can diversify the look with discreet makeup and silver jewelry.
Light light trousers, tapered at the bottom, with a blouse and rough boots - a stylish look.
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Hair and makeup
People of older generations appreciate natural beauty. To please your lover's mother, it is best to focus on the naturalness of your skin tone: even it out and avoid contouring.
Eyes are the mirror of the soul. They must be clean, so it is recommended to use nude shadows and add mascara. Lightly outline and shape the eyebrows.
You should not focus on the lips, so all dark and scarlet tones are excluded from the palette. It is best to highlight them with a soft pink color or simply add a drop of glitter.
When it comes to hair, a style that looks like you spent a lot of time on it is tasteless. The best option would be to pull your hair back. Then they will not interfere with your view, and you will not need to constantly correct them.
Organizing a meeting
Usually, getting to know the parents of your beloved guy takes place in their home, but if the responsibility falls on the girl’s shoulders, then she should ask the man in advance about her parents’ favorite foods and drinks. It’s important not to forget about your guy’s favorite food. His mother would appreciate this move.
All dishes must be prepared with your own hands. Desserts are best made at home, but you can also buy them at a pastry shop.
The girl’s apartment should be perfectly clean. Mothers want to see good housewives next to their sons.
Overcoming fear of dating
Fear is common to every person. It often happens that a girl doesn’t want to meet someone because of fear. There are a couple of effective recommendations that will help you overcome your fear of a meeting.
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How to behave in an unfamiliar environment:
- The current situation should be considered from the perspective of motherhood, that is, take the place of the future mother-in-law. Ask yourself questions: “What would I like to hear when I become a mother?”, “What manifestations between a son and daughter-in-law indicate true feelings?” This will allow you to calm down and think clearly.
- We should discard the prevailing opinion that the mother-in-law is necessarily a monster who spoils relationships. Communication should be viewed from a “mother-daughter” perspective: you should try to have a relaxed dialogue and communicate as if the girl and the guy’s mother have known each other for many years. Then the woman will accept her son’s friend as her own.
These simple methods can be used separately or combined. Based on the compiled psychotype, the method is selected individually.
Table manners
Many girls are embarrassed to eat in the company of unfamiliar people, and this is understandable, but it is impolite to completely refuse a treat. You should at least try. It would be a good idea to give the hostess an unobtrusive compliment, but in such a way that it does not embarrass her.
Be careful with alcohol - even the lightest wine can be too intoxicating due to excitement. It is unlikely that you will impress the guy's parents as a girl who likes to drink, and yet the likelihood of relaxing and saying something unnecessary should be minimized.
Communication etiquette at a meeting
The first acquaintance even with the aggressive parents of your beloved guy is an opportunity to learn about childhood and get a feel for the “ground” of the family, to show yourself on the positive side. It is important to think through behavior from the banal structure of a dialogue to behavior at the table.
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Alcohol
Getting drunk in such a situation is, of course, inappropriate. No more than one glass of wine is allowed at dinner.
If the dinner takes place in a girl’s apartment, then it is not recommended to display a lot of alcohol so that the young man’s relatives do not think anything bad about his chosen one. For dessert, it is best to offer coffee with cognac.
If your parents refuse alcohol, then you should not insist on drinking it.
First impression
The first impression is made up of several factors. These include appearance and general demeanor. First you need to create a good image of yourself: you should be friendly, smiling and sincere. The father and mother of the young man will notice this. Openness in some matters is also welcome. The main thing is not to succumb to provocation, because to please your boyfriend’s strict parents at the first meeting is a serious step in a relationship.
Behavior rules
A girl's acquaintance with her boyfriend's parents lays the foundation for future relationships. For everything to go well, you need to follow a number of rules on how to behave at the first meeting.
The recommendations are as follows:
- You can't interrupt the guy's relatives. When they tell you something, no matter how unimportant, you should under no circumstances engage in dialogue until they ask.
- Listen carefully and show interest. If a boring topic comes up, then it is best to intelligently move the conversation in a different direction.
- Under no circumstances should you correct your relatives or argue with your boyfriend’s mother about household matters. Even if you want to say something in opposition, it is better to bite your tongue and endure it.
- You cannot show an eccentric character and throw a tantrum or in a comic form hint to a man about an impending quarrel. The mother will definitely notice this gesture with an accurate eye.
By following these simple rules, you can make a good impression by showing good manners.
Tenderness to the beloved
In the presence of relatives, it is better not to show care and love through hugs and kisses. As an encouraging gesture, you can lightly squeeze the guy's palm, show feelings at the table by filling the plate with food and caring for him. The use of diminutive words such as “bunny”, “sun” and “baby” is also prohibited.
If the meeting takes place in the house of a young man, then it is best to sleep separately so that the parents do not think badly of the girl. This way she will be able to show her good manners and respect for her parents.
Topics for conversation
The most common topics at the first meetings are conversations about childhood. Most of the time, the guy's relatives ask the girl about her mom and dad, education, school years and work. Sometimes parents are interested in learning about the reasons and circumstances of their acquaintance. Some relatives, especially if they didn’t like their son’s girlfriend and are against this relationship, begin to ask tricky questions that can make the girl and the guy uncomfortable.
Answers to awkward questions
If one of the parents nevertheless decides to ask some uncomfortable question, then it is best to laugh it off or move the dialogue to another topic. Advice from psychologists that will help keep relationships on a stable course and avoid a specific answer:
- If you are asked some tricky question, the answer to which may shock or simply not please the parents of your beloved guy, then it is better not to give specific information, but simply to babble people with a lot of “water” and a lack of clarification.
- It is necessary to put them in embarrassment that they asked such a question to almost a stranger. For this little prank to work, it is enough to rephrase the question asked through a simple construction: “Do I understand correctly that...?” Then they will simply be embarrassed to confirm this in the chosen interpretation, so they will try to hush up the dialogue on their own.
- You can take it with honesty. If one of the relatives dared to ask an incorrect question, then the girl should honestly say that at this stage of the relationship she is not ready to talk about personal experiences and traumas. The interlocutors are not animals and must understand, or they will feel uncomfortable putting pressure on their beloved in the presence of their son.
- You can always laugh it off, but laughter after each joke will irritate mother and father, so it’s better to pretend it’s a bad joke and hush up the conversation.
- In extreme cases, you can become a bore and change the topic to the weather or other boring and ordinary things.
Thanks to these methods, the girl will be able to get rid of excessive attention to her person and take the dialogue in a different direction.
His mother
Most often, the mother-in-law becomes an ardent opponent of the relationship between a son and his girlfriend.
There are many jokes about her. Getting to know a guy’s mother is not an easy task, because this woman feels in her gut, understands that a rival is appearing on her horizon. To please her, you need to follow simple rules:
- You need to communicate with the guy's mother respectfully.
- Let her understand that there will be no restrictions between the son and mother, everything depends on the desires of both parties.
- Explain that the feelings between a guy and a girl are sincere and mutual, there is no material context in them. This is often what mothers worry about the most.
After mutual understanding is established between women, relationships will become less tense, because many girls who say: “I’m afraid to meet my lover’s parents” are influenced by stereotypes.
What to talk about
Surely your boyfriend's parents will want to get to know you better, and perhaps they will ask questions or ask you to tell you about yourself. Here you can rehearse your speech a little in advance, but not so that it sounds like a text you have learned by heart. Be willing to carry on the conversation, but do not go into unnecessary details - an overabundance of information at the first meeting will clearly be unnecessary.
Under no circumstances compare your boyfriend's parents, the interior of their home, or family traditions with your own. This is perhaps one of the most important prohibitions.
How to please your boyfriend's parents
Any girl dreams that after meeting her, only pleasant impressions remain about her. How to please a guy's parents and win their sympathy? Let's start in order:
- Help . A good step would be to offer your help to the guy's mother when setting the table. If the table is set, then offer to help her clear the table after the dinner party is over. His mother will appreciate such an impulse, and a plus in the piggy bank is guaranteed.
Ekaterina, actress.
I remember how his mother told me later: “Not one of Andrei’s girlfriends has washed the dishes after dinner with us.” I was very pleased.
- Show concern for the young man . It should be remembered that his mother evaluates you not only by your appearance, but also by your ability to take care of her son. It’s enough just like that, supposedly casually offering him to try a salad or something else. In general, show your care and affection in every possible way.
- Measure in everything . When such maternal efforts are manifested, one should not reach the point of fanaticism. Otherwise, from the outside, the girl will look like a mother hen.
- Eat everything! Here you should forget about the diet, and about the diet and its regime. Do you already know in advance that lunch will be filling? Arrange a fasting day the day before, but try all the dishes on the table. There is no need to pile mountains of food on yourself, just try a little of everything. A good appetite among guests is the best praise for the hostess, in this case the mother of the groom.
- Compliment her culinary skills . This can be done in a very simple way. Say that you have never eaten such and such a salad, and ask for the recipe. It is better to cooperate with your future mother-in-law than to be on opposite sides of the barricades. The main thing is to show interest, it will not hurt you if you are polite and ask for the recipe, this does not mean that you will cook it at home every day.
