30 possible answers to awkward questions

Diplomatic responses

Sometimes inappropriate questions come from complete strangers, with whom, nevertheless, there is no need to spoil relations. And even more so, you shouldn’t satisfy their curiosity. Politely enough, but firmly, let them know that you do not intend to develop a discussion of the topic raised. Here's how you can answer:

I wouldn't like to talk about it.
Sorry, but this is personal.
Doesn't matter. Oh, well, what's the difference.
It's a long story.
Complex issue. I can’t answer it right off the bat.
Why are we all about me! Let's talk about you better.
Sorry, I can't tell you that. I hope you understand.

By the way, the phrase “I hope you understand” works wonders. It makes your opponent realize that you consider him a polite and tactful person who himself knows why you cannot carry on a conversation on the topic he has raised.

Your words will sound more kind if you say them with a smile.

Counter issues

If the interlocutor does not understand or has no desire to understand that his question is tactless, you can let him feel the meaning for himself. To do this, it is enough to ask him the same question, frankly increasing its depth.

“Are you late today? “Did you come early?”
“Are you not going to lunch? “Do you want to get enough for two?”
“Are you not looking at your feet? “Don’t you look up?”

Now it’s the annoying interlocutor’s turn to think about how to react in this situation. Whether it is a question about health or about children, he will no longer really want to answer a counter question, because now the matter concerns him personally.

Answers for those especially curious

What is tactlessness for some may be healthy curiosity for others, in which there is nothing shameful. Such people don’t even realize that their questions have offended you in some way. They expect a sincere answer and will likely repeat their question if you try to hush up the conversation. You won't achieve anything with hints either.

For example, if you respond to an inappropriate question with a meaningful counter-question, “Why are you asking?”, be prepared for the fact that this will not work and the person will not understand that he asked too much. It may also turn out that you will receive an answer to this that is stunning in its simplicity: “I’m just interested.” After which they will continue to wait for an answer from you. In this case, you will have to directly say that you do not want to discuss this topic.

The dialogue may not end there, because your interlocutor will quite sincerely ask why you don’t want to talk about it. And if you have the time and patience, it would be a good idea to actually explain why you think the subject of the conversation is inappropriate. You will have to answer simply and directly:

Because we discuss this issue only with our family and with no one else.
Because this topic is unpleasant to me.
Because this is personal and concerns only me.
Because I promised not to talk about it.
Because I don't like sharing these things.
Because I don't want to.

It is very important to say this in a calm tone, without a challenge in your voice. Let your interlocutor understand that you are not hostile, but that you will not allow your boundaries to be violated.

It is more difficult if your interlocutor is not just curious, but deliberately seeks to put you in an awkward position. In this case, there is nothing else left but to say directly that you will not answer this question and this topic is not discussed.

Reaction mirror image

If you don’t want to answer a personal question, you can simply return it to your interlocutor using a clever speech structure. In this case, the phrase should begin with a clarifying note like “as I understand...”.

“I take it you would like to hold a candle by my bed?”
“As I understand it, you feel the need to show concern for my personal life?”
“As I understand it, you are not afraid of getting dirty from someone else’s dirty laundry?”

As a result of such an answer, the intrusive interlocutor himself will be at a disadvantage, and now it will be his turn to be embarrassed.

Answers with humor

The first reaction to a tactless question is shock and indignation. However, the person who asked it may not have done it to offend you or provoke a quarrel, but simply without thinking. Most often, this is the sin of friends and relatives, who are sure that we will always understand them correctly and will not be offended. To avoid conflict in such situations, try laughing it off:

What is this, an interrogation? I demand a lawyer!
How much do I get? Isn’t it only food that is given for work?
It's a secret. Can you keep secrets? I can do it too.
Of course, I can tell you, but after that I will have to kill you.
When will you get married? I probably won’t have time today. Maybe tomorrow.

This will throw the ball into your interlocutor’s half of the field. Let him now think about how to react to your joke.

“The clock is ticking”: how to answer tactless questions about your personal life

“When are you getting married?”, “Are you going to have children?”, “How is it too early? Your school friend has already given birth to her second one! And you keep falling behind!”... Middle-aged women who do not have a husband and children, as well as those who have not had a child in their marriage, often face similar questions and comments from relatives, friends, colleagues and even strangers. Sometimes loved ones begin to manipulate their health and happiness: “My blood pressure is constantly fluctuating. Am I really going to die without looking after my grandchildren?” Girls, to whom others regularly point out that “the clock is ticking,” often complain to psychologists: “I feel stupid after these attacks, I can’t collect my thoughts, so I can’t give a decent answer.” Olga Kiseleva, a specialist at the Moscow Psychological Assistance Service, talks about why this happens, how to properly respond to tactless questions about your personal life and protect your personal boundaries.

Psychological pressure from such questions can confuse, upset, anger, and cause a whole range of negative emotions. But the most important thing is that the object of manipulation develops a feeling of guilt, despondency and a feeling of hopelessness. A woman begins to doubt herself, her choices and her way of life.

For example, it is important for her to initially have financial stability or meet a life partner with whom she will be reliable and safe.

As a result of the impact, the guidelines and values by which she lives begin to be shaken. Next, the girl gets angry at her loved ones, relatives, and friends who ask such questions. And the feeling of guilt makes the situation even worse by doing its job.

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash

To find a solution, it is important to understand that our emotions are our responsibility and problem, our inner feeling, which should not affect the person nearby. Even in such circumstances, two components are closely interconnected: psychological pressure and personal boundaries. And by realizing one thing and working on the other, your life can become much easier, and the number of tactless questions can be reduced.

How you can work on this:

Try to deal with your emotions

Only you decide what answer to give or what action to take. It will still not be possible to convince others with the help of emotional attacks. But when they see your reaction, they will put further pressure on you: “If you’re angry, it means you care,” “You’re annoyed because you know that we’re right.”

Take a break

You can always take time to respond (a few seconds won’t make a difference) in order to reduce the emotional outburst and talk through the feelings that arose (“I’m angry, offended”). After all, an emotionally mature person chooses his own reaction and knows how to restrain his impulse.

Assess who is in front of you

Vary what you say depending on who is asking the question. The answer can be different: categorical, tough, honest. For example:

“I’m much more comfortable alone - I do what I want, when I want, I live a full and rich life.”
“This is my own business, but thank you for your concern.”
“Are you a doctor or why are you asking?”
“I am pleased that my personal life has not given me peace for so many years! This is popularity!
“It’s definitely not possible to have children in the next month...”

You can also include humor, catchphrases and funny phrases. For example, when asked about marriage, answer: “When the cancer whistles on the mountain,” “After the rain on Thursday.”

Take risks to be yourself

Try asking yourself those tactless and awkward questions. After all, initially, when there is a painful reaction to the comments of others, this may indicate an inability to get in touch with oneself and answer oneself honestly.

These questions are within us, they are ripe, awaiting an answer. We are caught by what we ourselves doubt. In order to answer and not get emotionally involved, it’s worth thinking: how will you answer this question? How do you still come to this internal dialogue with yourself? What is needed for this?

Be yourself, don't live up to someone else's expectations.
Don't be afraid to be "bad" for someone and don't look for approval in every action.
Learn to assert your boundaries based on your ideas and knowledge about yourself.
Find support and a core within yourself - those values that are important to you.
Respect your pace, don't rush.
Don't lower your standards or settle for less. After all, this is self-respect.

Your internal stable emotional state, of course, will not stop tactless and unceremonious people, but it will at least moderate their ardor a little and save your nerves.

Have you asked? We answer!

How much do you earn?

Enough for life.
Thank you, I'm not complaining.
Of course, I would like more, but who wouldn’t want it, right?

When will you get married/have kids?

Everything has its time.
When we are ready to take on such responsibility.
As soon as possible.

Why were you fired?

Long story. Better tell me how you are doing.
Oh, everything is so complicated there, I don’t want to burden you with details.
Because everything comes to an end and it’s time to move on.

Why people ask uncomfortable questions: reasons

How to answer an awkward question?
So, in order to figure out which answers to choose to answer awkward questions, you must first understand why people ask them in the first place.

There are several reasons why people do this:

The desire to gloat. Some people simply enjoy causing psychological discomfort and pain to those around them. As a rule, they are called evil and bilious. When they start asking some uncomfortable questions, they show their own superiority. Their main goal is to remove the interlocutor from a state of balance. In this case, you should not respond to their anger in kind. It is enough to simply walk away from the conversation and not contact such a person.
Tactlessness. This is one of the most common reasons why awkward questions are asked. Modern people often interfere in other people's affairs. They don't necessarily have any evil intentions. This is done simply due to lack of education and insufficient knowledge of human psychology. They give a person some advice, teach him how to live correctly. In any case, they are being tactless. To get rid of an uncomfortable situation, you need to “put” this interlocutor in his place. If you don’t do this, then he will continue to interfere in your life.
Desire to support. If you have some difficult situation in your life, for example, you were fired from your job, then most likely your loved ones are also worried with you. But not everyone knows how to properly offer their help. And it turns out that they feel awkward and start asking uncomfortable questions. This is usually done to find out how you are doing and whether you need help. In such a situation, you should not react aggressively, because there is clearly no malicious intent in such matters.
Need for attention. Often it is those close to you who ask uncomfortable questions. They try to start a conversation on various topics in order to be closer, and, accordingly, to get your attention. Again, everything here is not done out of malice. Basically, in such cases, the fact of communication itself is important, and not even the topic. Perhaps they also want to share some problems with you. In that case, just let them talk it out.