Extroverted men and introverted men in relationships
- If even a nondescript man pays attention to a woman, giving flowers and gifts, she will pay attention to him, because she will feel desired. This behavior is typical of active men. They will create balance against the backdrop of feminine “yin” energy.
- Women prefer to cast their lot in with active and confident men. This is due to the fact that she can remain herself and feel protected by her partner.
- Women don't really like passive men, because then they have to take the reins of power into their own hands and control the relationship.
- Extroverted men and introverted men in relationships - what are they like? If a man is passive in a relationship , he is characterized as an introvert . From the outside he may seem thoughtful and rude. It is difficult for him to collect his thoughts when it comes to “real” actions. If he needs to ask a girl out on a date, he will perceive it as a bright event that leads to great experiences.
Such men are very restrained in expressing feelings
- Extroverts, that is, active men, also face experiences. However, they are inseparable from actions.
- Passive men can complicate things by worrying too much and exaggerating what is happening.
- Active men, on the contrary, are too simple about everything that happens in their lives. If you need to show sensitivity and legibility , this is not about them. They prefer to behave like a bull in a china shop.
A man is passive in a relationship
Good afternoon, Tatyana.
You are asking:
Tatiana
either he doesn't need me
- He needs you - otherwise he wouldn’t call you. But they are needed, as correctly noted above, within strictly defined limits. The man is arranged to meet with you twice a week. And he doesn’t let you go - otherwise the relationship would have ended long ago.
But what you yourself want is not clear here. Are you thinking:
Tatiana
Either I really need a lot of attention.
- There is a proverb: “Whoever does not agree on the main things, disagrees on the little things.” What do you want? Is it just “attention”? Or you are trying to discuss with a man your plans for life and goals for creating a relationship - and they do not suit him:
Tatiana
That he never wants to get married again.
- Do you want to start a family? What family? What kind of life do you want to lead? Do you want a child? etc. These are questions for you.
A man maintains the relationship mode that is convenient for him. In this mode, you take the "mistress" position. This can go on for years. Do you agree with this way of relationship? Here in the article I thought about how and why relationships in triangles last so long. Everything is very simple: they are comfortable for a man, you are always attractive to him, but at the same time they do not limit his personal freedom (why he needs it is another question).
And, in conclusion, I will try to answer your question:
Tatiana
I do not know what to do
— you need to start with yourself: what are your values, what do you want in life, what do you want from a relationship, what doesn’t suit you and what suits you. Only here it is important to be honest with yourself: perhaps you are also satisfied with romantic meetings twice a week, with a man taking care of you, hugging you, paying for you, showing that he can be generous? But try again to listen carefully to yourself: perhaps such meetings reassure you, give you the illusion that “just about” you will be together? In this case, I want to disappoint you: a man is comfortable with just such a relationship - and he is unlikely to change it on his own initiative (he tells you this himself). It will also be very difficult to develop these relationships: precisely because they are convenient for a man and because a woman may always have hope.
If you want to change something, you can move in two ways: one option: the two of you go to family therapy and two psychologists work with you as with a couple who needs to agree on the future, and where each partner wants to learn to hear the other.
Another option: you yourself work with a psychologist about yourself, about how you managed to build just such a relationship and what you get from it. (You can also start exploring yourself - for example, take a test for the level of codependency in a relationship, read the books “When there is too much love” by Valentina Moskalenko, “Women who love too much” by Robin Norwood. But books are only the first step, they will not replace your personal soul work - if you want changes in your life).
With best wishes to you,
Chernysheva Ulyana, individual consultations online and in Moscow
Infantile in relationships with men (6 answers)
Where do passive men come from?
- It is believed that passive men appear due to the fact that women are becoming more and more independent. Now the phrase “weaker sex” does not describe women who want to be on an equal footing with their partner.
- A man's passivity can be acquired even in childhood. If his parents were overprotective in childhood, and as an adult he will try to be on the sidelines.
- Young guys cannot part with the “protection” that they had when they lived together with their parents. Therefore, they try to find such a woman, next to whom they will be like behind a stone shift.
Some women are quite content to be the dominant one in a relationship. They are looking for a passive partner, next to whom they can prove their independence and initiative.
Consequences of raising a man
If a man was raised in a family where he was suppressed and humiliated, in adulthood it will be difficult for him to take responsibility for himself and those around him. It should be noted that such representatives of the stronger sex are noticeable already in the early stages of a relationship. These men easily give the reins to a woman, are non-conflict, and always smooth out rough edges.
It is very difficult to change such a man. This requires many months (and sometimes many years) of work on his self-esteem, self-confidence, and sense of self.
If initially a man behaved actively and confidently, was not afraid of responsibility, and passivity appeared only some time after the start of the relationship, then this reason is not suitable.
Active and passive men in relationships: who do women choose more often?
- Most psychologists believe that women prefer active and self-confident men. However, this is not quite true.
- Considering that passive men are distinguished by tolerance, gentleness and compliance , women are happy to build relationships with him. It all depends on the girl’s position in life.
- If she wants to be behind a “stone wall” so that a man will provide and support her, preference should be given to active alpha males. To be independent in relationships and make important decisions for two, girls choose passive guys.
Passive people are often chosen
- Most women love men who combine both activity and passivity. Then complete harmony will reign in the relationship.
Passive men are unsuccessful in relationships
In this post, I want to discuss an issue that gets little attention, but which may be the source of major problems in relationships: the passivity of men. To achieve the purpose of the discussion, let's find out the meaning of the word "passive": Passive: not showing willingness and activity in participating in something; inactive; uninitiated member of society. Therefore, a passive man is a man who takes part (in relationships and perhaps in other areas of life) reluctantly and sluggishly. Therefore, women are tired of men for whom passivity has already become a habit and are often offended by them. Many men will deny that they are or have ever been passive, but in fact, in today's socially engineered post-feminist society many men are naturally passive and this inactivity creates many problems in dating and relationships. To figure out some of the behaviors that characterize men as passive, check out the list below of behaviors that show how we men may be guilty of being passive. — When we met a potential girlfriend, she made all the plans and we only followed them until the breakup. — She organized most of the actions in the relationship. “We put her on a pedestal and put her forward as an ideal, thereby placing ourselves under her control. - We feel like we have to report to our girlfriend/wife about everything we do. “We are afraid to put forward our point of view if she opposes her opinion.” “They have to ask us before we do anything.” - We bear her burdens in relationships (for example, her problems with men and constantly feel like we have to make it up to her), enduring unhealthy or painful situations in the process. “We give in to her in something because we feel guilty.” — We remain confused about the relationship, not knowing what to do. In a previous post, I argued that part of the problem is based on public perceptions of playboy and feminist ideologies. (Deception and Denial) Feminist ideology has created women who are more assertive than their predecessors. Therefore, the initiator of the courtship ritual is increasingly becoming a woman. This leaves many men accustomed to being passive, with little to do. Here are some other psychological reasons that shed light on male passivity. “The parents of many men did everything for them until they grew up and taught them to take the initiative and do something on their own. “As children, they were made to feel inadequate and therefore did not try to do anything for fear of failure. “If they acted out in any way, they might feel inadequate depending on what their parents were like.” Perhaps their parents never openly acknowledged their efforts or achievements. It seems absurd that such behavior is caused by seemingly emotional illogical infantile impressions. We believe that common sense can prevail and free us from this slavery. However, the idea laid down at the subconscious level does not understand the language of common sense. Our representation only knows how to control when it is needed. It knows to act passively because that is what it is used to. Therefore, no matter how much willpower a man has to overcome passive behavior, this willpower will always give way to the more formidable force of negative and passive ideas. Therefore, the answer to this question lies in understanding the origins of passive behavior and reprogramming your own subconscious. Since a man and his masculinity/self-esteem are disconnected according to social and family ideas, reprogramming is involved - the establishment of a new connection with consciousness. This can be achieved through books, courses, or even by seeking help from a therapist/coach who can tell you what to do.
How to deal with a passive man
As luck would have it, friends always have better men. They give flowers, and take them to the movies, and take them on vacation, and how they exalt their faithful.
After such men, your chosen one seems bad, worthless and incapable of anything. And he is in no hurry to please his woman, at least by washing the dishes after himself. As a result, the woman takes all the “reins of power” into her own hands, which makes her feel more and more offensive. Is it necessary to fight such passivity of a man? Or will this never get rid of? Difficult questions... First you need to look at the reasons for this behavior of a man.
If we turn to character types, then a certain lack of emotion may simply be a sign of an introvert. But there is one important point here - if you ask an introverted man to show his feelings, he will definitely do it. If a man, even after a request, is in no hurry to “throw the whole world at the feet of his beloved woman,” then this may be a sign of a banal egoist. Such men usually live with the overprotection of their mothers, which deprives them of any independence. Then, growing up, a man has one goal - to find a woman who can replace his mother.
But it is not necessarily the mother who can influence such behavior. Any physical activity in which a man wanted to express himself could end with the disapproval of the people around him. Then he realized that it was better not to express himself at all, then there would be no disapproval.
The woman herself can become the reason for the man’s passivity. For example, his workload and lack of energy after it could become a reason for abandoning household chores. Gradually the man could get used to it, believing that everything was going as it should. In any case, a man’s passivity is always influenced by some psychological situation.
What to do if a man is passive? Break off relations with him? Or try to “re-educate”? Of course, it’s always better to try to do something than to “cut it in the bud.” Even if it doesn’t work out, you can break off the relationship. Below are the basic tips with which a woman can try to “stir up” her passive partner.
So, first of all, it’s worth understanding that it’s unlikely that a man himself will try to take the initiative into his own hands. Therefore, it is necessary to gently and unobtrusively “include” easy tasks in his life. When he gets used to this, you can move on to more complex matters that a woman should not solve alone. Gradually, the “house cat” will develop into a real man, capable of making responsible decisions.
It is also worth observing your man - what activities bring him pleasure? After all, he still can’t lie on the couch all the time and do nothing. And when the girl realizes that she “lights up” his eyes, she will be able to skillfully manipulate this in order to preserve and develop their relationship.
Sincere compliments also work wonders. But doing something you don’t like makes a man hate everyone around him. Therefore, even for the smallest thing, you should always praise, and also try not to give the man things he doesn’t like.
You can try to re-educate a man’s passivity, especially if the problem lies in the fear of disapproval of his actions. Then praise can really help solve this problem. But if a man, under any pretext, does not want to change, then it is better to leave this relationship without destroying his life and the life of the man.
