Common interests
In fact, finding common interests and maintaining a balance so that both you and the man feel good is the most important thing. There is just one “but” - it is impossible to achieve this balance. In her desire to do everything to make a man feel good, a woman forgets about herself, and as a result, a certain pattern arises - a woman needs a man much more than he needs her.
At a minimum, because a woman wants much more from a man than he does from her: time, care, children, marriage. And even more, she wants joint action, and this is largely due to female monogamy. Men tend to choose one woman for sex, another for hanging out, and a third for marriage. And a woman has one man for all occasions.
And the only way to find the right man is to limit yourself in your needs. Put on “rose-colored glasses” and live as you supposedly want. And many women succeed in this, because the less demanding a woman is, the more chances she has to get married.
But as soon as a woman increases her demands, from the point of view of the modern world she simply imagines a lot about herself. Therefore, there is an opinion that the female lot is difficult precisely because of the inability to choose one.
And in order to somehow change this situation and prevent the man from leaving, they decided that we should have common interests, because supposedly this is the key to further relations. This is a persistent misconception that many psychologists perpetuate. A man cannot feel like a woman, therefore, if you achieve this, then you will have a very perverted chosen one. And even if he is romantic, sensual, as you wanted, it’s definitely not because of you.
When a man runs away from a woman, she thinks it's because they don't have common interests. And then she acts in two ways - either she looks for a man with the same interests as hers, or she lives in the interests of the one she has chosen, such is a woman’s intuition when choosing a partner.
Read more: When a man is on top. Life in liability or management?
But is it worth doing this? Is it necessary to waste time on such a man?
Incorrect self-esteem4
The reason why even acquaintance does not happen is because they won’t let you find something in common. Therefore, this problem needs to be fixed. This factor has 2 meanings and both of them are bad:
- Underestimation.
- Revaluation.
It’s easy to deal with underestimation - it appeared to us out of fear before the first conversation. It begins to be modeled in your head - you imagine what you will say and the thought arises about your appearance, about a possible refusal... Don’t model the possible options, but go and get acquainted. The girl herself is afraid of meeting you, since you are still unfamiliar to her.
Overestimation can be treated with the understanding that you are just you. No matter what Superman a person may be, if he allows himself more than what the girl is ready for or shows permissiveness without any reason, he will fly to Krypton. Therefore, it is necessary to weigh and push back the feeling of self-importance if it unreasonably dominates.
Is the game worth the candle?
Sometimes a man really wants to leave to escape his problems. He's tired of everything, he's not happy with his family, he doesn't want to take care of the children, and so on. In fact, in this case the man is running not so much from problems, but from the function that controls him.
But sometimes a man leaves not to escape, but simply to hang out, drink beer with friends, go fishing, and so on. That is, he wants to go somewhere where there is movement, and here the main question arises - should he take his wife with him? In this case, the woman is trying to solve the problem - who to leave with the children so that she can escape with her husband. But in reality everything is completely different. The woman has the illusion that her husband does not take her with him because she will not be interested or she simply does not fit into the company. But that's not the problem.
Family for a man is not everything, but only part of his interests. Unlike a woman, for whom the family is a project and she can devote herself entirely to it, for a man it is a recreation center or rear.
But a man also has a main occupation - his work, friends. He even prefers rest “without” (his wife), while a woman “with”. For example, a woman wants to take a break not from her husband and children, but from her responsibilities, so she will happily go to a resort, but with the whole family, because her husband and children are her comfort zone.
This is not the case for a man. Besides the fact that he just wants to go on vacation, the man also wants to take a break from both the children and you. And this does not mean at all that he does not love you and the children. He will also tear anyone's throat for his family, but at the moment he wants to take a break from everything. Why?
The fact is that men by nature are commanders and they can have a great rest with the servants. It will not be a problem for them if instead of a wife there is a maid, housekeeper, security guard and other service personnel. Why do men very often relax in the sauna not with their mistress, much less with their wife, but with a prostitute? Because she is a function for him, sex with her is also a function, nothing more. And the only ones he can accept as equals are his male friends.
Read more: How to seduce a married man
But there is another vacation option where men happily relax with their wives or girlfriends - these are joint trips with friends. For example, you went with a group to a camp site. And there women quite consciously play the role of function, knowing and accepting it. While the men talk about their own things, the women cook, bring them food and conduct their conversations. No one bothers anyone, and such a vacation can be called ideal. This is a rare case when a man takes a joint vacation. Because he doesn't need to solve any problems. He doesn’t need to be responsible for cooking or worry about everything that happens.
If you went on vacation with a man, then your task is not to create problems for him. If you, going on a trip with your spouse, take care of tickets, arrange visas, and take care of all the affairs, then he will not mind you going with him. But only if you don’t start whining, “We didn’t sit there, we stayed in a bad hotel,” or “Why did we even come here?”
In fact, these are problems of common leisure, as well as common interests. They simply cannot exist. Therefore, you need to remember one thing - either you let your man go where he wants, where there are functions and women, or you eat with him in the role of this very “function”. It is clear that in this situation there are many “cons”, and there is an opportunity to reduce the price. But if at home you are a commander, and on vacation you can be a function, then he is unlikely to want to look for a new woman and relax without you.
Of course, the topic of common interests is important, but you should not confuse life interests and men's hobbies. You can easily choose someone who loves spicy food just like you. Films and music of the same genre. But that doesn't mean you have to have the same hobbies. You should give your man space to walk and only make sure he leaves and comes back, and not run with him on a leash. You must create a place where he will be free, albeit illusory. And if you find yourself on its territory, you must play by its rules: be a function and a service personnel. Only then will he not say that you are interfering with his life and that he needs to dump you.
Read more: Stupid woman or smart woman: find the differences
Common interests have a positive effect on your relationship. But remember that men's vacation is not about romance, but about an obedient wife. Therefore, it is much more effective, if you are going to celebrate something, to do it over two days. One is yours - flowers, balls, etc. His other is vodka, meat and passionate sex. And here it is important not to get involved in the topic where he should be without you. Moreover, you will not always like his hobbies. It's better to be able to separate it.
Things to think about
It can be catastrophically difficult to find a hobby; a man does not meet you halfway and in every possible way ignores your attempts to correct the current situation. The reason may be a past resentment or dissatisfaction with family life.
Start with sex. If the spark is lost, you should rekindle it in bed. Improvement and lively variety in your intimate life will certainly please your loved one. A sexually satisfied man is a happy man who can move mountains for his partner.
Criticism of his hobbies. A woman may not notice negative comments about men’s preferences. He loves to take apart old TVs - great, why not find out how everything works there? It is useful for everyone to look at familiar things from the inside. He is attracted to weapons - purchasing a small air pistol will brighten up a man's everyday life and will be an excellent reason to organize forays out of town, shooting at banks.
Inflated self-esteem. Popular complaints: “He’s not interested in art and cinema” or “He doesn’t read at all, but spends his time on the sofa,” arrogance comes through in most of these stories. When thinking “I am intellectual, striving for knowledge, and he is a degrading vegetable who is painful to look at,” the only way out is divorce.
Finding joint entertainment is a responsible and not easy task. It happens that a man loves cycling, but a woman hates this activity. He wants to share the joy of traveling with his wife, but for her this is a real nightmare. Then the woman ignores the impulses, replaces the aspirations, or forcibly extinguishes the impulse without giving an alternative. At such moments, it is important to be able to negotiate and convey your thoughts correctly.
Why is it awkward to be together?
Why is it so awkward to be together together? Seems like close people. But who are you to each other?
You are mom + dad, master + mistress, worker + worker, even lover + mistress. You know what to do based on these roles. Cleaning, parenting, sex, etc. If you are in the role of husband and wife, then how to behave? What should I do with my husband?
Husband and wife are two halves. During the time that you were immersed in parental and household tasks, these halves became a little disconnected. You are out of step with the general rhythm and there is dissonance. To become a couple again, you need to come to a single sound.
You may object: “Why, after all, we are together every day! We do everything together!” Being together and feeling unity are not the same thing. We are building internal borders. We cover our fears or grievances to avoid unpleasant situations. We move away, continuing to formally be together.
During the time you spend without children, you can try to tune in to each other again. The main thing is to follow the rules.
Mystery Girl
Create a certain atmosphere of mystery around yourself. Intrigue the guy. In a word, do not reveal all the details about yourself in the first fifteen minutes of communication.
To look like a mystery girl, learn to smile mysteriously when he asks you a question. Don't answer right away. And for example, if a young man asks you about your ex-boyfriend, try to avoid such conversation altogether. Just smile and change the subject.
It's the same with secrets. Don't reveal them. The more secrets you keep, the more interesting it will be for a guy to be around you to try to understand.
Education
You and your loved one can attend educational courses. Maybe you both have long dreamed of improving your English or learning some exotic foreign language, mastering the art of design or cooking. It's time to take action and sign up for courses. Moreover, for two you can get a discount on tuition fees.
You can learn something new at home. There are a lot of educational videos and courses on the Internet that will help you diversify your leisure time together. The main thing is to create a lesson schedule that suits both of you, and not to miss school.
Your opinion
How to let a stranger know that you like him? Just cast an interested glance in his direction. In most cases, guys come up to meet each other on their own. This is the so-called silent signal, which many representatives of the stronger sex are able to understand. And if the young man also likes you, he will pluck up the courage to start a conversation with you. Maybe initially it was even completely meaningless. But this is just the beginning...
