Dating on the Internet has not surprised anyone for a long time, and now it is one of the most popular ways to find not only a person for a pleasant pastime, but also for a serious, long-term relationship. Some even manage to start a family, so we can say with confidence that this method of dating is no worse than any other.
However, there are some nuances that should be remembered. What should not be done if you are planning a first date after meeting on the Internet?
Don't expect too much
“Their eyes met and they immediately fell in love with each other for the rest of their lives”... This, of course, can happen, but expecting that exactly today and on this particular date is a dangerous mistake. In addition, even after several weeks of active correspondence and the complete feeling that the person is 100% the same, severe disappointment can occur.
A photo can be embellished (few people dare to post photos that are not very successful), and during “live” communication a person cannot put two words together, although during correspondence he was amazed by his wit and erudition.
First glance doesn't solve anything
If you don't like it at first sight, you need to give it a second chance. It happens that a person has not had enough sleep or is tired, or is simply not in the right mood or is too embarrassed. There can be a lot of circumstances, but a person is not a machine to always be on top. Therefore, if there are no obvious defects of mental and social development in the form of rudeness, rudeness, arrogance, cheeky behavior, sexism, then there should be a second chance, and sometimes even a third.
Another chance should definitely be given if you generally like the person, but there is no storm of emotions, intense passions or “butterflies in the stomach.” Of course, when the goal of dating is “butterflies”, tension and storm, then you don’t have to go on a second date. But when you want a serious relationship, then unnecessary emotions can only hurt.
Passion can interfere with an objective assessment of a person’s strengths and weaknesses, and emotions force one to do rash things. In addition, couples where feelings did not flare up immediately, but arose gradually, are usually stronger and the relationship is more sincere. Unlike those that were created under the influence of “chemistry”.
Meeting with a guy from another city
People communicate, meet, fall in love and get married. Many happy couples have probably gone through this. But today virtual communication is popular, which has two peaks of romance: first, when communicating, people try to please each other, and then after the meeting, the guy begins to court the lady. Of course, if they are from the same city, then meeting them will not be a problem.
The merit of the Internet is that it introduces people who in real life could hardly not only meet, but even get to know each other at all. But the Internet is the World Wide Web, and people can meet from cities thousands of kilometers apart. But such relationships can be called time-tested, since not every person can be at such a long distance and continue to love their companion. So, when people from different cities meet, the first question in their mind becomes: who to meet in the city? Who should come to whom first?
If you want to achieve a serious relationship with your Internet boyfriend, you must give him the opportunity to prove himself and invite him to visit you. Of course, if there is somewhere to place him, and if you have nowhere to receive a man, for example, you live with your mother or in a rented apartment with a girlfriend, then it is better to go to him yourself and at the same time see how he lives.
Even if a man doesn’t have money or doesn’t work anywhere, you shouldn’t offer him your money, he’s a man, and he must find the money himself for travel and for a gift to you - this is the whole essence of a man. The man, in turn, must take all the initiative into his own hands and create a comfortable and romantic atmosphere when meeting a girl. You need to amaze her at first sight and surprise her so that she thinks how caring you are.
A man must show his essence and prove that he can overcome all obstacles in order to achieve the girl he loves. But it’s worth giving advice to girls that, by the way, you shouldn’t invite a stranger to your home. After all, you don’t know that person. Suddenly he turns out to be unpleasant to you, and then you will not be able to get rid of him. The ideal option is to rent an apartment for a day or a month, where you will meet your friend from the Internet. First meeting with an Internet friend
If you and your online friend have been communicating for a long time, texting, calling each other, talking on video calls and exchanging photos, then you probably want to meet him in person to understand whether you should continue communicating or not.
Honesty and simplicity3
There is no need to seem like a different person, to pretend to be something, to say something different from what is in your heart and thoughts. This often happens if you really want to impress or not scare ahead of time. This is a path to nowhere - deception will definitely be revealed. Therefore, you need to start telling the truth during correspondence, and speak it again during a personal meeting.
What does this mean in practice? If you want a stable relationship - say it right away, just easy, non-binding meetings - say it too. If the goals of dating and communication do not coincide, you need to find out about this as early as possible. You will find more information about dating serious men in our article below.
Subtle signals
When you can’t see your virtual partner’s eyes and can’t observe his nonverbal reaction to your words, there aren’t many ways left that will allow you to bring out frankness. Don't be afraid to ask personal questions, and if you get evasive answers, you should be wary. Observe how quickly you receive answers and at what time the partner appears online. Be careful if he insists on a real meeting or avoids meeting offline until the last moment. Take your time and avoid impulsive decisions.
Don't tolerate unacceptable behavior4
Patience, of course, is a serious virtue that you need to cultivate in yourself in every possible way, but with regard to behavior on the first date, there should be neither patience nor compromise. Rudeness, sexism, disregard for attitude, rudeness, harassment - all these moments say a lot about a person and it is foolish to hope that if the acquaintance is longer and stronger, changes will definitely come. It will only get worse.
The fact is that with strangers and unfamiliar people there is an unconscious desire to appear better than you really are. If a person did not consider it necessary to hide these characteristics for the sake of the first impression, then it is not worth continuing communication. This behavior suggests that he does not care about the opinions of others or, even worse, he is proud of them.
Achieving the perfect balance
It is not advisable to delay the moment of a real meeting too much. If your couple has built a trusting online relationship, an extra month will not make a difference. Research shows that the longer the interval from virtual acquaintance to the first meeting in reality, the more inflated the partners' expectations become. During this time, you will have time to draw a picture of the ideal world of the future in your fantasies, you will expect love at first sight and passion at first touch. But in reality, no matter how well you get to know a person, you will have to deal with embarrassment and awkwardness. If you wait a long time for your first meeting, you risk disappointment.
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However, it is inappropriate to insist on a new level of communication after a week of dating. If you are expecting a long-term relationship, this is too short a period of time that will not allow you to get to know each other better. Manipulative criminals who ascribe romantic interests to themselves may well find their victims by insisting on meeting in reality as soon as possible.
Choosing the right location is half the success5
The first date after meeting someone online is usually used to get to know the person better and compare how well the image created on the Internet matches reality. Therefore, it is better to immediately refuse to go to the cinema, theater or concert. Finding out something new about a person who stares at a screen or stage all evening is quite problematic.
It is better to exclude too exotic places like a ropes course or trampoline park. There, under the influence of adrenaline and the unusual surroundings, you can learn a lot of unexpected things not only about your partner, but also about yourself. Therefore, the best option is a cafe or a walk in the park.
The main thing is that the park is not too secluded, and the cafe is not on the outskirts of the city. Why? The answer to the question can be found in first date safety.
Safety precautions on the first date6
Even if intensive and sometimes frank correspondence created the illusion that a person is close and familiar, this is just an illusion. This person may not exist in real life at all, or he may not be the same as he seemed during correspondence. Therefore, you need to decide right away - it could be anyone, which means you need to be wary of him as a completely unfamiliar subject until the opposite is proven.
You cannot invite home a stranger or a person you barely know. Going home to such a person is also dangerous. Therefore, the first rule is to meet only on neutral territory. It is advisable not to advertise exactly where your place of residence is, and if you receive an offer to take you to a meeting place, agree, but set the rendezvous point not at the entrance itself, but nearby.
The meeting place should be fairly crowded, again for security reasons. In public places it is easier to ask for help if something goes wrong. For the same reason, it is better to avoid walking along shady alleys and abandoned parks. It’s better to go to the forest for a picnic when you already know the person well enough.
Despite the apparent ease, online dating imposes additional difficulties in establishing real communication. In real life, pretending to be something other than who you are is more difficult and there are fewer opportunities for hoaxes and deception. But the Internet is fertile ground for scammers. Therefore, caution and prudence will never be unnecessary.
For more information on how to meet people on the Internet, read our article below.
Margarita Lopukhova
Expert
Family psychologist. For 8 years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples find love and understanding again.
According to statistics, the optimal time to go on a first date with a partner you met online is within a week from the start of communication. If you do not meet this time period, the chances of meeting in reality tend to zero. Believe me, there are thousands of guys and girls on dating sites who are already in relationships. And they create profiles just for fun. These people have no intention of going on dates with anyone. They like the atmosphere of the dating site, the attention, and relaxed communication. Therefore, if you didn’t go on a first date within a week from the moment you met, you’re unlikely to go.
Message from the Editor
Unfortunately, on this note we will have to end such an important topic. Honestly, we would really like to tell each of you a lot more necessary information. If you dream of learning something valuable about the relationship between two opposite sexes, go to our website and read the magazine! We post new articles every day and give only valuable advice. And in conclusion, we will give you one more. Every time you meet your partner, don’t be shy to kiss him. But keep in mind that the kiss must last at least 6 seconds. This point is extremely important. Not just an ordinary kiss, but 6 or 7 seconds of the most magical tenderness, warmth and affection. This is how your feelings and emotions will not fade away for a very long time! It's quite easy and the results will be amazing.
Cons of online dating
The main property of the Internet is the ability to create any image for any person. As mentioned above, we can be sincere and open than we allow ourselves in real life. But we can also create an illusion and make a person believe in it.
Some complex people use Internet platforms to play a role that in reality they are not destined to have. For example, a shy man can act like a narcissistic macho, while a timid teenage girl can act like a Hollywood diva. Your partner can lie to you about his background, income, family, and you will have no way to catch him in a lie.
But even if you are open with each other when communicating on the Internet, no one can guarantee that your sympathy will not dissipate during a real meeting. Friendships are easier here. If people have common interests and friendships online, then most likely they will get along in real life. But erotic attraction is a much more subtle matter. Everything is important here: facial expressions, gait and especially smell. And we cannot feel all this on the Internet. Of course, video communication programs can help a little. But they cannot be compared with reality, where it is possible to immediately understand whether this person attracts us or not.
Among other things, you may become a victim of deception or manipulation. For example, a huge number of dishonest men and women are looking for a new sponsor online, hiding behind words of great love. Etc. Women are in even greater danger due to their physical weakness. Therefore, it is highly recommended to spend first dates exclusively in public places.
