Women's friendship is multifaceted and multifaceted: it can be colored by dozens of different emotions and feelings, not the least of which is envy. Psychologists say that sometimes the latter can be an excellent impetus for improvement and development, encouraging active action in achieving success. Often, girlfriends envy each other in a kind way, thereby replenishing their treasury of life experience. But the line between “white” and “black” feelings, which are destructive and sometimes lead to complete discord in relationships, is very thin. In order not to cross it, you should carefully understand how to understand that a friend is jealous. Observing your friend’s reaction to different circumstances in your life will help you cope with the task.
Sign #2 – Unhealthy Competition
There is nothing reprehensible when your friends strive to be like you, developing strong-willed character traits, trying to climb the career ladder, copying the model of family relationships. The desire to imitate one’s appearance also seems quite harmless: dye your hair blonde, lose several clothing sizes, get permanent lip makeup. But the constant fierce desire of a girlfriend not only to copy, but also to surpass, emphasizing that she is more beautiful, successful, and simply “the best” in all aspects, should become an alarming “bell”, allowing you to understand that they envy you, and already not in a kind way at all.
Envy of girlfriends: how to recognize and how to get rid of envy - Envy of material values
Women often envy their friend’s ability to dress beautifully, go on vacation abroad, even once a year, buy expensive cosmetics and other similar opportunities.
This envy serves a woman well, as it contributes to the desire to prove, first of all to herself, that she is no worse than her friend, and that you can achieve even more. This feeling forces us to constantly be in a state of self-development. If envy is limited to such competitions, there is nothing wrong with it.
But if the feeling of envy goes from a desire not only to possess something that a friend has, but also to a desire for her to lose it all, to be deprived of the opportunity to enjoy such material values, envy takes on a negative connotation. People call such envy “black”, since it does not lead to anything good.
How to deal with your friend's envy?
Show your friend that she can very well achieve the same thing.
If your friend is unable to provide herself with money, advise her how this can be achieved: what job to get, what company, or what to do profitable. Instill in her confidence that she will succeed, she just needs to persistently pursue her goal.
If your friend can’t even imagine what would help her earn money, let her read the books that you yourself once read.
Let him not be afraid of his own desires. If she has a desire to start her own business, let her take on its implementation without much hesitation.
Perhaps the friend should be introduced to some influential people who will help her advance in her goals.
Sign No. 5 – endless excuses
Has it ever happened that you shared your plans, but a friend zealously dissuaded you from them, citing “weighty” arguments? They say you shouldn’t go on vacation to Thailand, because her relatives recently arrived from there with poisoning, maybe the same thing awaits you. And you don’t need to go to this company for an interview, they say that the boss there is a terrible boor, and then you’ll always return home nervous. In such a situation, remember that a woman with a goal is successful and rich within five minutes, and any envious woman is painfully worried about someone else’s success, and accordingly, she will diligently pull you back, who is rushing forward.
Envy of girlfriends: how to recognize and how to get rid of envy - How to recognize the envy of a friend?
Envy cannot be kept to yourself for long; over time it becomes noticeable. Based on the signs below, you can recognize your friend's envy.
- If a friend shows boredom, displeasure or irritation when you share your joys, she is most likely jealous of you.
— A friend devalues your achievements, attributing them to a coincidence or the assistance of other people.
— If in the process of communicating with a friend you feel guilty that everything is going well for you, but not for her, there is a possibility that your friend is jealous of you.
— Imitation of a friend’s appearance, manner of dressing, makeup, etc. also indicates envy on her part.
— Your friend is more interested in your negative moments in life than in your positive ones.
- She dissuades you from taking a decisive step that can bring you good luck, success, attributing a negative connotation to your intentions.
- A too violent, feigned expression of feelings of love for you can also indicate envy.
If to most of these statements you answered to yourself: “Yes, that’s how it happens,” there is a chance that your friend is jealous of you.
Sign No. 7 – comparisons in the spirit of “But mine is better...”
You share your joy that your husband finally found a job, and in response you hear a story about how her man was promoted and how high his salary is now? Are you experiencing a fountain of emotions after a vacation, and they “bring you down to earth”, describing her trip abroad in all colors? The desire to constantly compare you, while presenting yourself in a more favorable light, emphasizing that I am still better, is driven precisely by the envy of your friend.
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It’s a burning question, I don’t know what to do next.
My friend and I have been friends for 15 years, my husband was friends with her husband even before the wedding, then we started dating and a couple of months later they got married, we got married and a year later they did. In the beginning we had excellent relationships, mutual support, mutual assistance, etc. My friend was always a little different in that she liked to talk more than listen, but this was not particularly stressful for me.
We were united by another problem, both of us were having trouble having children, we supported each other as best we could, but for some reason I was sure that I would be the first to have a child, but everything didn’t work out as we thought. A friend left for another city, we only communicated by phone, and only once every one or two weeks, then one day she called me and said that she was pregnant, in her fifth month, what I experienced at that moment is simply beyond words ( because I said it too late) and joy in one bottle, she just ended up in the hospital with a threat, I cried, prayed that everything would be fine with her.
She gave birth to a child, carried him heavily, I helped her as best I could, went to another city to hospitals, carried money (as far as possible), food, since at that time they had a crisis with money, she didn’t even have the opportunity to eat normally, I bought food and gave it to her, although we ate to make ends meet ourselves.
Time passed, I became the godmother of her child, her relationship with her husband went wrong, they live with his parents and grandmother, they simply harass her, do not consider her a good mother or wife. Her husband earns very little, 2000 thousand UAH, and for another she doesn’t want to go to work, she has nowhere to leave him, her mother lives in another city, in a hostel, with a visiting husband, with whom they have their own easy and cheerful life, there is also her grandmother who lives in a village 40 minutes from the city , but there is no house built there. His parents practically do not help them financially, although they live in the same house, eat separately, and only reproach her. She asks her husband to arrange her grandmother's house and move there, but he doesn't want to. They have constant conflicts on financial grounds.
My husband and I also lived for a very long time on our modest incomes, it was also very difficult, but recently my husband found a relatively normal job, with a decent salary, although he has to work hard, seven days a week, 12 hours a day, I also work sometimes seven days a week , and sometimes even 12-15 hours a day. Slowly new clothes began to appear, we began to allow ourselves normal food, etc. A lot of money is spent on examination and treatment for infertility.
So this is the question - my friend began to strongly and openly envy me, as soon as a new thing appears, she reacts to it with such envy and immediately rushes to reproach her husband (sometimes even in front of me), constantly sets my husband as an example to hers, that has already caused her husband to have no desire to communicate with mine at all. She recovered after giving birth, on the contrary, I lost a lot of weight, so she almost frothed when she saw it, openly telling me about it, and now her husband began to give me as an example to her, which infuriated her even more. And so there is such a reaction to every little thing, to the point that we can afford to buy some product, but they can’t. She constantly calls me and complains, so much negativity, while my life doesn’t interest her at all, I should only listen her.
As for “gaining weight, losing weight”, after a couple of months everything happened the other way around, she lost exactly as much weight as I gained, in the same period of time, while she ate the same, and I was on a diet (in two months she lost 7 kg, I gained exactly 7 while sticking to a small diet)
And here is the last case, my husband unexpectedly gave me a gold chain, because for many years of our life together he did not have such an opportunity, and so he made such a surprise. Naturally, I showed it to my friend, and what happened here, she reacted so angrily to it, there was such envy on her face, she immediately began to say that her husband does not give her such a gift, etc., then she defiantly called her mother and said so “Imagine Igor gave Masha a chain, but my bastard doesn’t give me anything.” I was shocked, I was disgusted, then she also gave my husband a lecture on this topic.
After that, my husband’s salary was sharply cut, my earnings also decreased, on the same day several household appliances and a car broke down, repairs were expensive, we got into debt, my parents started having health problems, the money went there, I’m shocked .
Maybe this is all just a coincidence or maybe I’m screwing myself over, I don’t know what to do.
I feel sorry for her, there is no one to support her except me, her alcoholic mother does not need her, there is no father, her grandmother is already very old, but I also cannot communicate in constant envy, her envy manifests itself not only in relation to me, there is another friend of hers, So as soon as she finds out that they bought something, or went somewhere, had fun, it’s just pure negativity.
Source: https://www.babyplan.ru/blog/128333/entry-192802-zavistlivaya-podruga/#ixzz2foaAegkG
Sign No. 8 – feeling guilty towards her
Emotional devastation after communication, a constant feeling of embarrassment for one’s successes and achievements are also very indicative signs that a friend is jealous. No matter how successfully she hides this feeling, energetically you still catch her not entirely sincere attitude towards you.
Even if you found all 9 signs of envy in your relationship with your friend, you shouldn’t act out of the blue. Try to figure out the reasons for this phenomenon and bring the girl into a frank conversation. It is quite possible that she herself is tormented by this destructive feeling, but she does not know how to overcome it.
How can you tell if your friend is really jealous?
Envy has no age or gender. It can be felt at any time and under any circumstances. This is a common phenomenon that accompanies friendship and adult life. It usually manifests itself as follows:
- She always competes with you. A little competition in life is great. But if your best friend is your rival, that’s bad! Is she bragging about how she makes more money than you, or trying to steal the guy you're interested in? A jealous friend will do whatever it takes to come out on top. And who really needs a friend like that?
- Your friend copies everything you do. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Jealous friends like to imitate you because they want to be you. If you notice that your friend has turned into your double, you need to determine whether she is really a fan of your style, or just wants to look, dress, talk, breathe like you...
- She gossips behind your back. Rumors can be very toxic, especially if they are started by your best friend. If she's caught gossiping behind your back, it means she doesn't respect you or your friendship. It's better to talk to her and ask why she feels the need to reveal your secrets. She probably won't have a good excuse, but at least you'll know she's jealous of you. You can decide to break off relations with her once and for all.
- The friend moves away. After a series of “positive events in your life,” your friend moves away - she is always busy, she has neither the time nor the desire, she calls less often. Maybe because your happiness reminds her of everything that she herself is not happy with.
- Judges and criticizes. Often, under the guise of honesty (which is the undeniable value of true friendship), envious friends tend to be incredibly arrogant and sarcastic. Envious people enjoy your misfortunes and feed on your failures.
