What is sick love? 5 signs of unhealthy...

What is sick love like?

Let me clarify right away: there is no such thing as sick love. If we talk about illness, then this is not love. And then what? Addiction, mania and other mental conditions. For example, erotomania is an unhealthy conviction of a person that he is loved by the object of his passion, most often, a famous person, belief in secret signs from his beloved.

In fact, sometimes it is quite difficult to understand what is happening to you. Is it love, passion or attraction? Therefore, people often mistake their feelings for real ones and live in illusions. And they even pose a danger to the one they have chosen as their lover.

Sick love has distinctive features:

1. Obsession with the object of passion, obsession with it, obsession. A person collects a real dossier on his loved one, prints out photos from social networks, stalks him, constantly calls, writes, and demands reciprocity. Have you encountered this? Share in the comments, it's anonymous.
2. Pathological jealousy. Any member of the opposite sex next to a lover is a reason for theatrical scenes of jealousy and painful suffering.
3. Strong emotions that overwhelm you. Feelings of love, adoration, attraction to another are hypertrophied, they overshadow everything around, do not allow you to sleep peacefully, eat, work, the mind seems to become clouded.
4. Living in a fantasy world. A person constantly thinks about the object of passion, attributes non-existent traits to it, dreams of a future together that will never happen. Some mentally manage to get married, divorce, take offense at another and forgive him.
5. Manipulation, aggression. If there is no reciprocity and the object of passion wants to quickly get rid of such a enamored pursuer, then threats, blackmail, and aggressive attacks are used.

Sick love in women can take on the character of sacrifice. Girls can love someone who is cruel to them. Often the unrequited feeling becomes painful, the beloved is put on a pedestal and no one else is sweet anymore. This also includes dependent, toxic relationships. When one partner bullies the other, when love develops into madness, and so on.

Sick love among men is no different either. Both women and men lose their normal appearance and begin to humiliate themselves in front of their partner, becoming ready to do anything for the sake of reciprocity. Sometimes, if a relationship doesn't work out, obsessive lovers begin to take revenge. Women are insidious in this regard, men are more often aggressive.

You can quickly understand that a relationship is not very healthy through manipulation and threats. For example, if you suddenly get tired of your partner's obsessive love and decide to break up, he may say that he will commit suicide. Thus, impressionable ladies can remain in such unions for a long time out of pity or fear.

How else can you understand that your love is not entirely healthy if you are already in a relationship?

• you feel uneasy around a person, there is some tension, there is no feeling of security;
• you often experience fear, anxiety, and are tormented by suspicions;
• you are overcome by a feeling of guilt;
• sometimes you want to run away;
• your loved one surprises you with mood swings: sometimes he showers you with compliments and gifts, sometimes he throws tantrums out of the blue, controls, intimidates, gets angry.

If you yourself love madly, think about what this love gives you? Torment? Pain? Do you value yourself as a person? Are you ready to let the man go if necessary? After all, true love does not hold back by force, does not force you to humiliate yourself.

How to break the love-dependency pattern

There is no universal recipe for how to get out of such a relationship and cure your dependence on another person (and in such a way as not to repeat the scenario in the future). But I can give some advice based on personal experience.

The first and most important thing to do is to understand that what you are experiencing is not love. It will be very difficult to admit this, just as it is difficult for any person to admit to himself that he is addicted.

Analyze your life before and after you fell into love addiction - there will be many differences. The most likely result of the comparison is that your entire life is now a person and your relationship with him. Understand that love cannot replace your life, no one and nothing can do that.

Secondly, contact a psychologist if possible. If not, find it. You may be able to break a dependent relationship on your own, but it’s unlikely to prevent the scenario from repeating itself in the future; this requires professional help.

Third, break off the relationship if it has not yet outlived itself, no matter how painful it may be. Avoid any contact with the subject of your addiction - meetings with him are destructive for you.

Fourth - fill your life with positive emotions and various activities, communication with different people. The best way to prevent addiction is to lead a full life, then you will not have the need to compensate for the emptiness at the expense of another person.

Sick love - how to get out?

If you find yourself trapped in a sick relationship and understand that you need to end it, don’t wait. Get out of the vicious circle. Do not succumb to manipulation, enlist the support of loved ones, contact psychological help centers. But it’s best not to enter into such a relationship in the first place. Do you agree? Please add a plus in the comments.

Precautionary measures:

1. Be careful when choosing a partner.
2. Do not be fooled by too bright and ardent declarations of love when meeting and at the very beginning of a relationship.
3. If you don’t know a man well yet, watch him: how he behaves with other people, with close friends, relatives.
4. Find out more about each other at the beginning of a relationship, compare the facts. You are interested in worldview, views on love and sex.

If you tend to fall unrequitedly in love, run after men, suffer greatly, throw yourself into the whirlpool of passions - increase your self-esteem. And be sure to look into your childhood during psychotherapy. Often all these mental problems come from either a traumatic previous relationship. In any case, this needs to be worked out.

Love as a neurosis: why falling in love is a disease

"Unsolved Mysteries": Why love is a disease

About 7 billion people live on our planet, differing in skin color, wealth and temperament. But there is one feeling that unites everyone - love. It turns heads and brings happiness, but it also happens that a wonderful feeling becomes a dangerous instrument, which in an instant can ruin a person’s life or cause unbearable pain.

Each of us has probably asked the question: “Where is love born?” Some people answer this question – “in the heart”, while others say – “in the brain”. Why was it called a disease and is it true that love lasts three years? How do we choose each other and why do we fall in love with the wrong ones? The answers to these and many other questions are in our material.

Symptom one: “tunnel vision”

According to psychologist Ekaterina Stepanova, love is like a fever, like some kind of strong emotional explosion. “When people fall in love, they first go through the stage of “merging” - lovers do not notice the differences between themselves, but pay more attention to the similarities. This is how the general concept of “we” appears, which blurs the individuality of each lover,” she explained.

Psychologists unanimously say that all love stories begin the same, but end differently. Among the first symptoms of love, experts identify “tunnel vision,” when a person is unable to perceive anything that does not directly or indirectly concern his love object.

Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor Alexei Danilov is confident that at the first stage of love the fate of a person’s future mental state is decided: “If a person does not find an answer from the object of love, then depending on his level of culture, his moral values, a person is capable of becoming evil and committing a crime aimed at a partner or circumstances around. Or he can paint a picture, a poem, music, or perform a feat in the name of his love.”

Photo: ITAR-TASS

Symptom two: flight and mental confusion

Another symptom of love is heightened feelings. Thus, a person experiences a certain feeling of flight and a strange clouding of his mind. A lover wants to sing, dance, do something unusual all the time, he wants to move mountains...

“A person really becomes stupid at this time. And such a perception is called limitation. There is an idealization of the image of a lover, which a person absolutely does not want to destroy,” says psychologist Ekaterina Stepanova.

During this stage, specialists note emotional and psychological instability in lovers, accompanied by insomnia, which does not affect performance in any way, and there is no feeling of fatigue. In such a state, a person is not afraid of bacteria and viruses, no disease will take him. However, the person is already sick.

It is worth noting that in 2000, falling in love was officially recognized as a disease and included in the international classification of diseases under the code F63.9 - doctors classified this romantic feeling as a psychiatric disorder.

“Love is akin to neurosis. A state that is ready to move into a borderline state if a person no longer directs his attention to other aspects of life. Then it can even turn into a psychotic state,” continues Ekaterina Stepanova.

Where does love originate - in the heart or in the brain?

The emergence of love occurs simultaneously in both the brain and the heart. “The brain is the coordinator, and the heart is the engine of love,” notes Alexey Danilov.

According to him, science is now discovering neurophysical and biological mechanisms that help understand this connection: “It is already obvious that a person in love has a heart that sings and a happy brain.” Scientists are convinced that love is nothing more than a chemical reaction, under the influence of which all human systems and organs begin to work differently.

“The expression of love depends on hormonal saturation. The higher a person’s level of hormones that are responsible for the state of love, the more pronounced the person’s manifestations of love are,” says endocrinologist Svetlana Kalinichenko.

Photo: ITAR-TASS

Love originates in the adrenal glands

When a person falls in love, the adrenal glands are the first to respond. They begin to produce hormones of passion and fear. When you see the object of love, thanks to adrenaline, your heart rate increases and your blood flow accelerates. The hormone cortisol increases the production of glucose in the pancreas, providing the body with more energy. It is because of this that lovers do not want to sleep or eat. It also increases the breakdown of fats, so you can lose weight from love. Norepinephrine gives a feeling of slight intoxication, which causes addiction, which is why it is so difficult for lovers to separate even for a few hours.

According to Professor Alexey Danilov, love is a very powerful biochemical explosion, a very structured, beautiful neurochemical concert: “Love is a very good workout for the brain, because it is well supplied with blood in this state.”

Butterflies in the stomach

Scientists compared tomograms of the brains of couples in love and drug-dependent patients. As a result, in both cases the same zones were active, responsible for the so-called “reward system”. This is expressed by increased levels of dopamine, a substance that causes a feeling of pleasure. Only for lovers this increase was natural, and for drug addicts it was artificial. The hormone dopamine gives the feeling of “butterflies in the stomach”, this is how our hormonal balance works.

Love doesn't come from hormone injections

There were many experiments with different sets of hormones, but nothing worked. It turned out that love causes a surge of hormones, but a surge of hormones cannot cause love.

Scientists say that romantic attraction is born in the unconscious; it is this part of the psyche that commands the body to launch biochemical processes characteristic of falling in love. People intuitively learn more about each other than they can comprehend with the rational part of the mind.

Initially, a person sees an image, and within his unconscious, literally within 30-60 seconds, acceptance or non-acceptance of this image develops.

According to psychologists, this perception is given by our image-ego. We are talking about a certain image assembled from fragments. The fragments themselves come from people who influenced us in childhood: these are parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, a kindergarten teacher, a neighbor, a passerby on the street, and so on. Our brain stores all the information about these people. The sounds of their voices, the degree of their care for us, the complexion in a moment of anger, the smile in a moment of happiness.

We compare absolutely everyone we meet, whether we like it or not, with our image-ego. If there is a match based on some characteristics, we immediately feel interest, while recognition occurs by facial features. “We can determine a man’s success by behavioral factors. Women choose different characters, but men choose a fragile image that needs protection and care,” explains psychologist Ekaterina Stepanova.

Photo: ITAR-TASS

People fall in love with asymmetry

It is known that our faces are asymmetrical. When assessing a potential partner, we first look at the face. One glance is enough to understand whether you like it or not. If yes. We move on to scanning the appearance as a whole. Thus, women instinctively pay attention to the reliability of their partner and the opportunity to have offspring with him, to social success. And men - on the sexuality of a woman.

There is an opinion that modern men are attracted to slimness or even thinness. But this is a myth: men chose both slender and plump women, but everyone chose women with a pronounced waist. A woman's figure depends on how fat tissue is distributed.

Apple, pear and banana

There is a conventional division of female figures into three types: apple, pear, banana. “Apples” have fat distribution in the upper torso and no waist. The “banana” has a fit, slender body, but does not have the characteristic feminine curves. “Pears” have a thin waist and wide hips, which are the ones that are most attractive to men.

According to psychologists, a man sees in such a woman an ideal vessel for giving birth and bearing a child.

But there is another very important factor, besides appearance - smell. The specificity of human odor is added by substances that cause us to experience arousal - sexual attractants. The hormone testosterone is responsible for their production.

People choose their partner by smell. This is not a perfume, but a subtle smell of sweat, which contains sexual attractants, derivatives of testosterone.

There are two types of steroids in sweat: androstenol and andostenol. Men and women have them, just in different proportions. If people have proportionally opposite levels of these steroids, this is an ideal pairing. This couple should give birth to healthy children.

The level of production of sexual attractants depends on the general state of health, libido and even mood. This aroma is very weak, it is not captured by our consciousness, but is assessed by our subconscious and is an important selection criterion. In this way, we weed out a healthier, stronger, sexier life partner.

When we smell a smell, a nerve impulse from the nose goes to the brain. The signal goes to the frontal lobe, where it is determined what kind of smell it is, and to the limbic system - this is the part of the brain that contains the memory of the emotions that we experienced when we felt this or that smell. Therefore, smell can evoke strong emotions based on previous experiences.

Scientists have found that couples who have lived together for a long time become similar. They develop common habits, words, gestures, and even outwardly they resemble each other.

Photo: ITAR-TASS

The average duration of love is 1.5-3 years

Every time we fall in love, it seems to us that it will be forever. But sooner or later the euphoria goes away, and with it the desire to be together. The average length of love is 1.5-3 years. This is enough for the child to be born and grow stronger. If you've stuck around with your partner longer, there's more to it than just chemistry. What is the difference between true love?

Monroe syndrome

“Monroe syndrome” is another psychological disorder, love addiction. Dependent people are most often those who say: “I will die without this person.” When there is such an attitude, it is not love, but a painful perception of this feeling, psychologists say.

This is due to the lack of love in childhood. Love addiction does not allow a person to live in harmony with himself. A person loses himself in alcohol addiction, in depression, he is prone to suicide.

The emotions of a love addict are like a seesaw. When he experiences love and connection with his partner. He is euphoric, but as soon as he feels cold, depression sets in. The psyche cannot stand it.

From love to jealousy one step

Falling in love is a state of “falling in love with love”, with the image that a person likes. And love is a feeling of love for this particular person, with all his shortcomings. Jealousy is the antithesis of love. Even with minor manifestations of it, a person becomes dangerous to himself and others.

The main indicator is selfishness. It is developed to such an extent that a person is perceived as personal property.

According to statistics, every fourth union breaks up due to jealousy. This feeling is destructive, first of all, for the jealous person himself.

Professor Alexey Danilov believes that people who live together for a long time get used to each other biochemically and need to feed each other: “When a person loses such a partner, the level of serotonin in the brain decreases.”

Attachment hormone

Two loving people are connected by oxytocin. It is called the “attachment hormone.” Every person has oxytocin receptors - this means that all people are capable of love and affection. Therefore, no one can escape love.

Let us note that people who experience love and gratitude are better protected from strokes and depression.

Love moves us, determining our destiny. It is spontaneous, illogical, and its ending cannot be predicted. But a lot depends solely on us.

Love is work. You need to be able to tune yourself to love.

Thousands of books have been written about love, but it is a secret behind seven seals that must be found after going through a long path of patience and loss.

Plot: City stories

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Where is the line? After all, at first, feelings are strong and the object of passion really occupies all thoughts. Healthy relationships also have their own characteristics.

1. Falling in love doesn't last long. In a healthy relationship it develops into a mature feeling. Hormones return to normal, passions subside.
2. Partners respect each other.
3. They are comfortable with each other. There is never a security threat.
4. Lovers are free in their actions. There is no excessive control or intrusiveness. If you see the signs, discuss it immediately and set personal boundaries.
5. Partners show care for each other.
6. They are open and honest.
7. We are ready to discuss conflicts, come to agreements, and grow together. In unhealthy relationships, one often bends its own line, one suppresses the other.
8. Partners know how to forgive.

Remember that love does not think evil, does not envy, does not exalt itself... Love, first of all, brings joy.

How exactly can you avoid making a mistake with your choice? Get rid of uncertainty, fears, build happy relationships? Come to the online training “Secrets of Women's Happiness”. And also take a look at the “Love and Sex” section to better understand yourself and your partner. We recommend that you pay attention to other top courses at the Pavel Rakov shopping center.

Girls, have you had a painful love in your life, how did you cope? Share your experience with other readers, I remind you that this is anonymous.

How can a person become sick with love?

The site sympaty.net believes that saying “I’m sick with love” is wrong. In the case of pathological, fanatical attachment, it is more correct to say “I am sick of this person,” because here we are not really talking about love. The so-called love neurosis most often affects people with unstable psyches. Therefore, it is a kind of mental disorder.

Who usually suffers from bigotry towards other people?

Having not received the required amount of warmth from his parents and other relatives, such a child in adulthood begins to experience a strong desire to love someone, to give another the care and warmth that he himself did not receive.

Coping with a difficult feeling of uselessness and loneliness is especially difficult for subtle, lyrical natures, which most often are women. They are the ones who often talk about sick love as the main problem in their lives.

It must be said that the symptoms of love neurosis in people prone to it often manifest themselves in adolescence in the form of fanaticism. Of course, girls fall in love with actors and singers quite often, and this cannot be called a disease. But when their fanaticism grows to the point of absurdity, the painful nature of such feelings becomes obvious.

Fanaticism can be expressed not only in relation to a celebrity. Many people love the most ordinary person to madness. They love him so much that they literally don’t let him breathe. In this case, both suffer, but only the lover himself can solve the problem. The principle at work here is: “The rescue of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves.”

Love Causes Fear

Some people are simply afraid to love. And this is quite natural if someone has previously betrayed or there have been real-life examples. The simplest example: mom could love dad, but he offended her. As a result, a person develops fear or negative associations with love.

Betrayal is always perceived painfully, because we are talking about betrayal. You need to be able to fight such fears. They cannot be tolerated or simply waited. Over the years, the feeling of fear will only intensify. There are two options:

Photo: Pixabay

• Trust your new partner and not be afraid to love him.
• Seek help from a specialist.

An unhealthy partner's love is insatiable.

This manifests itself not only in the usurpation of your free time. Greed may manifest itself in other ways. For example, the other half endlessly disappears in shopping centers, buying clothes, shoes and trinkets. Constant lunches and dinners in cafes, attending social events are also a sign of neurotic insatiability. Sooner or later, a relationship with such a person will drag you into the abyss of unhealthy consumerism.

How to solve a problem? First, turn off the greedy consumer’s own irrepressible engine. When you realize that you live freely and without shopping and entertainment, try to explain your point of view to your partner.

Feeling depressed

Even when a new relationship may begin, there is a feeling of overwhelm. It does not arise out of nothing; there is always a reason that needs to be paid attention to.

The feeling of depression arises due to fear and certain complexes. The most interesting thing is that many people try not to pay attention to the depressed feeling.

Psychologists note that we are talking about open psychosis, with which something needs to be done. There is no particular point in enduring or believing that everything will change over time. It is important to completely rethink your life and understand the reasons that can provoke such difficulties.

Toxic relationships13

Mad love has destructive properties. A man, under the influence of love addiction, is very jealous of his passion, humiliates in front of strangers, tries to tame and besiege, and constantly controls. To achieve his goal, such a guy goes to any lengths. He professionally manipulates women's feelings, forcing them to act in ways that benefit him.

True love has purpose and patience. If young people want to start a family, they will gradually move closer to their cherished goal.

Love addiction affects partners differently. The man wants to ring the lady and hurries to take her to the registry office as soon as possible. Observing women's doubts, he does not want to show patience and goes straight to the goal: he causes jealousy, constantly jabs in the eyes that they are “nobody to each other”, talks every day about the need for a “wife and mistress”, which he will rush to look for as soon as possible , if the lady does not hurry up with consent.

A woman with an uncontrollable drug addiction is at a loss. On the one hand, she is not ready to get married, on the other hand, she is not ready to let her boyfriend go. She becomes very anxious, rushes about, is jealous, and throws hysterics. Even having agreed to strengthen the relationship, she will continue to worry about the devotion and love of the man who forced the young lady into marriage through gross manipulation.