The reasons for searches vary. It happens that a third party appears in the bedroom. And this is routine. Sometimes it comes for no reason, seemingly suddenly. And people begin to actively experiment. However, unfortunately, it happens that sexual experiments, instead of pleasure, bring only deep disappointments. What should be avoided to prevent such outcomes?
As always, everyone's intentions are good. The Internet is an ocean of inspiration. Who, while innocently shopping in online stores, has never come across a latex costume in the style of Catwoman? Who hasn't dared to create a new image of themselves, taking inspiration straight from the pages of the American edition of Cosmopolitan magazine? Who hasn't thought about how to improve their sex life? The reader of this article, of course, no, but the majority - yes. And not once and not twice
. Moreover, people put this into practice. With varied success. With a blush of embarrassment. To ensure positive emotions, you should use the recommendations below.
Latexi
Latex suits are not for beginners. They should also be as sized as possible. Yes, this is not the type of material in which the skin breathes. She sweats with an intensity worthy of a better cause. Streams flow out wherever they can. Along the cut between the thighs. For lovers of pissing, there may even be something attractive in this, for the rest of the world - of course not.
The story with the latex catsuit is a godsend for those who know how to choose a size in an online store and are prepared for the rather specific sounds that accompany the body rubbing against a latex suit.
Difficult poses2
Complex elements inspired by Kama Sutra or Cosmo. It is difficult to refuse sex experiments if you read a more or less similar technical description:
“While giving a gentle massage, wrap some foil around his testicles and make a light sound like a siren on a ship. Boo, boo... The vibrations that you create in this way will lead him to heavenly bliss. If you want him to plunge into the world of pleasures, start caressing also his rear entrance.”
For the sake of clarity, it is worth adding that simply wrapping the scrotum with aluminum foil is unlikely to cause the expected joy in the groom and his partner. According to reviews, laughter appears quite quickly when making sounds. Sometimes there can be no talk of completing the program to completion. The lover was experiencing convulsions even without this. Convulsions from laughter. A night like this is unlikely to be successful.
Exotic with penis3
Penis in an exotic version. Can putting a pineapple slice on your penis be a hassle? Yes and no. Sometimes the diameter of the “hole” in a pineapple slice becomes a problem. The girl is lucky if he is too small. According to reviews, however, some were a little less lucky; the diameter turned out to be too, well, inconvenient. There is no need to explain why the memory of that night fills that person with sadness, does it?
When he had already managed to forget about it, he found a video tutorial online that could help in choosing fruits for the penis, but it is only recommended for people with nerves of steel. Temporarily you may no longer feel like experimenting.
Research4
In this study, people were asked which erotic experience causes the most regret? Some answers are very surprising, some are not at all. Memories of sex after alcohol, drugs, and also involving gadgets such as handcuffs and whips were featured. Several participants stated that the fatal decision was to invite others into the bedroom and have sex “in company” with someone.
What do women regret most? The most controversial was anal sex, sexual intercourse with additional guests or in public places (because it is uncomfortable).
Sexual taboos and erotic fantasies5
To conduct sex experiments, psychologists recommend talking openly with your partner about your erotic fantasies. Often people don't do some things in bed that they deep down want to do. However, it is worth crossing borders and not being afraid to experiment in sex. Erotic fantasies, however, must be implemented carefully. Remembering that everything must also correspond to the desires of the partner.
Sometimes, when their partner caresses them, many people imagine the scene more intensely. But they are afraid of their erotic fantasies, afraid to embody them. Why? Because this way you can alienate your partner, who will consider it promiscuity, because it’s embarrassing, because something is in the way. These are prohibitions.
It’s not only easier to trust a person with whom nothing binds you. When a person has sex with someone they will never see again, it is easier to push boundaries. This means that sometimes people refuse erotic experiments not because there is something in themselves that resents them. They fear that what they do will be considered immoral and abnormal. They are afraid of reactions. Having closed their eyes to bold experiments, they care about their “safety” - they protect themselves from refusals and complete openness. They are also worried about their partner’s reaction and that if they allow themselves everything, they will have a witness to their “promiscuity.”
How to diversify bed life with a girlfriend or wife: 4 main principles
Openness and acceptance
The main principle that guarantees harmony in your intimate life with your partner is openness and acceptance in conversations regarding your sex.
It is important that each of you does not hesitate to voice your sexual desires and not be afraid that you will stumble upon condemnation from your lover.
Consent of all parties
Accepting the desires and needs of the other party does not mean that one of you should do something uncomfortable for him to please his lover. Both you and your partner can say “no” to each other if you don’t feel ready for some kind of experiment.
At such moments, it is important not to be offended and not to try to convince your mistress (or lover), but to try together to find a compromise that will interest both of you.
Individual boundaries
When you and your girlfriend decide to try something new, it's important to remember that you don't have to repeat everything exactly like the professionals do in hardcore porn videos.
Every couple has their own individual needs and boundaries, so how deeply you delve into the “hot chip” is entirely up to you.
Preparedness for failure
And in continuation of the previous point. When wondering how to diversify your family sex life, be prepared that it may not turn out as perfect as in the movies. In intimacy, as in all other aspects of our lives, failures happen, and this is absolutely normal.
The main thing is that if this happens, take it lightly and with humor - perhaps a little practice will improve the result, or you should just try something different.
Sexual taboos - worth fighting them__8212
It is easier to overcome inhibitions anonymously, in an emotionally meaningless area. This solution is chosen more often by men. But this is not the behavior of an adult. Mature work would be within a relationship, with a partner whom they love and with whom they have something in common.
In the case of women, the use of “curtains” also occurs. This, as a rule, is alcohol: under its influence, they allow themselves some “wildness”, and the next day they explain that they drank too much. The veil can also serve as a man's firm desire for the goal of realizing sexual needs. They shift responsibility to others for what is “allowed.”
By refusing to make any decisions in the bedroom, partners turn a blind eye to certain parts of each other's personality. After all, physical love is a natural need, a manifestation of sexuality, an expression of intimacy and necessary satisfaction. It is sad when prohibitions force one to suppress one’s natural temperament and appetite for sex. It's bad when something that could be a source of joy becomes something ugly, guilt-ridden and boring.
Where do sexual taboos come from?6
The roots go very deep - right up to early childhood. If parents view sex as something bad and sinful, it is unlikely that the child will grow up to be a person free from prejudice. In such families, they don’t talk about sex at all; they perceive it as something forbidden. When a child begins to be interested in the opposite sex, it is clearly stressful for him. But it is not at all necessary for a person with inhibitions to receive clear information that sex is bad.
It is enough that parents do not embrace each other and show their sensitivity. The child himself is also given little sensory contact: they do not play with him in games that require close physical contact. A child who, until about 7 years of age, believes that his parents know everything, absorbs these models like a sponge. And he grows into a person who has boundaries in the sphere of sex that are so close and narrow that they limit him. But head up.
Because although internal boundaries can be rigid and difficult and painful to cross, they can be changed. And sex experiments play a big role in this.
Spare no effort in preparing
Nobody wants to feel unprepared when it comes to lovemaking. Having a condom with you is basic, but an experienced person will also take care of lubricant or possible toys in advance, so that you don’t have to fumble around in search of what you need at the crucial moment.
Making sure you have safe and comfortable sex will let your partner know how much you appreciate her, and this can make a huge difference in how your relationship progresses. The main thing is to make sure that you are not that weird guy who has 20 different packs of lube on the first date.
Prohibitions destroy relationships7
Another reason to break inhibitions is that good sex creates good relationships. Sex is an area in which, probably, the only thing you can see is that something wrong is happening between partners. When a crisis hits a relationship, everything is bad, the best idea would be to do something that has not been done before. This is how psychologists advise to behave. And such an area can be sex.
Regardless of crises, if a partner is willing to experiment in the bedroom and is at the same time loving and responsive, it is worth giving the go-ahead to little madness. It's better to try new things so you know why you should give them up, instead of giving them up on principle.
Life itself often helps in coming up with experiments. For example, after intense emotions, events during which both partners had a great time, they return home and wild sex happens between them. And then the side with rigid boundaries is surprised at how much pleasure it experienced.
This is a great way to push boundaries, provided, however, that partners do not get up the next morning and pretend that nothing happened that evening. Especially women in such a situation have a tendency, like small children, to hide their heads under the covers and pretend that they are not there. I'm ashamed of myself and my partner. What to do? It is best to let your partner read this text. Because he must now make sure that his partner loosens her boundaries and opens up to experimentation.
A wise man will create such a new situation. It should be warm and very responsive. Should create an event for this (of course, not immediately during breakfast). A man should spend more time on caresses when experiments are planned. At the very least, he should try to bring a woman to such a state that she herself feels that she wants to get lost in sensual pleasures.
Experiment
I regret to inform you that real sex gods do not repeat the same manipulations over and over again. To be skillful in bed means to be able to open your own sensual world in order to let in some quirks and types of pleasure that your half may like.
This doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own comfort to please your partner, but if you have the opportunity to experiment and it doesn't entail inconvenience, then why not? You'll never know what you like until you try, and you have to trust that your partner will stop if you suddenly feel out of place.
Turn off the lights and let your imagination work8
When planning to experiment, you need to include your erotic fantasies. They make it easier to achieve orgasm if they are shared. It would be nice to transfer into the bedroom what attracts a person in his fantasies. To begin with, it is better to choose the most harmless options.
It is also worth agreeing that one time the partners play in bed under the dictation of one party, and the other time - under the control of the second. You can try sex experiments after watching the movie. Such things excite the imagination. It's also good to get a massage. The mind and body are connected, relaxing the body with massage also relaxes the mind and relax. It's worth breaking the mold when talking about sex with your partner. It is most convenient to share when the partners are lying in bed, next to each other, and feel safe. When it’s dark around and you can’t see each other’s faces. Some things are easier to say when you don't have to make eye contact.
WIFE DOESN'T WANT EXPERIMENTATIONS IN BED
Theophanes and Angelica have been married for seven years, and three years ago they had a son. Theophanes said that he would earn money, and let Angelica raise her son and equip her house. True, the wife relaxed at home, stopped taking care of herself, and complains that she is tired. Theophanes even reprimanded her. Look, they say, at your friend Augustine - what a figure, what a hairstyle, and it wouldn’t hurt for you to lose weight. Angelica was embarrassed at first, but now she pulled away completely. Theophane complains that his wife does not want to experiment in bed. I'm tired and my head hurts. It’s like a joke, but it’s not funny. The other day I even threatened - if not you, then I will find a mistress!
A woman’s sexual desire is directly related to emotional intimacy with her partner, how she perceives him, and how much she trusts him. And refusal, accordingly, means a violation in the relationship with the spouse and the presence of unspoken claims against him. When there is no opportunity to openly discuss problems in a couple, sex becomes a way of expressing dissatisfaction and a tool for punishment.
What, as a rule, actually lies behind the wife’s “headache”:
Photo taken from open sources
⠀ 1. Each of us has several roles in the family, the main ones being the role of a spouse and the role of a parent. If a woman plunges headlong into motherhood, she relegates the role of a spouse to the background. She is more of a mother than a wife. And the role of the mother, by its genre, does not involve any sex.
2. The need for intimacy and fusion, which sex provides, is satisfied in a woman in some other way: through breastfeeding, involvement in a career, creative activities, simply intimate conversations, etc. Perhaps it has always been this way, it’s just that this feature has only become apparent now.
3. The husband has lost trust. He was caught cheating and often criticizes or compares his wife to other women. She doesn't feel safe around him. It seems to her that no matter what she does, he will condemn her for depravity or criticize her for her inability.
4. Difficulties in communicating with your husband. When a spouse refuses intimacy, she seems to be saying: Dear, I’m not very happy with you as a husband, but my conscience doesn’t allow me to say so directly.
5. Internal conflict. A woman has an ideal internal image of herself and an external one, which is offered by her husband when he begins to talk about his erotic desires. These two images are very different: the concept of decency and decency in a woman does not include experiments in bed.
6. Fears associated with having sex: unwanted pregnancy, repetition of a traumatic situation with violence or medical intervention, pain during sexual intercourse.
7. Stress and chronic fatigue.
Photo taken from open sources
8. The husband’s fantasies are unusual for a woman and do not excite her, and maybe even scare her away.
What should a man do?
Reanimate the role of your spouse: do something pleasant just the two of you, without children, arrange dates and romantic surprises. Don't skimp on compliments.
A healthy hierarchy in a family is when the spouses are in charge as a couple, and the children are subordinate to them.
Do not call your spouse “mom” or “mother” to appeal to her maternal role.
Increase your credibility, especially for men who are more socially active than their spouses. Be as transparent as possible, do not give any reason to suspect you of infidelity.
Give compliments during and after intimacy and increase a woman's self-confidence. Don't compare your wife to others in ways that aren't in her favor. Don’t blackmail me: I’ll go to striptease, have a mistress, get a divorce. Such methods will not make you closer at all, but will be the first step towards a breakup.
Help with household and child-rearing responsibilities.
Any experiments can be implemented if you have maximum trust in your partner!
Author: Julia Hill Family psychologist, psychotherapist, Member of the professional psychotherapeutic league www.juliahill.ru www.instagram.com/yuliya.hill
Implementation of experiments - the right to refuse is important_8212
Before you start experimenting, you need to take care of one very important thing: determine in advance that at the slightest feeling of offense, a signal is given and the game is interrupted. It may happen that one of the partners, although initially agreeing, changes his mind immediately before or during the process. And that's okay too! The partner must respect this. Perhaps in the future the stopped party will feel safer and be more open to further attempts.
If during the fun she changes her mind and protests, but her partner does not notice this and continues, she will lose trust in him. She may also lose the desire to have sex with him, sometimes even to build a relationship in general. Therefore, lovers should be very attentive to the reaction of the other party.
Women often think: “If I said yes, I have to go through with it.” Error! Nobody owes anything! And if she does this, she will feel terrible the next day. But it can also happen that it was physically pleasant, it was cool and a lot, fun, but the next day she still feels bad. In this case, it would be good to seek help from a psychologist. It may turn out that there is an internal imperative that prohibits experimentation in bed.
An enslaved man is in a worse position than a enslaved woman. Society requires him to be a sexual conqueror. For someone shy, this becomes a difficult hurdle to overcome. A brave girl will help such people cope with the problem. However, be careful! If a man has many inhibitions, and has had a long period without a permanent relationship, he may be frightened by an overly passionate woman. He needs to be gently encouraged to experiment, for example, by whispering in his ear in bed.
Victoria Fomina
Expert
Doctor sexologist of the highest category, psychiatrist, psychotherapist. I have been working as a sexologist for more than 10 years. I help couples resolve problems in their sex life.
There should be no prohibitions in bed between two people who love each other. Girls have complexes about their figure, guys about the size of their penis... Why? Why deliberately deprive yourself of pleasure and think about all sorts of nonsense? In order to achieve perfect sex, not only experiments in bed are important. First of all, you need to work on the psychological side of the issue. Trust in a partner, emancipation, and willingness to reveal one’s sexuality are basic skills that should be present in everyone who wants to enjoy sex. Changing your mental attitudes is difficult, but the results are worth it!
Message from the Editor
We strive to provide you with fresh, relevant and up-to-date information every time, and we believe that we are doing a great job. The relationship between two opposite sexes is a bottomless abyss into which we are ready to “fall” with each of you! All the advice that our experts offer is not just standard facts and psychological techniques. We test all methods, evaluate the results of each user and try to give each of you effective recommendations. Stay with us - in the future we will prepare even more new, significant and unusual facts for you about the harmonious relationships between men and women!
Foreplay ideas for girls
Secretly, men dream of foreplay, but you shouldn’t limit your fantasy to just oral sex. If you arouse him correctly, the quality of your intimate life will increase significantly. There are several ways to bring your partner to ecstasy:
- Massage. The easiest way is to stretch a man’s muscles with your hands. Simple strokes on the back can relieve stress, relax and set you in a positive mood. After such a massage, your partner will feel better and will be able to respond to caresses. Don't limit yourself to just your back. Diversify the massage by adding aromatic oils with a stimulating effect, working the muscles of the chest and buttocks. Undress and smear your body with massage oil - rub it on the man's back and stomach.
- Oral sex. If you haven't included them in your sexual routine, then it's time to do so now. Blowjob is the most common male fantasy, you should not deny it to your boyfriend. When you satisfy your partner orally, watch his reaction to the techniques you use. Don't limit yourself to the same type of scenarios, use a gentle technique in combination with a tougher one, constantly alternating. Remember to pay attention to the scrotum and the area around the penis. Their stimulation with hands, kisses and tongue can turn a man on as much as a deep blowjob. The guys themselves don’t realize this.
- Binding. BDSM culture is attracting increasing interest as it breaks the stereotype of the male hunter. Even modest women should try on the main role in bed, this will help them relax. Tie your man's hands or secure them to the headboard, let him relax and enjoy your actions. In this case, he will feel like an amputee in bed or your prey. For most guys this is a new and unknown role. You can choose the scenario yourself - gently caress his body, driving him into a frenzy, or add some “spice” to the caresses. If you decide to play Mistress, then you need to determine in advance the line that cannot be crossed.
This guide will help a woman bring new colors to her sex life. Additionally, you can choose underwear, makeup and other accessories that will allow your partner to look at you with new eyes.
