Find out why women love rumors and gossip so much

This may sound a little strange, but all girls will agree with me that gossip is an integral part of our lives. And it doesn’t matter at all who (or what) we are gossiping about - about our athletic friend’s new boyfriend, noisy neighbors who are always doing repairs, or about our boss, who again today organized an exhausting but completely pointless meeting...

Why do women love rumors and gossip so much ? I am sure that many men are ready to sell their soul to the devil just to get an answer to the question posed. Let's try to do this in this article.

What is gossip

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According to Ushakov’s explanatory dictionary, gossip is an unfriendly or defamatory rumor about someone that is spread on the basis of inaccurate, incorrect information.

And the process of transferring gossip itself, as well as believing it, is considered a very shameful activity.

But what actually motivates people to gossip? Let's find out further.

Victim – You, or How to ignore gossip?

This is the worst case scenario, but not the end of the world. What to do if the gossiping part of society is interested in you?

Step one: don't make excuses.

Attempts to clarify further convince others of the veracity of the gossip. Justifications stimulate curiosity and act as a catalyst for the gossip process, so that the result can be an even more “true” story.

Step two: ignore.

Of course, no one dreams of becoming the protagonist of gossip. But since this has already happened, the best policy is to completely ignore rumors and not react to them. Such neutrality will sooner or later lead to the fading of interest in you.

Step three: take pity on the gossip and those who wash your bones.

As a rule, those who lack their own life are interested in other people's lives. Looking at the slanderer as an unfortunate person will allow you to simply sympathize with him and no longer worry so deeply about the gossip he spreads. The final victory will be inviting the gossiper ( gossip girl ) for a cup of coffee. After such a knockout, it is rare that even professional slanderers can continue to spread gossip and wash bones

Step four: approach the situation with humor.

Having heard the “true truth” about yourself, laugh heartily and offer a more absurd version of the story. Such a dismissive and ironic approach will confirm better than any evidence that the gossip does not correspond to reality, and your firmness will noticeably cool down the ardor of “well-wishers.” Why should they act in the absence of any opposition?

Step five: arrange a one-on-one conversation.

If you don’t like conflict-free methods and you know exactly who is gossiping behind your back, have a public showdown with him. As a rule, openness acts on gossipers like daylight on vampires, and your victory will be guaranteed.

How do gossip and rumors arise?

Whether you like this information or not, the fact remains that all women simply love to gossip. And at the same time, their age, social class, and country of residence do not play a big role. This is happening all over the globe and has been happening since ancient times.

And then, when our men, as a rule, spend 24 hours of the day on fairly productive activities, we may well get carried away by the conversation and lose a lot of time on it. Why is that?

Psychologists say that the stronger sex is puzzled by more global life problems than the fair sex. Men carry on their shoulders the burden of anxiety for the whole world: they are actively interested in politics, worried about the fate of people who died in Syria, or children who were left orphans in Afghanistan...

Our women's heads are filled with much more prosaic tasks: the health of the children, how to quickly prepare a delicious dinner, how to find a common language with the mother-in-law, and so on. We don't strive to save the world, which means we always have a minute or two to chat about something.

Is this a woman's fault?

Who gossips more - women or men? Stereotypical thinking forces the majority to choose the first answer. For some reason, it is believed that women are particularly talkative, while men are calm, balanced and completely taciturn creatures, with no inclination to discuss the details of other people's lives.

However, like most other stereotypes, the idea that men are reserved, as a classic would say, turned out to be a little exaggerated. Often, respectable socialites in Armani suits gossip no less than the “classics of the genre” - the grandmothers on the bench at the entrance. The only difference is that if the gossiper is a man , his stories are more often accepted as the truth, since, unlike women’s stories, they are devoid of emotionality and are based only on dry “facts”.

Did gossip arise due to evolution?

We can say with all confidence that the process of transferring rumors and gossip is an evolutionary model of behavior. The original purpose of gossip was to convey the necessary information that helped primitive people survive. It was through the exchange of news that the basis was created for coordinating efforts and improving the goals of the team. To put it more bluntly, rumors and gossip are an integral part of civilization.

Gossip begins to arise with the emergence of large tribes. After all, the more inhabitants of a tribe, the greater the chance of entering into a conversation with someone. Gossip acquired the function of a kind of filter, the use of which provided information about a specific person or incident, but without boring and banal details.

With the help of such an effective method of transmitting information in a large team, time and effort were significantly saved. Who do you think participated most in this process of transferring information? Of course, those who were less than others were not in their native cave.

Men who had great physical strength had their own tasks - hunting a mammoth or a saber-toothed tiger, which took a lot of time and effort. They simply did not have the energy for empty talk. But primitive ladies, spending time caring for their offspring and maintaining a fire in the hearth, found real entertainment in conversations with their fellow tribesmen.

The situation from those times to the present day has not changed too much - men still do serious things, and girls are always ready to gossip with great pleasure. But for what purpose are they doing this?

Women's gossip - the engine of progress?

Indeed, literally until the last two centuries there was no radio, no television, no Internet on the planet. And all the news was transmitted by word of mouth - just gossip. There was no greater pleasure and greater joy for the gossips in the villages than to gossip in the evening, when all the work had already been done and it was still too early to go to bed. And this had its big advantage - in this way all the news, events, recipes, remedies for diseases and much more were transmitted. In fact, this is how society developed!

But in the cities the situation was worse. Where there was a more organized life, there was no particular need for village recipes, and it was possible to be treated by a doctor. But how vibrant social life was! This is where, with special pleasure, all the intimate details of the life of some young lady or daughter of a famous official were told to the “gossip’s ear.” And the rumors were also overgrown with unimaginable details and conjectures, the resulting stories were quite reminiscent of King’s works, and the “culprit” of the gossip herself, as soon as it reached her in an altered form, could even be quite sincerely surprised: “Who is this? How? How can this really happen?!” Moreover, with each century, the gossips became so unruly that even the inquisitors could not stand it and menacingly promised the chatterboxes that in the next world they would lick hot frying pans with their tongues.

Why is gossip needed today?

Of course, these days there is no longer any need to spread information in order to survive. Then why are so many women still so fond of a mix of rumors and gossip? Even the most honest, decent and serious girls from time to time do not miss the opportunity to rub someone's bones.

Psychologists became interested in this issue and decided to find out why girls and women do not deny themselves the pleasure of discussing other people. Their results will be interesting to you:

With the help of gossip, women gain unity with others. Remember yourself - when you tell someone your deepest secret, you automatically demonstrate to that person your personal trust. This means that when you gossip, you establish contact, the basis of which is trust.
Spreading gossip and rumors helps make friends! The principle of trust can also be traced here, since it is precisely this that leads to the establishment of closer contact than ordinary acquaintance. For those who are already in friendly relationships, gossip and rumors help keep the conversation going when interesting topics run out and an awkward pause occurs.
In addition, people wash each other's bones to reduce stress levels. Idle chatter is often as relaxing as a glass of good wine. This is similar to men's passion for video games.

The human brain is designed in such a way that when it receives less than positive information about others, we experience a sense of moral peace by comparing our lives with those of others. Of course, this does not mean at all that people rejoice at the misfortune of others - far from it, we just feel happiness if we see that everything in our life is moving according to the right scenario in comparison with the situation of other people.

Gossip acts as a kind of “forbidden fruit”. We all know well that gossip carries absolutely nothing good, especially if we say something bad about someone. But even despite this, we periodically give ourselves slack and succumb to this forbidden pleasure. This is similar to when you are on a diet and suddenly decide to eat a piece of delicious cake. Of course, you will feel a little guilty later, but this feeling will tickle your nerves pleasantly.
But gossip also has positive aspects - for example, it contributes to the “processing” of various events, which allows people to gain new experiences. All girls (and sometimes not only girls) feel the need to tell another person something important to themselves. And the purpose of this is to analyze and obtain an assessment of what happened from the lips of another person.
Also, with the help of gossip, women analyze their relationships with others. And while the representatives of the stronger sex, in principle, do not care what attitude other people show towards them, the ladies are very puzzled by this issue. And using gossip, they get maximum information about people’s relationships with each other.
Another motive for gossip is the pouring out of one’s feelings and experiences. The situation is very relevant when girls begin to gossip while being in an emotionally unstable psychological state. That is, when their mind is agitated by something. It's no secret that all of us girls are very emotional creatures and exchanging emotions is simply vital for us.
Thanks to gossip, we tell each other our secrets. The following information may not inspire confidence in men, but girls are capable of sincere friendly relationships, however, under one condition - complete maximum trust in each other. And then they are ready to tell each other even the most “terrible” secrets. But representatives of the stronger sex are unlikely to be able to completely trust their friends. And absolutely in vain, because they are left without an excellent source of information.

What are the dangers of gossip?

In April 2007, four women working in the administration of a small American town gossiped during their lunch break about the off-duty relationships of two employees. The rumor turned out to be false, and the women were fired. There was even a story on ABC News about the shocked gossips.

According to them, the conversation was nothing more than a passing comment like: “Oh, you heard about that too?” This event caused a public outcry, with people arguing online about whether the dismissal was necessary.

One of the characteristics of gossip is that it spreads like wildfire, destroying everything in its path. Passed from mouth to mouth, information is supplemented and misinterpreted. Gossip can be malicious and is spread with the intention of hurting others.

Sometimes they take the form of bravado, when a person discusses his conquests. The worst consequences of gossip are broken marriages, broken friendships, and lost jobs.

Scientists have discovered why women love to gossip!

Both young and older women spread gossip about possible competitors in the process of competing for the attention of men. This conclusion was made by American psychologists after conducting a corresponding study. Its results can be found in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

Previous studies that looked at one hundred and thirty-seven different cultures around the world found that competition between women for romantic relationships with men occurs in ninety-one percent of cases.

The main author of this study, Tanya Reynolds, expresses her position on this matter:

“Since ancient times, it has been the case that how prosperous a family will be is influenced by the female partner. Nowadays, this is no longer so significant, because women have the opportunity to receive education and work. But when one of the family's sources of income is lost, there is a reduction in the amount of resources needed to raise offspring.
And the divorce process is a very stressful event. Therefore, keeping a partner is very important for the life of the homemaker and her family.
Plus, the reputation of girls and women does not lose its importance, because it largely determines whether she can create happy relationships, make friendships or achieve success in her career.
According to the study, it was found that gossip greatly influences how a woman is perceived in society. We, as a rule, tend to emphasize negative information about a particular person, because it tells much more about the individual’s character than many positive facts we have heard about him.”

Reynolds conducted 5 studies, the results of which found that young females, as well as older ladies, have a tendency to spread gossip about their “compatriots.”

Moreover, it is noteworthy that reputation-damaging information will spread much more strongly if the person in question is attractive in appearance, dresses provocatively, or has flirted with their partner.

The first study consisted of one hundred and eleven participants - forty-eight men and sixty-three women, ranging in age from 19 to 65 years. They were all shown a photograph of an attractive-looking lady whose name was Francesca. And they suggested visualizing it as if she were appearing in their environment. The task of the subjects was to rate on a seven-point scale regarding Francesca’s moral image, their intentions to make friends with her, have sex, go on a date or ask her to marry (women could rate only the first two points).

And then they had to evaluate their intentions again, but on the basis of ten “facts” about the person being studied. The facts affected Francesca's personality and her lifestyle. The first category of allegations described Francesca as a very frivolous person, prone to promiscuity, cheating on her boyfriend, being overweight and suggesting that she was pregnant.

And the rest of the facts said that she is involved in charity work, knows 4 languages, loves to travel and has good vocal abilities.

It was not a surprise to scientists that those types of statements that characterized Francesca negatively began to repel men from her, as did thoughts about pregnancy.
At the same time, being overweight did not have any effect on the interest of the stronger sex in her and unexpectedly added more sympathy to her from the weaker sex. The possibility of pregnancy also helped the subject gain favor with women.
It is noteworthy that the desire to have a friendly relationship with Francesca, who travels the world, was rated by men at 5.58 points (the highest of all ten facts). But the desire to have sex with her received only 3.85 points.
The desire to ask her to marry if she might be pregnant was rated by men at 2.17 points. But if she was not pregnant, but suffered from sexually transmitted diseases or had a history of infidelity, men gave no more than 1.5 points.
Having an active intimate life did not have a very bad effect on men’s desire to make friends with Francesca – they gave almost four points on this point.
The likelihood of marriage was greatly helped by a high intelligence test score of four points. He was also in the lead regarding the desire to start a relationship with Francesca.
The men most wanted to have sex with the version of the woman being studied who spoke four languages.
As for the weaker half, Francesca was given the highest points if she was a traveler, did charity work and had high intelligence. Accordingly, what added to her greatest hostility from women was her promiscuous sex life, the presence of sexually transmitted pathologies and infidelity in the past.

Scientists thought that when there is competition between women for a relationship with a specific representative of the stronger sex, it should intensify if the relationship is already taking place, but suddenly a rival appears on the horizon.

And they decided to conduct another study with the participation of two hundred and fourteen women. They were shown a photograph of the girl from the first experiment (but now she had already been named Veronica) and asked 50% of the subjects to assume that she was flirting with their partners .

Participants were then presented with a list of facts from the first part of the study and asked to rate on the same scale whether they would agree to make various statements about Veronica .

Of course, those ladies whose unions risked suffering due to flirting on the side through the fault of Veronica showed a willingness to spread desecrating information about her, hushing up even her obvious positive aspects.

Then the scientists completely randomly presented the same participants with a photo of two females, the first of whom had previously received a higher rating in appearance from men than the second. Participants were asked to assume that the girl in the photograph was suddenly in their environment, and they had to rate how willing they were to gossip about her, given information from previous studies.

The ladies gossiped much more eagerly about their more attractive competitor, hushing up her positive characteristics. How much women wanted to damage a beauty's reputation was also influenced by the subject's exposure to rivalry.

The researchers achieved the same results by conducting the following stages of the experiment, in which they assessed the tendency of women to harm the reputation of their fellow tribesman based on how attractive she is in appearance or how revealing an outfit she is wearing. The better the girl looked in the photograph or the sexier clothes she was wearing, the more rapidly the risk of suffering from gossip increased.

The final stage of the experiment involved one hundred and four students ranging in age from eighteen to thirty-nine years. They all had to come to the laboratory, where they found themselves in the company of two dummy participants, the first had a conservative outfit, and the second was dressed quite openly. The participants were confident that the purpose of the study was to understand how people work in groups.

During the experiment, a male researcher invited three girls to his place and gave them logic tasks. Then the first dummy participant had to go to another room, the researcher also left, and Francesca (or Veronica), while working, secretly told her colleague that last night she had drunk a little and had sex with two men.

Soon after this, the researcher should have returned and said that Francesca had completed the task. Then the first participant had to complete tasks with the second dummy participant. The latter seemed to casually ask how the work with the previous girl went. At the end, the researcher asked the participant questions about her impressions of working with the first and second partner.

And only at the very end did the subjects learn what the whole essence of the experiment was. The results revealed that:

girls were more willing to gossip about a sexy-dressed participant;
and if Francesca was dressed in a conservative outfit, then the participants were not so active in talking about her piquant details.

Reynolds summarized that women do not have a purposeful desire to gossip, most likely, they resort to it on an unconscious level when a possible threat to their relationship arises.

And according to earlier studies, it was found that beautiful women are much more likely to act as victims of gossip than attractive men.

“Based on the data obtained, it is realistic to assume that it is the fairer sex who initiate bullying. In the future, they are also prone to spreading damaging information in the work team,” the researcher believes.

In addition, Reynolds believes that the findings of her study will be able to increase the level of awareness of women, which should have a beneficial effect on the relationship between them and is intended to motivate them to think again about whether they really want to tell someone another gossip.

“Information is provided,

gossip - they impose..."

But the sweet and harmless word “let’s gossip” in Eldar Ryazanov’s film rather has a connotation of femininity and emphasizes the love inherent in any woman to chat with a friend, even if about someone she knows, but which does not carry anything bad, evil or premeditated. That is, if a woman is intelligent and friendly to others, internally decent, then she will “gossip” in her own way: she will listen, be surprised, even laugh at the funny moments of the story, but she will NEVER carry this gossip further, burying other people’s secrets inside herself.

In addition, an intelligent woman understands that dishonest people can simply use her for their own purposes, hoping that she will carry this deliberate lie or scandalous news further. It happens that gossip is brought under the sauce of revelation of other people's attitude towards you. Target? Argue if the information is offensive to you. In the team there are those who like to gossip (gossip) on both sides: they deliberately arrange cross-talk gossip. They tell you that N.A. said about you that you are a wet chicken with only one twist in your head, and N.A. confidentially reports that you have taken over her workload for the next semester. Principle: divide and conquer. And it works! And this bitch basks in the success of her unworthy enterprise, watching from around the corner as the conflict flares up and passions heat up.

Envy of someone else's happiness also gives rise to such phenomena as gossip with the aim of quarreling spouses or an unmarried couple. In a team there will always be two or three women who are dissatisfied with themselves and their lives, girls who envy a more successful colleague or classmate, etc. They agree among themselves what kind of dirty gossip they will “put into circulation” (for example, that they saw a husband, a guy, this girl, a woman in the company of a familiar lady, a girl, and that, having asked her what kind of man it was, they found out that This lady or girl has been dating him for a long time and they have a close relationship). At the same time, they tell different women from the team and wait for the results, hoping that on both sides the gossip will focus on their victim - the very woman for whose revenge all this was started. The same technique is used to “get on” someone, to quarrel with their superiors or among themselves. But decent people are the majority, and such an intrigue, fortunately, very often fails: new ears listen to the news and that’s where it all ends.

As they say, you need to live in such a way “that you are not afraid to sell your parrot to the most malicious gossip in the city.” Who are they, these malicious city or village gossips? These are, in a way, “vampires”, feeding off the events of someone else’s life. It is unlikely that a person living an interesting and rich life will be too interested in the details of the lives of those around him, much less in the nuances of his personal, intimate relationships. I think that we women, who recognize our inclination to “gossip” to varying degrees of depth, are divided into passive, active, chronic and malicious gossips. Passive - listen, but do not generate gossip in breadth and, moreover, are not their initiators. Active - they are very interested in other people's lives and love to speculate about it due to the lack of their own life impressions. Chronic - due to idleness and the lack of interesting events in their own lives, especially in old age, they are able to engage in gossip and gossip, almost constantly, wiping down the benches at the entrance or catching their tongues at the nearest bakery - taking a break only to watch TV series and mountains of unwashed dishes for a few days. Malicious ones - these are capable of generating gossip deliberately, with a low purpose, spreading it, in general, these are very unsympathetic representatives of the female tribe, despised, persecuted and embittered. The classics confirm this: “These were malicious gossips, always whispering something to each other, always cheek to cheek...” (Ray Bradbury. The Puppeteer).

The people are very sensitive in their humor to any events happening around and within them. Therefore, the local newspaper in the regions, and even in the capitals, is often called “gossip”. The publications will not contain sometimes unverified materials, intimate details from the lives of famous people, and then all sorts of claims for honor and dignity that follow - would people really call the media that? This is something every journalist should think about, because sometimes what makes them “gossips” is either money promised for publishing unverified facts, or pressure from management chasing large circulations. If art, in the words of Pablo Picasso, “washes the dust of everyday life from the soul,” then gossip, on the contrary, poisons and pollutes it and, above all, the souls of the gossipers themselves.

OLGA TAYEVSKAYA, EDIT-CHIEF

Final conclusions on the topic

Gossip has a very long history and, to some extent, is a consequence of the evolution and development of society.
Representatives of the stronger sex are less likely to spread gossip due to the fact that they are worried about more serious life problems.
Gossip allows you to establish trust between those who gossip, plus it helps relieve stress to some extent.
According to the results of research by scientists, women are more likely to spread gossip about more attractive fellow women, or if they feel a potential danger to their relationships.

To conclude such an entertaining topic, I invite you to watch an equally fascinating video:

Is gossip always dangerous?

Is there any benefit from idle conversations or are they always harmful? Sociologists study this issue. While much of what we call gossip has consequences and can be harmful, some exchanges are not necessarily negative.

For example: “I'm glad she found the strength to break up with him,” without further comment about the nature of the doomed relationship. The SIRC study notes a number of positive and social benefits of gossip: it helps build friendships, unites teams, and establishes common values.

There is a safe type of gossip - discussing news from the lives of stars, evaluating their latest photos from the Internet, speculating about the development of their relationships with their other halves. We may not gossip about our acquaintances (or admit it), but who wouldn't want to gossip about celebrities?

Is gossip always harmless?

Yes, whatever you say, women love to chat much more than men. No, men, of course, also like to gossip in their free time in the company of their own kind. But their conversations are quite harmless: sports, fishing, outstanding sexual success... Baby talk compared to what women sometimes discuss! Most ladies love to talk about fashionable handbags, shoes, makeup, clothes, boyfriends or husbands; but some of them prefer to talk about things that go beyond the typical topics for young ladies. Moreover, they are literally looking for a new reason to talk about any juicy news. And the worst thing about them is that they are eager to dig into the dirt, into the small or big stupidity committed by someone. Most of the time, if they don't have a reason to gossip, they snoop and stalk, rummage through someone's dirty laundry to bring some scandalous news into the light of day and for everyone to discuss. And we are not talking now about journalists who earn their living by spying on the personal lives of celebrities. We are talking about ordinary women, our neighbors or employees, who believe that they have the right to poke their nose into any crevice and discuss any detail of our lives.

These women feel unprotected. What better way can they come up with to hide their shortcomings and low self-esteem than to say nasty things about other people, thereby distracting attention from their imperfections? By pouring dirt on others, they feel purer than the person they condemn. By putting others down, they try to build themselves up. It can be unsafe to communicate with such people, because they are like scavengers, collecting all sorts of nasty things. Only scavengers collect dirt to clean our streets, and these women do the same, so that they can then multiply this dirt and fill everything around them with it. It can be dangerous to communicate with such people because they do not spare anyone. Today they smile sweetly at you, and tomorrow they will enthusiastically tell stories about you with an unpleasant odor.

We gossiped, we gossip and we will gossip!

Yes, whatever you say, gossip and rumors are still a favorite pastime for women. And it wasn’t even worth listing all the reasons psychologists have found - women gossip because “everyone does it.” It is difficult to ignore gossip and stay away from gossip because it is prevalent everywhere - in every school, university, office and in every home. Often gossip is even used as a tool to spread positive or negative rumors - to create the “right” mood. So what remains for us? If we can't avoid rumors, then all we can do is join in and gossip. The main thing is not to get into the mud! After all, as Confucius said, whoever spreads rumors has abandoned virtue.

About rumors, gossip out of envy

It’s not always what others say; it’s true that they can praise out of pity, and throw mud at you out of envy.

Apparently, I live so well that my life becomes the subject of envy and malice.

If a toad is strangling you, what does it have to do with me?

Don't be sad, don't be upset. Spit on envy and flattery. Don't bend to anyone and be who you are.

Yes, successful, beautiful, happy - but are you weak?

Dedicated to envious people - statuses about how ridiculous they are when viewed from the outside.

There are two types of envious people: the first want everything like you, and the second want you to have nothing at all.

There are people who are constantly jealous and gossip. I feel sorry for them. They don’t know that you can be happy with what you have and be happy for others. Live with lightness in your heart.

What gender is gossip?

Traditionally, women are believed to be gossips. But is it? Why is the phrase “Dasha bought herself a new fur coat,” heard among women, considered gossip, while “Kolya crashed his car,” said by men, is considered simply information? Apparently, it’s all a matter of tradition: men are just “interested in the lives of others,” and women are always “gossiping.”

Although University of Michigan psychology professor Jeffrey Parker found that, for example, girls talk more about boys they like, but boys rarely talk about girls. It’s interesting that the closer the boys are to each other, the less time they spend gossiping, but the girls, who are inseparable friends, gossip much more intensely than, for example, just classmates.