Advice from a psychologist: what to do if you don’t love your husband or wife?

How to understand that love has passed?

I don't know if I love my husband?

Falling in love and intense feelings go away, relationships between partners change, and conflicts begin to arise more often.

In such a situation, it is difficult to understand whether there is still love between you or whether you are together simply out of habit .

If you want to figure it out, try asking yourself a few questions:

1. Are you happy? If you close your attention to some little things, put aside conflicts and listen to yourself, then how will you answer this question? Not when you move to a bigger apartment/your husband changes jobs/you have a child, but right here and now are you happy?
2. Are you ready to work on your relationship? It is no secret that a happy marriage is the work of partners on themselves and on their relationships. Do you want to make efforts to get out of a crisis situation? And why haven't you started doing this yet?
3. Is there something about your partner that you don't accept in a relationship? He may be drinking too much, not working, or even hitting you. It happens that this is revealed only after several years of marriage. If you categorically don’t like it, then why tolerate it?
4. Why did you start dating and get married? Maybe there just wasn’t a suitable couple nearby, and then things somehow got complicated? Or did your relatives constantly pester you? Or are you terribly afraid of loneliness?
5. If your partner asks you to break up, how will you feel? Just be honest with yourself. Will you be unhappy? Are you upset? Or will you feel relieved?

Be sure to answer these questions sincerely. Don't lie to yourself. And then you will understand whether you really have fallen out of love with your spouse or whether you are just going through a crisis phase in your relationship that needs to be worked on.

I don't love my husband. What to do? Find out from the video:

What to do if the love for your husband is gone: advice from a psychologist

If your feelings for your spouse have cooled, then one of the solutions to this problem is a banal divorce. Of course, official separation becomes the only option when the relationship is truly dysfunctional. Tyranny on the part of the husband, his complete reluctance to earn money and help around the house, real disgust for him is a reason to seriously think about breaking up the relationship. But if you see that your spouse is a completely normal man, and you both simply lack your former passion, maybe you shouldn’t break everything off forever?

Love is multifaceted, and many women find it difficult to understand. How does a great feeling arise? We find our soulmate and fall in love. First, we experience vivid emotions, try to show each other only our positive qualities, and then we are faced with the reality of the harsh everyday life of the average Russian family. Everyday problems and getting used to a partner bring you down to earth. The euphoria from the first meetings passes very quickly, and you want a new dose of this amazing feeling. During such a period, it is difficult to realize that relationships are not always accompanied by the flight of butterflies in the stomach, that sometimes you need to be patient, wait it out, show humility and respect for your partner. Many couples at this moment destroy their family, become free and even more unhappy. Then men and women find new partners and go through the same stages with them from falling in love to disappointment, without realizing that they were just a little short of true love.

See also:

Do ex-husbands often return to the family?

If you think that you don't love your husband, but you have children or other reasons for maintaining this relationship, then you can radically change the situation for the better. Believe in your strength, because nothing is impossible. And we will tell you how to try to love your husband again, if you don’t love him, but you don’t intend to leave. TOP 5 practical psychological tips that will transform your marriage:

1. Don't rush to conclusions. In a fit of anger, you want to immediately break off the relationship and chase the dream of absolute love. You should not make hasty conclusions that you may regret later. Negative emotions from changing the usual way of life often negatively affect family life. You may subconsciously become irritated with your partner during everyday difficulties, throwing out accumulated stress. Soon this manner of communication will become a habit, and it will seem that the feelings have gone away. Chronic fatigue, depression and health problems also have a negative impact on relationships. In general, analyze the situation, try to soberly assess it: has love really passed or do you not feel it against the backdrop of various problems?
2. Find out the cause. Do one useful psychological exercise right now. Remember how the cooling of feelings towards your spouse began? Maybe you changed your job, had children, or started building a house? Or did your husband offend you, touching your nerves during a major quarrel? Dig into yourself and you will definitely find the starting point from which it all began. It is very important to understand what exactly caused the fading of love, and then you can come up with the right plan of action and resolve the situation.
3. Talk to your husband. Even though you don’t love him (or think that you don’t love him), you simply must dot all the i’s. There is a chance that your spouse does not even realize that he has fallen out of favor with you. Therefore, there is no need to hide the current state of affairs from him. Find the right moment and talk with your partner. It is not necessary to immediately shout about your hatred of him; this will not lead to a constructive dialogue. Try to gently describe the situation without causing emotional harm to your spouse. It is quite possible that a frank conversation will encourage your husband to make changes that will change your relationship for the better.
4. Make your final decision. “What if I don’t love my husband, but we have children?” – this is the question asked by many wives who find themselves in a similar situation. Psychologists do not recommend relying on both children and the opinions of others when solving family problems. Divorce, of course, is a last resort when cooling off feelings for your spouse, but when taking this step, you need to listen exclusively to yourself. Children should see a happy mother, and responsible fathers continue to raise their heirs even after the divorce. Are you afraid of society's condemnation? Gossip is unlikely to be avoided, but no one will put a stigma on you either. Nowadays, divorce will not surprise anyone. Domestic difficulties also cannot become a decisive factor in the issue of separation. Remember that financial problems can always be solved. From all of the above, we conclude: decide what is best for you. Listen to your heart, and only it will tell you the right direction.
5. Contact a psychologist. It is not always possible to understand the true causes of the problem on your own. You can come to an appointment with a specialist together with your partner to find out for sure why you stopped loving your spouse and to get to know your own self. The psychologist will give advice and tell you what to do if you don’t love your husband, but you have children. It will help you get out of depression and learn to listen to your inner voice. Find a competent specialist who inspires trust, and get ready to work on your relationship. There will definitely be a way out of the crisis.

See also:

Advice from psychologists: how to help a woman survive pain if her husband left the family?

Unfortunately, Cupid will not fly to your aid and pierce your and your husband’s hearts with an arrow. You yourself should strive to rekindle old feelings. In addition to all the above tips, try to notice something good in your spouse every day, look at him from the outside. For example, he bought you your favorite ice cream or covered you with a blanket when you fell asleep. All good things quickly become boring: we stop noticing the positive traits in our other half, remembering only the negative ones. It is possible that another woman could only dream of such a man, and you have already written him off. If nothing works out, but you don’t want to get a divorce yet, try separating from your spouse for a while. Go on vacation or send your husband on vacation, stay with relatives or friends. Separation will help you make your final choice.

What are the reasons for the fading of feelings in marriage?

The crush passed, the romance ended and ordinary life began .

A man no longer strives to surprise and conquer a woman, because she is already his.

And the woman does not have enough attention, but she has a lot of worries around the house, and she herself forgets to charm her man.

Gradually, the spouses begin to spend time together less often, are less interested in each other , and practically do not communicate. The relationship is cooling, the gap between them is growing wider.

Perhaps the man just wants to protect his chosen one from his problems. And a woman encounters indifference or misunderstanding when she herself begins to talk about something.

The main reason for the fading of feelings is the lack of dialogue between spouses and the reluctance to work on the relationship.

Don't expect things to work out on their own . If you ignore the problem, sooner or later a serious conflict will arise. It is better to immediately discuss emerging problems and misunderstandings.

Additional Tips

I stopped loving my husband, what to do, the advice of a psychologist will come to the rescue. To understand the seriousness of a wrong decision, you need to understand the consequences of divorce. A woman who has fallen out of love can take a lover, but this will only worsen the general situation. The husband also plays a huge role in this difficult situation. If he does not want to lose his wife, he must reconsider his behavior and attitude.

Some married women think: “I don’t think I love my husband.” Or they make a false conclusion: “He doesn’t pay attention to me. He neglects me." Many people had a similar situation. An important recommendation that can be obtained from a psychologist must be put into practice on a weekly basis. You need to talk through everything that has accumulated inside. There is no need to kill your feelings, it is enough to simply establish a relationship with your husband, which consists of full communication.

I don’t know if I love my husband, what should I do? Another affordable way could be a romantic evening together away from the hustle and bustle of home. If the husband begins to behave differently than his wife is used to, then everything can change quickly. You need to introduce something new into your relationship: spend leisure time together, attend movies, exhibitions, etc.

What should I do if I told my husband that I don’t love him? When the conclusions are justified and the decision is finally made, then all that remains is to break off the relationship.

What has been said cannot be taken back, but it can still be corrected if you approach the issue wisely. It is sometimes very difficult to understand the feminine essence, but two loving people can overcome temporary difficulties with a joint approach to solving the problem. When the flame of hope is smoldering, you need to make every effort to save the relationship. If you rush, you may regret what you did. The best way out would be to visit a psychologist together.

Psychology of such relationships

It often happens that for some reason a family is either formed without love, or is forced to continue to exist without it.

Psychologists distinguish two types of such relationships:

• old feelings turned into alienation and indifference. You can often observe mutual reproaches, resentments and showdowns. Everyone is for themselves and lives their own lives. Perhaps there is even a rude attitude or betrayal. Spouses are not comfortable in each other's company;
• the feeling of love left the couple, but grew into respect and mutual understanding. They do not have strong feelings for each other, but they can continue to live together, being interested in each other and communicating. The partners are still comfortable with each other.

How not to fall in love with your boss? Advice from psychologists will help you!

I don't want my man! Reasons and what to do about it? Psychotherapy:

Reasons for marriage breakdowns

A marriage breaks up for the same reasons why spouses grow cold towards each other. But they also highlight domestic unsettlement; living together with the parents of one of the spouses, who can “add fuel to the fire” when young spouses quarrel; lack of money; the birth of a sick child, which requires increased attention, large material costs, and psychological difficulties, for which parents are often not prepared; illness or disability of one of the spouses, when the other begins to be ashamed of his other half.

The financial issue can be resolved by finding a job and changing it to a better paying one. They are moving away from living with their parents to rented apartments - although not their own, but separately and without interference in their personal life, cooking pots and bed. Household problems can also be solved. But health issues depend little on the person; if the second spouse is an immature person, then he will not be able to live with a disabled or seriously ill child or wife. If the spouse has a stable character, but is confused and does not know what to do in such a situation, doctors, psychologists and family and marriage counselors will come to the rescue.

Your heart and psychologist will tell you how to survive a family crisis. If a wife is worried about the situation, it means that her husband is not indifferent to her, or she still wants to save the family. A psychologist will help identify the true reasons for her attitude towards her husband. After this, he and she will determine the viability of a further relationship with her husband.

Married without love from the point of view of psychologists

Sometimes it happens that a marital union is created without any feeling of love at all .

For example, a girl became pregnant unplanned or put pressure on her husband. Or the man proposed, and the girl agreed out of fear of loneliness.

It also happens that a girl simply sees a profitable future , because her fiancé does not suffer from poverty. Or a young man proposes because everyone around him says it ’s time to settle down.

From a psychological point of view, marriage not for love, but because “it’s time” or “necessary” usually leads to disappointment.

Without mutual feelings, it is difficult to conduct a dialogue with a partner, sort out relationships and deal with everyday life.

Girls often think that their husband is not going anywhere and that they can turn him around as they please .

Young people feel a loss of freedom; such relationships depress them. Therefore, life together is spent in constant oppression until one of the spouses decides to leave.

If there are children

When there are children in the family, the relationship cannot be broken so easily. Responsibility for your children appears. There are often situations when a woman’s love for her husband has passed, but she tries with all her might to keep him in the family and remains in it solely for the sake of the child.

Here psychologists give one piece of advice, with which I myself completely agree. It is better for children to grow up in a single-parent family, where harmony, love and happiness reign, than where there are quarrels, scandals and complete confusion. Don't forget that children copy in adulthood what they see in childhood. In most cases, they build their personal family life similar to the one in which they grew up.

When the thought “I don’t love my husband, what should I do” hits me, first of all figure out the reason. Do not forget about age and family crises, depending on the years lived together, overwork, stress and other things that can affect feelings. After the end of such a period, love will resume with renewed vigor.

Share in the comments how you went through this stage in your relationship? Were you able to save your marriage or did you end up breaking up?

Is it possible to love a second time?

No matter how many years you have been together, you can always freshen up your relationship and fall in love with your partner again.

This can happen as a result of you working together on the relationship or someone else's initiative.

For example, the husband will devote more time to his wife and arrange pleasant surprises.

The wife will begin to take better care of her appearance and will stop reproaching her husband and becoming offended for no reason. And then love will flare up between you again.

How to attract love into your life? You will find practical recommendations on our website.

Married without love? Is it possible to love your husband after marriage? Find out from the video:

How to accurately determine that feelings have cooled?

Many women look at wedding photos with sadness and longing and remember the former love and tenderness that reigned in their couple until a certain moment. One day they feel that their hearts no longer flutter when their once beloved husband hugs them at night.

Cooling of feelings can occur as a result of everyday life that is so familiar to all of us, due to regular quarrels or the negative attitude of the spouse. How serious is this problem? How can you know for sure that your love for your husband has passed? The following signs will indicate this:

• You no longer feel happy. One of the most important components of a prosperous family life is happiness. If in the company of your spouse you feel a loss of strength, depression, irritation, and going to the movies together is completely terrifying, then you can hardly call this state happiness. A lack of excitement, joy and comfort in a marriage is a clear sign of a lack of love for your spouse. You can cry into your pillow at night, drink valerian or something stronger, but this will not change the situation. We'll have to face the truth. In general, happiness is different for everyone. Some ladies rejoice at the first snow, while others do not feel happy despite great wealth, health and a loving man.

• Your husband has become indifferent to you. “Darling, today I’m going fishing for three days, will you look after the children yourself?” or “I decided that I need to cut my hair bald and grow my beard as long as possible, what do you think?” Previously, such questions would have caused you wild indignation, but now you don’t care about your husband’s fate and his appearance at all? From this we can conclude that the main man in your life has become indifferent to you. You don’t care where he goes or what he looks like, as long as he talks less and stays nearby. Now it doesn’t matter whether he put effort into it or whether the circumstances were that way. The issue has come to a head and needs to be resolved quickly.

• Lack of mutual understanding. You tell him about Foma, and he tells you about Yerema, you say that you want romance, and he sits in the kitchen in shorts and drinks beer. You ask for help around the house, but he thinks that you can handle it yourself. You are talking about the sublime, and he is talking about how his friend was caught by traffic cops while drunk. Previously, sitting in the kitchen, making the house cozy, and his funny stories made you smile and touch, but now, apparently, the love for your husband has passed. You don't understand him, and he doesn't understand you. Now you are almost strangers. And the ideal interlocutor for you is your best friend who believes that all men are assholes.
• You don't see a future together. When a relationship develops in the right direction, then joint dreams and plans are an integral part of it. With your beloved spouse you want to build a house, go on vacation, go to a restaurant after payday, but with your unloved one you try not to discuss or imagine anything at all. It seems that the husband will only interfere with the implementation of plans. You, of course, can continue to dream about the future, only in your dreams your spouse will be absent. It is possible that someone else, young and handsome, will take his place. All this means is that you no longer love your husband.

We suggest you read: How to behave with a man so that he himself is drawn to a woman: the psychology of relationships, how to act correctly so that men are valued and respected
Life with an unloved person turns into hell. It seems that everything is in vain - this wedding, these years lived together. Depression is already knocking on your door, there is a desire to get a divorce and go on a free swim. You shouldn’t hang your nose and do rash actions.

What should I do to get my feelings back?

How to love your husband or wife again? If you don't want to give up and are determined to bring love back into your relationship, then try the following:

1. Remember why you are with this person. How did your relationship begin?
   What exactly attracted you to your partner? Try to recreate how you felt on your first date or the first time he held your hand. What about the first kiss and long walks? Just don’t compare how it was then and how it is now. Just enjoy the memories, they will help you get into the right mood.
2. Talk to your partner. Open up to him, tell him that your feelings have faded. But what you need now is not a showdown and a scandal, but a calm, constructive dialogue. Tell us what you are missing and decide together with your spouse how you can fix it.
3. Accept each other. There are no perfect people. But when the feelings go away, we increasingly see negative sides in our partner. Think about what exactly you don’t like; perhaps you are too critical. Is there something we should close our eyes to? Try to focus more often on exactly what you value in your spouse and what you are grateful for. And another important point that many couples forget about: if something in your partner really irritates you, tell him about it. Calmly discuss this point and most likely you will be able to reach some kind of compromise.
4. Try something new. Sometimes it’s not enough to remember the past and you want some kind of freshness in your relationship. Try going somewhere you haven't been before. Spend an evening together in something unusual. Come up with new traditions. Surprise each other.
5. Understand that change is normal. You can often hear: “You are not the man I married!”
   Or “You have changed a lot, I don’t recognize you anymore!” Understand that it is much worse if a person does not change for many years and remains the same. People must develop.
6. Take a break. There is nothing wrong. If you see each other every day, spend weekends and vacations together, then you simply do not have time to miss each other. It's okay if you're a little tired of each other. To begin with, try to at least spend a day off separately from each other. In the future, you will need to get used to the fact that spending time apart is sometimes even useful. It can also bring fresh feelings into the relationship.

How to cope with the death of your beloved husband? Read about it here.

Love term

It seems to me that I no longer love my husband. Love is a changeable feeling, just like relationships between partners. Conflicts and disagreements happen.

When this happens to a family, it is difficult to figure out whether there are still feelings between husband and wife, or whether it has simply formed a habit of being together.

Answer a number of questions for yourself:

1. Think about it. If you do not take into account third-party things or events that are subject to change, such as a change of job, environment, etc., are you happy at this moment in time?
2. Do you have a desire to preserve your family hearth? A strong and friendly family is the work of two partners, not just one. Are you ready to help your partner save the marriage and get out of the current situation?
3. Are there character traits in your husband that you do not accept in any form in a relationship? Let's say these are things like assault, drug addiction. It just happens that something like this is discovered after years of living together. If you observe this and you are not happy with it, then why are you still together?
4. Why did you make an alliance with this guy? Were you desperate? What was your reason for being with him? Maybe you are afraid to be alone?
5. If a breakup does occur, what do you think about it? How will you feel? Answer honestly. Don't lie to yourself.

This list of questions must be answered exclusively honestly. You shouldn't deceive yourself. Only by answering these questions truthfully will you be able to understand whether love has passed or whether this is another crisis in a relationship that you can cope with.

If you think you have a crisis in your family, find out how to survive it from this article.

Expert advice on how to live with someone you don't love?

You can often observe situations where there is no love left, but you need to live together.

What to do in this case? How to learn to live without love:

• Firstly, try not to start empty quarrels. Who needs it? Constant showdowns will only spoil everyone's mood. Therefore, before starting another conversation with a claim, you should think several times: is it worth it?
• secondly, treat your partner with respect. Be that as it may, he once meant a lot to you, didn’t he?
• third, talk to your spouse. For cleanliness. Explain everything as it is. It will be better if even in such a situation you are honest. Think together about how you can move on and avoid uncomfortable situations. This will also help avoid scandals in the future;
• Fourth, be understanding. You may have fallen out of love with your spouse, but he could still have feelings? Do not play with them under any circumstances;
• fifthly, do not try to hurt a person on purpose and do not provoke him to make a decision to break off the relationship.
  It happens that one of the spouses does not want to take responsibility and tries to make the partner break off the relationship. Decide for yourself whether you want to live with this person. If not, then find the strength within yourself to finish it all.

Is it worth living in an unhappy marriage for the sake of children? Psychologist's opinion:

Expert advice

1. To love or leave - the decision is yours alone, no one should interfere, neither friends, nor relatives, such serious decisions need to be made with a sober mind.
2. It is important to find the reason why this happened, and if this marriage could not be saved, then perhaps in the next one you will remember what to do and what not to do.
3. You need to talk to your husband calmly and judiciously, and not shout and insult your other half.
4. You can also go to church, pray, ask the Lord to trust your husband, help you see positive traits in your companion, humility and peace.

Take care of love and live happily!