They say age is just a number, but how true is that?
@beyonce Pictured is Beyonce and Jay-Z. The age difference is 12 years.
Spoiler:
no one knows the universal formula for a happy relationship and the ideal age difference between a man and a woman, which will work for absolutely every couple. However, there are statistics and various psychological factors that partners with a large age difference face, as well as studies on this issue.
Today we propose to find out what conclusions scientists have come to, and what, besides age, affects the chances of spouses to live a happy life together.
How did scientists discover the ideal age difference?
Pictured are Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. The age difference is 11 years. Source: @blakelively, instagram.com
The study, the results of which are cited in most materials on the topic of what is the ideal age difference between lovers, was conducted by American scientists Hugo Mialon and Andrew Francis from Emory University, which is located in Atlanta, with the assistance of Randal Olsen from Michigan State University.
Interestingly, the main purpose of this research work (which involved 3,000 people) was not to study age differences. The study aimed to analyze the costs of weddings and engagements and tried to find out whether they affect the longevity of the relationship.
The results showed that this factor is not at all associated with the strength of the union - and a modest wedding without frills has the same chance of becoming the beginning of a successful marriage as a pompous celebration.
However, despite the fact that the original research topic was different, in the process of studying factors such as engagement and wedding costs, the researchers were able to collect other potentially important data. Among them:
- Age
- Ethnicity
- Religiosity
- The level of education
- Employment status
- Income
- Family size
This allowed the authors to identify the best age differences that help make relationships stronger.
With that said, it is worth noting that this study was not intended to be conclusive
about ideal age gaps in relationships. Instead, scientists have sought to better understand trends in romantic relationships and the factors associated with them.
The age difference between the spouses is 18 years. (Husband is older). Your opinion.?
I'm neutral. That is, I believe that this is not what you should pay attention to in the first place. Very often, a person’s state of mind does not coincide with his physiological age. People should be happy and listen less to others.
My husband is 13 years older than me, all the guys were older too, well, I haven’t met anyone the same age who would be interesting to me and that’s all. And my friend’s husband is 25 years older! At first I was shocked, he is really 2 times older than her. And, of course, there will be many difficulties, but they have been so happy for 7 years now, two children! And when I first met him, I was shocked at how young this man was at heart! He is interesting, cheerful, he fascinates with his desire to live!
So age is not the main thing. As for sex, some people lose interest at 40, and some even at 60, wow, and besides, kinship of souls is more important to me than sex.
In no case do I expect that my opinion can somehow come closer to the truth or to the final authority. However, I believe that the 18 -year difference represents a union that works on the “father-daughter” principle. Nothing else can happen, since people are in different generations. Whether this is good or not is difficult to say. Maybe some people spend their entire lives looking for just such alliances. But for others, such a difference is disgusting.
But (again, I will refer exclusively to my opinion) it is very difficult to achieve ideal physiological or psychological harmony with such a difference. You need to work and work.
For clarity, we present several options that are inevitable. These are 18 and 36 . These are 20 and 38. These are 30 and 48. The option 40 and 58 cannot be avoided. The numbers 52 and 70 . If all these numbers do not frighten a man and woman, then they will most likely be happy all their lives. If love and happiness fly away from their family, then the reason can be found in anything, including in these 18 years.
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Age difference between men and women: study results
Pictured are Bruce Willis and Emma Heming. The age difference is 23 years. Source: @emmahemingwillis, instagram.com
This study produced a number of interesting findings about the longevity of unions across different age gaps between partners. Let's look at them all in order.
One year age difference
It found that relationships involving spouses with a year or less age difference lasted the longest and had the lowest chance of breaking up, at just 3%.
Five years age difference
Married couples with an age difference of about five years have a divorce rate of 18%.
Age difference of 10 years
Pictured are Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness. The age difference is 13 years. Source: @thehughjackman, instagram.com
Couples with a 10-year age gap between them have a divorce rate of 39%.
Age difference of 20 years or more
According to the study, the greatest age difference between spouses also has the highest chance of separation, with a divorce rate of as much as 95%.
This means that the relationships that last the longest and are likely to be the most positive involve the smallest age gaps. And the higher the age difference, the greater the likelihood of divorce.
From ten to fifteen years
The public is quite tolerant of such a marriage. The man has already managed to accumulate experience that can confidently be called positive from the point of view of building relationships. Surely he has succeeded in his work and career, is fairly wealthy, does not depend on the opinions of friends and relatives, and knows what he wants from life.
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He doesn't need to prove anything, so he doesn't spend much time choosing a bride and tries to demonstrate his best character traits. He approaches the choice of a partner responsibly, without unnecessary emotions, having experience in knowledge of female psychology. A girl in such a marriage feels protected; she is mainly provided financially by a young man who is always ready to help her. A celebrity couple with an eleven-year age difference is Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively.
What else affects the longevity of the union?
Pictured are Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Jason Statham. The age difference is 20 years. Source: @rosiehw, instagram.com
Here are some other findings from the same study regarding the influence of various factors on relationship longevity.
Illegitimate children
Families who have a first child born outside of their marriage are 59% more likely to divorce than those who have no children from a previous relationship.
Children of marriage
Having children during a relationship reduces the likelihood of divorce by 76%, but increases the chances of a couple breaking up due to child-related factors as the children get older.
Duration of relationship
Couples who were together for two years reduced their chances of divorce by 43%. Meanwhile, those who spent 10 years together are 94% less likely to divorce.
Difference in educational level
A large difference in educational level between spouses has a 43% chance of divorce.
Older woman
Previously, marriages where the wife was older than the husband were considered something out of the ordinary. Now such couples face condemnation in society, but not as much as before.
Sometimes such organic unions are created that people who were skeptical about such marriages take back their words. A simple example: star couple Alla Pugacheva and Maxim Galkin, who have been together for ten years. The wife is 28 years older than her husband.
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How does the age difference between partners affect relationships?
@camilamcconaughey Photo shows Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves. The age difference is 13 years.
There are many reasons why relationships end in divorce. But why do couples with large age gaps break up so often? Here are some guesses.
Social convention
It is no secret that couples with a large age difference between spouses are, as a rule, negatively perceived by society. Research from Purdue University found that people with an age gap of 10 years or more are more likely to experience social stigma.
In many cases, it is this social disapproval that can negatively impact the longevity of a relationship. Essentially, if couples don't receive approval from friends, family, and others because of their age difference, they are much more likely to break up.
Differences in experience and life values
As a rule, a person at 30 years old faces different problems, goals, priorities and values than at 20 years old. While some couples can find compromise despite differing views and opinions, those who cannot reconcile their differences are more likely to separate.
Intimacy
Intimate relationships often play an important role in a couple's well-being. The problem is that older people tend to have a decreased desire for intimacy.
Women in particular will have difficulty having children later in life, and men will not be as interested in sexual intercourse as they once were. In a marriage with a large age gap, sexual dissatisfaction can also lead to a breakup.
Unequal marriage: famous couples with an age difference of more than 40 years
The phrase “all ages are subject to love” has always been in trend, however, some believe that marriages with a large age difference are a common occurrence in modern society, while others vehemently dispute this.
We invite you to look at stellar examples to see how viable such relationships are. Ivan Krasko and Natalya Shevel
(age difference 60 years)
It recently became known that the Russian actor Ivan Krasko, who will soon turn 85, is going to marry his student 24-year-old Natalya Shevel, who, by the way, has already changed her last name on her Instagram on Krasko.
The couple plans to officially legitimize their relationship in September and have a wedding in the Actor’s House. Natalya studied with Krasko when he taught a course at the Faculty of Arts at the St. Petersburg Institute of Humanitarian Education.
This marriage will be the fourth in a row for the actor. He has four children from previous relationships. In 2001, Ivan married Natalya Vyal, who was 47 years younger than him. But after 10 years of marriage, the woman filed for divorce.
By the way, blogger Temptation was the first to write about this!
Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris
(age difference 60 years)
In December 2010, Hugh Hefner and 25-year-old Playboy model Crystal Harris were engaged.
The wedding was supposed to take place on June 18, 2011. However, on June 14, Hefner announced in his microblog on Twitter that the wedding was cancelled. According to him, “Crystal changed her mind.” And on December 31, 2012, he finally married his beloved. Let us remind you that Hugh is now 89 years old, and Crystal is 29.
Anna Nicole Smith and James Howard Marshall (age difference 62 years)
Probably one of the most famous couples with a huge age difference is Anna Nicole Smith and James Howard Marshall. The future spouses met in the early 1990s at a strip club, where Anna Nicole worked as a stripper during difficult times. They married on June 27, 1994, and a year after their wedding, 90-year-old Marshall died, and Smith was busy dividing the inheritance for the next 11 years.
As you know, Anna’s fate was extremely tragic: the celebrity died of a severe form of pneumonia on February 8, 2007.
Gabi Greco and Jeffrey Edelstein
(age difference 46 years)
26-year-old model and burlesque clothing designer Gabi Greco announced her pregnancy with 72-year-old Australian millionaire Jeffrey Edelstein last June. By the way, for Jeffrey himself, this is not the first marriage with a young girl. So, in his 80s, the man started a relationship with 19-year-old model Lyn Nesbitt, which ended in marriage and then, of course, divorce. The billionaire's next wife was 25-year-old fitness instructor Brynn Gordon.
Gaby Greco and Jeffrey Edelstein
Jeffrey Edelstein and Brynn Gordon
Steven Bauer and Lida Loudon
(age difference 39 years)
Famous actor of Cuban origin Steven Bauer, known for his role in the film “Scarface”. Bauer married Melanie Griffith in September 1981. In 1985, their son Alexander Bauer was born, and in 1987 they divorced. After that, the actor had several more unsuccessful marriages until he met... 18-year-old Lida Loudon. In 2014, the couple walked the red carpet at the premiere of the film Magic In The Moonlight. After this, the lovers were constantly photographed together on the street, on dates in restaurants and on walks.
Steven Bauer and Lida Loudon
James Woods and Kristen Bognes
(age difference 46 years)
Back in 2013, the famous American actor James Woods brought his young passion Kristen Bognes to light. Thus, James replaced his 26-year-old girlfriend Ashley Madison, who was with him at that time, for a 20-year-old.
Let us remember that the man began dating Ashley Madison, the daughter of one of his close friends, when she was only 19 years old and he was 59. Woods even gave her an engagement ring on her 25th birthday, but it didn’t come to a wedding - Ashley fell in love to a 28-year-old guy and left the actor, who, however, was not alone for long and is now happy with another young girl, 20-year-old Kristen Bognes, with whom he posed on the red carpet at the premiere of his new film “White House Down.” By the way, shortly before this, Kristen was arrested for drug possession and other minor offenses.
Now the actor is 68 years old.
James Woods and Kristen Bognes
James Woods and Ashley Madison
Usually we are used to seeing that the elder in unequal relationships is usually a man. Often, but not always.
Duchess of Alba and Alfonso Diez
(age difference 24 years)
The unusual love story of two hearts - the 85-year-old Duchess of Alba and the 61-year-old simple civil servant Alfonso Diez back in 2011 became an exception to this rule.
Many thought it was a marriage of convenience, but the huge inheritance of one of the richest aristocrats in the world was divided between her children and grandchildren - not a cent was left to widower Alfonso Diez.
Unequal marriage: for or against?
Findings from other studies
@heidiklum Pictured are Heidi Klum and Tom Kaulitz. The age difference is 16 years.
The Emory University study is not the first to try to find a link between age differences and relationship duration. And the conclusions of some others turned out to be exactly the opposite.
Thus, a joint study by Wang-Sheng Lee from Deakin University and Terra IakKinnish from the University of Colorado found that couples with a large age gap tend to be more satisfied with their relationships overall.
These relationships also have higher levels of commitment to each other, more trust, and less jealousy than is typically found in couples of the same age. Alas, this usually doesn’t last long anyway.
"Over time, marital satisfaction declines faster for both men and women who have large age gaps with their spouses, compared with those who have a small age gap with their spouse,"
— said study author Terra IakKinnish.
Meanwhile, according to research from Purdue University, more than 75% of couples involving younger women and older men, with significant age gaps, report that their relationships are satisfactory and positive.
So scientists simply do not yet have a consensus on this issue.
Cons of dating a man 20 years older
Instructions.
A girl can quickly get tired of being taught life by an experienced husband. She doesn’t like it when her husband, after listening to her fantastic ideas, confidently says that there will be no trace of them left as soon as his wife grows up. It happens that she is annoyed when a man constantly takes care of her and gives advice, for example, on clothing style, homework, choice of music, and more.
What to do? The girl must admit that her husband understands something better and listen to his words. If advice is constantly ignored, a man may withdraw into himself.
The difference is in temperament.
Let’s say a girl is easy-going and quite reckless, which annoys a mature man. She wants to spend the weekend actively, and he wants a relaxing home holiday. Most likely, the girl will not be able to persuade her husband, if he is 20 years older, to go to a noisy party, or her companion will have a dissatisfied face.
What to do? The couple must seek a compromise. Spend this evening at home, tomorrow - in a cafe or company. If everyone’s efforts are aimed at understanding and satisfying the desires of their other half, then the age difference will not be so noticeable.
Chat with friends.
In such a union there may be many common interests, but this does not mean that a mature husband will be comfortable among the friends of his young wife. Her young environment will also feel some discomfort when communicating with a man old enough to be a father. The problem is even how to call him - only by his name or using his patronymic? Sadly, spending time together in companies may gradually cease.
What to do? A girl should not force a much older man to join her circle of friends. Nobody needs discomfort. She needs to understand when, instead of going somewhere with a group, he would prefer to go somewhere else with just the two of them.
Aging.
In a couple of decades, the difference between a mature husband and a younger wife will be much more obvious, which could result in a real crisis. He is still young at heart, but physical ailments are already bothering him. It is possible that a man will constantly talk about his “sores” to his wife.
What to do? A woman should surround her elderly husband with maximum coziness and comfort. There is no need to irritate him with stories about fun times spent in the company of friends. It is advisable to stay nearby longer. If such sacrifices do not frighten you, you can safely create an alliance with a man who is 20 years older.
Gossip.
Gossip will not escape such a couple. It is difficult for others to believe that the girl married for love, and not for mercantile reasons. You need to be prepared for such misunderstanding.
What to do? If an age-unequal marriage is a done deal, the couple should not pay attention to negative assessments. Learn to repel attacks and do not react to them. When a man is 20 years older, the psychology of behavior is too complex, and the spouses may experience a relationship crisis. Will they survive?
A girl who has linked her destiny with a mature man risks much more than in an ordinary marriage. After all, he, for example, may not want more children, or will stop loving, get sick, or even die. And the lady will be left alone, attractive and in the prime of her life. The environment can also get on your nerves.
You should not react to the opinion of society. First you need to decide what the purpose of this union is, to understand all the risks and responsibility for them. It is not always the case that a couple is ready to unite their destinies if the girl is just starting to live, and the man is much older in age.
Three nuances that are worth considering if you and your girlfriend have a big age difference
@brittanyfurlan Pictured are Tommy Lee and Brittany Furlan. The age difference is 24 years.
Regardless of who is older in your couple - you or your girlfriend, in addition to the main problems that most couples face, you should pay attention to three more important nuances.
Make sure your goals are aligned
An age difference sometimes signifies a difference in priorities, values and goals that a person sets for himself, and the expectations that he associates with a new relationship.
Whether it's starting a family and having a baby, or, conversely, having fun together without commitment, make sure that you and your girlfriend want the same things from your relationship.
Be prepared for comments regarding your relationship
We have already cited disappointing statistics above and we will repeat it again: when starting a relationship with someone who is much older or younger than you, you will almost certainly encounter comments (both positive and negative) from some people around you.
It is very difficult to avoid this, so you just need to be prepared for this and try not to react to strangers judging your choice.
Try to build partnerships
When one partner is older than the other, he can become a mentor, a senior comrade and a kind of guide through life, but if the more mature partner uses his experience to dominate the younger one, and also constantly point out his mistakes and misdeeds with reference to age are warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Spouses of the same age
Such married couples were common in the last century, especially during the Soviet period. Many young people knew each other since school, and after graduation they started families. The advantages of these alliances were obvious. The partners had common interests, they were surrounded by the same friends and peers.
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Prioritization, the same worldview - all this allowed the partners to become like-minded people. However, there were plenty of disadvantages in these marriages. There was a lack of money and experience; such families could be called infantile, since the parents decided everything for the partners. This went on for quite a long time until the young people themselves got on their feet and began to solve their problems on their own.
