You met a man, there are mutual feelings on both sides. How long will this state of love last? And what to do when the “butterflies in the stomach” no longer flutter like that? At what point should you think about getting married if you want to build a serious relationship with this man? And what if he hasn’t proposed yet?
Any courtship must develop into marriage. This is an axiom. There are no serious relationships outside of marriage, so attention is an important point. Now I will name the period after which a marriage proposal should be received. It sounds like an ultimatum, but that’s how it is. I was guided by this period, I advise my friends to be guided by it, and I offer it to you as a guideline.
If it’s a wedding, then a year after we met
One year is enough to understand whether this is your person or not. There is no need to rush and get married earlier. Impulsivity and emotions should not be at the helm here; you cannot make a hasty decision in this matter - it may turn out to be fatal and wrong.
At the same time, one year is enough for him to understand whether he sees you as his wife or not. If not, think about it, weigh it, evaluate it. You must understand whether you are investing all of yourself in the right man. If there is no progress in sight, leave.
Make your priorities clear at the start. Convey to the man at the beginning of the relationship that if in a year you do not receive an offer, you will move on. There is no point in keeping someone else's happiness near you! Because you can make plans as much as you want and seriously aim for a future with this person, but what’s the point if it’s not mutual?
One year. This may seem like a long time or a short one to you, but be that as it may, this is still just the beginning. Have you heard the common phrase that love lasts three years? I believe that after three years, love is just beginning. Before this, the phase of falling in love lasts, including during and after the wedding.
Why love can't last forever
When we are in love, certain processes occur in our body related to hormones - dopamine, serotonin, endorphin, testosterone and estrogen.
We are joyful, very emotional, our happiness is loud and bright. Constant attraction, excitement, anticipation of meeting. In especially sensual moments, all our muscles and lower abdomen tighten, our breath is taken away, our heart beats wildly, sometimes we can’t even eat! Of course, this state is pleasant, but the body perceives it as stress. And he cannot be constantly stressed.
Therefore, over time, the euphoria, consisting of a cocktail of the listed hormones, passes. Falling in love is transformed into a more stable and strong feeling. It's not good or bad, it's just the way it is. Natural and logical.
When it seems that love has passed
During the period of transition from infatuation to love, castlings also begin in the body. The old hormones are being replaced by more stable ones, for example, the same oxytocin - the hormone of trust and connection. They create a constant feeling and are responsible for getting used to a person.
During this period, it is important to competently and wisely rebuild relationships, make them new, strong, pure, based on respect, support and trust.
There is no need to panic and make hasty conclusions about the end of your love story. There is no need to worry about the fact that the man is not as attentive and insightful as he was on the first dates. Don't think that you have become uninteresting. It is a mistake to look for the problem within yourself, to reproach yourself for some far-fetched mistakes.
And all this does not mean that love has passed, it has simply been transformed. A new stage has arrived, and you need to build relationships at a new level. It’s wonderful that the relationship has progressed, that now you can cultivate a real, mature feeling!
Sometimes people lack wisdom and patience for this. As soon as they encounter problems, they break up. There are men who constantly walk in a circle of “eternal love”, and as soon as the aforementioned euphoria wears off, they change the person. But even with a new partner they go through the same stages. This is evidence that they do not know how to build normal, adult, harmonious relationships.
Know that everyone has difficulties and friction, and this is not a reason to break the connection. Of course, it’s easier to give up everything, you don’t need much intelligence. And you try to build your own fairy tale! If in your union there is attraction, tenderness, respect, care, fidelity - something beautiful will definitely come out of it! You just have to work. Add a little patience and wisdom, and from your tender and crystal love a real strong and mature connection will grow.
Is it possible to fix everything?
The upset failed groom registered on the Reddit portal, describing the situation and asking users how he could fix everything. Many sympathized with the guy, because he had good intentions, although everything ended in failure. Commentators wrote that the situation gave them a sensation comparable to that of watching a train wreck in slow motion, or watching a horror movie and yelling at the character, “Don't go through that door!”
They also advised the guy, along with the bride's father, since that too was partly to blame, to go and apologize, explaining to her that their intentions were good. At the same time, everyone unanimously agreed that proposing on the anniversary of death is a terrible and incredibly stupid idea.
This is a story from the “you can’t make it up on purpose” series. I would like to believe that the girl will still find the strength to forgive her would-be groom, and they will time the engagement to coincide with another, much more successful and brighter day, because after all, they had a three-year relationship.
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If instead of marriage he proposes a civil marriage
Cohabitation or, as people say, civil marriage is when you live together, but are not married. They didn’t have a wedding, they didn’t get married in church.
As children, we all imagine a gorgeous wedding, a prince who will love us. And then our castles in the air collapse when we meet the realities in which the partner is reluctant to enter into a legal relationship. We calm down, they say, this is a marriage after all. We sincerely believe that we have a real family, and formalities in the form of a stamp in a passport are not so important.
But subconsciously all women want to be official wives, period. No matter who says otherwise. When a woman proves that she is completely satisfied with a civil relationship, she thereby deceives herself or justifies her man (who convinced her of his reliability).
But men are glad that the marriage is civil. It is easier for them to breathe in such relationships, and most often this is their initiative (the woman only accepts the decision of her lover). Men subconsciously do not like to owe someone, and legal marriage automatically imposes obligations on them.
He may tell you: “I’m already trying for us, I do everything like a husband.” But the queen woman will never agree to “as a husband.” Believe me: he is trying for himself anyway. If he tried for you, he would finally take you down the aisle. The rest is excuses and delaying time, supposedly to test feelings.
Well, he has time for that. Year. If after a year he sees you as his wife, then let him confirm his words with deeds.
Are there any advantages to a civil marriage? Only for men. They leave for themselves a certain loophole through which they can always jump out without any losses. But a woman in this position will never feel secure and will not be completely confident in her partner. The thought will always be in her head: her rear is not covered.
And it's true. No matter how a man swears that he loves and will never leave, the practice of millions of families proves the opposite. A woman in cohabitation is not protected by law. Property and other rights (both hers and her children’s) are also not protected.
Today a man says this, but tomorrow he will be offended, consider his “common-law wife” to be guilty of something and leave. He will leave you with nothing. Unfortunately, there are a lot of such cases. There are, of course, happy couples who live without registration all their lives, but these are very, very rare exceptions.
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Reasons why he doesn't propose
You have been dating for many years, people around you take you for real spouses, but your lover has never given you the long-awaited marriage proposal. But why did this happen? Maybe he just stopped loving you? What if he found another woman? There can be quite a lot of reasons. In our article we will give you five main reasons for such incomprehensible male behavior.
- His parents fought constantly. It is possible that they divorced, and he is afraid of a repetition of this situation. Try to talk frankly with him and tell him that your marriage will be the happiest and longest.
- He is in no hurry to get married because he wants to move up the career ladder. He has the opinion that he should completely provide for you. Explore his thoughts. You are also able to earn your own living.
- For some people, it sounds simply terrible that you can live with a person for half a century. However, you can diversify your relationship even if you are married.
- He is not ready to have a baby. Many people believe that you need to start a family when you want a child. But marriage doesn't mean you have to have children right away.
- He is very afraid that his dreams will not come true. But if he has no plans to live a happy family life next to you, think carefully about whether you need such an unreliable person who thinks only about himself, and not about the woman he loves?
And, of course, your husband, as a living person, understands you completely, and can continue to love you for a long time in a robe and with unshaven legs. But here’s the problem: at work or on the street, he meets girls in tight dresses, with manicures and styled hair. He involuntarily compares you and remembers that you were once like that...
Of course, this does not mean that you should look like a glamorous diva every day, turning into a virtuoso chef in the evening, and a passionate houri at night. But home clothes can be not only comfortable, but also beautiful, simple dishes can be delicious, and even on a modest budget you can look like a millionaire. And, of course, your attitude towards your husband should be friendly and show love. How long ago did you confess your love to him? Did you make it clear that you still wanted him, did you put on beautiful underwear?
Yes, in ordinary life everything is completely different from the movies, but you are still quite capable of bringing tenderness and romance, and this is the only way (besides purely human trusting relationships) that you can preserve love. After all, marriage is not the last step of your romance, but another ladder that you must climb together. And it depends on both of you: whether it will lead you to the pinnacle of happiness or whether you will fall from the height of your expectations.
But the main thing is to remember that no matter how attentive and loving a man is, he still does not have such subtle feelings as a woman, so you will have to play the role of organizer of family life in all its spheres. But this is a huge plus, because freedom of action opens up before you. The truth is, you shouldn’t be too active and intrusive, let your husband also make decisions, feel necessary and important - the head of the family. Maintain a balance between love for him and self-respect.
What you need to do in order to still get married
Why can't some beautiful, smart and well-groomed women get married? Why don’t their personal lives work out, although they want to start a family? The answer is still the same: because there is not enough female power.
To get married, a woman needs to cultivate it in herself: to be caring and sensitive, kind and gentle. We must learn to live, think, dress and treat people like women. Then your energy will grow and your personal life will improve.
Imagine a beautiful fragrant rose that grows next to the road. It will definitely either be trampled on or torn down, even if it is prohibited. Many modern women mistakenly think that attractiveness is based only on appearance, that it lies in the ability to dress and the secrets of makeup. This is wrong. The most important thing is to create and nourish yourself from the inside!
"I need time"
When asked what he was doing, the guy asked if his beloved would marry him. Interrupting him mid-sentence, the girl refused, asking him to stop.
The upset girl couldn't believe that the guy was serious about proposing on the anniversary of her mother's death, calling such an act terribly disrespectful. Despite attempts to apologize and explain that he just wanted to make a sad date happy for them, the girl asked to take her home to her father.
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The girl’s father smiled as he came out to meet them, exactly until he saw his daughter’s face. Like the young man, he was greatly embarrassed. The girl got out of the car and ran into the house before they could say anything. After telling the story of what happened, the girl’s father said that he also did not expect such a reaction, he felt terrible, because it was his idea.
After this incident, the guy called and wrote to his beloved several times, but she answered only once with one phrase: “I need time.”
