They can love, want a family and not create one. Why doesn't the guy propose? The answer is he doesn’t want to. And no matter how offensive this answer may sound, you need to understand the reasons for the lack of desire. The reasons may begin in childhood, when a man did not develop the concept of family and marriage. The reason is a relationship that has already grown into a family relationship; the man sees no reason to change anything.
There is also the sad experience of friends, relatives and friends of an unsuccessful family life, and a man looks at his future through this experience. To be afraid that they will not cope with finances, to drown in everyday life and quarrels, to be afraid that they are not ready for children.
You can find out more about why a man doesn’t want to get married in our article below.
Childhood is the deposit of the future_8212
If in childhood the future man did not develop the concept of a healthy, full-fledged family, then in adulthood he will be faced with a lack of understanding of his chosen one. Several options for such education:
- If a man was raised in a family only by his mother. Such children grow up and their relationship with their mother deteriorates. His mother, who commanded him throughout his childhood, suppressed his masculine qualities. He caved under the woman, and the male dignity of the head of the family was crushed by the circumstances. Often such men grow up to be henpecked or tyrants. They don’t want to get married so that history doesn’t repeat itself and a woman bosses him around again.
- If a man was raised only by his father. Such men can be bachelors all their lives. For them, the model of their father's bachelor pad becomes an ideal. Such a childhood can cause distorted concepts of fidelity to a woman and betrayal in general.
- Men raised by grandmothers will remain little boys for a long time, for whom it is too early to go to someone else’s aunt. And even though a man has long become an adult and independent, he will not get married without his grandmother’s approval.
It will take a lot of time for the other half to explain the reasons why it needs to be done, as that’s all. But there is a way out; you can meet his parents, who can influence him and push him to take this step.
There are doubts about the bride or another candidate
In some cases, a man doubts the correctness of his choice, but does not show it. A girl may not even realize that she has a competitor, since a man can skillfully hide it. There are men who marry some and choose others, and great love is more likely to scare them than to push them towards marriage. To understand this, it is better to find out his requirements for his wife and check their compliance. If, in his opinion, you do not sufficiently comply with his rules, then he is unlikely to marry, even out of great love.
You're not going anywhere
The man is a breadwinner and a conqueror. They rejoice, like children, at even their slightest victory, and are proud of them. A woman also needs to be conquered. She needs to be conquered every day, then he will feel like a real male. But often in the modern world it happens differently - the relationship has just arisen and began to develop, when the girl has already brought her pots and curlers to the guy’s home. And he’s already cooking borscht, and doing laundry, and ironing, and making coffee in the morning.
She became his ideal wife, and he no longer even thinks about winning her. What for? She's not going anywhere. Everything suits him, why change anything? And the most interesting thing is that the guy cannot understand why the girl is not satisfied with this order of things, because she herself has become the hostess here, and not a guest.
The woman created her own problem. You can’t fix it by moving back, although you can show the man that she’s not the only one interested in him. An honest, sincere conversation and explanation from a girl about her views on family life will help you take a step forward. During such a conversation, you can determine whether the man even sees her as a life partner. Starting the conversation with a question about the future. If there is no girl in this “future”, then the guy is not ready to start a family at all. Then resentment and anger are not appropriate.
What can force you to get married?
Big and pure love can overcome all fears and push you to start a family.
There are two main factors that constitute forced reasons for getting married.
- Great love. When a girl appears in a guy’s life and he just blows his mind away and he can’t live a day without her, he happily goes down the aisle.
- The realization comes that the time has come to get married and have children. Especially if a man succumbs to the influence of others or is too impressionable. Conversations from family and friends about the need to start a family will add fuel to the fire.
- Union by flight. A man is ready to marry if a girl is carrying his child.
Some guys are content with a civil marriage and do not see the need to formalize the relationship. They believe that nothing will change, only a stamp will appear in the passport.
Smart, learns from the experiences of others2
Yes, you may be surrounded by friends and comrades whose relationship “hurts the eye.” Fear that such a scenario is inevitable may be the reason for reluctance to legalize your marriage. Maybe there are common features in the behavior of that woman and the chosen one, maybe a similar character. After all, it happens that a man can be in a relationship for five years with a girl who leaves him without waiting for the cherished words. And he will get married after three months of a new relationship. And it’s unclear why. Sometimes a man himself cannot explain what pushed him away from taking the decisive step. And this may be the reason.
A specialist can help identify the problem. But it can be solved with great effort; if a couple really has strong feelings for each other, then one of them will eventually cave.
Why doesn't he marry
Many girls asked themselves this question, but never found the answers, attributing their partner’s inaction to indecision. If you want to understand the reasons, you need to analyze all aspects of your relationship - from how long you have been together to the history of the relationship between the guy's parents. Next, we will consider the most popular reasons for a man’s reluctance to propose from the consulting practice of psychologists.
Avoidance of responsibility
Creating a family involves accepting a new social role - husband - with all its responsibilities. Men who are unsure of their capabilities and desires, even if they have strong feelings for their partner, put off the moment of marriage proposal for a long time. What undermines inner confidence and makes you run headlong from responsibility:
- Emotional immaturity
b. He feels that he is not up to the role of a responsible and wise adult. He is in the “infantile” position, which is his comfort zone.
- Fear of not living up to expectations.
You, as a girl ready for marriage, have probably shared your ideas about family life more than once. Perhaps your man is sincerely afraid of not meeting your ideal ideas, and therefore avoids making an important decision in every possible way.
- Reluctance to become dependent
. For most men, marriage means a complete loss of autonomy. Attempts to maintain independence in all aspects (financial, psychological, emotional, etc.) force one to avoid responsibility.
prove that there are gender differences in the choice of strategy for exiting a stressful, conflict situation. Both men and women who tend to choose an avoidance strategy do so for different reasons. Representatives of the stronger sex use avoidance to preserve the integrity of their personality and avoid responsibility, while girls use it to find a lever of manipulation and get their way.
Lack of confidence in partner
Think about how long you have been in a relationship? How well do you know each other? If you are completely satisfied with current events, this does not mean that your partner agrees with you. By answering the following questions, you will understand how the man you love treats you:
- Do you know close friends, your partner's parents? A person who has firmly taken a place in life is initiated into his inner circle. Therefore, if a man constantly avoids the opportunity to introduce you to his friends and parents, he does not see prospects in this relationship. Accordingly, you should not expect an offer from him.
- How does he react to conversations about a future together? Start a conversation on the topic “What will happen when we get married.” If he counters with excuses and talks about the untimeliness of such thoughts, it means that he does not see you in his future.
- What unites you? A strong factor that ensures a strong emotional connection is a commonality of values, worldview and interests. For example, if you are both strong and goal-oriented, there is a high chance that your relationship will become deeper and stronger. The lack of “common ground” is more likely to hinder feelings than to inflame them.
- Do you give each other mutual love and care? Everyone wants to see love, respect and care in their marriage. But if you show these feelings, but your partner does not, or vice versa, such a relationship is doomed. Maintaining a balance of feelings in a couple is important for creating a serious relationship.
Negative attitudes towards marriage
It is likely that you completely fit into his idea of an ideal wife. But he associates marriage itself with negativity, suffering, and pain. Why is this happening:
- Childhood trauma
. Unobtrusively ask about your man’s parents and his childhood. Let him tell some funny stories. Meanwhile, analyze the character within family relationships, how the parents treated each other, whether they were happy in their marriage and how they treated the child (that is, your man). Research proves that parental relationships instill in the child family values and ideas about intergender relationships.
- Negative experiences from past relationships
. If your man was previously married and went through a difficult divorce, then there is a high probability that you will have to wait a long time for a marriage proposal. A traumatic experience will greatly inhibit the restoration of the psychological resources of the wounded individual.
- Feelings for another woman
. You may be a beautiful woman and an incomprehensible ideal, but a man, like any other person, has a subjective perception. Having the slightest sympathy for another woman can evaporate your partner's mood for your serious relationship.
Lack of material and financial stability
the direct connection that exists between material well-being and the decision to get married is confirmed. The presence of a financial cushion, confidence in material security, and a stable professional position encourage marriage. The opposite situation is an inhibitory factor that slows down the decision to start a family. This reason equally influences the decisions of young people and girls. However, men experience it more acutely, since it is they who bear the role of breadwinner.
Researchers note the negative impact of financial disadvantage on a person’s personality - anxiety appears due to a lack of confidence, a decrease in the quality of life affects the general emotional background. You should not put pressure on a man with questions and persistent statements. Such measures will only distance you from each other.
Satisfaction with the current course of events
Running a household and household together, receiving love and affection, support and support in the form of a loving woman are the basic postulates of a successful marriage for a man. If he gets all this without being married to you, then why would he get married? What measures can you take in this case:
- Clearly divide household responsibilities. Point out that you live your life and he lives his. There are no obligations to you, so you need to equally share household chores.
- When your man begins to find out why you stopped leading your life the same way, tell him why your position has changed. The next move will be his.
Lack of vision of prospects in relationships
If your partner does not see you as a future wife and mother of his children, then he will not propose. For him, your relationship is a temporary perspective. Then why is he with you, you ask? There can be many reasons. Emotional comfort, good sex, interesting pastime, etc. Maybe he doesn't see a future together because you once hurt him. Men are not inclined to show emotions associated with weakness (fear, pain, sadness, sadness). They may express themselves differently in their behavior. For example, through aggression, abstraction, taciturnity, feigned indifference, etc.
Fears3
A man must provide for his family, must work in a stable job and be a support in life. Realizing the seriousness of these words, the man understands that he cannot take on such responsibility. What if he can't cope? What if a child is born and there is not enough money? Let's wait for better times, raise more money, wait for a promotion at work... there are many such excuses. The usual reason is fear. He is afraid that he will not be able to live up to his image and will expose himself to ridicule.
The reason here may be weak support from the other half. Either there is little admiration and pride, or there is complete neglect and concentration on problems. Even lack of self-confidence can be corrected by the right attitude of a loving woman. After all, a man is ready to move mountains if only they believe in him and tell him about it.
Sticky Velcro4
Women who have created illusions about their fairytale wedding, taken from scenes from cartoons about princesses, turn their dreams into obsessions. They are ready to rush down the aisle, roughly speaking, with the first person they meet, just to make their dream come true. It seems to such women that the right moment has already arrived.
Sometimes the problem is not such. Having understood the reasons why a guy does not propose, many girls calm down and understand that there is nothing wrong with it. And this is the right decision, it is much more important to leave happy moments in your memory than to worry about the stamp in your passport.
Message from the Editor
We hope the tips described in the article will help everyone achieve their goal. However, that's not all our team can tell you. We will be happy to give you one simple piece of advice that will always help you figure out whether you started living with the right person. Give yourself an honest answer to the question - has it become easier for you next to him or only more difficult? How often do good and bad things happen to you? Reasonably, soberly look at all the pros and cons. You can even write them down on paper. This will help you see how healthy your relationship is and whether you need to take drastic measures to save it.
