Reasons why a guy doesn't ask for marriage
There are many of them, so it’s worth highlighting a few key, most common ones.
Habit
The man is used to the fact that you are already nearby (if, of course, you live in a civil marriage). Cook for him, take care of him, wash him and please him in every possible way. So why would he take it to the next level? Peter Pan (that’s what the carriers of this complex are called) has already settled down and feels good: he has a devoted partner at his side, a TV in front of him, and a sofa under his soft seat. Men are inherently lazy and need to be nudged into action from time to time. Therefore, you can try to propose marriage to him yourself. Well, or at least hint at it.
Not ready for responsibility
This is a different type of young people - unsure of themselves. They also could use a woman’s reliable shoulder to gain enough faith in themselves and their beloved. True, before marriage there will be a lot of hassle with him, as well as after it, because the genetically obtained nature cannot be reshaped. Before announcing the wedding date, such a man must be confident in a permanent source of income, a convenient place of residence and in his ability to solve any family problems. Do you want to get married? So support your chosen one!
Doesn't stand strong enough on his feet
This point has something in common with the previous one, but there is still a difference between them. If the previous option is the lazy type, then in this case the man is active, practical and knows how to think ahead. A kind of perfectionist and reinsurer. With him you will be safe, but bored. After all, such a person is accustomed to sober calculations, hoarding and overly serious relationships. Believe me, he will save on everything, including you, counting every penny spent. It is better for this “option” not to even hint about marriage - he himself knows what, when and how to do.
Protracted premarital relationship
It takes about a year and a half to understand each other. This is the optimal period for courtship, which must then move into a new stage or end in a break. If nothing happens, then you both find yourself in the swamp of a stagnant relationship. In this case, you need to act - and not only for him, but also for you. Otherwise, dating will never reach its logical conclusion - wedding. This usually happens to inveterate romantics who lack business sense and prudence.
When will I get married?3
On the vastness of the World Wide Web you can find a lot of forums, the headings of which sound something like this: “We’ve been living together for a year, how can I get him to get married?” Or we live for 5 years, or even 10. We have already acquired children together and property, but there is no stamp.
The first question that arises is: is it really necessary to force a man to marry you? Answer yourself - what will the fact of marriage give? Yes, of course, a formalized relationship gives a woman more confidence. If you decide to separate, you can divide the property according to the law, but if the relationship is not registered, then how to divide, for example, an apartment purchased jointly? The second question that you need to answer yourself is: do I really want to live in marriage with this person, have children from him (not a mandatory point)?
On forums, opponents of cohabitation call it different names. One of the names is “marriage sampler”. For some, the wording may be offensive, but in essence it is true - people try on family life. And here it is very important to understand that the way a person shows himself, that’s how he will continue to be. No, of course, there are happy exceptions, but for the most part this is how it remains.
And yes, stop calling cohabitation a civil marriage. These are completely different things. For some reason, many people are offended by the formulation of cohabitation. But that's how it is. If you live together before registering your relationship with the registry office, you are not common-law spouses, but cohabitants. That's what it's called, yes.
What to do if a guy doesn’t ask for marriage?
There are several behavior patterns that do not guarantee marriage. It will just be easier for you to find an excuse and look around.
The first thing is to wait and hope.
Suddenly, your young man really needs to be determined, think through everything to the smallest detail, build a solid foundation, and only then get the courage to propose marriage. In this case, the expectation is justified, since it can actually lead to painting in the registry office.
Second - let go and forget
This is a radical solution, which is resorted to only if there is practically nothing to expect from the beloved. This approach is very painful, but honest, because instead of wasting your life on unrealistic relationships, you will begin to build new, promising ones. Moreover, as they say, you cannot be nice by force: without developing connections, feelings fade away.
Third - calculate the timing
According to experts, with close daily meetings, the most optimal dating period is six months. In rare, difficult circumstances (workload, business trips, distance), they can cover a maximum of a year and a half. How to determine that you are really ready for the “reboot” from bride to wife? Very simple. If you are internally confident that you have overcome the psychological, everyday, everyday and sexual tests, then the time has come. But if your loved one does not take further steps, therefore, it is better to leave him alone and retreat in time.
Fourth – don’t deceive yourself
If a young man assures you that you need to “wait a little” more, more and more, then this is nothing more than the most popular trap for young and inexperienced girls. “A little bit” tends to drag on not only for several years, but even for decades. All this time you will be in an uncertain state - neither wife nor bride. Therefore, it is worthwhile to immediately raise the question point-blank, demanding an immediate answer with an ultimatum. And then, with a calm heart, look for a new love - more promising and grateful.
Fifth - to puzzle a man
In this case, it’s worth trying a trick. For example, you stop wanting to date or declare that you are not going to get married. At all. Just say: “You know, I’ve been waiting for your proposal for so long that I finally realized: I don’t want it.” The reaction can be different, but the most common is: “Why don’t you want to? Have to!". Still worth checking.
Why do girls want to get married?
For quite a long time we lived in a patriarchal society: a woman did not have the right to vote, she did not have the opportunity to manage her life. The woman then played the role of a housewife, gave birth to children and organized everyday life.
Across cultures, a woman was viewed as an appendage to be provided for, collected as a dowry, and then handed over to another man.
Depending on beliefs, a woman was either a gift for this family or a burden that needed to be given to someone.
This program remains on a subconscious level. The need to find a man as a protector, provider.
Today, women still have a clearly expressed need to be married, to feel that they belong to a social unit. It’s like a fad: “I got married, I gave birth to children, life is good.”
This means that I am not alone, I belong to some structure, I am in society. Remember ancient times: if a person lived alone, his chances of survival were close to zero. Cold, hungry, huge risk of attack by animals and enemy tribes.
And this need for society is inherent in a person at the DNA level as a basic, necessary element for survival. And until we close this gestalt, we are not left with the feeling of something wrong, inferior.
Yes, society is changing. We are gradually moving away from the patriarchal family model. Women gained independence, the opportunity to realize themselves, and compete with men.
And even when entering into a relationship, we often take a position of opposition to our partner. “I myself, I can.” If earlier this was the motto of feminism, now more and more women live according to such a program.
Signs that a guy doesn't intend to get married
To catch them, it is enough to listen to the words of your lover. And for this it is not necessary to ask leading questions or resort to any tricks. He himself can demonstrate real intentions in a conversation. So, if a man says that:
- “I’m not planning a wedding in the next 5 years” - this means that this is true and what has been said must be taken seriously (the young man sets himself certain goals that he intends to realize before he gets married, but a wedding is not yet one of his goals) ;
- “We will definitely get married, but not now” - indicates that they are hanging noodles on your ears, cajoling you to calm down and leave everything as it is (such a promise can last for 2, 3 or even 5 years, and you will all wait for an impossible miracle);
- “We are already together, why do we need a registry office” - a statement from an inveterate lazy person and an opponent of the wedding, since he is already comfortable (here it’s all up to you - whether you can or won’t be able to insist on submitting an application).
Should I get married?2
One of the most frequently asked questions that a couple is asked is “when is the wedding?” The authors are often relatives. Especially grandmothers, in whose times this was not accepted. Well, then the questions follow: “When will you have a child?” Yes, it’s already the 21st century, but these questions are still heard much more often than we would like to hear them.
It would be a good idea for the couple to decide for themselves whether they should get married. Maybe they don't see each other as husband and wife. In this case, of course, the question arises: why then live together and waste time on each other? But this is already a retreat.
One of the most common answers to the question about marriage is “we are already good together, why do we need a stamp, it won’t change anything.” And here everything is just not so clear. The stamp is still a guarantor of seriousness and stability. No, of course it won’t protect you from everything, but it will protect you and save your nerves in some situations. For example, when it comes to jointly acquired property.
Here many will give up and say that with a competent approach, everything is arranged in such a way that no one is offended - everyone remains to their own. But believe me, not everyone can do this. Perhaps only a few know how to document everything so as not to be left with nothing.
How many deceived people (usually women) then cry in courtrooms (this is the best case) and on the shoulders of girlfriends (the most common case), when they believed their loved one and did not formalize everything as it should be. Those whose half suddenly passed away into another world cry even more. For example, two people lived together, bought an apartment, registered it for one, but he took it and died. The heirs will be relatives, and not the one with whom they shared shelter. This is where the understanding comes that the registry office was not the worst idea.
How to behave so that a guy asks you to marry you?
Firstly, there is no need to get pregnant for blackmail, run to healers or psychics for a miraculous solution, or throw scandals: this way you will get a weak-willed object that will not be valued.
Secondly, you need to think about how to stimulate your lover so that he understands: you need to take the relationship to a new level, where it will be easier and simpler for him to live (for example, treat him to something delicious, pamper him with sweet pastries, iron shirts, sort socks, etc.).
Thirdly, behave not like an object, ready to make any sacrifice for the sake of her man, but like a princess who should be conquered, which will awaken in him the notorious instinct of a hunter trying to get what he wants.
Fourthly, make it clear that the years are passing, that you are valuable, that if he is not interested in you, there will be others, that is, you need to explain yourself and get an honest answer, accepting the option that actually exists.
Causes
Of course, every relationship is individual , but we are all human, so the reasons that guys name as an obstacle to marriage can be divided into several groups:
- You need to take a closer look at each other : this is one of the most common excuses, but it is worth noting that before entering into an intimate relationship, representatives of the stronger sex do not use it.
- A girl is a means to an end, not the end itself : it is no secret that for the sake of the girl they love, men can move mountains, improve their status, social position, but then, having reached a certain level, they lose that initial interest in the relationship that fueled their enthusiasm , looking for a new partner
- It’s good and so : in modern society, marriage, of course, provides certain guarantees for a man and a woman, but does not significantly change anything in their lives. They meet regularly, have sex, spend free time together, go on vacation, perhaps even live together. Men believe that a stamp in their passport and exorbitant expenses for a wedding are unnecessary.
- Not ready to start a family at all : one of the issues that should be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. If a girl wants a family and children, but a guy is fine alone, is there any point in trying to change something?
Common mistakes women make
Alas, not all men are in a hurry to get married. The lack of a serious relationship does not bother them, unlike women. I have already mentioned the reasons why young people do not want to get married. Read more in my new article “There will be no wedding! Why doesn’t a man ask you to marry?”
But if you think about it: why are some girls grabbed and dragged straight to the registry office, while others are offered the maximum - civil marriage? I’ll describe point by point what your mistakes are.
You are rushing things
It's only your first date and you're already chattering about what kind of wedding dress you want. Or that you dream of three sons. The man immediately feels like a “calf” who wants to be taken away in an unknown direction. In this situation, you will only dream that this guy is asking you to get married. But in reality, he will run away without looking back.
You're too compliant
After the first night spent, your ardent lover throws out the phrase: “Move in with me.” And you, humility itself, agree. By doing so, you are signing your own death sentence. After all, from now on you will wash and cook for him, and he will take it for granted. And then you will cry into your pillow, lamenting, “The guy is not asking me to marry you, even though I care about him so much.”
You belong entirely to him
Continuing the above, I would like to note. During the dating stage, never stay with him overnight or for a week or two. Otherwise it will turn out banal: the guy doesn’t ask you to get married and just offers to move in together. Immediately set the boundaries of what is acceptable for you.
And also play cat and mouse. You should belong to him not 100%, but 70%. Choose a convenient time for communication, do not respond to all messages, etc. The man will begin to get annoyed that you are still elusive to him. And he will understand that the only way to finally win you is by putting a ring on your finger.
You're putting pressure on him
This is the most common mistake of women whose boyfriend has not asked for marriage for 7 years or more. Day after day you drip into his brain with the words “I care about you so much, I love you, but with you I am only a cohabitant!”
And all because you were initially unable to voice your scenario for creating a strong union. On this topic, I recommend that you read my article “7 stages in the development of relationships between a man and a woman.”
He's not ready to get married
If a man is now in the active stage of building a career or business, of his own realization as an individual and as a member of society, then, excuse me, but at the moment marriage is not at all a priority for him.
What should you do in this case? There are two ways:
- if you are ready to wait a year or two or five, then wait, but concentrate on building relationships that will ultimately lead you to marriage;
- if you are not ready to wait (for example, the years are running out), then talk about it with your partner. Perhaps you will come to a mutual decision that it will be better for you separately, that this way everyone can meet a person with whom everything will work out like clockwork.
