In the lives of each of us there are people belonging to a variety of categories. All of them have their own role and purpose, which determine the type of relationship and behavior patterns with them. If everything is more or less clear with close relatives, then the concept of “girlfriend” nowadays evokes contradictory associations that create a double image. On the one hand, this is a person who is ready to help at any moment, and on the other, a rival with whom you constantly have to compete in all areas of life. Is it really?
In principle, every coin has two sides and both of these opinions should not be discounted. Nevertheless, every girl and woman should have a best friend in her life, simply because it’s impossible without her. But what main qualities should a friend have in order to determine her the status of “main” and trust her “to the fullest”, this is the main question.
Special meaning
Unfortunately, due to mass propaganda in cinema, literature and gossip columns, such a phenomenon as a “girlfriend” has practically ceased to exist. Modern illusions that female friendship does not exist at all or that friends are ready to betray each other at any moment have practically deprived us of the opportunity for open and friendly communication with the fair sex. The unsubstantiated lie that all women are prone to gossip and unreliability allows the powers that be, men, to set the rules of the game in woman-woman relationships. And now we are already beginning to suspect our friend of “betrayal” and look for a catch in her every word.
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We get so exhausted playing games about detectives that, in the end, we admit that it is better to live without any friends at all, focusing all our attention on our family and our beloved husband. Meanwhile, an exceptional opportunity is lost not only for splashing out your emotions about everyday everyday worries, but also for getting a different look at your situation from the outside (well, who else but your best friend, who knows you “back and forth”, can adequately assess any problem in your life and give important and practical advice?).
Your relationship is natural
Another feature of a good girlfriend is that he does not impose his thoughts. On the contrary, she will allow everything to go as smoothly as possible.
Most likely, being with her, you feel so good that even silence will not be uncomfortable. It’s just like in a love relationship, everything comes effortlessly.
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With a friend like this, you know you can be yourself. She doesn't expect you to be perfect, and you know she has flaws, and no matter what, you accept her too, improving together.
Can't live without my best friend
Men and women are currently so unbalanced that they are simply unable to understand each other, and in most cases do not want to do so.
For clarity, let's turn to the radio. Each channel operates at its own frequency. If we consider a person, then each sphere of his being also works at a certain frequency, that is, the physical component has its own frequency, the emotional and mental spheres have their own, and the area responsible for our ideas about ourselves, the so-called area of identity, will function normally in its wavelength range. Therefore, a man who is completely immersed only in the physical or mental sphere will feel strong interference in the emotional area and will find it extremely difficult to understand a woman who is under the influence of emotions.
This shows that until we have harmonized all parts of ourselves, we need communication with friends, and even better ones, for our mental and mental health. Hence the reasons why we need to have girlfriends.
Apple of discord
The most important argument against female friendship is the popular assertion that even the most bosom friends can quarrel in record time. The main thing is to give them the right man in time. Friendly feuds on sexual grounds flatter the pride of representatives of the opposite sex and turn yesterday's girlfriends into sworn enemies. Is it so?
Almost any healthy heterosexual woman wants to get a good man. As soon as you meet someone similar to your ideal, all your strength and efforts are directed towards conquering the desired object. Just how does this object turn out to be the husband or friend of someone close to you? You always want to be “no worse than others.”
And suddenly you observe a blatant injustice: your friend’s companion is so good that she can’t praise him enough - why did she deserve it, but you didn’t? And it begins. Deep necklines, inviting poses, naive “It’s already so late... Maybe Kolya (Vasya, Petya) will see me out?” and full of pathos “If it weren’t for your wife...”. Unfortunately, few men can withstand such an attack with honor: the temptation is too malleable and close.
How to distinguish a real friend from a dangerous imitation? It always seemed to me that a woman who seduces her friend’s man and at the same time feels like a hero—a winner—is an unhappy person. Self-affirmation at the expense of someone who loves you and trusts you is a direct indicator of self-esteem “below the plinth.” Such a lady is envious and lonely, sincere affection is unknown to her. As, indeed, is friendship.
An acquaintance of mine once joked: “If I like my friend’s wife, then he is not my friend.” Do the women we love deserve such cynicism? And even if a friend’s boyfriend turns out to be a very enviable match, is this match worth outright betrayal? Psychologists, with their inherent loyalty, are in no hurry to make categorical statements on this matter.
Fortunately, I'm not a psychologist. Back in my teenage years, I came up with a remedy for myself against falling in love with those who are already taken. I just don't see them as sexual objects. A sexless man stimulates neither desire nor fantasy. Still, self-hypnosis is a useful thing.
Emotional reset
Very often we make friends precisely so that we can get rid of all the emotional rubbish that inevitably accumulates in the course of everyday life. Since men are for the most part cut off from their emotional world, it is extremely difficult for them to understand the problems that concern women and, of course, her emotional experiences too.
Unspokenness about everyday problems accumulates in a woman’s head and sooner or later results in a scandal. This happens unconsciously, since women can accumulate negative emotions only to a certain extent, and then, according to psychologists, an automatic release occurs (as a protective function - a self-preservation reflex). Therefore, the best way out is to release negative emotions in small portions that will not harm you or your best friend. This is a kind of mutual assistance when both parties benefit from communication.
When your best friend is stronger than you
You can often notice active and self-confident women who have one or two girlfriends who are inconspicuous and quiet, like gray mice. The latter unconsciously seek recharge of masculine energy, which they lack or is not sufficiently developed in their partners. We must always remember that in any human being there is both male and female energy at the same time, but only its correct ratio determines our acceptance of ourselves as a woman. The presence of male energy in a female being is vital, otherwise we will simply turn into weak-willed plants. Only male power moves forward, but for a woman it should not exceed 40%. Therefore, when we lack masculine energy, we seek it from stronger women who can help us balance our own being.
She's not there when you need her
It is difficult to experience difficult moments alone. A loved one makes the situation easier by being ready to listen. A friend is right there if she needs your help, but avoids meeting you if you are having difficulties. Its problems are always global. But she doesn’t want to burden herself with other people’s difficulties. 1-2 times things may not let her go. And then she will rush at the first opportunity. But if everything is not so, you should think about whether you need her problems.
Looking for inspiration and strength
There are women who do not stand out for their beauty, or achievements, or high social status, but from whom comes enormous inner strength. They, as a rule, do not complain about their difficult life, do not utter curses towards their alcoholic husband or unlucky children. Internally, such women attract with their incredible patience and unquestioning acceptance of numerous problems in their lives (although they themselves do not consider these problems). Being around strong women, we begin to look at ourselves and our lives differently. They inspire, guide, console and make our lives more conscious and, by the way, successful. Of course, there are very, very few such women; often people are used to “crying and complaining” about how bad everything is for them.
Meeting a woman who is simply happy with her life is already a great success. And if she also becomes your best friend, then this is generally a gift of fate.
A true friend - who is she?
“I wonder what a person who does not believe in the existence of female friendship as such can write about the qualities of a real girlfriend.” Although, maybe the author writing these lines is simply not very lucky in life or she simply does not know how to truly make friends. Or maybe on her life’s path she simply did not meet a female person to whom she could tell about her problems, share secrets and completely trust. Be that as it may, an author's best friend is undoubtedly a friend. It is a friend - a person of the opposite sex, who at any moment can extend a strong, muscular helping hand or simply offer the same shoulder. And although many people think that friendship between a man and a woman does not exist, the author has long been convinced of the incorrectness of this assumption. Friendship with a man, according to the author, undoubtedly brings much more benefits and pleasant moments than friendship with a woman.
Firstly, a man will never steal your boyfriend if he has a normal orientation - this applies to both a friend and a boyfriend. And you won’t have any desire to take away his girlfriend or boyfriend; again, it all depends on the situation.
Secondly, a friend will never allow himself to advise you to buy a dress that makes you look fat or makes you look old. Moreover, it wouldn’t even occur to him to ask you for a blouse for the party. And the very feeling of envy towards you will not arise in him.
Thirdly, you will never allow yourself to appear in front of a “male friend” in an inappropriate manner. Agree, what normal woman would go to a meeting with a man, even a friend, without makeup, hair styling or simply not getting enough sleep. This undoubtedly develops the habit of always being on top.
Fourthly, your boyfriend may very likely become jealous of your friend, which is very useful for some types of men.
Fifthly, if there is a crack in your friendship, your friend could very well become your boyfriend. And what? You have known each other for a long time, he knows perfectly well all your positive and negative qualities, and even more so your secrets, just as you know everything about him. Isn't this the basis for an ideal relationship?
But seriously, the author of these lines always wanted to find a real friend with a certain set of qualities.
She must share my interests, otherwise we simply will have nothing to communicate about. At the same time, have my own, which I might be interested in.
She must correspond to my social status or be a step above it. So, in communicating with her, I could improve as a person.
She must be older than my age; it has always been difficult for me to communicate with people my age.
She must be able to listen and hear. I consider this quality of people to be one of the most necessary for communicating with me.
Her relationship with my family members must be strictly limited by my wishes. At the same time, they must like her.
She should be able to defend her point of view, even if I don’t agree with him; disagreement on something greatly increases a person’s level of education.
I must trust her completely: materially, psychologically and morally.
Since I have not yet met a girl who has all these qualities, I will have to be content with communicating with men.
