Brian Dustin has been one of the employees of a large corporation for a long time. His boss was a woman in her forties, single, without children. She went to the gym three times a week, drove a BMW and rose through the ranks to a management position that was nothing short of respectable.
“You can see in her face that she fought for independence,” Dustin says. “She was chasing a dream imposed on her by our society. And in her pursuit she became completely masculine... and miserable. But don't be fooled by her masculine traits: she's a feminist who talks non-stop about how patriarchy prevents her and other women from ruling the world. She's waiting for any excuse to crush your soul and your career."
Nevertheless, Dustin managed to find a common language with his boss and worked for four long years. These are the principles that helped him survive in the corporate world and become successful.
Only business - nothing personal
Don't try to be friends with a female boss. Never give her compliments, don’t go into her office “just to chat,” and don’t treat her with cookies or candy. Forget about jokes and fake smiles. Why? Firstly, because she will never respect an employee who behaves like this. He would lose her trust forever. Well, secondly, it is inappropriate. You are at work, not in a cafe or nightclub. Set boundaries and never go beyond them. You must clearly understand where is work and where is personal life.
Portrait of an ideal female leader
The most important thing a woman who has assumed a leadership position will have to do is show her subordinates that they are not her competitors, but allies. A female leader needs to demonstrate that she is going to make a career not by humiliating her subordinates, but by beating her rivals in the market with the help of a single, cohesive team.
Sometimes women who come to power begin to take out their accumulated anger on dependent men, thereby successfully creating for themselves the image of a “mymra”, which does not play into their hands at all.
In this case, it is easy to distinguish a good female leader from a bad one: a bad one scares and oppresses, while a good one sets the right example for the entire team.
The second thing a woman leader should do is provide protection to her subordinates. Here, to some extent, she will have to give over to her maternal instincts and act as a patroness. The main thing here is not to go too far and not behave like a hen.
The main task of such patronage is to develop in subordinates, especially if we are talking about men, a reciprocal feeling characteristic of men - the desire to protect. Subordinates should want to tear all competitors to shreds, protecting and defending their boss. This is exactly how mutual respect should be shown between members of the same team when the leader is a woman and the subordinates are men.
And, of course, the ideal female leader definitely needs to stop being a man. No, this does not mean that she should turn into a white fluffy creature, into some kind of affectionate mother or best friend. In an ideal female leader, everything should be in moderation: tenderness and ruthlessness, affection and firmness, kindness and justice, a sense of humor and seriousness. In addition, a woman manager needs to be able to clearly draw boundaries in working relationships with male subordinates.
Understand that every interaction with her will be emotional, not logical.
“One day my boss called me just to yell at me. Obviously I did something wrong and it was a matter of life and death. I wasn't in the office, and obviously it wasn't my fault,” Dustin says. “The next day she was really angry, but not because of the problem.” She decided to tell me off because I didn’t speak to her on the phone in a tone that would suit her.”
Indeed, dealing with women's emotions is never easy for men. This is why you, as a man, should keep your interactions with your boss to a minimum. Understand that every conversation with her, especially in stressful situations, will be emotional, no matter how logical you behave. Try to remain calm and speak slowly.
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How to find a common language with a female leader?
To really assess the situation in the team, take a closer look at the boss’s habits and behavior. Every boss has her own thing. For example, it is better not to approach some people in the morning until they have had a cup of coffee. Otherwise, the issue will not be resolved and will ruin your mood in the morning. Others don't like talking about work in the kitchen or near the elevator. In order to understand the quirks of your boss, 2 weeks are enough. How to find a common language with a female leader?
- Forget about gossip. This is not a friend with whom you are used to discussing new colleagues. Yes, she is a woman, but she is a boss. Therefore, it is better to refrain from gossip and stories about your personal life. A tactful boss will listen to you carefully, but she is unlikely to be interested in such details. If you want to displace your rival in this way on the way to promotion, then do not expect a positive result. A competent boss will not appoint an intriguer to a leadership position.
- Let's allow a little sycophancy. Often men directly tell female bosses that they look good. It sounds banal and it is clear that behind the words there is a desire to please the boss. It's better to catch the subtle moment. Not one woman can resist if her child is praised. Notice that the boy or girl is well brought up. If you want to note the chef's outfit, then say that the suit is similar to the collection of a famous designer. The main thing is to say such compliments at a good time, when there are no negotiations.
It is inappropriate to admire the boss's costume when you are called to the carpet.
- Keep an eye on your workplace and appearance. A woman does not like a careless attitude towards work. Therefore, keep order on the table. Systematize your documents and put them into folders. If the boss asks you to bring a contract or other document, then you must bring or send the papers as soon as possible. A woman boss pays attention to how a person is dressed. Follow the dress code if the company has one. Come in clean, ironed clothes.
- Don't put pressure on your boss. This advice applies to men. When placed under the leadership of a woman, men try to change the work process. At the same time, most of the ideas are successful and necessary for implementation. But a woman leader is not ready to change the usual processes overnight. To find a common language with the boss, give out ideas in doses. Provide facts, evidence, show the experience of companies. Leave your boss complete information and give her access to materials. Gradually, you will realize your plans.
- Don't abuse your boss's kindness. It is known that a woman values the team and is responsible for each employee. This is where concessions towards subordinates appear. If you were let go from work once because your child was sick, then appreciate this attitude. You shouldn't leave early every week. Come up with a backup option: grandma, nanny. Show the female leader that you appreciate this attitude. Go out on the day off to catch up on things, or stay at work for a couple of hours the next day, covering your tails.
The recommendations given apply to bosses who do their work conscientiously and demand the same from their employees. If your boss is a tyrant, then the situation becomes more complicated. Such a boss organizes her work process according to her mood. You won't guess what to expect from a female boss tomorrow. There are three options in this situation. The first is dismissal from service. If the job is enjoyable and you are not ready to leave the position, then accept it and avoid the boss’s bad mood. The third option is to fight the female boss using her own methods. Perform only those tasks specified in the work instructions. The method is effective, but dangerous, the results are unpredictable.
Communicate primarily via email
Keep personal interactions with your female boss to a minimum. Better communicate in writing. Why? Written words convey less emotion, and you also have the opportunity to correctly formulate a thought. In personal communication, you can blurt out too much.
In addition, in a controversial situation, you will always have evidence on hand (meaning your email correspondence), but if you talk in private, you will not. Write short sentences in short words. State the essence of the matter concisely and clearly, avoid ambiguous phrases. Also, always be polite. A person who can write correctly and clearly express his ideas cannot but a priori command respect.
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Female director - disadvantages
- A woman assesses the situation less soberly due to excessive emotionality. In a fit of rage, she can say unnecessary things and fire an innocent person.
- A woman is not able to calculate her steps and their consequences in advance, to look at the problem from the outside.
- The atmosphere in the team will depend on the preferences and character traits of the woman.
- Female bosses' subordinates spend more time at work.
- A woman’s mood can influence this or that decision. As a result, employees cannot always understand what exactly is required of them.
- It is more difficult for a woman to “lead” a team - her leadership qualities (with rare exceptions) are always less developed than those of a male boss.
- It's difficult for a woman to be cool-headed. Therefore, at the moment when she is ready to cut from the shoulder, it is better to give her the opportunity to cool down. Solving a problem while emotions are on the rise does no one any good.
- A woman’s disfavor and sympathy are always in full view for all subordinates. This fact most strongly affects female employees - jealousy of the beauty, intelligence and youth (marital status, presence of children, etc.) of one or another subordinate can cause dismissal and constant “punching”.
- A woman cannot tolerate any initiative at work - everything is strictly according to the charter and employment contract.
- A woman is less decisive - she rarely takes risks in her work, which, as a rule, results in a falling level of demand for products (services), lack of growth in the client base, and lack of business development.
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A woman leader can be a despot, a mother, and a calm boss who does not go to extremes. But, as practice shows and statistics say, both women and men prefer to work under a male boss.
Don't get defensive and never play the victim.
If you make a mistake, don’t try to make excuses. Never blame others. Accept the mistake, but don't make it bigger than it is. If a female boss wants to make a mountain out of a mountain, she will most likely do it to show you her power. Made a mistake? With a straight face, spread your hands, saying, “We are all human, we all make mistakes.” This will demonstrate that you are responsible for your actions.
Commentary by sociologist Alena Dubinets
Friends! Being a female boss isn't easy. Accordingly, it is not easy to build a relationship with her. Why?
Women, by nature, are dependent and restless creatures. To be happy, they need male protection. But due to a number of social and psychological reasons, they are forced to work, and some even on an equal basis with men.
What makes a woman strive for promotion and obtain a high position? Subconscious fear. She may be afraid of non-recognition, lack of money, criticism, etc. What is important to understand? A female boss is a responsible leader who can control and lead people just as well as a male boss. But to remain a leader at work and be happy at the same time, it is important to protect yourself from stress as much as possible.
Sociologist
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Learn body language
Body language is a unique method of communication that speaks louder than any words. Dustin advises adopting the following techniques:
- When talking to your boss, try not to show any emotions. You should have a calm, calm, neutral expression on your face.
- Never nod your head when she talks.
- Moreover, do not say something like “hmm-hmm”, otherwise the boss will start explaining everything to you from the beginning. Long, tedious and slow.
- Make eye contact throughout the conversation. Look at only one eye to indirectly emphasize superiority.
The psychological justification for this behavior is that you are demonstrating your strength and emphasizing your authority, rather than currying favor with your boss.
Working with a team
Management theory initially includes the human factor among the most important tasks of a manager. Productivity and maximizing profits depend on hired personnel.
It is extremely important to arrange the work process in such a way that each employee performs his tasks with maximum efficiency, and to use various psychological techniques to increase the performance of subordinates.
Personal example
One of the key components of successful leadership is building a system of idealized influence. This means that the manager must, through his personal example, encourage hired personnel to work with maximum efficiency and effectiveness.
These leaders can model the behaviors and qualities they encourage in their employees. Their actions and deeds never go against their promises. All words spoken by such a boss are taken as the only correct decision, which will be followed by supporters.
If a girl plans to become an excellent leader, she should learn to develop herself and cultivate in herself those feminine and business qualities that she wants to see in her employees. Only by personal example will she be able to create a coherent team.
Setting Goals
In order for the company’s work to be expedient and effective, it is necessary to be able to set tasks for the team and explain how to achieve them. Here you need to remember that simply stating the problem will not help. A female boss needs to encourage her hired staff to do better work through her personal example.
Employee motivation (carrot or stick?)
The issue of employee motivation is particularly acute. Many employees are confident that management is doing everything possible to limit opportunities for development and receiving bonuses as much as possible, establishing strict rules and penalties.
The most important priority of a good boss is a healthy atmosphere in the team. Employees who suffer from lack of livelihood and are under constant stress due to strict work restrictions will not work to their full potential. And this will affect the final result.
Supporting employees in difficult times
The human factor is decisive in building a fully functioning business. A good leader must take care of his employees, thanks to whom he achieves all his goals and objectives.
Therefore, it would not be superfluous to build social interaction in the company:
- Availability of premiums and bonuses for employees who have difficulties in life.
- Health support.
- Help for single parents, opening special children's premises in the company with a professional teacher.
- Material benefits and preferential terms for providing borrowed funds.
Such measures will help to establish the most trusting relationship between employee and employer. This will lead to the fact that the hired employee will maximize his potential and capabilities, demonstrating the utmost level of loyalty to management and the tasks set by them.
Earn more than your boss
“How can I earn more than my boss?” many men will ask. Dustin argues that you need to have a Plan B. Corporate jobs are fading into oblivion and becoming irrelevant. Your “day job” should only help pay the bills. But an alternative type of income should become your main activity. Think about where you can invest to make more money. When you feel that you earn more than your boss, who disappears in the office day and night, you will no longer be annoyed by her antics. Plus, you won't be afraid of getting fired.
