Signs that your personal space is being invaded

Why Others May React Poorly When We Set Our Personal Boundaries

Let's start with the fact that everyone has the right to have their own personal space and protect it as they see fit. And everyone has the right to set personal boundaries that are comfortable for them, even if other people don’t like it.

Another question:

• Does a person confuse someone else's personal space with his own? After all, if a person considers something to be his own that is actually someone else’s, and tries to dispose of it. That is why other people react negatively to his attempts to protect “their” borders.
• Are you also ready to respect other people’s rights to their personal boundaries? After all, sometimes it happens that we desperately want our personal boundaries to be respected, but at the same time we ourselves do not particularly respect the boundaries of others.
• And is he ready to accept the right of other people to move away from him if his boundaries are uncomfortable for them, does this suit him? After all, any person can have very strict boundaries and not let anyone near them. But at the same time, he gets upset and wonders why other people don’t stay close to him.

That is, when we set our personal boundaries in such a way that we feel comfortable, we must be prepared that not all people will be able to accept our boundaries. And accept the way we install them.

Some people themselves do not know how and do not allow themselves to protect their boundaries. And when they see others doing this, it makes them very angry. And therefore they can behave aggressively in response, devalue them, convince them that they are wrong in what they are doing. But essentially it is envy. That is, they may be jealous that other people allow themselves to do things that they do not allow themselves to do.

We are always bombarded when we see that people allow themselves to do things that we do not allow ourselves to do, but want to do.

Also, our personal boundary can hit other people in their “sore spot”. For example, you refuse a friend to meet her. And your friend sees this as you rejecting her. Because her mother, as a child, also often did not want to spend time with her, she felt rejected, and she developed trauma. And so when you rejected your friend, it activated her trauma and she developed very painful feelings. And as a result, your friend stopped communicating with you.

And in this case, you may think that she was reacting to the fact that you set a boundary, i.e. told her no. But in reality, your friend reacted differently.

Also, if, for example, you used to allow close people to violate your boundaries, but at some point you stopped doing this, then your loved ones may react very negatively to this. Because your behavior is unusual for them. After all, they are used to the fact that you do not protect your borders, but they did not have time to get used to the fact that you are now doing this.

There are many more possible reasons why people may react negatively to our attempts to set personal boundaries. And someone else’s unpleasant reaction in response can greatly frighten or hurt us, especially when we are just learning to defend our borders and have not yet “gotten strong” in this.

However, this is not a reason to give up trying to set your personal boundaries. Instead, you can try looking for another way that will allow you to protect your boundary while maintaining the relationships that are important to you. If this is possible, of course.

How to set and protect boundaries

Unfortunately, some people take regularly violating their boundaries for granted.

and they don’t even try to defend them. As a rule, this does not lead to anything good. In particular, problems in communication can accumulate like a snowball and sooner or later explode. Violation of boundaries can be a systematic source of bad mood and stress, can demotivate, spoil relationships (not only with the violator, but also with other people), etc. You may succumb to unnecessary influence and then regret the choices you made and the missed chances. In some cases, we are talking about financial issues, health issues, safety issues, etc.

In some situations, violation of boundaries is associated with serious psychological problems - violence, abuse, codependent relationships, etc. Here boundaries are broken very strongly, and this is far from the only problem of such relationships. Therefore, it is better if the restoration of boundaries - as well as the restoration of the personality as a whole - takes place under the supervision of a specialist

The ability to defend your boundaries is one of the useful skills that will definitely come in handy in life.

. Here are some tips.

Change your worldview

The most difficult, but most necessary advice. Those who are best able to defend boundaries are those who truly believe in their rights - their opinions, their worldview, their decisions, the right to psychological and physical integrity, etc. Those who do not strive to please everyone around them and know how to abstract themselves from other people’s opinions.

To develop an adequate “thick skin” to the pressure of others, remind yourself of your rights more often. Tell yourself that you don’t have to please everyone, that your priorities should be your health, your comfort, your desires, your plans and aspirations. Remember the unforgettable phrase: if you don’t take care of yourself, no one will take care of you.

Worldviews change slowly, but if you remind yourself of your own rights, ask yourself more often, “Do I need this? Do I want this?”, changes will definitely happen.

Also read our article “How not to depend on other people’s opinions”

Talk about your discomfort

First of all, if the other person is violating your boundaries, tell them so.

.
Perhaps he simply does not realize that he is becoming a source of discomfort for you, because for him his behavior is absolutely normal. For example, a talkative fellow traveler does not understand how one can remain silent the entire trip. It’s better to talk
about the fact that you are not satisfied with something , and not when your patience runs out. Otherwise, it will not be a question of protecting borders, but simply a conflict (possibly destructive). If you discuss the problem when it arises, there is a higher chance that the conversation will be calm and constructive.

Ideally, the skill of defending boundaries the first time you try to break them should literally become a reflex.

Learn to say no (and yes)

The ability to refuse is one of the most important skills in defending boundaries. By the way, as well as the ability to agree - for example, to help.

You will find tips on how to say no in our article. In case of boundary violations, the tactic of briefly refusing without explanation

. Repeat a phrase like “No, I won’t do that” (“No, this doesn’t suit me”, “No, I won’t come”) until your counterpart stops interfering with his proposal.

Think through your defense and implement it

The protection of personal boundaries must not only be declared, but also enforced

.
It is important to let people understand the seriousness of your intentions
. For example, if we are talking about uncomfortable questions, unsolicited advice and other options for invading your personal space that cause you discomfort, you can warn your interlocutor a couple of times, and then actually do as promised. Say that you will stop the conversation if your counterpart does not change the subject - and really stop it: hang up the call, turn around and leave, demonstratively put on headphones, etc.

Prepare your answers

Boundary violations often occur in certain situations and with certain people. In such cases, prepare responses of varying degrees of politeness in advance so that you can immediately fight back
when such a situation arises again. At first, you can politely laugh it off or use the very first tip: say that you don’t like talking about this topic. Unfortunately, such obvious techniques do not work with some people, and therefore here are a few tactics that can be used when preparing answers:

• Agree
  with unsolicited assessment/advice
  by exaggerating
  it. For example, “Really! Blatant sloppiness! As a rule, people do not expect agreement from you, and therefore they are at a loss, not knowing what to say. The hyperbolization can be chosen in such a way that your counterpart does not immediately understand whether it is sarcasm or not. “You're right, that stain on the T-shirt looks terrible. I left it so you wouldn’t notice the hole in the sleeve.”
• Reframe the same question in such a way that the inappropriateness becomes obvious
  . For example, to questions about when you are planning children, you can answer: “Why are you getting into my panties?”, “Are you so interested in the state of my uterus?”, “Why are you getting into our marital bed?”
• In case of unsolicited advice, actively invite the adviser to implement it
  : “Thank you for the advice! Will you transfer the money to the card or give it in cash? Its implementation costs XXX rubles.”
• Show feigned pity
  (possibly exaggerated): “It’s a pity that, unlike me, you can’t afford this.”
• Directly say that
  advice, comments, ratings, etc. are inappropriate. The main thing is to do it
  briefly and speak as confidently as possible
  . “Why did you decide that you could give me such advice?”, “What made you think that I’m interested in your opinion?”, “Thank you, I’ll deal with this issue myself.”

These strategies are only part of the possible diversity. You can prepare templates not only for cases where your boundaries are violated regularly. Come up with several options for “emergency” situations.

Don't attack back

As you know, the best defense is an attack. However, this thesis is not always applicable to defending boundaries, because in this case you violate others instead of protecting your own

.
Sometimes this path is indeed optimal, but if you are talking with a toxic person
or, on the contrary,
with someone with whom you want to maintain a relationship
, it is usually better to avoid attacks.
A toxic person only needs conflict. By attacking, you are simply acting according to his script and giving him what he wants. In this case, the best strategy is to limit contacts and communication as much as possible
, not to say anything personal, and answer all questions and advice in monosyllables.

As for people important to you, if you want to minimize potential conflict, it is better not to attack, but to concentrate on yourself and use I-phrases

. That is, talk about yourself and your feelings, sensations: “I don’t like advice in this area,” “I don’t want to discuss this topic,” “I’m offended when my judgments are not trusted.”

For many, an attack causes the reaction to “Defend and attack in response.” Mutual attacks on each other's borders are likely to be the beginning of a conflict. It is important for you to convey to your loved one the idea that his current behavior causes you discomfort. And if he is really close, he should listen to this.

Sometimes the people closest to us violate our boundaries, acting with the best intentions and trying to “do good”: they proceed from their picture of the world, into which our behavior/worldview simply does not fit. Read our articles on the crab mentality and learned helplessness to better understand these processes. Practice shows that the best strategy for asserting boundaries in such cases is to stop discussing problematic topics. If your counterpart’s attitudes are too strong, no reasonable arguments will break them.

Don't be afraid to push boundaries

Some people are afraid to set or defend boundaries because they are afraid of offending or pushing them away. But in reality this is not the most correct position. Mutual respect for boundaries is one of the important aspects of comfortable communications

, but their regular violation can cause a variety of problems.
Let's return to the first point once again: remember your rights - you, like any other person, have the right to your decisions, your opinion, your worldview
.
Your Self is separate from the Self of other people. Remind yourself of this often, and also that it is not you who should be ashamed/inconvenient to defend boundaries, but other people who should be ashamed/inconvenient to violate them
. Although usually they don’t have any moral dilemmas.

In addition, those who do not know how to defend boundaries are easy targets for manipulators

(and even for those who usually do not manipulate others, but can take advantage of someone else’s gentleness).
Plus, people around them often treat better those who know how to refuse, resist other people’s attacks, and openly say that something doesn’t suit them. Such individuals are often respected more, their opinions are taken into account, and they are perceived as stronger
.

Kinds

What are a person’s personal boundaries? Psychologists divide them into two main types:

1. Weak. Such boundaries can be easily violated. Moreover, they are encroached upon by both well-known people and strangers. If a person cannot convey to the interlocutor how he should be treated, then the opponent will act as he sees fit. Weak personal boundaries are characteristic of weak people with low self-esteem and a depressed sense of will. Such persons will not defend their rights, and will always stay away from anything serious, considering themselves simply unworthy of any feats. Such people are kind-hearted and love to help others. A person with weak personal boundaries will engage in charity, and will agree to give away his last things to please another, more needy person.
2. Strong boundaries. Persons who can stand up for themselves and will not give others the opportunity to infringe on their interests will build invisible walls around themselves, which will be difficult for not only a stranger, but even a well-known person to break through. From the outside, such individuals may seem too cold and unyielding. Their self-confidence and leadership qualities are visible to the naked eye. If someone decides to encroach on a person’s personal boundaries, then this someone will receive a rebuff and will no longer want to encroach on what the person so fiercely guards. Some may think that such people are lonely. But there is nothing like this in their life. People simply demand respect not only at work, but also at home. All household members know the limit of a person’s patience and will not cross it. Children who grow up in the family of a person who knows the boundaries of what is permitted will unconsciously adopt such a system of protecting their personality.

One step, two steps

How do you know if you have accidentally crossed the personal territory of a stranger? First of all, you need to decide on your relationship. Based on this, it will not be difficult to find out how closely you can communicate so as not to cause discomfort to your interlocutor. There is such a thing as a personal space zone. Psychologists distinguish four types of it: intimate, personal, social, public.

• The intimate zone is the smallest, but at the same time the most important. It ranges from approximately 15 to 45 centimeters. Only the closest people can join it: parents, children, close friends, pets.
• The personal area is also quite small, dedicated specifically for friends and acquaintances. It includes the distance at which we are comfortable being ready to be at parties or meeting with friends. This is approximately half a meter to 1.22 meters.
• The social zone is reserved for strangers or unfamiliar people with whom we have not yet had contact. It ranges from approximately 1.22 to 3.6 meters.
• The public area is ideal for performing in front of a large group of people. It is very popular among lecturers or presenters of various events and is more than 3.6 meters.

That is, if you come to a concert, you should not hug your idol. But at a party it’s quite possible to sit next to friends.

How to maintain personal space

A person’s personal space is his inviolable intimate zone, which should not be invaded without permission. You should definitely take into account the individual boundaries of your partner, friends and acquaintances. Only then will they respect your personal space. Unfortunately, people are not always distinguished by tact and restraint. Some people like to interfere in the lives of relatives, close people and acquaintances, completely not understanding that they have no right to do this. How to preserve personal space from unpleasant encroachments and not spoil relationships with others?

Respect for your partner's freedom

If you want to be respected, start with yourself. Many people do not think about this simple pattern and do not take it seriously. Meanwhile, you will be treated exactly the way you begin to show yourself towards others. There is an unwritten rule in relationships: as much as we are attentive to others, so are they to us. Try not to violate the personal space of your loved one, friends, parents, or work colleagues. Any manipulation or play on feelings in order to obtain a certain benefit is unacceptable. Otherwise, the relationship will deteriorate very quickly and come to naught. Remember that your soulmate is not your property, which can be subjugated to your will, but a separate free person with his own individual inner world.

Separate room

It is best if each family member has a separate territory. The situation when parents and children live in the same room and constantly violate each other’s personal space, unfortunately, is not uncommon. The inability to live separately, an unstable financial situation, other problems in the family - all this leads to protracted conflicts, the desire to gain greater freedom, to break away from the influence of beloved relatives. Any anxiety can make the situation worse. Multiple misunderstandings begin in the relationship. To prevent this from happening, ideally each family member should have a separate room. This is an area where no one can enter without first knocking. Creating personal space helps to reveal inner potential, create a sense of harmony and overall satisfaction with life. A happy person will not conflict with others.

Favourite buisness

Having a hobby or passion significantly transforms a person’s inner world and forces him to open up emotionally. Doing what you love promotes rapid personal growth and starts the process of self-improvement. Having personal space, you can easily engage in creativity and promote your talent. Doing something you love gives you a lot of positive emotions, helps release a powerful charge of internal energy, and generates enthusiasm. Anyone who is busy with a truly interesting job does not get bored on vacation, does not fall into melancholy and depression for any reason. A person who has found his niche can be called truly happy and self-sufficient. Gradually, confidence in oneself and the future comes, sympathy and trust appear in relationships with others.

Individual point of view

Having your own view of the world is as important as fighting for your dream. An individual point of view allows an individual not to bend to the opinion of the majority, to avoid overly adapting to circumstances

Even if your judgment is completely different from the thoughts of the team or family, do not be upset. There is no need to hide or withdraw into yourself. Remember that you have the right to your own opinion and self-realization.

Thus, personal space is not a whim, not a luxury, but a necessity. It is individual boundaries that help an individual become wealthy and independent from others, and find their own unique path.

What is the size of our personal space, and in general, why do we need it?

In addition to water and food, a person needs personal space.

In the 60s of the 20th century, American anthropologist Edward Hall surprised the scientific world by saying that, among other things, a person urgently needs personal space.

He proved that each of us tends to consider a certain area around our body as an extension of ourselves.

But it would be nice to just look!

As it turned out, we get annoyed when a stranger invades our personal area, and are ready to defend ourselves, even with the use of force, if necessary.

The conclusions made by Edward Hall quickly found supporters.

Scientists recalled theories that were once put forward that man is a territorial “animal”: he tends to fence property (plot, house) and “mark” his favorite objects - for example, sign his books, hang his jacket on the back of his favorite chair, put down his glasses and put down a cup to your part of the table.

So why should a person relate to the “cap of air” that surrounds his body?

It was only necessary to find out the size of the area of ​​a person’s personal space, as well as into what “subterritories” it is divided.

What was and was done in subsequent years, experts identified four zones.

Attention, proximity

No matter how paradoxical it may be, personal space is most often violated by the closest people: relatives, friends, loved ones. And we forgive them for this and sometimes even encourage them, for example, during sexual contact.

But the invasion of our intimate zone by strangers - in addition to emotional rejection - also causes physiological changes in the body. The heart begins to beat faster, adrenaline goes off scale, and blood flows into the muscles and brain in a powerful flow. That is, despite our will, the body prepares for a potential fight or flight. Therefore, you should not hug or touch people you don’t know, even if you really like them. These actions can make them feel negative towards you. The conclusion suggests itself: when communicating, you should always keep your distance.

What does invasion of personal space lead to?

The author of a number of widely cited articles on the psychological space, S.K. Nartova-Bochaver, writes that her research was prompted by her experience working at the advisory center of the Childhood Research Institute of the Russian Children's Fund: “It was noticed that cases of aggressive behavior, vandalism, home and school theft of children and adolescents often occurred in situations where the child’s need for personal living space was infringed (deprived) from the very beginning of his life or as a result of stressful events for the child (for example, the appearance of a stepfather in the family)” (S. K. Nartova-Bochaver, “The concept of “psychological space of the individual” and its heuristic capabilities”, “Psychological Science and Education”, No. 1, 2002).

The more the child suffered from the intrusions of elders into his personal affairs - from the non-recognition of personal ownership of things and toys, from the inability to hide diary entries, etc. - the more sharp his response turned out to be.

To express the idea generally, it was expressed in the development of a “communal psyche” - an unwillingness to recognize the personal space of other people and the desire to aggressively expand one’s own comfort zone.

Constant violation of an adult’s personal space also leads to very obvious results.

In the article “Privacy Theory as a Direction in Foreign Psychology” (“Psychological Journal”, Vol. 27, No. 5, 2006, S.K. Nartova-Bochaver) describes the experiment of A. J. DeLong.

DeLong observed the lives of nursing home clients. At first, older people used common rooms. They tried to strictly define their area - they placed things on stools and window sills. Pensioners were not very willing to communicate with each other and often showed signs of aggression.

Then the clients of the institution were provided with separate rooms. Their behavior changed dramatically. They became more open and friendly towards their neighbors, and stopped “marking” areas of the room with unnecessary things.

This concerns systematic incursions into the comfort zone.

Self-protection during accidental close contacts

From time to time, each of us has to let strangers into our space - use buses during rush hour, enter the elevators of shopping centers.

In the book “Body Language Bible” (Eksmo, Moscow, 2010), D. Morris explains:

While the situation is favorable, participants in casual close contact strive to “put on blinders”:

• block the side view with your palm;
• cross your legs and arms;
• concentrate on the book;
• turn on the player.

I note that the feeling of rejection is not caused by any crowd, but only by a random one. Being among many people who have something in common, we do not get irritated, moreover, we experience pleasure.

A living example from the author of www.samorazwitie.ru. I went to the Philharmonic. Before the concert, my seat neighbors annoyed me - they loudly discussed their business and took pictures. The woman on the right leaned on the arm of the chair... As soon as the concert began, I felt that those around me were attractive. We had a common occupation, we became “our own people.”

Shamelessness in dialogue

The consequences of invading a personal zone when communicating with an individual interlocutor are not easy to predict - to do this you need to truly understand the person.

When meeting someone - I already wrote about this here - ignoring boundaries will most likely be perceived as rudeness (unless, of course, we are talking about flirting against the backdrop of a sudden outbreak of mutual sympathy).

When communicating with someone you already know, violating personal space can have a double effect. The interlocutor will either move away or regard the rapprochement as a generally pleasant sign of a transition to a new level of trust. A third scenario is also possible: the interlocutor will be confused, thinking that you are trying to dominate.

What determines the size of the so-called boundaries?

The size of the boundaries depends on the density and size of our biofield. Density in this case has priority.

If the field is dense, then there is good protection; if the field is “broken,” then there is no such protection.

What is protection needed from?

From the energies emitted by another person, from his thoughts charged with negativity, from his experiences.

If there is no protection, then his energy calmly penetrates our field and begins to rule there.

I would like to note one thing: if a person does not have any negative vibrations of his own, then strangers will not be able to have a strong influence.

In this case, “like attracts like” works. If the thinking style is more negative and a person expects troubles in his life, then they come.

Although, as a person himself, it seems that if he thinks about any troubles, it is only for the purpose of prevention.

But the universe takes everything literally - you thought about nasty things - you get nasty things!

But back to boundaries, do you need to somehow increase your boundaries?

In my opinion, it is a must!

Your own self-respect, dignity - all these feelings about yourself increase the boundaries of your own personal space.

People who have less of it will “compress” even more in order to increase the density of their field. This means that your influence on other people will be more significant.

The most important thing is to use it for good!

I look forward to your feedback, what do you think about your own personal space boundaries?

Where are your personal boundaries?

In his book “Personal Boundaries. How to Establish and Defend Them" Jenny Miller and Victoria Lambert draw attention to how, with the increasing use of modern technology, people's personal boundaries have become more fragile.

“With 24/7 internet, we are always connected. It is impossible to forget about everything; we are constantly exposed to external pressure and interference (and partly encourage it ourselves). This indicates unhealthy boundaries and an inability to protect yourself from harm. In addition, previously we communicated personally, face to face, but now there is a risk of misinterpreting the situation, mood or statement.”

, the authors write in the preface of their book.

People's personal boundaries have become wider; they extend beyond the boundaries of real physical bodies or the norms of offline communication. Now they are also in the digital space, where it is even more difficult to track them and mark them with checkpoints. And yet, personal boundaries, with all the diversity of their qualities, have a special feature - variability, and with the help of certain efforts they can be strengthened, expanded, or removed those parts that cause discomfort.

Personal space of a person relationship distance

This category studies the physical openness of the individual, i.e. the real spatial readiness of a person to allow another person into his presence. It is directly influenced by factors:

• The closeness of these people's relationships
• Their gender and age definitions
• Cultural and ethnic affiliation
• Social status and lifestyle

Researchers have noted the following “parameters” for designing the dimensions of a person’s personal space (interesting facts have also been discovered using animals as an example), namely:

The communication distance of males is greater than that of females (explained in the level and degree of dominance or aggression)

In reality, even in different cultures, similar trends can be observed in humans - the communication distance for women is reduced compared to that of men, communication in pairs occurs a little further than for women, but closer than for men. Children violate this pattern due to their age-related curiosity.

The distance of communication and personal space changes according to the age of the individual

So, an infant is inseparable from his mother, so it turns out that he does not have any personal space at all. He begins to defend his privacy by the age of 3-4 years. The factor of gender is added here - already by the age of 8-9 the individual’s claims to his own space begin (boys have more). This trend continues until the age of 16 or until the age of full socialization of a person.

Cultural and ethnic gradations of privacy

This is an obvious fact of the difference in the “normalization” of communication distance in different cultures. For example, the same E. Hall divided all world cultures according to the principle of contact (contact or non-contact). Thus, in contact cultures there is a reduced distance between the participants in communication, high tactility is acceptable (they can touch each other) and emotional connection (look into the eyes, etc.). However, further experiments showed a certain inconsistency of such a division.

Personal space can be normalized not only by culture, but also by a person’s subculture

For example, an urban subculture “requires” less space than a rural one, a youth subculture also requires less space than an elite one, etc.

Partners solve problems outside of marriage

The first thought that comes to a couple's mind on the eve of a divorce is to separate and start over with another person. The second option is to stay married and find an emotionally, psychologically and sexually suitable person on the side. Many people think this is the ideal solution. The marriage is preserved, for example, for the sake of children, and their own needs are satisfied on the side. This option most often leads to a dead end. The couple again buries their heads in the sand and avoids solving problems. Alcohol, abuse and other options for escaping from an unhappy relationship will not make you happier; this has been tested by time and by many divorced couples.

What are personal boundaries and why do people need them?

Personal boundaries are a conditional concept that denotes a certain line between the worldview of an individual and the attitudes and intentions of the people around her. Some build five-meter stone fences with guards on towers, while others have no boundaries at all.

How many people do you know who protect their inner world from intrusion by outsiders? Are you one yourself?

Think about whether you always do what you want or are you trying to please someone?! Do you make decisions yourself in certain situations that concern you, or do you rely on the opinions of strangers? In general, how often do you say “YES”, while at the same time feeling the desire to refuse? If you have friends who use you as a “drain barrel” and they don’t care if you are interested in their information?

If all of the above is normal and commonplace in your life, then this is clearly a gross violation of personal boundaries.

What do you pay for lack of personal boundaries? First of all, your mental balance is disturbed. A person experiences constant discomfort, his mood deteriorates and there is a feeling as if all his strength has left you.

First of all, a colossal amount of energy is spent on maintaining relationships with others. You allow yourself to be manipulated, and you don’t like it, but you remain silent. For example, you work for someone. It is unlikely that you will experience love and satisfaction; rather, you will realize that you are being taken advantage of.

Some people believe that this only happens to those who have a bad environment. Allegedly, a good friend will not use it for personal gain. This is a deep misconception. Your personal boundary is only your task, and you need to learn how to build it. Otherwise, people will sit on your neck.

Why do we allow our personal boundaries to be violated?

A person is not born with already formed personal boundaries; he forms them independently throughout his life. Nevertheless, the process itself begins in childhood. Most parents in the process of upbringing do not allow the child to feel like a separate person; they set their own boundaries of thoughts and actions for him. Of course, they thereby protect their children from troubles and misfortunes, but at the same time they do not allow them to live their own lives. This is the main reason for violating personal boundaries in adulthood.

Growing up, we no longer unquestioningly do everything our parents say, but in order not to offend them, many spit on their own thoughts and desires. Surely, many of us feel a sense of debt to our parents for raising and educating us. Parents do not wish us harm, but by doing so they destroy our personal boundaries. Or maybe you are such a parent yourself?

Of course, when we do everything to make our family feel good, this can be understood, but what makes us allow “strangers” to cross this line? It's probably a fear of loneliness.

We are afraid that if we refuse a person, we will lose his love or make him angry.

How to assert your personal boundaries

What to do about this, and who is to blame? No one is to blame for this, let's replace the word “guilt” with the word “responsibility” and start with ourselves... Maybe it’s time to start independent development and self-knowledge? By studying, changing, improving ourselves and our ideas about the world, we can change the world for the better and see its possibilities differently, from a new height, in a new quality. See in such detail that the reasons for such violations of personal boundaries will become transparent and obvious, and, therefore, methods for solving these problems will no longer be difficult.

It all starts with elementary child and developmental psychology: our parents and close circle teach us how to learn to identify our personal boundaries. At the stage of separation from parents, the child gradually gains independence and learns to take the first steps, balance his wants and cans, balance between can and musts, monitor the consequences of certain actions and gain his own unique experience.

What if your parents didn't have enough experience to teach you how to properly set personal boundaries? What if you were overprotected and/or not given enough support and care to make you feel confident enough to successfully navigate these developmental milestones? Then, from childhood, you will get used to depending on others, and what you will be inherited as a family experience growing up will contain “codes of parental trauma.” This is usually what happens, which is why they say “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Most of your actions in adulthood also remain dependent on the outside world, and similar to the dependencies and habits of your parents.

This happens until you yourself have learned to work correctly with personal boundaries.

Creating personal boundaries, aligning personal boundaries, protecting personal boundaries are elements of interaction and communication with the outside world. Understanding the principles of the world order, its energetic foundations and cosmic laws gives you a chance to see what is happening impartially and get out of the vicious circle of “template reactions” and techniques of “normal” communication to the level of real freedom of action and independence from external attempts to manipulate your borders.

Psychological methods of protection are only the first step towards studying and correctly forming a person’s personal boundaries, and at the next stage the formation of energy boundaries begins, personal strength is acquired, and the individual characteristics of your Soul evolution are clarified, which are decisive for interaction with the world of energies. All the diversity of your painful experience of violations of personal boundaries, as a rule, has its own energy-informational reasons, which are hidden in the subconscious and/or blocked in the body. We will study various practices and methods of understanding the mechanisms of functioning of the psychological and energetic foundations of the formation of personal boundaries in a new lesson on the development of awareness.

Why protect personal boundaries?

• Allows you to build healthy, trusting relationships.
• They are able to calmly refuse or change their minds.
• We let people in.
• Always in contact with ourselves, we feel what they want from us.
• We easily defend our own territory.
• We very rarely conflict and provoke quarrels.
• We are consciously responsible for our actions and decisions.
• Confident in yourself.
• We have better control over our lives and are more stable.