From the article you will learn how to properly maintain a romantic relationship in marriage. We will also talk about mistakes that lead to the destruction of love relationships.
Family life is not an easy test for a couple in love. Most often, young people have little idea of what awaits them after the coveted stamp in their passport and wedding. They live with rose-colored glasses for some time and try not to notice that romance has begun to disappear from their lives.
It would seem that everything is as always, the loved one is nearby, hugs, kisses, supports, but still the feeling of dissatisfaction does not disappear. Most often this happens because everyday life is tiring and pushes romance into the background. Therefore, if you want to maintain romance in a relationship, then do not look for disadvantages in your soul mate and do not expect her to take the first step, because you can always try to take a step towards yourself.
Why does romance disappear?
Both man and woman, no matter how long they have been married, want to be loved, appreciated, and extolled. But unfortunately, over time, the romance in a relationship fades away. A woman is busy with work, children and household chores, so she can no longer devote all her time to her husband.
Very often, men begin to be jealous of their significant other’s family life and move away. All this leads to scandals and disagreements, after which all the wonderful moments that the love relationship gave are forgotten.
Reasons that kill romance: • Disappointment in the second half . When we are in love, we see absolutely no flaws in the object of our adoration. Sometimes we even attribute positive qualities to him and even idealize him. But over time, we begin to notice all, even the smallest, shortcomings and try to force the person to get rid of them. And since it is quite difficult for an adult to change his habits, this usually leads to some unnecessary scandals
• Constant grievances. Imagine that at the beginning of your relationship you planned how you would spend time together, where you would go on vacation and after what time you would buy a car. But in reality, it turns out that everyone is minding their own business, and you only meet at dinner or in the evening in the bedroom. Unfulfilled promises also have a negative impact on romantic relationships. For example, you asked your significant other what to do around the house, and she, having agreed to help, continues to go about her business. Usually this position alienates partners quite strongly
• Habituation. People who have lived together for some time cease to appreciate those moments that those who have not yet found their soulmate dream about. Many people believe that after the wedding they can relax and not surprise their partner with pleasant surprises. But in order for your partner to always feel your love and support, you need to at least sometimes take a break from your hobbies and spend time with him. And if it so happens that your significant other does not show initiative, then try to surprise her yourself
Romance photos
Relationships change as do times. With the development of digital and computer technologies, we began to print photographs less and less; now we only store them on our computer. And how nice it will be for your beloved man if you print out all your successful shots from your life together. It will be even more romantic if you make a collage from your photos in Photoshop, and if you do not know computer programs, then you can contact any photo workshop for help.
A beautiful gift and surprise for your lover will be a cup with his photo, a wall calendar with your photos. Currently, photo workshops offer a huge selection of gifts featuring your photograph.
How to save a romantic relationship?
Very often, some time after the wedding, the romance in a relationship disappears somewhere. Partners begin to spend less time together, forget to give each other gifts, or, in general, spend time exclusively with their friends. And if urgent measures are not taken, then not only romance will disappear from your life, but also a close and loved one.
Tips to help maintain romance in a relationship:
• Ideal appearance. Even if you are very busy with work and household chores, try to always look neat and beautiful. There is no need to walk around the house all day in a robe or an old, stretchy tracksuit. Now in stores you can find a lot of beautiful and original clothes for the home, which will help highlight all the advantages of your figure. Also don't forget about makeup. Of course, everyday makeup should not be bright and catchy, but if you simply tint your eyelashes and apply a special gloss to your lips, you will definitely look more well-groomed and beautiful
• Don't forget about signs of attention. Even if you are very tired, find the strength in yourself and just hug your soul mate, tell her how much she means to you, and how much you value her. If your husband is always missing at work, you can send him a romantic message to his phone or email. A note with a declaration of love or simply with kind words and good morning wishes can be left on the table along with breakfast. Little tricks like these will warm the soul of any person.
• Talk as often as possible. Most often, women lack emotional conversations. This is especially true for housewives and girls on maternity leave. They spend all their time with a little person who still doesn’t speak well, so sometimes they just want to chat. It doesn't matter what topic you talk to your wife about. Just find out how she spent her day, what new things your child learned to do, tell her what you did at work, or just ask her for advice on some issue. Believe me, if you find time for such sincere conversations, your relationship will always remain warm
• Have a romantic dinner every now and then. If you don't have the opportunity to go out often, then you can try to create romance at home. Prepare delicious dishes, buy your favorite wine, decorate your house with flowers, balloons or beautiful valentines. If you're planning on turning dinner into a romantic night, then send the kids to their parents, turn off your phones, and enjoy your time together.
• Intimate relationships. If you notice that your intimate relationships no longer give you as much pleasure as before, then it’s time to change something.
If sex has become boring and monotonous, you can try to bring something new into the relationship. Don't do it as usual. You can start with a relaxing bath, massage with aromatic oils, then drink a glass of red wine. Once you feel that you are completely relaxed, you can get down to business. The main thing is to remember that if something doesn’t suit you, then under no circumstances remain silent and talk about it with your partner. After all, if you don’t get as much pleasure as he does, then this will also affect your relationship
So why do we need romance so much in our everyday lives?
Those who have not experienced true love in their lives are almost always people who suffer from selfishness and bring their own ego to the forefront. The more you demand in return for your actions without giving anything back to your partner, the less likely you are to achieve true, vibrant and sincere love.
Open your heart and let romantic moments fill every moment of your life. Use these romantic tips and please your partner as often as possible.
And when, responding to your loving gaze, his or her eyes light up with a happy smile, you will realize that your efforts were not in vain.
How to behave correctly with a partner in marriage?
In order for the relationship to be warm and trusting, you need to work hard, because if there is no mutual understanding and basic respect in the family, then there is no need to talk about any romance. Therefore, even if you are very upset or don’t like something, do not be rude to your partner, but rather calm down and try to talk about what is bothering you.
Remember, regular scandals, tears and hysterics will never help solve the problem; all they can do is separate two close people.
Rules to help save your marriage:
• Make concessions. Even if you know that your loved one is wrong, but anger does not allow him to see it, try to calm down and wait until the moment arises when you can point it out
• Be lenient. Always remember that you married a man who has his own emotions, habits and needs. And if you don’t really like any of them, you shouldn’t talk about it all the time
• Don't forget to be tactful. Under no circumstances consider your significant other as your property. There is no need to check her email, phone and pester her with questions that are not very pleasant to her. Even if at the moment the person is not ready to talk to you and prove something, pull yourself together and wait a little. If you want to be treated with respect, always be considerate with your partner.
• Solve everyday problems together. If it happens that a household appliance breaks down at home, and the husband did not have time to build it, there is no need to cause a scandal. This won’t make the coffee maker or microwave work, but the aftertaste from the scandal will remain for a long time. It will be better if you just try to remind about the problem again or, if possible, offer your help
Love Too Much 4
Many people are convinced that there can never be too much romance. However, those who know what romance really is can express their doubts about this statement. After all, like everywhere else, a person needs a measure, a boundary that should not be crossed. And if your good nature and romance become a serious problem for a normal life, then it is recommended to slow down and at least temporarily return from heaven to earth.
Any romance is the ability to see beauty and love these moments every minute. However, if you do not notice the obvious problems, then you may soon discover that you have achieved nothing in the illusory pursuit of your dream. And then all that you will have left is a continuous regret about what you did not do and what you should not have done. And regret does not contribute to a good mood. Therefore, follow the golden mean, be romantic in moderation, and then constant success awaits you on all fronts of life!
Margarita Lopukhova
Expert
Family psychologist. For 8 years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples find love and understanding again.
The candy-bouquet period in a relationship is a vivid example of the very romance that many girls crave. At the same time, most women want to move in with a partner as quickly as possible and become a family. However, I recommend extending that same candy-bouquet romantic period as long as possible. This will help you get to know your partner better and fully enjoy this stage of the relationship. You will always have time to live together, but it will be quite difficult to return the butterflies in your stomach, the romantic mood, and the anxious anticipation of each date. Everything has its time - let the relationship develop logically and gradually.
Message from the Editor
Did you like the information in the article? We really wish it was like this! And at the end of the article - a nice bonus. Let us offer you another unusual fact. According to survey results, today about 25% of all couples who find each other on the Internet enter into happy and strong unions. This is no small number. Online dating is becoming increasingly popular. Almost all young people have downloaded mobile dating apps onto their smartphones. Society does not stand still, and this also applies to dating methods. So let's develop the topic of relationships and dating together!
Mistakes of women in relationships with men
Absolutely all women, when getting married, dream that their marriage will be the strongest, and that their romantic relationship will become better and better from year to year. But in reality, everything happens the other way around. Trust and warmth disappear somewhere, and sometimes it’s quite difficult for partners to even talk to each other. Most often, this happens not because a woman chooses the wrong partner, but because of several mistakes.
How to add romance to a relationship: 7 ways
Dzvinka 2050 (366)
I have not yet met a single family in which, over time, there does not come a moment when the lack of romance and tenderness is acutely felt. Your husband still loves you, you also burn with love for him, but something is missing. Agree that we all change and grow; as we live together, our attitude towards our other half changes a little. You will definitely feel the lack of that novelty of relationships, excitement and desire to win your loved one that you once had. You've almost certainly already googled this question and come across advice like having a romantic dinner, spending more time, and so on. It seems that everything is logical, everything is correct, and each of us can give similar advice without fashion magazines. I propose to look at this issue from a slightly different angle.
Romance as a state of mind
Whatever one may say, you won’t improve your personal life with new underwear. That is why, in my opinion, you need to start working not so much on the external manifestations of romance, but on your state of mind and harmony. Romance only appears in gifts and hearts on paper, but it can only come from within.
1.
Stop being perfect and conforming. We don’t always admit it to ourselves, but we subconsciously try to be good and correct. Raise children using new modern methods, create cleanliness and comfort, as good wives do. Now go back to the time when you and your loved one were just starting to build a relationship. When all we had in our heads was love and the desire to spend time together, we stop paying attention to the opinions of others, look at ourselves under a microscope and just live. Meanwhile, only a small percentage of men really appreciate a woman’s ability to cook or clean the house until it shines. Many people need exactly that woman, tender and fragile, whom they fell in love with. One smart young lady once told me: there are important things, and there are secondary ones, don’t confuse them. When your head is all about washing and cooking, there is no time for romance.
2.
Start laughing again. Go back to your childhood and remember how often your parents fooled around and laughed. In our youth, we could blame our too busy and serious parents for the fact that they stopped enjoying life, joking and laughing over trifles. And we ourselves gradually adopt this model and don’t notice how we are only discussing the purchase of boots for the child and the bill. But at the beginning of the relationship, you laughed so much at his jokes, you could run around the apartment and laugh out loud. I assure you, laughter, the ability to cheer up your loved one and make everyday life easier in terms of mood is a direct path to the return of a healthy, vibrant relationship.
3.
Dream and dream again! This is the most priceless and precious thing that every couple has at the beginning of their journey. You imagined how you would buy your own corner together, how you would hold your first-born child in your arms, how you would travel to hot countries with the money you collected and bring back a pyramid. Even if this already exists, even though a trip abroad is no longer a dream and the children grow up healthy and happy, but there is still so much important that has not been done. Even today, my husband and I still have the habit of simply making plans from time to time, dreaming about how we will buy a house and build a real family nest there. Dreams fill relationships with life, you are once again convinced that you have chosen your person and your life does not end with the family budget, and your thoughts are not limited to everyday problems.
4.
Travel. And there is no need to say that it is expensive and there are more important things to do. You can’t even imagine how much you haven’t seen within your country, your region or region. Take one evening, just look for what there is to see within a few hours' drive of your home and get out for the weekend. Any psychologist will tell you that a change of scenery, being in an unknown place together and new experiences are an accessible and effective medicine for any relationship.
5.
Here is the recipe from me personally. Or rather, tested by me. I once read an opinion that we all talk about the desire to hear compliments, praise and simply pleasant words addressed to us. We ourselves simply do not notice how the previously romantic “zaya”, “masya”, “kotya” have lost their zest and turned into an ordinary address to the husband. So the work is as follows: try for a few days praising, saying pleasant things and simply twittering something in your loved one’s ear. And not just like that, but quietly, so that he doesn’t find out, record it for yourself. Your goal is to return cute words and phrases that only you two can understand to your everyday vocabulary. Sooner or later you will see a return, and your husband will also start talking to you and flirting.
6.
Work on your voice. This will seem strange, but as the role changes, a woman tends to change her voice. While you are a girl and just starting to conquer him, your voice itself becomes more tender, velvety and sexy. After having a ring on their finger for a couple of years, many people don’t even notice how they change their vocabulary and stop cooing. There is no playfulness, flirting and femininity, but there are clear instructions, screaming outbursts, and so on. But your voice can amazingly change the state of things; changing the tone and rephrasing a banal request to take out the trash will have an even greater impact.
7. Have a memory party. No, you don’t need to get out the family album; for any man this is real torture. Just lying in bed, as if by chance, remember how he gave you the first bouquet of flowers. How you first found yourself in bed, how pleased you were to receive your first compliment from him. Plunging into your memories, telling from time to time your feelings from those memories and simply hugging your loved one is useful. By the way, it has been proven that stroking your husband physically and verbally is very beneficial. I constantly stroke mine when I pass by or am about to start an important conversation.
Mistakes a woman makes
• Denies problems. Most often, representatives of the fair sex, seeing a problem, try to distance themselves from it. Unfortunately, this behavior usually leads to not very good consequences. If you don’t want to completely quarrel, then it’s better to talk about the problem with your husband
• Doesn't know how to speak directly. Men are very different in character from women and therefore they don’t really like it when their other halves are cunning and try to impose their opinion on them or start talking about something and then suddenly fall silent. Under no circumstances behave like this, if you want something, always say it directly
• They strive to dominate. Some women absolutely do not perceive the opinions of people around her. They always and everywhere do everything the way they like it. This behavior can show your significant other in a not-so-good light. People around him may think that he is henpecked. Therefore, it will be better if you do not, at least in public, demonstrate your desire for leadership
Psychology of happiness
I want to devote the 6th lesson of relationships based on love and respect to an important condition for a happy life together - maintaining a romantic relationship.
We all want to feel unique and loved, valuable and important. Sometimes this feeling is lost behind routine and everyday life, as if we begin to look at each other with completely different eyes, we stop admiring and admiring...
Scientists say that the “romantic” period of a relationship is determined by chemical processes in the body and lasts no more than 18 months. I think that falling in love creates romantic moods, and it’s our task to pick this up and introduce it into our lives.
However, at first I didn’t think that romance in a relationship needed to be maintained. Everything went by itself: Yura gave flowers, took me to the park to rustle leaves, took me to the cinema and even left me to look after his son!
Everything changed when Yura was trained by Bill Ridler as a “Romantic Adventure” trainer. When he returned, he created a truly amazing romantic adventure for me. I was touched by the care, attention and the surprise itself. And we decided that we would do adventures every year! At the same time, we also determined what we can do every month and every day to maintain romance in our relationships.
NEW TRADITIONS
We have certain traditions. For example, on my birthday we always relax and travel often. Yura does some unexpected adventure that day. On the one hand, it’s as if I knew everything in advance, but suddenly something else is introduced and it turns out to be a surprise.
For example, I once really wanted to go to Paris, but we couldn’t make it happen. A few years ago I was on vacation in Karlovy Vary, drinking some water. Yura came to my birthday and suggested going to Prague. When I asked if Yura had booked a hotel for the night, he replied that there were many different motels (!), and we would definitely find somewhere to spend the night.
We walked around the center of Prague, admiring the beauty of the city. By evening, they were both a little tired, and I began to worry that I couldn’t go for a walk anymore, and it wasn’t clear where to rest. Suddenly, next to the main square, I see the Paris Hotel, and Yura suggests going there to relax. The doors open, and the doorman says to me: “Happy birthday, Miss Larisa!” The receptionist also immediately began to congratulate me on my birthday and gave me a Mozart CD. The room was decorated with our favorite pink peonies. Everything was unexpected and very beautiful, I was delighted!
SO DIFFERENT ROMANCE
Remember that everyone has their own idea of romance: some people like surprises, others don’t. Be sure to take these differences into account when you want to please each other. In our family, Yura makes adventures, but he himself does not like surprises. Therefore, I agree with him on all my ideas and warn him in advance. It is not the surprise as such that is important, but the manifestation of care, love and respect.
If you are attentive to each other, then you know exactly what is important to your partner. It doesn't have to be travel and expensive gifts! It is important that your partner feels that this was made just for him or her, that you were thinking about him or her when preparing the adventure.
For example, Yura often said that in his youth he wanted a tattoo in the form of a dragon, but it remained a youthful dream... I remembered this and used this idea during the “Romantic Adventure for Two” training. A master came straight to the hotel and used henna to draw a beautiful dragon on my beloved’s entire arm. Yura was happy - his dream came true!
HOW TO INSPIRE ROMANCE
I know that Yura likes how surprised and happy I am, that’s why he likes to come up with surprises so much! But many women take attention and surprises for granted. They don’t note that they liked the idea, don’t show gratitude, don’t say that they felt loved... But it’s so important for a partner to hear this, that’s what everything is planned for!
Practice gratitude, showing contentment and joy even in the “little things” that your partner does. Notice everything: he made your favorite tea, or shaved for you in the evening, bought your favorite cookies on the way... There are a lot of little things. Start by being grateful for them, letting the man know that you appreciate his care. It inspires you to do more.
At joint consultations and training “Romantic Adventure for Two,” we ask everyone in the couple to share their expectations and wishes. Only by communicating can you find out what constitutes romance and support for each of you.
If you want your partner to “guess it” himself, ask yourself: why do I need this? Will this create intimacy and make us both happy? Will this help maintain love and romance in a relationship even after 20 years?
Here is my 6th lesson of relationships based on love and respect - let there be a place for adventure and romance in your family, it does not have to end at all!
Mistakes that men make
• Trying to lead a carefree life. Most men, after marriage, continue to lead almost the same life as before meeting their soul mate. They can play video games, watch movies, go out for a beer with friends, or just lie on the couch. At this time, a woman usually has to wash, iron, clean the apartment and prepare food. Agree, this distribution of responsibilities does not have a very positive effect on relationships.
• Avoids conflict. If a man realizes that he has messed up badly, then usually he simply “hides his head in the sand.” It is much easier for him to simply remain silent and not give any explanations. This behavior really melts women, they get angry, work themselves up and in the end it turns out to be quite a strong scandal.
• Has his own circle of friends. Some men don't really like spending time at home. They are constantly looking for new emotions, adventures and activities. And the worst thing is that they do all this exclusively with their friends, and not with their wife. Try to make mutual friends with whom you can spend time without compromising your relationship
The main thing is details
Many people think that romance involves grand gestures. Chic restaurants, unexpected trips, delivery of hundreds of roses... But research shows that 62% of people would prefer a small romantic gesture, such as a special compliment or attention to what they do.
Finding time to kiss your loved one and going on a romantic walk is also a very popular idea, according to surveys. So, when it comes to romance, remember: it's the ideas and attention, not the big bucks you spend on something.
