Greetings, readers of Plucha.net! Sooner or later, there comes a period of family life when a crisis occurs in the relationship. People who truly love each other are ready to restore relationships in order to live in harmony. After 7 years of marriage, the crisis is one of the most serious. This is due to the fact that, often, the partners are still young. They are overwhelmed by thoughts that if something starts to happen in the family that does not suit them, it is easier to change their partner. It will be easier to create a new, stronger and better relationship with another person.
When a person does not intend to change himself and his attitude to what is happening, then new relationships will not turn out to be happy. Because in them, too, there will be an aggravation. We must understand that the seven-year crisis is only one of the periods. In fact, there are many more of them. You can get acquainted with the crises by year in this article. In any case, do not despair. Every crisis can be survived.
Crisis of 7 years of marriage: its characteristics and features
It is quite difficult to characterize the crisis. When the couple had already lived together for 7 years, they established their life. It seems that everyone knows about each other and nothing new will happen in their life together. Partners begin to worry, because, indeed, it is often during this period of family life that nothing new is expected. The thought appears that they chose the wrong person, since there is no former brightness of the past years of life together.
In fact, most of all, it all depends on the characters of the spouses. An example is that for some families, conflict situations are the norm. In another family, for the entire time of their existence there was not even a slight raising of voices at each other.
But there are times when the circumstances themselves are favorable for the emergence of conflict. This moment is the seven-year crisis in relations. During this period, the spouses accumulate negative emotions due to small unresolved troubles, various kinds of dissatisfaction over the years, and now a routine sets in. The partner himself begins to irritate, his every action. It seems that you cannot accept such a circumstance.
Reasons for the crisis of seven years of marriage
- Any relationship is an interaction. And achieving a common goal helps maintain this relationship. In the absence of common goals and interests, the feeling of falling in love gradually disappears, and therefore affection.
Photo by Amanda Sixsmith on Unsplash
- Childhood crises are also one of the reasons. Each family, as a rule, already has at least one child during this period. During childhood crises, spouses often encounter misunderstandings with each other. During these periods, the baby’s behavior changes, and adults can blame each other for the lack of care and attention, thereby spoiling their relationships.
- Partners, due to the lack of common interests, begin to look for activities “on the side.” Most often, spending time with friends more than with your significant other.
- Banal routine is also the cause of the crisis of seven years. When a couple goes through “Groundhog Day” every day, then each subsequent day is no different from the previous one.
The couple’s own crises also have a huge impact. There is an early crisis of maturity - 30-35 years old, a mid-life crisis - 40-45 years old and a late crisis - 50-55 years old.
Symptoms that portend a crisis
- Partners focus on each other's shortcomings;
- During quarrels, unpleasant statements appear;
- Showing indifference;
- Sexual attraction becomes rare, and the pleasure from sex during a crisis in family life is felt weaker. In this regard, partners may refuse sex altogether, since they cannot satisfy either themselves or their partner;
- Usually, during this period, betrayals of one of the spouses occur in family life. It would be more correct to say that people begin to look for other partners for their future lives, or for sexual satisfaction.
Many people, at this point in time, already have children, which may be a reason for conflicts to arise. This is usually related to the issue of upbringing. The father devotes little time to the child, which the mother does not want to put up with at all. Sometimes, the wife begins to think that it is easier to get a divorce and start a new relationship while she is still young and beautiful. It may well attract the attention of the opposite sex. She justifies her thoughts by the crisis in her family relationship with her husband.
Cause of occurrence
It is important to understand that you are not the only family in conflict. But you can be one of those good families who were able to overcome difficulties. We strengthened and preserved family happiness, creating more stable and faithful relationships with better conditions, both for ourselves and for the child.
Of course, few people enjoy boring and monotonous family relationships. However, this is much better than constantly thinking that some kind of collapse is about to happen. Let's look at what, after all, are the reasons for the crisis of 7 years of family life:
Monotone
You are constantly in a state of stability for several years, which creates boredom. From the repetition of events in the same order, spouses have various claims against each other in family life. “Roof” can go to any person. The lack of novelty in a relationship begins to put a lot of pressure on the psyche.
Decreased sexual desire
The romance disappears, and subsequently the sexual attraction disappears. Tenderness, affection, care have dissolved into oblivion, even sensuality between partners disappears. This is due to the fact that the partners know each other thoroughly. Measures must be taken to avoid making things worse.
Disagreements
Usually, they occur because no one wants to give in to each other. Discontent appears. In other words, when one of the partners is selfish, it is very difficult to build a future together. Subsequently, the longer you live with such a person, the stronger the desire to end the relationship with him.
Bytovukha
This is a very common and important reason that causes a crisis in the family. It manifests itself in constant reproaches on everyday grounds.
Lack of romance
According to statistics, most marriages break up on the initiative of the woman. This is associated with a lack of romantic relationships. After marriage, a woman no longer feels desired as before. The man has no previous manifestation of feelings for her. In this regard, the wife loses her mood and this manifests itself in claims to her husband.
I presented the general reasons that cause a 7-year crisis in family life. Each family is individual, and the reasons may differ. Before identifying the problem of a crisis, try to understand the character of your partner.
Crisis of 7 years of marriage: changing stereotypes
It is known for certain that development does not always follow a smooth path of evolution. In his life's journey, every person at certain periods finds himself in a state that is commonly called a crisis. However, it is simply necessary to go through this stage in order to return to the path of formation and development or to identify new paths and vectors.
Crises happen in the life of not only an individual, but also in relationships between people; the crisis manifests itself especially clearly in family life and in relationships between partners. One of the most difficult moments of marriage is the crisis of 7 years. Why exactly 7 years? The digital reference point, in fact, can be different, deviating in one direction or another by several units. But most often, the crisis hits families with seven years of experience, because just during this period of time the spouses have time to study each other, feelings lose their fervor - and that very distancing from each other occurs, which entails a long list of actualizing problems.
During a crisis, the following metamorphoses occur in marital relationships:
- partners move away from each other. Relationships between a man and a woman become cold due to constancy and predictability. Interest in each other becomes minimal or disappears altogether, which pushes for leaving (this does not have to be betrayal, leaving can be for a career, for a relationship with a child, for domestic concerns);
- your partner's actions cause irritation. What initially seemed like cute features now only cause negative reactions due to repetition. Observing the same behavioral reactions and habits kills faith in the versatility of life, maintains one in a state of certain rigidity and stagnation;
- sexual attraction to each other decreases, the desire to please a partner loses its significance, which is why the distance between once close people grows more and more, prospects become more and more vague;
- the leading emotions are disappointment and irrational resentment towards the partner.
An excellent webinar by Denis Burkhaev, well describes the psychospiritual crisis and offers solutions.
What is needed during this period to successfully overcome the crisis and save the family?
The fact is that during a crisis there is a reassessment of values, which people often resist. Therefore, during this period of disappointment, it is important to work on realizing the plus, restructuring stereotypes and shifting emphasis in the value system. This will help:
- communication. For the most part, the crisis manifests itself in the inability to hear and understand each other’s position. Therefore, try to move the dialogue from those same boring routine conditions to others that may change both your mood and point of view. Don’t talk at home, over a cold dinner - go on a weekend hike, for a walk, to the river, to a restaurant. Anywhere. Try to change the situation - and after it, and the attitude towards your marriage;
- personal space. Staying together for a long time in one territory gives rise to the problem that individual needs are often ignored, which accumulates and leads to the fact that a person does not feel like himself. Each partner has the right to personal space and personal time for activities and thoughts that he needs for self-actualization;
- change. In relationships, certain stereotypical patterns of behavior have developed that cause irritation and interfere with development. Don’t be afraid to admit this to yourself and your partner, think about what and how each of you could change.
Stability is good until it erases the colors and interferes with the taste of life. Don’t be afraid of a crisis - accept its challenge, team up with your partner to defeat it, and your relationship will certainly reach a new stage of development.
How to overcome the crisis
A crisis is not the easiest period in a relationship. But now you will learn how to overcome it. To do this, you must know what to do so as not to destroy your family nest during a difficult period. You will have to gather your strength and try to establish harmony in your relationship. Below I will give recommendations that will help you survive the crisis, cope with it and minimize losses:
Conversation
Do not neglect communication, talk to each other in calm tones. You should not only express your dissatisfaction, but you also need to be able to listen to your partner. Find out what doesn’t suit your husband in your family life after so many years of relationship. Your spouse, like you, has his own feelings and opinions. He is also worried about what is happening and wants to resolve all the issues that have arisen.
Showing feelings
Don’t hide your feelings, show care, love, tenderness and affection to your loved one. Express it not only in words. Show this through your actions: serve your spouse freshly prepared coffee in the morning, help with household chores, prepare lunch together, smile more often and praise your partner...
Concessions
When you feel irritated, don't suppress it. Talk to your spouse about this. Find out from him what traits of your character and behavior are beginning to irritate him. Together, try to remove annoying character traits from your behavior, for the benefit of overall family happiness.
common goal
Do you feel a crisis approaching in your family? Go on a trip, to a resort, or on a vacation together. Try to spend time together as much as possible, rather than avoiding each other.
Alternative to a common goal
If it is impossible to go on vacation together, try redistributing responsibilities around the house. Experience for yourself how difficult or uncomfortable it was for your other half to do them.
