There may come a turning point in every woman’s life when her partner begins to behave strangely and refuse intimacy. It doesn't matter if it's a husband or a boyfriend. After all, the girl will first of all think about cheating and the appearance of someone else in the relationship. But there is no need to sound the alarm and collect documents for divorce. Let's find out why a husband refuses intimacy, what are the reasons for this and how to deal with it.
Try to talk
Whenever a husband refuses intimacy, there are good reasons for this. The simplest and most common way to find out why this happens is to ask a question.
You, like no one else, know the character of your partner and will always choose a favorable moment for conversation. Ask him a few guiding questions:
- What is happening in his life, at work, at training, with colleagues?
- How does he feel, are there any problems that he is silent about or is embarrassed to tell you about?
- Why does your husband refuse to be intimate with you?
It is important to listen carefully to all the answers, paying attention to facial expressions, gestures, and intonation. If a man has something to hide, then he may accuse you of mistrust, start screaming, look away, and make you feel awkward. But you must remember that all these questions are natural and normal. Perhaps the husband refuses intimacy because he is very tired at work or is stressed, or maybe he has complexes or health problems.
A man refuses sex: 10 reasons
Why is this happening?
It is believed that a man always wants a beautiful woman. And if he doesn’t want her, then there are two options: either she is not attractive enough, or he is impotent. A woman may have a headache, she may be tired after a day of work, or she may just have special days.
By definition, a man should not have this!
Absurd, isn't it? It turns out - no, since many women consider the above statement to be true.
Refusal of sex: fatigue and routine
1. He's not in the mood
If you want your partner to be always reliable, then you need to prefer a vibrator. After all, a person’s mood is changeable, and sometimes it is such that a man simply has no time for sex.
The reason for this could be anything - a serious reprimand from the director, failure in business, illness of a friend, defeat of a favorite football team, etc. Of course, this does not mean that he has stopped loving you.
It’s just not that day; it’s better to help your partner morally if he needs it, rather than try to seduce.
2. He's tired
Sometimes the only desire after a hard day at work is a restful sleep. And even the sight of his beloved wife in the sexiest dress with a deep neckline cannot set a man to playful thoughts.
Therefore, do not be offended by your beloved. After all, you also have moments when you are so tired at work that you only dream about sleep.
Of course, you can stir him up, get offended, or throw a tantrum that he no longer loves you, that you don’t excite him. But who will benefit from this?
3. Tomorrow he will have a hard day
Another possible reason for not having sex is also related to work. If a man has a hard day ahead of him tomorrow, then there are two ways out of the situation.
The first is to distract yourself with sex (TV, computer, etc.), and the second is to immerse yourself in work, preparing for this most difficult day.
What to choose depends on the character of the man, and if for your husband sex is not the best way to escape from problems, then you should come to terms with it. After all, if you wait a day, then nothing bad will happen, right?
4. He is very busy
The reason is a little similar to the first one - the only difference is that the man may want to, but he can’t. It is impossible, of course, in his understanding.
But you need to either come to terms with this, or carefully invite him to relax, saying that this will only be beneficial. And at the same time, offer to help him with work matters.
5. He drank alcohol
Usually sex and alcohol go together very well, especially in the first stages of dating. When spouses know each other well and have lived together for more than one year, then alcohol will promote intimacy only in very small doses.
Large doses of alcohol only harm sex (as well as health).
Therefore, a heavily drunk man is of little use. And although at one of the initial stages of intoxication he is not at all averse to having sex, you will get little pleasure from it.
Basically, if a man drank alcohol, then upon arriving home he immediately went to bed and did not dream of any sex at all.
6. He got sick
Yes, men also sometimes have headaches (and in general they get headaches too), and because of this they may not want to have sex. Of course, this can sometimes be a simple excuse, but remember if you do this yourself?
But if your husband’s head “hurts” constantly, then it’s worth thinking about...
7. He is self-satisfied
And now we move on to more serious reasons for refusing sex, which are rather subjective. Unfortunately, there is a type of man who cannot quit one habit acquired in adolescence - masturbation.
The reason for masturbation may be simple laziness. For the most part, sex for a man is just a mechanical process of obtaining pleasure, and nothing more.
Therefore, such a man thinks, why strain to give more pleasure to his partner than to himself, if he can just masturbate?
In the end, after such “sex” there is no need to see anyone off or hug you - you can even safely turn to the wall and fall asleep - no one will say a word.
The reason for this behavior is psychological, so it is quite difficult to correct it. Unless you explain in practice that no amount of masturbation can replace sex with you.
Another possible reason for refusing sex is because your husband cannot satisfy you. A psychologically weak man, having experienced several failures, may become withdrawn.
And since he still wants sex, he resorts to masturbation.
Of course, you need to talk to this man, explain that you shouldn’t be afraid that such behavior can lead the relationship to a dead end.
And if even after such convictions he does not change, then it’s time to resort to radical measures.
8. He has lost interest in sex.
A psychological problem is also possible, the cause of which can be either general physical or moral exhaustion, or simply a series of failures on the intimate front.
So if you haven't had sex for quite some time and there doesn't seem to be any improvement in sight, it's time to do something about it.
Talk to your husband, find out what is wrong with you, what worries him and what he sees as a way out of the situation. You may have to seek help from a family psychologist or sex therapist.
If marriage is dear to you, then you definitely need to fight for it. And together.
9. He is not turned on by his wife or partner
After getting married, you gained excess weight, use cosmetics only when you go to work, walk around the apartment in a greasy robe, take a shower in the morning and not before bed - all this affects your relationship. A man still wants sex, but not with you.
Then he will buy erotic magazines and videos, and often and for a long time retire to the toilet with the latest issue of Playboy. And in the worst case, he will have a mistress.
To the question “What to do?” - the answer is simple. There is no need to calm down after you have received a stamp in your passport. It never hurts to always be in shape, take care of yourself, and remain beautiful and well-groomed.
The main reason for adultery and divorce is a boring routine, when everyday life absorbs passion and romance.
Moreover, both partners provoke such an outcome of the relationship. One - by his behavior, the other - by silence. Therefore, when a man begins to retire, you should definitely talk to him and find out the reason.
And if it is in you, then you urgently need to change something in yourself.
10. He just doesn't want to
There is also a reason for refusing sex that is surprising at first glance.
It seems that the man is quite healthy, he doesn’t particularly strain himself at work, he doesn’t have much to worry about around the house, his wife is young, beautiful, she’s never had any problems with potency, but she still doesn’t want sex. Why is this happening, and what to do?
Perhaps your husband is asexual, and for him the most intimate activity is a sincere heart-to-heart conversation; he wants to protect himself from sex as an imposed, useless activity that interferes with platonic relationships.
If this is the case, but asexuality is not to your liking, then there is a serious struggle ahead to be a full-fledged couple with all the pleasures. The main thing is to avoid unnecessary emotions and mutual insults.
But if your man’s refusal to have sex is a rare occurrence, then it’s hardly worth creating a problem out of it.
If this happens all the time, if every time he looks for a reason to avoid intimacy with you, then you need to sound the alarm and, at a minimum, talk to your soulmate. The maximum is to seek the help of a specialist.
We need to talk. The vast majority of problems in our lives (especially intimate ones) occur because we isolate ourselves with the problem, don’t talk about it, and hope that everything will resolve itself.
The solution to any issue begins with a conversation that helps to understand the reasons for this state of affairs. And only then do you need to look for ways out of the situation.
The same applies to the reasons why a woman refuses sex.
The reasons may be different, but immediately committing adultery, as, unfortunately, many men do, is not an option. Sex on the side will never fill the void that arises due to problems with your loved one.
Talk, develop common ways to solve problems, find common ground. This is a difficult and long path, but the only true one when there is love.
Reconsider your view of sexuality
If the husband refuses intimacy, says: “I’m tired, now is not the best period,” then it’s time to start worrying and look for a solution to this problem. The main reason for coldness on the part of your partner is that he is no longer attracted to you as a woman.
Men are predators who love with their eyes. If he sees his wife every day, obediently lying on the sofa in stretched home clothes, then he loses all interest in her. Usually this behavior is accompanied by the appearance of a female individual surrounded by her husband, who looks much more impressive and sexier than his companion.
But you shouldn’t immediately get angry and hate all representatives of the fair sex. Sometimes you need to stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself from the outside:
- Everything old, holey and stretched - throw it away, send it to rags.
- Go on a diet, stop drinking alcohol, quit smoking.
- Do daily exercises to maintain your figure. If you do only one plank for 5-10 minutes a day, then within a month you will notice how your buttocks, stomach and thighs are tightened.
- Buy sexy lingerie and don't be afraid to experiment. Only if your family is not conservative. Men love with their eyes, they like beautiful lingerie that fits perfectly on women of any figure. The main thing is to choose according to color, style and textiles.
Refusal after birth
“After giving birth, my husband doesn’t want me” - a woman can turn to a psychologist with such a complaint even a year after the birth of her child.
How to survive a breakup with a loved one - advice from a psychologist
A man can avoid intimacy already during a short period of his wife’s pregnancy, when her belly begins to round. He motivates his refusal by fear of harming the fetus and causing a miscarriage. These fears are unfounded. If there are risks, the obstetrician-gynecologist must warn about them.
Note! The reason for the cooling lies in the fact that a man who previously perceived his beloved woman as an angel or half-angel was faced with the “prose of life.” Rejection and reluctance to have sex are provoked by physiological processes occurring in the body of a pregnant woman.
The second important factor is the wife’s indifference. Why is this happening? Because a young mother spends all her time on her newborn. She also immerses herself in household chores.
Jealousy
Due to her busy schedule, the woman no longer tries to surprise her husband or arouse his interest. Indifference to each other is gradually growing. Over time, it develops into a stage of reluctance on the part of the man. Sometimes it becomes mutual.
The third factor is stress. Immediately after giving birth, the emotional tension of a young mother reaches its peak. The woman tries to throw out the accumulated emotions on those around her.
Older children, neighbors, and friends fall under the hot hand. Even a gentle and attentive spouse can cause displeasure, which is expressed quite violently. Against this background, the phrase “I don’t want a wife after childbirth” is due to the man’s fatigue from his wife’s hysterics, nagging and whims.
Add some spice to your relationship
Many women ask the question: “My husband refuses sex. What to do?" A good tip would be to include sex toys and erotic lingerie in your intimate life. Don’t be afraid to play role-playing games, spend money on purchasing vulgar accessories that just by looking at them will cause embarrassment and blush.
Invite your husband to try something new, add anal and oral sex to your sex life, buy dildos and vibrators. It is likely that a man simply lacks the incentive to get turned on and want his wife. Try to meet him from work in a new sexy peignoir or beautiful lingerie, with cutouts and patterns in the most piquant places.
Always talk to each other, ask what your partner lacks in sex. There are times when a husband refuses intimacy simply because he is tired of monotonous and insipid intercourse.
Impotence - symptoms and causes
Impotence (erectile dysfunction) is a male disease in which erection is impaired or a person is unable to complete sexual intercourse. The main symptoms indicate an inability to maintain an erection, an inability to achieve ejaculation.
There are five main criteria based on which a man can be considered impotent:
- He is not sexually attracted to a woman.
- He cannot achieve a sufficient erection even with foreplay.
- He cannot insert the penis into the vagina, even during an erection.
- He is unable to perform frictional movements during the time required for ejaculation.
- He cannot achieve orgasm.
When the question arises why a husband refuses intimacy with his wife, you need to think about his health and refer him for a consultation with a doctor.
Why doesn't my husband want sex?
The most common reason for a man to refuse intimate relationships with his wife is routine in family life. Everyday life and household chores can cool even the most passionate spouse, as a result of which he may stop having sexual relations with his partner for many months.
You should also pay special attention to the following reasons:
- Unpresentable appearance of a woman. A woman immersed in household chores most often ceases to pay attention to her own appearance, as a result of which she ceases to attract her husband.
- Constant scandals. If conflict situations between spouses have become more frequent, then one should not be surprised at the lack of sexual desire in a man. A woman who constantly swears and argues will not arouse passion in him.
- Female overprotection. If a wife begins to intensely care for her husband, then after some time she will be perceived by him not as a desirable woman, but as a relative; in such situations, some men begin to compare their wives with their mothers.
- Monotonous sex. If there is no variety in intimate life, then such routine sex becomes boring and one day the desire for intimacy simply disappears.
- Pregnancy. Some men don't feel like having sex with their pregnant spouse. On a subconscious level, they strive to protect the unborn child, and an active sex life, in their opinion, can cause irreparable harm to the baby.
- Personal problems. If a man has problems that do not relate to family relationships and is forced to put a lot of effort into solving them, then he simply does not have the strength left and becomes irritated. Due to chronic fatigue, the desire for intimacy may gradually fade away and instead of a hot night, the wife will receive a husband lying on the sofa with a bottle of beer.
- Having a relationship on the side. If a man has a regular relationship with another woman, then he is unlikely to insist on intimacy with his wife. Most likely, he will completely refuse sex with his wife, since he satisfies all his needs elsewhere.
Overcoming constraints
If a husband refuses sex, then this is a reason for a serious examination. But most men are simply embarrassed by their problems and take them to extremes until various diseases become chronic and cannot be treated.
Under no circumstances should a woman judge a man for his inability to perform sexual intercourse, much less laugh or scold him. She must clearly and calmly explain that you can get checked by a doctor as soon as possible, and then, after a short treatment, restore a full intimate life. Let's take a look at the most popular diseases that can lead to impotence:
- Endocrine system disruption. For example, a disease such as diabetes. Often leads to impotence. Diabetes affects the body's ability to use and produce the hormone insulin. One of the side effects associated with chronic diabetes is nerve damage. This affects the sensitivity of the penis. Other complications include impaired blood flow and changes in hormonal levels. This disease can reduce the level of sexual desire.
- Neurological diseases. For example, Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease, pathologies of the brain or spinal cord, multiple sclerosis, temporal lobe epilepsy.
- The influence of drugs. Some medications can cause impotence, so a person should never take them or stop treatment without consulting their doctor. It is important to be careful with substances such as alprazolam, diazepam, codeine, carvedilol, metoprolol, tamsulosin, furosemide.
Interesting situation
If your husband refuses intimacy during pregnancy, then this is not a cause for concern. Many psychologists regard this behavior of a partner as normal and acceptable.
This is because most men are simply worried about the health of their wife and child in the womb. Some are simply not familiar with physiology, which is why they are afraid that penetration may cause any harm to the baby. But if the pregnancy is going well, then there is no medical reason to avoid sexual contact.
However, if a man does not want to and suggests waiting until the child is born, then there is no need to worry and consider such behavior strange or shameful. You can practice, for example, oral sex, which would allow you to satisfy each other without fear of hurting the baby.
In this case, it is worth consulting with a specialist by visiting his office with your husband. He must be sure that intercourse will not lead to complications or pathologies during pregnancy.
About her. Reasons why a wife has no desire to sleep with her husband
Not only men can lose desire. In half the cases, it is the wife who has no desire to sleep with her husband. The reasons may be individual or complex. During the period of courtship and at the stage of romance, a man must try to conquer, impress, and conquer a woman. He presents himself from the “better” side. After marriage, men often relax and stop trying - why, the woman has already been conquered.
Many women, after several years of marriage, complain that their husband has turned from a “charming prince” into a lout: he has gained weight, lost friends, stopped being interested in anything new, or taking care of his appearance and health. Also, some husbands stop trying in bed: no caresses, no foreplay - simple mechanical sex. The reasons for reluctance in such cases are understandable.
So, if a wife does not want her husband, the reasons most often lie in their relationship: coldness, quarrels, resentments, lack of warmth, and possibly in revealed infidelities.
But there is another side to sex - emotional, and it is more important for women than for men. By the emotional component of sex, I understand the current state of the relationship between partners - their trust in each other, warmth, care, attention, tenderness. For example, if a man has changed a lot in appearance, not for the better, but his emotional connection with his wife is only growing stronger (the woman feels loved), this is more likely not to interfere with the emergence of female desire than male desire, given the same data. In other words, a woman is more likely to be aroused by emotions, while a man is more likely to be aroused by appearance.
So, if a wife does not want her husband, the reasons most often lie in their relationship: coldness, quarrels, resentments, lack of warmth, and possibly in revealed infidelities.
Another important difference between men and women in the matter of arousal and the emergence of desire is that a woman worries more about her body and how it looks. If a woman has gained weight, or simply lost her usual shape, it can be more difficult for her to relax and unwind in bed. She is embarrassed, she suspects that her husband does not like her. She is dissatisfied, upset and does not know how to make love with “that” body. In this version, reluctance to have sex is actually a reluctance to want oneself in sex, not a man. This is rare in men.
Hard work
On many forums you can often come across the question: “My husband refuses intimacy! What should I do?” Psychologists, who often help to understand family problems, advise looking at the situation from the other side before starting to panic and be jealous of all females.
Be rational, assess the situation soberly. You have a mortgage, several children, and only your husband works? Do you earn less than your partner? Do you want to build a big house, but send your husband to several jobs and part-time jobs at once? Do you, as a woman, ensure well-being and harmony in your home? Do you allow your husband to relax from time to time by attending cultural events, visiting friends, going on a hike or even to the gym?
It is not normal!
Most women take men's activities for granted. Established stereotypes have led to the fact that the stronger sex is simply obliged to spend all their free time only on work and nothing else, while girls must stay at home and raise children.
However, even after a hard day at work, a woman can anger and offend her man by forcing him to fix a faucet or refrigerator when he can hire a repairman. It is likely that your husband is simply very tired. And so much so that there is neither desire nor opportunity for anything other than a hearty dinner, peace, quiet and sound sleep.
Problems at work
Even in ancient times, the main duty of a man was to kill and deliver a mammoth to the cave. Centuries have passed, but the role of the main breadwinner is securely assigned to the stronger sex in most families. And to fulfill it with dignity, the head of the family has to work hard.
Hard physical work and great emotional overload at some point can negatively affect a man's libido. Constant overwork causes chronic fatigue syndrome.
Conflict situations at work, nervous tension and stress, which fill everyday life to the brim, lead to prolonged depression. All these factors not only physically, but also psychologically reduce men’s desire for intimacy.
Emotional disorders
It is believed that men should be hard and stable, like flint. They are the strong foundation of your marriage and family life. But this does not mean that men are not prone to emotional problems.
Perhaps many women will be surprised by this fact, but representatives of the stronger sex are also injured and can be offended and disappointed. Every time a situation where you deny him intimacy, escalate the situation, or cannot remain silent in a quarrel, leaves an indelible mark on your husband’s soul. And this fact is in no way a sign of immaturity or excessive vulnerability of a man.
Remember! Representatives of the stronger sex are also people who have feelings and emotions. They experience mental suffering and try to do it without showing it to anyone.
What is the reason: lack of passion, hard work, pregnancy or...
Does your husband refuse intimacy? It's time to face the truth and stop making excuses for your partner.
You shouldn’t rule out the possibility that your man simply started cheating on you. As a rule, they are given away by simple things, behavior, and manner of communication. How to recognize a lie and catch a third person in a relationship?
- The husband reacts strangely and unexpectedly to all questions. He may start shouting, blaming, scolding, reproaching you for minding your own business. But the lack of sex in a relationship primarily affects the wife.
- He began to shave his beard/mustache/pubic area, although for several years of marriage he treated this with disdain.
- Became more secretive and irritable. To all offers to come to work or meet in the evening after a meeting, a woman may face aggression in response.
- Stopped hugging, kissing, showing any signs of attention, saying pleasant and warm things, although previously this was an integral part of your relationship.
Problems in family relationships
First of all, for your own peace of mind, analyze your relationship. Perhaps they really cracked? If spiritual intimacy has disappeared between spouses, then, as a result, physical attraction also disappears over time.
After all, contrary to popular belief, men are not at all insensitive blockheads who follow only their animal instincts. They also need warmth, attention and care. Not receiving such simple human things from his wife, he begins to look for them on the side.
Often, having got a man for her use, a woman relaxes and stops making efforts to maintain interest in herself. A stale robe or stretched sweatpants, unkempt hair or curlers at night - and now you are no longer a desirable sexual partner for your loved one.
If you objectively assessed the situation and found out that the emotional atmosphere in your home is quite favorable. And you yourself look your best, you can begin to consider the problem of your husband’s refusal of intimacy, on the other hand.
