Crises of family life by year and ways to overcome them

First crisis of family life

It is believed that at the initial stage of family life everything is simple. In fairy tales, heroes live “happily ever after,” which creates corresponding stereotypes according to which the first year of marriage is a happy and romantic time. However, in reality, many young couples face a crisis after 1 year of marriage. It is characterized by:

• Lapping. Living together, partners learn more about each other's shortcomings.
• Newly-made spouses learn about each other's everyday habits. Often they do not coincide, this creates slight tension in the relationship of the young couple.

note

According to statistics, about 16% of married couples divorce after the first year of relationship . Nevertheless, we can overcome this crisis, we just need:

• Try to be more tolerant of each other.
• Do romantic things more often
• Refer to the experience of parents

Three years of marriage

The 3-year crisis is one of the most insidious. It is dangerous both for married people and for those who have not yet formalized their relationship. During this period, there is no longer a place for romance in life; it is replaced by boring life. And three more years of marriage is:

• A moment of disappointed expectations. The spouses understand that the ideal images of husband and wife created in the imagination do not correspond to reality.
• The birth of the first child in the family.
• Spouses' unwillingness to be parents.
• Frequent interference of loved ones in family life (mother-in-law or mother-in-law).

For the most part, the three-year crisis is associated with the birth of a child. It would seem that such an event, on the contrary, should unite the spouses, but according to statistics, 18% of marriages break up already in the 4th year of marriage.

During this period, childless couples also experience difficulties. The crisis of 3 years also affected those who are in relationships without marriage. Fortunately, psychologists have long figured out how to overcome it. Necessary:

• Try not to get hung up on relationships. Give each other personal freedom.
• Try to talk as much as possible on a variety of topics, do not strive to constantly discuss personal problems.

Those who have experienced a three-year crisis already in marriage should:

• Limit the influence of outsiders on relationships within the family.
• Pay less attention to each other's shortcomings.
• Talk more about problems that arose after the birth of a child. The wife must explain to her husband that she still loves him, even if she does not pay as much attention as before. A husband should be more patient, help and support his wife in everything.
• Spend more time together . For example, both spouses can walk with the child or bathe him.

Causes of crises in relationships

A crisis in family relationships occurs in almost all couples. This happens for some reasons:

1. diverse worldview;
2. isolation of one of the spouses or both;
3. problems of sexual life;
4. the birth of the first child;
5. cooling of feelings;
6. psychological immaturity;
7. attempts to impose your views on your partner and change him;
8. pressure from others;
9. love on the side;
10. arranged marriages.

Not all couples will experience a relationship crisis. There are people who marry by mutual consent, and during their family life they carefully study each other, without trying to change each other. In such unions, spouses rarely quarrel and know how to find compromises.

Important! Frequently talking about problems will help you find solutions.

Five-year crisis

Having lived together for 5 years, the couple again encounter difficulties. During this period, a woman usually returns to work after maternity leave, which is the main cause of the crisis. It is due to the fact that:

• Despite returning to work and her usual active life, the woman realizes that she can no longer manage to do everything.
• When choosing between her personal needs and household responsibilities, a woman prefers the first, and this greatly irritates men.

Not every married couple survives to 6 years of relationship. According to statistics, 28% of married couples do not cope with the crisis for five years.

However, it can be avoided if:

• The spouses will be jointly responsible for household chores.
• The husband will be more attentive.
• The wife will begin to tell her husband about what is really bothering her.

Relationship crisis 11-13 years old

Having successfully passed the anniversary of 10 years of marriage, you will need to remain fully armed to prevent the next turning point. Most often, the next crisis of 11-13 years coincides with the midlife crisis of one of the partners, which is associated with a global reassessment of values ​​and summarizing the results achieved. The coldness and detachment of the spouse during this period is perceived most painfully.

At this stage, thoughts begin to occur that there is still a chance to start over, and depending on the microclimate in the family, the decision may not be made in its favor. The understanding that there is very little time left sometimes pushes people to make drastic decisions that lead to 180-degree changes in life. A new job, a new apartment, and even a new family is the result of a revaluation of values.

To save a marriage from a crisis, it is advisable to learn to set new goals, not only individual, but also family, even global - purchasing real estate, business development, starting your own business, etc. All this contributes to the development of marriage and the realization of accumulated potential.

An important factor at this stage of the life cycle is children who begin to understand what is happening around them and understand their position in life. The example of active and happy parents will help to form the correct norms and rules of behavior in society, which of course will have a positive impact on their future lives.

After seven years of marriage

Family life is not that simple. Therefore, after adjustment, everyday life, the birth of a child and disappointed expectations, the spouses face another crisis - 7 years of marriage. It is due to the fact that:

• After seven years of marriage, the routine simply overwhelms us. During this period of time, many couples again forget about romance, turning their life together into an ordinary everyday life.
• Spouses are annoying each other.
• Family life becomes mundane and uninteresting.

Similar problems can be encountered after 8 years of marriage. According to statistics , more than 25% of couples do not know how to survive such a crisis . Not understanding how to correct the situation, spouses often begin to cheat on each other. Therefore, not every family lives to see the next anniversary, 9 years of relationship.

However, such mistakes can be avoided if:

• The spouses will meet each other halfway: the wife will try to bring something new to the relationship, and the husband will appreciate her efforts and begin to show his romantic impulses.
• The wife will stop nagging her husband.
• A man will be interested in the life of his other half.
• A married couple will try to resolve all contradictions as soon as they arise.
• Try something new: they will find a new hobby together, go on trips, come up with something new in intimate relationships.

Gossip

Remember! This advice can only be applied in certain situations. For example, if you tell your spouse something for several hours after work, you will not achieve any effect.

The main task is to have a heart-to-heart talk and express everything that has accumulated. You can start a conversation by discussing your friends or loved ones.

After this, you can slowly move on to more personal topics. A seemingly simple conversation will help you understand that your spouse is the closest person. And if he is the closest and dearest, then you need to improve your relationship.

Crisis 11-13 years

Having lived together for more than 10 years, the spouses begin to quarrel again. The initial period of disappointment in life begins. Feeling empty, both husband and wife want to somehow change the existing way of life. However, they don't know how to do this, so they start:

• Mutual reproaches.
• Looking for entertainment on the side.

Often, after 12 years, spouses cheat on each other only because they want something new and bright. A whirlwind romance brings back the thirst for life, but deprives the opportunity for reconciliation within the family. Therefore, about 22% choose divorce.

However, if both spouses are willing to discuss problems and want to restore the relationship, discord can be avoided. To do this you need:

• Talk, forgetting about the differences of the previous 11 years of marriage. The past must be forgotten.
• Look at your partner with different eyes: remember all his positive qualities and fall in love again.
• Be more interested in each other's lives.

Crisis of fifteen years

After being married for 15 years, couples are once again facing difficulties. This crisis of family relationships is not so easy to resolve. This is the time when both spouses are under 40 years old. For a woman, this means a decrease in intimate needs and an early menopause, and for men - a midlife crisis. This period is characterized by:

• Emotional and sexual stagnation.
• Both spouses have neuroses.
• The desire to be young again.

Note. According to divorce statistics, 19% of marriages fall apart after 15 years of marriage .

To overcome the crisis of monotony it is necessary:

• Reawaken interest in each other. The couple should try to become young again together.
• Try going on a date while leaving the kids at home.
• Talk about accumulated problems and discontent.

Crisis 5-7 years of life

You and your family have already matured, understood a lot, learned a lot. During these years, most likely, you had a child, perhaps more than one, and you experienced joyful and sad events together. There comes a state of rethinking the social roles of spouses in the family and outside it - here differences in the speed of development, especially professional and personal growth, come into force. Disagreements may arise in matters of raising children, hidden (or obvious) dissatisfaction with intimate life often arises, and some cooling and mutual misunderstanding occur on this basis.

It is important to remember here that with age, hormonal changes occur, which also affects sexual needs. The speed of these changes may vary between partners, not to mention the initial temperament, the amount of household worries, which also reduce the need and provoke dissatisfaction.

In addition, there is a need for your own space, for interests separate from the family - this is normal, but it can be difficult to come to terms with this.

This crisis may turn out to be more serious than the previous one, it is still worth sharing your vision of the situation with each other - living together is a two-way street. Having gone through this transitional stage, you will definitely become wiser, relationships will become friendly and tolerant, and each of you will have the right to personal space.

Photo: ID Burda

Midlife crisis

Disagreements that arise in the 15th year of life can progress and ultimately turn into a “mid-life” crisis. It covers the entire decade between 13-23 years of marriage . This period is characterized by multiple problems:

• Midlife crisis in parents.
• Transitional age in children.
• Disagreement between spouses on issues of education.
• Life together during this period follows habit.
• There comes a time when children enter adulthood and leave their parents' home.

If previous crisis situations in family life were often resolved peacefully for the sake of the child, now everything has changed. Left alone, the husband and wife understand that there will be nothing new in life anymore. That is why, after living together for 15 or even 20 years, many married couples break up.

The divorce statistics of this period are disappointing: 12.4% of couples cannot overcome this period .

However, we can overcome the “midlife” crisis; for this it is necessary:

• Remember the old days. Spouses must start caring for each other again.
• Build trusting family relationships. During this period, it is especially important to have a reliable ally near you - your soulmate.
• Find new interests, plunge into the world of entertainment.
• Distract yourself from bad thoughts more often.
• Bring intimacy back into family life.
• Be more patient with each other.

Crises in marriage by year

Midlife crisis in women - what time does it start, how to survive it

Psychology distinguishes crises in family life by year:

• first year of marriage;
• 3 years;
• 5 year crisis;
• 7 years of marriage;
• 9 years;
• more than 10 years;
• 20-25 years.

Important! In marriage there is also not only love, but also habit. This is a feature of all people.

Crisis in relationships occurs over the years in marriage. This is due to the transition of the created union to a new stage of relations.

First year of marriage

After the wedding, a young, inspired husband and wife continue to believe in the fairy tale and illusion created in their heads during the relationship. Couples who have entered into marriage by mutual desire go through a grinding process in the first year and continue to live together.

It is more difficult for young people who get married due to certain circumstances: unplanned pregnancy, pressure from relatives, arranged marriage, contractual union between parents. Crises in family life are inevitable.

The spouses begin to get used to each other's lifestyle. Most often, conflicts arise due to the desire for leadership of one of the partners, who does not want to change for the other. The idea of ​​a happy family life does not live up to expectations, which leads to frequent quarrels and divorce.

couple in pink

3 years

This is one of the most difficult periods for relationships. Many young couples prefer divorce to solve the problem. By the third year of marriage, a person gets to know his soul mate from the other side. Her shortcomings are revealed, which were completely invisible before. It all starts with petty quarrels about unwashed dishes and ends with reproaches to each other about appearance and behavior.

Such quarrels lead to a decline in feelings or to their complete loss. Sex life becomes boring and uninteresting, too ordinary. I want to change something, but my partner refuses to change anything.

If there are small children in the family, surviving such a period is even more difficult. The child always monitors the peace in the family and has a hard time withstanding any quarrels that he observes.

5 years

By this period, many couples manage to have children. If the marriage is concluded by consent, then the baby is welcome and, it seems, will not bring much trouble to family happiness. In most cases, the initiator of quarrels after the birth of a new family member is a man. This happens for several reasons:

• the woman devotes too much time to the child;
• decreased libido after childbirth;
• frequent lack of sleep;
• lack of acceptance of lifestyle changes;
• lack of help from a man;
• a woman does not have time to do household chores;
• With age, appearance changes: fullness, excessive thinness.

In unions where there are no children, this is the main cause of quarrels. One of the spouses wants to have offspring, the other refuses. This leads to divorce, and each partner finds what he wanted.

Important! There is an opinion that the 5-year crisis is the most difficult; if you survive it, the marriage will last for a long time.

Couple in white

7 years relationship

For families with children, this is a rather difficult period. Children grow into independent individuals who try to express themselves and attract the attention of others. A child’s adolescence can affect not only his relationship with his parents, but also his marriage. Each parent has his own point of view, which may differ.

In addition to problems with teenagers, spouses lose sexual interest in each other. Everything becomes too same and routine. There is a thirst for sexual variety. Most often, it is the male half who tries to make up for the shortage on the side.

To avoid such situations, you need to diversify your sex life, try something new, previously unknown. Finding compromises is the best solution to save the family.

Woman quarreling with big round earrings

9 years

The critical period of 9 years is practically no different from the 7-year period. Problems continue to exist. To these is added a midlife crisis - when a person begins to wonder whether he is living correctly, whether he has tried everything, or whether the person next to him is the right one. I am no longer young, how to solve problems?

While searching for answers to such questions, the partner forgets about his family. He is too busy, wants new sensations, in constant search. For men and women, this period occurs at different times, since marriages with large age differences are now popular. It is not easy to experience such events; they manifest themselves:

• isolation;
• conflicts;
• reproaches;
• attempts to make changes in life;
• leaving work;
• desire for novelty.

Marriage is based on relationships and understanding each other. To get out of such a hole, you need to meet each other halfway.

Important! If your mother-in-law or mother-in-law often interferes with your family’s advice, this needs to be stopped at the very beginning.

Husband on the phone

More than 10 years of marriage

Family life becomes monotonous and uninteresting. Everything repeats according to the same scenario every day. Boredom and habit do not allow partners to reveal all their innermost desires and try to make them come true. The husband and wife move away from each other and begin to live in a separately created world. Feelings disappear, indifference to each other appears. Quarrels become more frequent, one of the spouses decides to cheat or leave the family.

It is necessary to introduce variety not only into the sexual life of the family, but also into communication. Everyday template questions become boring, and there is nothing to talk about. The emotional connection between husband and wife is lost. They are moving away from each other. Children with an unidentified psyche suffer the most.

20-25 years

The 20th anniversary indicates the onset of a period when a person realizes that he has achieved everything he wanted in this life. Children grow up, create their own families, financial stability has been achieved. The time has come to live for yourself: remember your old abandoned interests, start traveling, communicate with new people.

A man or woman asks questions: why do I need my spouse in this, do I need him to implement my plans. There are a lot of grievances accumulated over such a long period of time. Some of them remain a hard imprint forever. Mutual understanding disappears over time. People want to live for themselves and do not see a goal for preserving the created union.

Important! After 20 years of marriage, the opportunity arises to live for yourself and your spouse, creating interesting leisure time together.

Couple in blue sitting with their backs to each other

Family life after 20

Having overcome the midlife crisis, many married couples relax, believing that no more disagreements are expected. However, after 20 years of marriage, another crisis period begins. It has its own characteristics and features:

• Men are ending a midlife crisis.
• Women reach menopause.
• Spouses stop supporting each other. Everyone is fixated on their own problems.
• There are more and more reasons for quarrels.
• Another stagnation in the relationship.

These disagreements may well lead to divorce. According to statistics, about 1% of couples break up without celebrating their silver wedding.

• However, we can overcome this crisis period, we just need:
• Spend more time outside the home, chat with friends
• Try to bring romance back into the relationship