Where did this status “everything is complicated” come from, because in a normal relationship everything should be simple and clear. Here is a man, and here is a woman, they love each other, they have common goals, interests and desires, they look in the same direction.
But what to do if everything is wrong in your relationship? If you are constantly haunted by the fear: “What if he is waiting for someone better, and for him I am just a convenient option for a while”?
The “Growth Phase” team, together with the psychologist of the “Woman’s Path” course, Alla Pilipyuk, has prepared a special project for you that will help you determine whether your relationship has a future.
From this article you will learn:
- Main types of unclear relationships:
- Love triangle.
- He feeds you “breakfasts”.
- Love at a distance.
- You put in more than you get out.
- Relationship with a foreigner.
- How to understand that a man is not serious about you?
- What should a normal relationship be like?
Main types of unclear relationships
Incomprehensible relationships are complete uncertainty. It seems that you live with a man, and are nominally considered a couple, but he does not offer you anything serious. He either remains silent to all your questions, or promises you “mountains of gold.” Let's take a closer look at the main types of relationships that have no future.
Love triangle
Girls who are in the position of a lover often ask the same questions: “Do I have a chance to be loved? Will he keep his promise? How soon will he divorce his wife and put a ring on my finger?” Of course, there are chances that the situation will be resolved in your favor, but they are very low - about one in a hundred. First of all, I propose to figure out why you fell into the trap of a triangle and agreed to the role of a mistress.
- Low self-esteem
. You deserve to be loved, to take the throne of your lawful wife, but you agree to much less - rare meetings and eternal competition with another woman. - There is a fear of loneliness
. What if you no longer meet such a wonderful man on your life path? It's better to meet on weekends than to cry in splendid isolation. - Unconditional love. And faith that he will turn out to be a real, worthy man and will not let you down. And if he said, I’ll get a divorce, then he’ll definitely do it.
- Minimum responsibility
. At first, a woman can take this step consciously. Because he doesn’t want a family, children and extra responsibilities. But the relationship, which seemed like a temporary option, sucks her in like a swamp. It won't be easy to get out of them.
The mistress's position in the triangle is the most vulnerable. A woman gives her beloved man her youth, emotions, energy, and in return receives rare meetings, gifts and nothing more. Because there are no guarantees that he will leave the family. A man in such a relationship feels good and comfortable: he receives energy, achieves self-realization, raises his self-esteem and... returns home to his wife.
Even if he decides to break family ties and you end up in that same 1%, you will have to pay off the karmic debt. For destroying someone's happiness, someone else's life. But most often the woman just waits. Years pass, but nothing changes, and the resources of faith and energy are depleted. The mistress comes out of such a relationship like a squeezed lemon. She gave the man everything she could, but her hopes remained unjustified.
He feeds you breakfast
He feeds you breakfasts and unfulfilled promises. “Just wait a little, I’ll earn some money, I’ll get back on my feet, I’ll marry you, we’ll live together.” Six months, a year passes, and the man continues to tell you fairy tales.
Dear girls, let's think for a second about what qualities make a man a man.
- Responsibility for your actions and actions.
- Determination.
- Caring for your family, the need to become its head.
- Respect for a woman and her needs.
- Masculinity and others.
Now look: he promises, but does nothing. Does this behavior show respect for you? About the desire to take responsibility for the life of another person? Hardly. Most likely, you are just another convenient option. A man is defined by his actions, not his words. And the fact that he gives you flowers, takes you to restaurants, spoils you with gifts is just courtship. We are not talking about any serious intentions.
A man doesn't care about you
Sometimes every woman wants to turn into a little kitten, to be taken care of, stroked, cuddled. Caring for loved ones is a natural need of people. This is a way to give another person your warmth, to demonstrate the importance and seriousness of your own intentions. However, if a man is not serious about you, then he will not rush to show he cares about you.
Photo: pixabay.com
Love at a distance
Love at a distance is just an illusion of a relationship, since in essence the woman is alone. There is no strong shoulder next to her, no protector, she only regularly sees his photo on the screen and expects that someday they will be together.
It’s one thing if you already live together and the man leaves for work (study, personal matters) for several months. And it’s completely different if you are “in standby mode.”
Now imagine what he is doing at these moments? That's right, he continues to live his life and perhaps even with a very real woman. And you are just his energy supply. He makes promises to you, says beautiful words, but when it comes to actions, he backs away.
- Sometimes you receive flowers and gifts from him, perceive them as a miracle and an illusion of a normal relationship.
- He is present in your life sporadically and does not perform the functions assigned to a man by nature itself.
If you consciously enter into such a relationship, you are agreeing to less than you deserve. Perhaps your fear of loneliness and self-doubt speaks to you? But, girls, while you are attached to a virtual image, you lose the chance to find happiness with a real man.
You put in more than you get
With you, a man lives with everything ready: you diligently iron his shirts, prepare a three-course meal and faithfully wait if he is late at work. And believe that he will soon appreciate and understand what a treasure is in front of him - and will definitely ask you to marry you. Years go by, but he is still in no hurry to offer the treasured ring.
You know, if you constantly hear from a man “Right now I don’t have the opportunity to pick you up from work (have a wedding, buy a gift)” - look for a partner who has these opportunities. Because otherwise you will sit there with “noodles” on your ears and wait for him to turn on “man mode”.
If a man is interested in a relationship, you see it.
- He is trying for the sake of your future together. Comes home and tells what worked or didn’t work out for him
- You make joint plans and set goals.
- You feel an emotional impact. Even a simple “Thank you” for a delicious dinner raises a woman’s self-esteem.
- There is a give-receive balance in your relationship. It is important. Because if you go out of your way for him, and the answer is silence, burnout occurs. You can continue to live in the same territory out of habit, but the most important things - love, trust, mutual understanding - will be lost.
Many men take advantage of women's naivety. They make promises, tell tales, bribe with periodic gifts - and things don’t go further than that.
Its employment level
If a man remembers you only when he is already free, perhaps you are not that important to him. A young man’s frivolous intention can also be revealed if he is too lazy to see you. Such guys may say that today they want to lie at home and not go out anywhere.
Everyone has a similar mood, but you can relax together, right?
Think about who is the initiator of your meetings? With a girl they really like, men “step up” and take the initiative.
Relationship with a foreigner
You need to enter into such relationships with caution: if a man really shows strong feelings, is ready to come to you, pay all expenses, you should not push him away right away. But if he starts telling you fairy tales, like, “You pay for the ticket, and then I’ll pay for your hotel,” you don’t need such a person. Because a relationship with him will lead nowhere: he simply takes up your time, energy and gives you hope that will not develop into anything else.
Why does he need you? He sees emotional support in you. But only for a while, so he will constantly promise you something and do nothing, and you will travel to a foreign country at your own expense.
Girls often ask: “But the mentality is different there, they pay for everything 50/50 - and this is the norm.” Look, before agreeing to a relationship with a foreigner, you must be mentally prepared for the fact that their mentality is different from ours. Before getting involved in such an adventure, study well the customs and rules of life in his country, so that later you don’t sit in a state of shock and think “Where did I end up”?
But remember that the 50/50 system is not a seditious rule that all men unconditionally follow, because in any country in the world a man never ceases to be the stronger sex. And a lot in your relationship depends on your agreements. A man is created to help and protect his woman, who accepts this help and in return gives him support, care, and emotions. Only if there is balance in your relationship can something come of it.
All of the above options, in principle, are not normal relationships. It's a convenient way to spend time, and in all cases you give much more than you get.
He doesn't value relationships
If at every quarrel your partner throws out the phrase: “Let's break up!”, He is either a fool or a deceiver. In the first case, you can correct the situation by simply having a heart-to-heart talk and explaining to the man that his words greatly hurt you. In the second case, nothing can be done; it is obvious that your partner does not value you and is ready to break off the relationship at any moment.
If it seems to you that your partner is not serious about you, do not rush to cut from the shoulder and ruin the relationship. Take a closer look at your man's behavior, and also listen to your own heart. If you don't feel happy in your relationship and feel like you're being taken advantage of, call your partner for an open conversation to fully understand the situation.
How to understand that a man is not serious about you?
He lives the way it suits him.
If you live separately, he always chooses the time and place of the date himself, so that it does not interfere with his plans. You communicate little, although his busy schedule allows him to spend more time with you. Even if in the end he invites you to live with him, nothing will change. He will continue to throw socks in corners, disappear on weekends with friends and watch football in the evenings. Simply because he is so used to it and doesn’t really want to take your wishes into account.
There is no “we”.
There are you and him - two strangers with different interests, needs and goals. There are no joint plans for the future, trips, or purchases.
Just listen to his speech: if only “I” and “me” are heard all the time, he puts his interests first. He can tell tales about a wonderful future as much as he wants, but he won’t do anything.
You don't know much about him.
You practically do not know his friends, colleagues and close circle. Parents also probably don’t know that their son has such a beautiful and wonderful you. and at the same time you can meet with him for a very long time and even live in the same territory. He just subconsciously understands: there is no need to introduce someone close to him that he can easily leave tomorrow.
You don't feel like there's a man next to you.
Let's remember what functions are inherent in it by nature itself? Provider, protector, helper. If a man is committed to a serious relationship, he will do everything to make life easier for the woman he loves. If a woman selflessly screws in a burnt-out light bulb or drags a broken computer to the other end of town, what masculine qualities are we talking about here? After all, it is much easier to withdraw yourself and return when you have already solved this problem.
He is inactive.
He just goes with the flow, pours another lie into your beautiful ears - and continues to see you only as a convenient option. From time to time he bribes you with his generosity - he gives flowers, gifts, takes you to expensive restaurants. Frivolous men love to manipulate your feelings, and if you hear the phrases:
- Yes, I’m ready to do anything for you, just wait.
- I don’t have the opportunity to rent an apartment right now, but in a couple of weeks we will be living together.
- If you love me, you won't put pressure on me. I will divorce as soon as I am ready for this - I need to pick up my feet and run away from such a relationship.
If a man wants his beloved to be happy, he will do everything possible and impossible for this. Well, if your partner doesn’t have any special feelings for you, he will look for more and more excuses.
He tells you this directly
. The man makes it clear that he is not going to get married in the near future and children are not included in his plans. But deep down you hope to change him and rehabilitate him. “He will definitely appreciate how smart and hostess I am and will make a decision that is beneficial to me.”
Dear girls, this attitude is a huge mistake. The man has clearly outlined his intentions and personal boundaries, but you simply do not want to accept them. You are simply wasting your time in the wrong, abnormal relationships, and the guys who want and can make you happy are passing you by.
