The main feature of the ladies' group is that women have a greater need for verbal communicationthan men. It is not for nothing that in most cases girls begin to speak earlier than boys. Women need communication - and communication is not virtual, but live.
Conversations
This leads to the first factor that needs to be taken into account - they always say here. About work and bosses, about children and problems with husbands, about shopping and hairstyles... And that’s good. You always have the opportunity to discuss pressing issues: from a quarrel with your husband to the best store to buy new shoes. But this feature also has a downside.
Firstly, the workflow suffers. Especially if you have recently been working in a company and are not yet accustomed to planning your working time taking into account the obligatory conversations and tea parties.
Secondly, conversations here often become common property - and therefore it is very easy to ruin relationships with colleagues or superiors by once participating in their discussion. And in such conditions, you can easily become the hero of gossip - it is enough to tell a little about your personal life.
The women's team is a whirlwind of emotions.
The more emotions you experience in a team, the more dependent you are on it. The most emotional woman in the team is the most dependent. She may be the most effective, but she will be the most miserable! Because she won't have a choice.
Because it is effective in what? In disputes, gossip and discussions! Unhappy, poor and senseless creature!
I did a little experiment.
I created a provocative post on my page. And he began to observe.
The most ardent commentators, who were always trying to convince me, to somehow offend me, who wrote the longest emotional comments, are the most emotionally dependent, and therefore the most unhappy.
As the Mistress of Life wrote to me in a message, happy people don’t care about such trifles.
Who are we fighting against?
Women also tend to have a sense of community —being with someone is more comfortable than being alone.
Therefore, certain interest groups are often formed in the workplace. This is a normal situation if interests are not related to work. But if one group, for example, supports the boss and enjoys his favor, and the second does not, conflict cannot be avoided. The usual difference of opinions that manifests itself during a conversation about trifles can also aggravate relations between groups.
Follow the rules!
In a women's team, rules always apply. The problem is that these rules are usually not spelled out in the regulations. There is an unspoken daily routine, there is an informal leader, and it is worth observing some verbal obligations that exist within the team - for example, an agreement on mutual replacement in case of illness, on donating money for employee birthdays, on joint celebration of holidays, etc. Refusing to comply with these unspoken rules is the easiest way to arouse the hostility of the team.
Laws of Survival
Alas, in a women's team everything is decided by personal sympathies. Therefore, special attention will have to be paid to establishing relationships with colleagues. To do this, you should follow a few simple rules:
1. Never participate in discussions of absent people. There is a high probability that your negative review about one of your colleagues will be passed on to the recipient. And significantly embellished. And, of course, do not discuss your superiors under any circumstances!
2. Don't talk about yourself. If you do not want your personal life to become known to the entire department, you should not discuss it with any of your colleagues. Even in secret!
3. Observe! If you are a newbie, first try to understand what kind of relationships have developed in the team. Build relationships with colleagues based on the existing informal hierarchy.
4. Try to communicate with people on topics that interest them, avoiding unpleasant ones. Every person has favorite and least favorite topics to discuss.
5. In any discussion, you should avoid personal criticism - it is better to limit yourself to general phrases.
6. Don't stand out. Due to a heightened sense of community, women develop a strong antipathy towards a person who behaves differently from the norm. Avoids tea parties, does not support common feasts, expresses an opinion that contradicts the opinion of the majority... Try to follow the established procedures.
7. By the way, it’s also not worth advertising your successes in a women’s team.
8. And most importantly, don’t forget about work while talking!
Difficulty level Hardcore. Tips for surviving in the “women’s” office
I was inspired to write this material by numerous references to how difficult it is sometimes for a woman to get along in a male group, to be alone in an office full of men, and what pitfalls there are in all this. But I have never seen a story about what it’s like for a man who, by the will of fate, finds himself not at a machine, but in the same office with a number of young and not so young non-techie women. Believe me, here, too, not everything is so simple for linear male thinking. I once found myself in a similar situation and I will tell you that this is, in fact, an invaluable experience, but at times very painful.
But about everything in order under the cut. I will not introduce male chauvinism in the article.
, but I’ll simply list a number of situations, real and simulated, in which
it is better to pretend to be a rag and not move
, or, conversely, throw yourself with your chest at the embrasure. The article was written on the basis of personal experience working in several small organizations, in one of which, I, as a support, did not have enough table in the overgrown developer’s office and I ended up with my female colleague in the office of other young ladies and, in fact, found myself “alone in field".
Start
First of all, once in an already formed women's team, i.e. In a separate office, it is worth learning that everything that you ever say can be used against you in the future
. It is highly advisable to be as polite, friendly and taciturn as possible. A neat appearance plays a huge role, even if your appearance causes mirrors to crack. Pay special attention to your shoes; if a man does not pay attention to your trampled sneakers, then your female neighbor may draw a conclusion that is absolutely incredible from your point of view. Most likely, they will not speak to you for several days, or solely for work reasons, this is normal. Be silent, listen and do your job. This is the most peaceful time. At the same time, do not go too far with silence, answer calmly and affably, otherwise there is a risk of being branded as an unpleasant redneck, or even generally “dreadful”.
Afterwards, a more active acquaintance with you and questioning begins. One way or another, you will start a conversation, most likely in the office itself, and they will start asking you about personal things. Who you are, where you worked, what you breathe, and so on. I extremely, simply extremely strongly recommend not to brag about anything and maintain a neutral position, since an opinion about you can be formed at the same moment, and your advantages (according to your own assessment) are regarded as disadvantages.
Please note that even if you are talking to only one girl in the office, and everyone else is looking at the monitors and working enthusiastically, don’t be mistaken, you are giving an answer not to a specific person, but to everyone at once, even if they in no way show their participation in a conversation, with a probability of 90% they listen to you
. This is generally an amazing ability to listen, speak and do something at the same time, inaccessible to me, just as inaccessible to my understanding.
Disputes, communication and discussions
Almost all men like to argue about something in the smoking room, or during lunch, discuss, share opinions. This is, in fact, normal communication. Just don’t forget that now we are dealing with more sensitive individuals who are organizing a kind of “collective intelligence”
.
The most important thing is not to destroy your interlocutor in a discussion.
There are topics in which you are better versed than others.
Most often, by explaining his wrongness to a male colleague, he assimilates new information and rethinks it. A woman, especially your colleague and especially on work matters, may perceive your flow of information as a personal insult, especially if you do it in front of your roommates. And there is no worse enemy than an insulted woman
, so do not under any circumstances try to act condescendingly or lecturer-style to suppress a person with your knowledge,
this will end badly for you
. The best option is to help when asked, and not to intervene yourself; offering your opinion/point of view/help on work issues is stepping on very thin ice. Young ladies who are not used to working and communicating with men may react the way they are used to, and this is strikingly different from what you expect to see. For the worse.
Question answer
Be mentally prepared for the fact that many women very often do not answer a specific question posed
.
Those. you can come up and ask, conditionally, what color are ripe bananas. They will ask you why you need bananas, are you sure that they are bananas, and how many pieces/kilos do you need? Then you will get the answer that the color changes depending on the type of banana, and in general, you work directly with oranges and look towards the orange color. And you can read about bananas somewhere else. Maybe I'm just a loser, but I encounter moments like this all the time. Even the colleague who is most loyal to you will often not be able to specifically answer the question specifically posed to her and, one way or another, will lead the topic aside. I'm talking about situations where you're new and haven't been working with her for years, don't forget about that.
Personal animosity
This is the strangest thing in the behavior of many, especially young and ambitious girls. I saw a young employee of the HR department who had a very tense conversation at work with one of the guys only because he was not handsome in her opinion
, which was loudly voiced after the door was closed behind him.
Those. The external biological factor of a person added problems to his work and it was clear that he had a contemptuous and condescending attitude towards him, which, let me tell you, is very unpleasant. In general, very often there are “personal” hostilities in women’s groups. A girl may be annoyed by the timbre of your voice, the way you speak, dress, the way you brew coffee, or the fact that you rock in your chair. Any thing can lead to discord in the relationship with a colleague and subsequent problems. Unfortunately, I was never able to figure out how to avoid this and being nice won’t save you here.
Be prepared for the fact that you haven’t done anything wrong at all, but they don’t like you, this is normal and with a 90% probability it won’t change.
General conversations
Quite often in men's groups, dialogues between two people develop into a collective discussion of some issue, not even related to work. In the women's team everything is different. You can work with them for quite a long time, however, your connection to the conversation may be perceived as an intrusion into the dialogue
, even if you have something useful/funny to say, and your chances of running into the phrase “I’m not talking to you” increase sharply "in various variations and intonations.
If possible, avoid collective conversations in which the initiator is not an employee loyal to you
, otherwise your “karma” inside the office will drop by a few more points and sooner or later will hit the floor.
Restoring Relationships
Once you transfer a female colleague to the category of “mortal enemy,”
you will no longer take her out of there.
By the way, you may not even remember what happened that made people dislike you, but keep in mind that she remembers everything. Thus, all you can do is maintain neutrality and try to abstract yourself from the personal conflict, because any attempt to resolve it properly and expectedly will not have an effect, and any word you say will be initially regarded as an act of aggression, and any mistakes you make will be very carefully monitored, as well as your job is to look for vulnerabilities if the young lady turns out to be vindictive as well. In this case, you can either work perfectly, or look for a new job, or hope that life will separate you into different rooms/departments and you will no longer intersect. Do not allow yourself to be deceived by polite communication, or even jokes from the “enemy”
, as if everything has returned to normal; as soon as you have a vulnerable spot, they will very quickly put pressure on it, perhaps just for pleasure. There may be some sexism here, but I have not noticed such behavior in men.
"Safe Groups"
From my own practice of several teams with a sufficient number of women, I personally identified the following, least “dangerous” and non-conflict categories of colleagues:
- Young mothers under 30 are most often calm and friendly
- “Tomboys” who prefer to communicate with men more than with women
- Less common are wealthy women 35-45 with family and children
Accountants should not be included in these groups, they have their own spherical situations in a vacuum and I’m afraid to even get involved in this, they are very nervous.
In general, I highly recommend singling out “single” colleagues right away, but not in order to hit, but in order to understand that these people are the most susceptible and, often, suspicious, especially at the age of about 30. According to a personal statistical sample, married girls and women are calmer, emotionally stable and loyal to men as such, perhaps due to the fact that they constantly communicate with their own husbands and have learned to interact with a representative of “our species.” Also remember if there are any brothers/sisters. The only daughter in the family, at times, grows up to be an extremely selfish person, which follows her like a trail in everything.
And of course, education plays a huge role. I have never had conflicts with girls with a technical/mathematical education, perhaps because of their student experience and life in a “male” team before that.
Bottom line
Perhaps the material turned out to be too “captain” style, but 85% of the men I know have never been in such situations, and the remaining 15% do not like to talk about it.
First of all, you go to work to earn money, and then everything else. But remember, carelessness in words, looks and gestures with women can seriously poison this part of your life to the point of seeking change. Women are more sensitive and it’s worth noting this on your nose if you haven’t worked side by side with them before. If you cannot get enough help from your colleague, look for it elsewhere, because then the accumulated problems will lead to open conflict, which is analogous to a nuclear war of extermination. Don't go to extremes and take care of yourself.
PS I'm not a sexist and I'm always happy to communicate with new people of any gender, especially girls :). I have extensive experience in communications and in general my work involves communicating with people as support. But specifically the situation within some groups raised questions in me to which I am still looking for answers.
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