Why is a wife embarrassed by her husband?
Of course, everything here is individual for each woman. As individual as personal life experience and the individual itself. And it is the wife’s personality traits that influence her to be shy about her own husband. And the characteristics of her personality, in turn, were formed under the influence of the past - the numerous situations she experienced, various information perceived in life.
Some of these situations, some information related to marriage, relationships between spouses, the position and roles of the wife and husband in the family, etc., formed ideas, images, opinions, beliefs, conclusions, behavior patterns in the girl’s head, fears, fantasies and much more regarding marriage, husband and men in general. And for some girls, this baggage from the past resulted in embarrassment for their husband - in some specific moments or in general.
The roots of the problem “I’m embarrassed by my husband,” of course, may lie not only in your formed perception of your husband, your role as a wife, etc. If it comes to individual moments, and you are embarrassed, for example, to fart or poop in front of your husband, or have sex with him, or something else, then the reasons may lie in your perception of these individual moments. If you are generally characterized by shyness in life, then the range of possible reasons expands even further.
But the most important thing in all this is that any reasons for any shyness you may have in relation to your husband are solely in your head . And nowhere else. That is, they do not exist in reality, they are just your imagination. And to clear your head of all sorts of inventions that interfere with your life, there is one wonderful remedy.
Women's sexual problems. I'm shy and afraid of sex. Low self-esteem
It is worth noting that couples often look like opposites. You've probably heard the expression that opposites attract. And often in my practice as a sexologist, family psychologist and psychotherapist, I am convinced of this.
This is, perhaps, even good, but how could a sexual problem be solved in a couple if the girl is very shy and is not ready to appear at an appointment with a sex psychologist, although a female sexual problem, as they say, is “ripe” and requires its solution .
So, a guy from Moscow called me and asked me to make an appointment with his girlfriend, saying that he would come with her, since she would never dare to take such a step on her own.
And then a couple showed up on my doorstep. He is like a little motor - sociable, positive, a good storyteller. And the girl behaved quite modestly. It further turned out that their sex leaves much to be desired, and besides oral sex and mutual masturbation there is almost nothing. Ordinary vaginal intercourse has become extremely rare, and then only at the request of the guy. The guys are students and live in a dormitory.
So, already working with a girl on her sexual female problems, we came up with previous experience, when she was still a schoolgirl and was overweight. I note that now she was a charming, slender woman with luxurious hair.
So, the girl was teased by her classmates. This made her very sad. She began to feel ashamed of herself and close herself off from people. If she had previously been involved in dancing, she abandoned the classes and began to avoid others.
Now the girl realized that all this was in the past, she had already turned into a beautiful swan. But before the realization came, the girl cried, the guy hugged her and calmed her down. Of course, it’s good to have such a sensitive partner.
Then the general fear of people emerged. The girl said that it was very difficult for her to communicate with new people.
This was also reflected in the sexual sphere.
The first of the sexual women’s problems was unusual: “I’m pinching from friction.” Hence there was no arousal, because the girl was afraid that it would hurt, and accordingly, there was no desire for sex and hydration.
We changed the client's state to initiative. I, as a sexologist, psychotherapist and family psychologist, helped increase the girl’s desire for sex, liberation and openness.
Having removed that: “the body does not listen to me,” we replaced it with sensuality and sexuality, and the additional problem associated with the negative experience received, and the fear that everything will again develop according to the previous negative scenario, the fear of pain and the expectation that It will become unpleasant, we erased the girls from our memory using techniques from NLP.
It is worth noting here that, indeed, quite often our body is separated from consciousness. And here the work of a family psychologist, psychotherapist and sexologist is needed to restore a broken connection or build and create a new one.
In such work, it is necessary to take into account all the nuances of the client’s condition and work through them, bringing changes to positive ones.
In conclusion, I will note that I do not set limits on how long sex therapy or individual work on women’s and men’s sexual problems will take, because here everyone decides for himself how much he needs it.
For some clients, a little understanding is enough to change the situation; others want to go all the way and solve their sexual problems.
In any case, couples or individual sex therapy can be seen as a good thing that leads the client to get the desired result.
How to stop being shy when meeting a man and communicating
In everyday life, shyness can be perceived as a whole range of diverse feelings. The feelings are different, but the result is the same - a woman cannot fully liberate herself and open up in a relationship with a man.
In a couple, men and women show all facets of their characters. The psyche of a man is different from that of a woman.
The nature of a man: “I want a woman.” The nature of a woman: “I want to give birth to a child.” A woman's desire to give birth to a child is as strong as a man's desire for a woman. System-vector psychology shows how this mechanism influenced the development of humanity and determined the subtlest nuances of the relationship between a man and a woman, including the feeling of natural female modesty.
When we do not understand these mechanisms, we unwittingly violate them, becoming hostages of shame where it is not provided for by nature. For example, next to your beloved man. How many tragedies, quarrels and misunderstandings could be prevented if every man and every woman realized their nature, the nature of their partner.
What will help you stop being shy about your partner?
When intentions become stronger, you need to act immediately. After all, if you miss the moment, you can wait a long time for the next case of emancipation. And the impetus for intentions is usually these things:
1. The desire to please your partner. Perhaps this will change your relationship for the better.
2. The desire to surprise your loved one. He asked for this for a long time, dreamed of taking possession of you during the day, but you did not give up.
3. Women's jealousy is a strong impetus to action. If a girl finds out that her partner is bored doing this in the dark, he wants new sensations, it’s time to think about it. Especially if other women have designs on your chosen one.
It is impossible to say exactly until the last point what exactly moves women’s minds in making such a decision. After all, most people have their own reasons for this. The main thing is to learn to understand the problem and solve it. Therefore, it’s time to move on to ways to combat the fear of making love in the light, because being shy in intimate relationships is the very thing that you should not do in sex under any circumstances.
Method 1: reasons and solution
The fight against complexes is the first step towards solving not only the question of how to stop being shy in bed. This is a whole path to harmony with yourself and others. If excess weight is a problem, then lose weight, go to the gym, pool, etc. Make your body the way you won’t be ashamed to show it off.
If you see flaws in your appearance that you don’t want to show to your partner, then you should start correcting them. For example, many girls are embarrassed that their skin near their anus is too dark. That's no reason to be shy as hell. There are special skin lightening products, as well as salon treatments. The main thing is to identify the cause of your indignation, take control of it and solve it.
Method 2: stop sweating
Concentrating on the fact that during sex your partner will only look at your scar (for example) is the stupidest thing. While you are focused on yourself, you lie like a log (sorry), feeling sorry for yourself or hating. Who benefited from this? If you want to enjoy life, sex and your loved one, then forget about the scar (or whatever else you have in your baggage for personal complexes).
If you can’t forget, then take action. Make it less noticeable by resorting to cosmetology or surgery. You can get a beautiful tattoo that will hide traces of scars. In any case, when you do something, you will definitely feel confident and relaxed.
Method 3: destroy illusions
Stopping the illusion of having sex in the dark will make things much easier for you and your partner. It's better to see once than to touch 100 times. You must accept your body as it is. The partner’s body also needs to be seen and loved, and not imagined in the dark what’s there and how.
If you step over your fear once, you will most likely experience many good sensations in the future (in terms of orgasm). After all, eye contact is sometimes more arousing than physical contact. So imagine what you are depriving yourself and your lover. New horizons for experimentation in bed will open up before you. By destroying your fears, you will find happiness.
Method 4: the right girl changed her mind
Nobody calls for you to turn from a well-bred girl into a slutty girl. The essence of solving the problem of fear of having sex in the light is to learn to enjoy it. After all, giving pleasure to your partner and receiving pleasure yourself is the key to a strong relationship. The fine line that many women are afraid to cross is not so dangerous.
Stop talking about sex as something bad and vulgar. Making love is a divine gift that makes people happy. Moreover, in two directions at once: in terms of carnal pleasures and the gift of new life. Feel free to show your partner the tenderness and beauty of your body and, in turn, see your beloved in all the details. Think how much you lose in the dark!
Method 5: There is no such thing as ugly pleasure
Girls always try to look perfect in front of their chosen ones. This is especially true for “fresh” couples who do not yet know each other in everyday life. After all, they come to dates looking perfect, but they still don’t know what they really look like in front of each other (tired, sleepy, etc.). So the prospect of having sex in the light frightens the girl. “What if a guy sees a plump fold on his belly? What if the makeup gets ruined? Oh, no, we’d rather have sex in the dark.” And so many young ladies think so.
Calm down, because there is no ideal. Do you think you have to look perfect during the process? Actually, no, because it’s like a whirlwind. Is it really possible to control the raging elements? Even if a young man sees your crease, or your damaged makeup, he will say: “Ugh, dear, come on, go and straighten your wings quickly!” Pull your stomach in and don’t relax.” Can you imagine such a circus?!
In fact, the man is so passionate about the process that he simply has no time to pay attention to “imaginary” shortcomings. The very opportunity to do what you want, namely have sex with you, will greatly excite and delight. You will be surprised how nice it is when your partner sees you and you see him during the whole process. And besides, having stopped being shy in bed, you can move on to even more interesting types of intimacy, for example, try having sex in the bathroom. Cast aside fears, enjoy every moment and millimeter of your body. Be happy and have a wonderful experience!
© Ekaterina Sergeevna
It is possible to get rid of shyness
There is a category of women who notice mainly only men in their surroundings, and all the topics of their conversations are related to men. Others pay attention mainly to women: they can comment on their behavior, manners, appearance and much more that attracted attention.
Such interest in surrounding women often indicates hidden fears towards men. Such a woman may even be afraid to look in the direction of men and stop her gaze on them. It’s scary - what if the man also looks or says something, and she doesn’t know how to react. She may blush or begin to stutter and withdraw even deeper into herself. It is much calmer to consider the ladies present, rationalizing this for yourself for various reasons.
She doesn't even notice her fears, doesn't even know about them. Because of this, your whole life can be spent alone. A smart, beautiful and most caring woman in the world will never suspect that the reason for loneliness is in herself, and not in the fact that “statistically” there are more women than men.
How to stop being shy with a man in bed
Whether for a long time or quickly, the period of courtship approaches closer, more intimate relationships. The most significant, most desirable relationship in the lives of most men and women.
It is very important for a woman to feel that she belongs to her man. Psychologically, this is facilitated by the fact that the man, in front of all people, declares her his woman - his wife. Official registration of relationships affects the deepest mental processes of a man and a woman. The stamp in a passport has much more significance than is commonly believed by some ignorant people. It radically changes the attitude of a man towards a woman and a woman towards a man.
Of course, it would be ideal to enter into an intimate relationship when both partners have already discovered the characteristics of each other’s psyche; this helps create trust and spiritual closeness. Helps to leave behind all fears, shyness, uncertainty, misunderstanding of yourself and your loved one. When there is an understanding of the reasons for what is happening, then the unpleasant previous experience of couple relationships no longer affects the rest of life.
Discovering the characteristics of your own and your loved one’s eroticism and sexuality, the great meaning of intimate connection and the mystery of creating emotional connections provides limitless opportunities in achieving pleasure from life. And someone discovers the ability to experience at the peak of a relationship such a great feeling as love, about which songs and legends are written!
To stop being shy about your loved one, understand yourself, understand more deeply the nature of the psyche of a man and a woman, learn all the secrets of building happy harmonious relationships in a pair of men and women, come to a free online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.
Register using the link.
Author Galina Kuzmenko
The article was written using materials from online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
Complexes in bed
Going into sexual intimacy without internal readiness is like going to the scaffold.
Unconscious fears are felt in the body as “woodiness”. The fire burns inside, but the body shrinks, as if protecting itself from attack. The hand is ready to slap the face in response to caresses, and this whole picture is even more frightening.
A gap in the sense of security and trust can arise for various reasons:
- Bad experience in the past . We tried it and didn’t like it. It’s even worse to hear from your ex: “You’re like a log in bed. I was with you only because there was no better option.” And that’s all - just cut off. The inability to step over these words and leave them in the past, the memory of sexual failures gets stuck in the head and prevents you from being happy in the present.
- Swear words have a huge impact on the ability to trust and relax in bed. When we hear words about sexuality spoken aggressively, with the goal of scaring and destroying, whether we understand it in our heads or not, our hearts begin to perceive sex as an attempt to violate us.
- Shame in bed appears when it disappears where it should be - in behavior in public. The lack of healthy shyness, female bashfulness and defiant behavior in public create a distortion: we begin to feel shy about our man, about intimate intimacy, as if we were not at home, safe with our loved one, but on Red Square. Although it is with our man that we can finally relax and express our sexual nature openly.
- Influence of culture, media . Films for adults and pop magazines are full of slender, sexy girls with tight lips, flat stomachs, ready for any experiments. How to compete with them for desirability for a man, when the figure is far from advertising standards, and uncertainty lives inside? We forget that cinema is not always the right guide. There may not be a problem at all, but the thought that you don’t meet the “standards” spoils a lot of things.
- Traumas from childhood still live within us and affect our quality of life until they are recognized and released. For example:
- Mom’s carelessly spoken words that “no one will love someone like you” give rise to the feeling that they should love you for something, and any discrepancy with ideals causes fear of being rejected;
- On Valentine's Day, a boy publicly ridiculed your declaration of love, and you are still afraid to open up to strong feelings;
- An attitude towards sex as something sinful can arise for various reasons: for example, if a girl became a victim of violence or as a child learned about her parent’s infidelity and perceived it as a betrayal; or vice versa - she lived in the grip of strict sex education: “Don’t look at boys! Look how dressed up you are! Are you a whore?
A woman by nature has no taboos in bed. Anything is acceptable to her. The only thing in which she is tabooed by culture and social norms is public behavior. Therefore, it is very important to figure out what exactly in your case is the cause of problems in intimate relationships.
In addition to the traumas of the past and the influence of negative experiences, ignorance of yourself and your partner, your mental characteristics, and therefore your real desires prevents you from deciding on intimacy.
Self-perception
Surrendering to love and passion can be hindered by increased attention to oneself.
Worries about how a fold on your stomach, stretch marks on your hips, or small breasts will look. The more a girl is focused on herself, on thoughts about how she looks from the outside, the more likely it is that something will go wrong in sex. Intimacy is a couple's dance, both people participate in the process. Switching attention to a man will help you get out of worrying about yourself and forget about yourself.
On the other hand, worries about intimacy may be justified - indeed, we often do not understand ourselves, our desires and states enough. For example, the comfortable speed of entering into close relationships, the ability to experiment, and much more depend on our innate desires. This must be known and distinguished so as not to follow the dictates of the imposed attitudes.
A clear understanding of why your body, desires and thoughts are the way they are will also help you accept yourself. What is given by nature itself and is best for feeling confident and happy, and what is the result of psychological trauma.
Partner's perception
Even the most unromantic man needs sensuality and trust from a woman. After all, he is a giver, wanting to please his woman, waiting to be accepted from him. Men need approval, a feeling that their desires are appropriate and will be accepted. Therefore, a woman’s ability to rely on a man, to surrender to him, to open up is valuable - this inspires him to heroic deeds.
If there are big doubts, then it’s worth sorting them out, but remember that for some reason you chose this man. Because of the feeling of security, the calm you feel next to him, the fluttering butterflies in your stomach. Nature doesn't lie.
And if there is something confusing about your partner’s actions, then all aspects can and should be discussed with him. Talking about what you like and what you don’t, what you are willing to do and what you cannot come to terms with, reveals your soul. It is important to talk about this not with your mother, not with your girlfriend, but with a man - after all, you have this intimacy with him.
...Now I understand how truly important it is to discuss sexual characteristics and desires with a partner, to find ways and words to communicate on this topic. And don’t pretend that everything is fine anyway. Before, I tried to discuss, but I ran into a wall. And this partner’s reluctance to talk squeezed my already timid nature and made me indifferent to sex. It was terrible and wrong. Now I understand the nature of this wall and how it can be dissolved...
Natalya K., graphic designer, Moscow
Why am I embarrassed to have sex?
Not “advertising” appearance
Our beautiful women are sure that only those with parameters 90-60-90 get everything from this life. My dear men, when they are overcome by desire, they will not pay attention to your extra cm in the waist or small breasts! It’s you who are diligently convincing yourself that “I’m fat and therefore I’m embarrassed to have sex, because he won’t want me.”
Parental reprimand
I am sure that many girls were told by their parents that sex is something dirty, indecent, that it can only be done at night under the covers.
Stupid advice
Does your friend tell you that men are delighted only with strictly defined actions? Ignore her words! All men are different, I personally confirm this in the articles in the “Love and Sex” section. Some people dream of repeating in bed what they saw in porn, while others love the erotic massage you give them.
Negative experience
This happens if the previous man was constantly dissatisfied with the intimate aspect of the relationship. You subconsciously transfer the past situation to the current one, although you understand perfectly well that there is 0% in common between them.
Lack of trust
This happens at the very start of a relationship. You have not yet become close enough to your partner to fully rely on him in matters of sex.
Misunderstanding of one's own desires
You cannot answer the question “what do I want from this person sexually.”
Lack of pleasure
Your partner’s actions are indifferent to you or even unpleasant, but you are afraid to voice this reason so as not to offend him.
