Start of a relationship
Certain reactions of society sometimes stop the most tender impulse. But lovers also have their own experiences. One man, who lost his head with a woman 8 years older than him, recently told his love story.
“I met a woman who completely dissolved my old life. I was in a relationship before, and it seemed serious to me. But somehow they always didn’t suit me. But she took over all my thoughts. I couldn't even understand how it happened. She instantly became like family to me. And despite the 8-year age difference, I began to conquer my chosen one,” the man said.
Benefits of the union
If the wife is older than the husband, this has its obvious advantages for both spouses:
- Beauty. A woman who is older than her beloved man has a powerful incentive to look impeccable. She takes care of her appearance in order to look no worse than his young peers, as a result of which she looks better than them;
- Sex life of a couple. The beauty of a young sexual partner, of course, has an exciting effect, but the younger the girl, the less experience she has. Not every guy has the patience to fight a girl’s complexes and liberate her for months. Even if the one who is older than him does not have rich sexual experience, she will try not to deny the young lover his bold desires, as a result of which both receive pleasure;
- Harmony of the union. For such couples, the number of quarrels out of nowhere is reduced to a minimum. A woman does not throw stupid hysterics at a man, treats him more attentively than she would treat a man of her own age, and does not find fault with little things. Typically, relationships in such couples are trusting.
First doubts
One day a man thought: “Just meetings, relationships and even love are one thing. But marrying a woman older than yourself is a completely different matter. In addition, she has a 14-year-old daughter. How can I imagine myself as her father? Moreover, she has her own dad, who is quite normal.”
Are you late in sowing peppers for seedlings? No problem, the seeds will germinate in 10 hours
The dog is just tired: funny photos of animals on public transport
Not just to wash: how to usefully spend time with your child while bathing
It should be noted that it was the 14-year-old girl who turned out to be wiser than the adults. One day she told this man and her mother: “Long live you. What are you pulling? You only conflict, and then make peace.” As a result, the woman decided to marry her young lover 6 months after he proposed to her. The couple submitted an application to the registry office. “Some joked, they say, you are two eccentrics, Galkin and Pugacheva. But I love my chosen one and don’t want to be with someone else, so I didn’t care,” the man said.
When the wife is older than the husband. Pros and cons of such relationships
Love does not divide people into age categories, races and social statuses. She is deaf to the pleas of her mind to come to her senses and direct her energy to a “more suitable” object. We have long been accustomed to families where the husband is much older than the wife. They stopped pointing fingers and paying attention to such couples, and society is no longer even interested in whether they got together out of love or convenience.
And the point is not at all how others feel about it: yes, it violates generally accepted principles, but everyone has their own path to personal happiness. The main question is whether such unequal relations have a future. We are talking, of course, not about a difference of three years, but about a situation where a woman is ten years or more older than a man. Like all others, relationships between partners of different ages have their disadvantages and advantages.
What friends say
The guy also said that sometimes his friends tell him that his wife will very soon begin to age quickly, her need for physical intimacy will disappear and he will be enchanted by someone else. “I'm not trying to argue. After all, who makes such conclusions? My friends married girls who are younger than them. As a result, the wife left one for a more successful man, the other got divorced, and the third constantly has affairs. Why should their opinion be important to me in this regard?” - says the man.
Infectious disease specialist named the proportion of Russians with immunity to COVID-19
“It’s a pity that I didn’t have time to hold Plato”: Ksenia Sobchak honored the memory of her father
Antibodies from camels from Egypt will help in the fight against coronavirus infection
Man older than woman
The age difference between Andrei Konchalovsky and Yulia Vysotskaya is 36 years. Of course, we can talk for a long time about the fact that for Julia, marriage with a representative of the famous dynasty was beneficial in all respects, but still the couple have been together for a long time and are raising two children. And the accident that happened to their daughter Masha brought Konchalovsky and Vysotskaya together even more.
Another example is Vincent Cassel and Tina Kunaki, who recently became parents. The handsome actor will turn 54 in November. His wife is 31 years younger than him. However, this does not prevent Vincent and Tina from being happy.
“In fact, unions in which the man is significantly older than the woman have been encouraged by society from time immemorial, especially among nations that practice arranged marriages,” says Irina Fisenko. – Parents traditionally chose a wealthy groom as their daughter’s companion, despite the significant age difference. In our world, the trend continues, only the motivation has changed. It is based not on parental will, but on the conscious choice of the spouses.
If a girl is not embarrassed by her partner’s mature age, we are talking about a special mental makeup. Much older husbands like to be chosen by young ladies who were deprived of fatherly love in childhood.
The advantages of such a union
1. A woman is attracted by care, worship, material security, and the support of a respectable husband. She enjoys gifts, compliments and various blessings in life. In this case, the man receives a “diamond” in a frame for self-affirmation and pride in front of his environment.
2. An older husband is ready to support a family and raise children. He is no longer inclined to collect amorous victories, he dreams of settling down. These are exactly the qualities that a girl lacks in a marriage with someone her own age.
3. For a man, communicating with a woman much younger than himself is an opportunity to be charged with the energy of youth and optimism, and to maintain moral and physical tone for a long time.
Disadvantages of such a union
1. The laws of nature are inexorable: and before the couple knows it, the older spouse will begin to lose his former physical attractiveness. Fantasies about betrayal will inevitably begin to appear in the head of a young lady, which, quite likely, will sooner or later translate into real actions and certainly will not be for the benefit of the family.
2. No one has canceled the disagreements associated with differences in experience and worldview, caused by a significant “age gap.” The result is misunderstandings, disputes and doomed attempts to look at the situation through the eyes of a partner.
Another barrier
The age difference creates another barrier. And this is pregnancy. “I want to become a father, but my wife is not quite ready for this. Her first daughter was very difficult. But she does not openly resist this, she says that as God wills, so it will be. We live an ordinary life, we don’t use protection, but there’s no result yet,” says the narrator. “One day I accidentally found out that my wife was visiting a reproductive medicine clinic. I didn’t question her; in such decisions I wanted to preserve her boundaries. But I was very pleased with this fact. So there is hope."
How long can the union last?
Psychologists are confident that marriages in which the woman is significantly older than the man have every chance of longevity. We can see from the life stories of famous people, artists, writers, actors, poets, playwrights, pop stars, neighbors and acquaintances, finally, that marriages where the husband is younger than the wife are not as unsuccessful as rumor says. And if in the middle of the 20th century only in 15% of married couples the wife was older than the husband, then today in every 6th couple the woman is older than her chosen one.
If you want your union to be strong, the main thing is not to pay attention to the opinions of others. After all, public opinion is the most common cause of family discord. As always, the first opponents of a marriage where the wife is older than the husband are the closest relatives and friends. Relatives on the woman’s side are sure that the young man only needs money. Close men complain that the “old woman” has tied up the “poor boy.” In a word, few people believe in the happy future of the “newlyweds”. If you truly value your relationship, don't let anyone interfere with it. And remember: the less you wash dirty linen in public, the happier your life will be.
An equally powerful enemy is the woman herself and her fears. The constant fear of what awaits their relationship in a few years is very often the main destroyer of a seemingly prosperous relationship. Remember that only a self-confident woman who loves herself and her husband can save a marriage. Let's return to the study of Felicia Brings and Susan Winter. All 200 women surveyed constantly heard three phrases from others: “He will leave you for a younger woman,” “You seduced him,” and “Your marriage will not last long.” By the way, none of the men surveyed even thought about exchanging their soul mate for another woman. True, the authors noticed that in some families, men wanted children, and relationships went wrong because of this. In all 200 cases where a young husband and an old wife, the initiator of the relationship was the man, and the reasons why young men prefer older women are very diverse. And finally, the average duration of such marriages at that time was 13 years. Some of the couples the authors met had been together for more than 25 years.
The age difference is not the main thing, the most important thing is love. After all, this is a feeling that inspires hope for a happy future for any married couple, sweeps away all doubts about a loved one along the way and makes strong even those relationships that, it would seem, are initially doomed to failure. If partners really love each other, then it makes no difference who is older and who is younger. All couples face the same difficulties, and in all families the warm atmosphere in the home is based on understanding, patience and optimism. And age is just a number.
Another concern
After 2 years of marriage, the man had a different concern. He began to catch himself thinking that his wife seemed to be a couple of steps ahead. She has a better career and more experience. The guy tries to match her, but he doesn’t succeed, because his wife is smarter than him. “There is some wisdom in her. And about this I am afraid. I'm afraid that all I can really give her is my younger body. Additionally, I can’t somehow motivate an adult lady. Rather, it is she who guides and motivates me. One day I began to think that I was probably compensation for the boy child she had failed to give birth to.
We update old laminated furniture at home ourselves: it turns out very beautiful
"Miss World" Priyanka Chopra told the whole truth about her life in a book of memoirs
Vitalina Tsymbalyuk-Romanovskaya named the reason for her divorce from Dzhigarkhanyan
This does not mean that I live with a teacher or boss. My wife is a living person, she is also happy, capricious and angry, like a child. Everything is fine with her temperament. I don't think she'll lose that heat over time. I see that there is a real woman next to me. But is my complex justified? “I don’t know this,” says the man.
A young husband and an old wife: what difficulties can you encounter?
If the wife is no more than 5 years older than her husband, the topic of age inequality disappears by itself. After all, the partners belong to the same age generation. If we are talking about a larger difference, lovers may encounter a number of difficulties that spouses of the same age will bypass.
Children, as a rule, become the main problem in a family where spouses have a large age difference. Usually by this point a woman already has children and they are often quite old and independent. While the young husband will not mind becoming a father, the woman, it may well turn out that way, due to her age and health, will no longer be able to give him a son or daughter. The result of such a relationship can lead to a sad ending.
The second problem is a divergence of interests, especially if the age difference is large enough. A woman, as a rule, wants to spend the evening in a quiet, cozy atmosphere. The young man, due to his age, prefers to spend time in noisy companies with friends. This can lead to conflict situations: the woman is most likely upset due to the lack of attention, and the man is unlikely to be happy to feel the pressure of his beloved. We should not forget that two loving hearts from different generations come together, and, therefore, with different upbringings and worldviews.
The third difficulty a woman may face is jealousy. The fear of the fair half of humanity of aging prematurely, becoming unsexy and uninteresting to their partner is quite great. After all, there are so many beautiful young ladies around! If jealousy does not go beyond reason, it will become an incentive to keep yourself in good shape. However, as practice shows, even a difference of 5 years can make a woman begin to suspect her husband of cheating. Jealousy, which has grown into an obsessive constant state, can easily lead to nervous breakdowns, severe depression, quarrels and even revenge.
And finally, the most unpleasant drawback of such a relationship may be deception. If a woman is well-off, she may become a victim of a gigolo, since the reason why young men prefer older women may well be only money.
We will not consider such difficulties as material issues and issues of family leadership. They are in every family. It is no secret that in such relationships, the woman is initially the breadwinner. A young man, as a rule, is just beginning to climb the career ladder, while his wife already earns quite well. The main thing is not to attach much importance to this. It’s great if a woman can skillfully maintain the appearance of her husband’s dominance in the house, and not have to prove her importance. By the way, there are a lot of examples when a young husband is fully responsible for his family.
You can think as much as you like about the difficulties of such ambiguous marriages until you start comparing them with families where the spouses are the same age or the husband is older. What can a modern traditional family boast of? No divorces? Hardly. In the absence of a desire to save the family, take care of each other, respect each other and support each other on the thorny path of life, the reasons for divorce are the same. Anything can happen in life, and love does not depend on the age difference.
