A man does not always have many male friends. Sometimes there are many women around him. And what to do in this case? Should we believe him or should we think about it? Let's look at this and other issues.
How many people, so many opinions. There have long been debates about friendship between a man and a woman. Some people believe that this does not happen, while others are sure that a guy and a girl can be friends without sexual overtones. Yes, of course, every woman wants only men to be among her lover’s friends. But what if instead his friends are only women? Let's figure out whether we should panic about this and how to behave.
Is there friendship between a man and a woman?
Friendships of different sexes
Theoretically, friendships of the sexes are allowed. But there are a huge number of stories when a guy and a girl were friends for many years, and then suddenly got married. Often lovers also hide behind friendship. Of course, since there are many such situations, it makes you doubt the reality of opposite-sex friendships and you don’t want your partner to be friends with girls.
But often women are faced with a situation where the husband has many girlfriends. At the same time, when this is revealed, it turns out to be too late, because the relationship has already begun and I would not want to break it off. Despite this, bad thoughts begin to creep into your head and jealousy, anxiety appear and suspicions begin. This will all continue to grow because of public opinion that men always cheat, and single girls want to find happiness so much that they destroy other people’s families.
This concern can be called completely justified, because today marriage is not a reason not to have mistresses or get divorced. The husband always has the opportunity to find another and leave his wife, even with children. And many people don’t consider this a tragedy.
The question of friendship between men and women always remains relevant, especially for those who have already encountered this. Most likely, the reason is that we are taught from childhood that opposite-sex friendships do not exist.
When to sound the alarm
Some ladies immediately think that friendships sooner or later lead to bed. Do not judge yourself for your jealousy: it is natural - it is a genetic program aimed at retaining your male. In addition, these feelings are fueled by a strong public opinion that men are prone to cheating, and free women are treacherous in search of their own happiness and are capable of breaking someone else’s family. You need to not panic, but study the situation, analyze it and then draw conclusions.
If your significant other introduced you to their female friend and always keeps you informed of their communication, then there is no reason to worry. Sometimes friendship exists between unfree people when both are in a couple. Most likely, such a connection is based on the advice they give each other.
When a woman notices that her husband is paying more attention not to her, but to her friend, or they are dating in secret, then she should be wary. He will not keep silent about his girlfriend if he has nothing to hide. And a man will not speak enthusiastically about her if he does not have any feelings for her.
If you cannot understand what kind of relationship connects your spouse with another lady, you need to take charge of this disgrace. Become a part of their relationship. Try to spend weekends together so you can take a closer look at the situation. Perhaps, behind your jealousy, you will find something interesting in the company of the object of suspicion; if you make friends, this will be a favorable outcome of events. And the relationship of your loved one will lose an aura of mystery for you, you will know what the friendship is based on.
What to do if a man has many female friends?
He has many girlfriends
Before you panic, take a closer look at how exactly the man communicates with his girlfriends. Does he flirt with them, be nice to them, or is he simply reserved and calm. Take an interest in the history of their acquaintance, as well as what connects them. There are different types of girlfriends:
- Girlfriend from the past
They have known each other almost since kindergarten. She always helped him with his studies, let him copy, encouraged him, and in general, if it weren’t for her, my husband would now be some kind of loader, and not a manager of a large company. An old friend is a very unpleasant rival because she knows your loved one better than you. Maybe your happiness is built thanks to her, maybe she gave advice that you should choose you. Instead of quarreling with her, make friends instead. Try to find something in common, talk, make friends.
- A colleague
Your loved one is with her more often than with you, because he is constantly working. They are in the same office, have lunch and attend corporate events. She is beautiful and not stupid, and therefore you feel hatred for her.
In such a situation, you should not be led by emotions, but rather carefully analyze the situation. First, find out more about your potential rival. Maybe she is married and has a happy marriage. In addition, try to make friends with your husband's colleagues and attend corporate events. Be sure to ask how your spouse is doing at work.
- Virtual girlfriend
Virtual girlfriend
Sometimes a man suddenly has a lot of virtual girlfriends. These are not necessarily lovers, perhaps just interesting personalities, coaches, coaches, and so on. This may indicate that you yourself devote little time to your loved one. Try to fix this situation and do something together. Go to the cinema, to a concert, to a disco or just invite friends. You can even sign up for some courses together.
In other words, you should do everything to make real life attractive for both of you and not want to plunge into virtual life. Ask him what he likes about communicating online. Maybe it’s really not about women, it just happened, and you pay little attention to it.
- Loyal fan
The situation is much more complicated when women are not even friends, but fans. They openly say how good your spouse is, wait for him near the house, constantly write SMS and call. Perhaps your man himself is uncomfortable with such attention, and therefore he becomes angry and irritated.
In such a situation, your man has nothing to do with it, you just need to get over it. Do not scold your husband under any circumstances, try to support him and do not give in to provocations. Otherwise, you may also end up on his list of inappropriate women.
- Ex-girlfriend
Ex-girlfriend
Even though they separated, they still communicate. An ex-wife is a dangerous rival because she knows very well what your partner is like and will not stop to keep their relationship intact. It’s especially bad if you come across a woman who doesn’t care whether the man is married. She will do everything to achieve her goal, and as you know, in war all means are good. So do not be surprised if slander, insults, of course, not obvious ones, as well as attempts at seduction are thrown in your direction.
Try talking to your loved one. Ask him why he's still talking to his ex and tell him you don't like it. Offer to part with your past life so as not to spoil your current relationship, because you don’t want to destroy it because of jealousy, fear and anxiety.
How to behave so as not to destroy your marriage?
If your man communicated with other women before meeting you, it is foolish to hope that everything will change with the appearance of you. Most likely, communication will be reduced. But if you react violently, he will continue to communicate, but secretly from you.
If you spy on your loved one, control all his actions, this will push the man to think about a relationship with his girlfriend. Although he could not imagine this before. It is better to talk frankly without scenes of jealousy. The conversation should not feel like an interrogation. Explain to the person what you don't like and listen to their side.
Let go and know that there can always be a worse outcome. Determine for yourself whether you can put up with this situation or not. This way you will be prepared in advance and calm even if cheating happens. Such an attitude towards the situation will not allow you to be afraid of being deceived.
In general, it’s better to first figure out why your partner’s friendship makes you anxious. After all, anything can be hidden behind this: from distrust of your significant other to your own psychological problems. For example: female competition is painful for you, this is how you show your insecurity; Or maybe you have an inflated sense of ownership.
If you understand that the problem comes from you, then you can improve the situation with sessions of practical psychology. Everyone has problems, it’s just that some people want to fix them, and others don’t.
How to communicate with your boyfriend’s or husband’s girlfriends so as not to spoil the relationship?
In order not to spoil your relationship with your husband and figure out what kind of girlfriends he has, you need to learn how to communicate with them correctly. There are several rules on how to communicate without harming both of you.
- Assess the situation objectively
You dated for a long time and he introduced you to his friends, or rather, girlfriends. The very first reaction is usually the desire to throw a scandal and force your loved one to break off all relationships. But men usually do not succumb to such whims, because it is more pleasant for them to lead a familiar lifestyle. In addition, he will not do this if he considers that your demands have no basis and are stupid. After all, he only communicates with them, what kind of jealousy can there be!? And here you just have to believe the words of your loved one. If mistrust has truly begun to exist in your relationship, then try to correct it.
Unfortunately, in reality it often turns out that friends turn out to be lovers. Therefore, you must objectively assess the situation yourself and not believe other people’s words. He can tell you anything, but his behavior will speak for itself. It will be much easier for you if you are not tormented by bad thoughts and you are convinced that the relationship is only friendly. This can be determined by several signs:
- Communication always takes place in your presence and they do not experience awkwardness or tension. At the same time, you also participate in the conversation.
- A friend doesn’t call your boyfriend, doesn’t distract him and isn’t afraid if you pick up the phone
- You are always aware of where they meet and why, and you are even invited to meetings
- My friend also has her own family, which is very dear to her.
If you can answer affirmatively to all points that this is the case, then you clearly have nothing to fear.
- Trust your spouse completely
Complete trust
If your man actively communicates with women and has many friends among them, then just let the situation go. The advice may seem strange, but if you are confident in yourself and your financial situation, as well as in the man himself, then you should not worry. You can simply give up everything and allow your loved one to be friends with those with whom he likes best.
However, when you are dependent on a relationship, it will be more difficult to do this. All that remains is to trust the word and give freedom. After all, his mistakes will be on his own conscience. This attitude to the situation will allow you not to be afraid of being deceived. If it comes to betrayal, it will happen even if you are calm. So why bother?
- Always expect the worst
If your man has many female friends, then be prepared in advance for the possibility of betrayal. Decide for yourself right away whether you will put up with this or not. Undoubtedly, this happens when two people just communicate and don’t even think about sex. But when there are a lot of girlfriends, this is unlikely.
This is usually explained by the fact that a woman and a man are attracted to each other, but they do not want to be together and begin to hide behind friendship. It may also be that the girl is in love with your boyfriend, but since he chose you, he tries to be close to him and be friends. To avoid being betrayed, try to soberly assess the situation and not look at the world through rose-colored glasses.
Tactics towards your husband's girlfriends
You may meet a wonderful person whom you will truly and mutually love. You will have relationships in which you are happy. The man suggested you start a family, perhaps even having children. Everything is good, except for one thing - the husband has a female friend with whom he periodically or constantly communicates. What tactics are suggested to a woman in relation to her husband’s girlfriend?
- Assess the situation from an objective point of view. I would like, at the very first moment, as soon as I found out that my husband has girlfriends, to demand that he break up with them and stop communicating. However, not every man will succumb to his wife’s whims. Conflicts may arise here, allegedly based on the wife’s biased demands. Who is jealous if the husband only communicates with women and does not cheat or flirt? Everything seems to be logical.
However, things should not be left to chance either, since there are often cases when imaginary friends turn out to be lovers. Here a woman should simply objectively assess the situation: what kind of relationship are her husband and his girlfriend in? You should appreciate this, and not listen to your man. He can say whatever he wants. You should see for yourself that he is friends with another woman, and not communicating in some other way.
Jealousy goes away and stress subsides when the woman herself sees that there are no love feelings between friends. Many people attribute this to intuition. Psychologists say that only friendly relations are really built between a man and his girlfriend, which his wife has no doubt about.
- They can only communicate in the presence of their wife.
- A friend does not call her friend and does not distract him from family matters.
- They spend holidays together.
- A friend has her own man with whom she is really happy.
There can be many factors. The most important thing is that they all make it clear to the woman that her husband and his girlfriend have a truly friendly relationship.
- Test your husband's fidelity. Another option for behavior is proposed - to do nothing, but simply watch how friends build their relationships. This option is suitable for those wives who are not afraid to find out that they are being cheated on, they are independent and capable of living without men.
Don't blindly believe a man's words. Lovers often hide until the wrong moment comes. So that love feelings between “friends” do not become news to you, you should simply not disturb them. If a husband does not want to give up his friendship with a woman, then nothing can be done. Either in front of your eyes or behind your back, but he will do what he wants.
- Don't expect friendship. In other words, if your husband is communicating with another woman, there is likely an affair between them. Here you should not hope, not put on rose-colored glasses, but simply make a decision for yourself: do you agree for your man to have a mistress?
In exceptional situations, it really is about friendship. Such friends actually exist. Friendship between a man and a woman can exist. However, there are exceptional cases when two adults do not see each other as representatives of the opposite sex.
Usually men and women experience some feelings and desires towards each other, although they hide behind the screen of friendship. You should not have your head in the clouds here, as you are most likely being deceived.
go to top
Why is a guy’s girlfriend or husband’s girlfriend dangerous for a relationship?
Is your husband's girlfriend dangerous?
If you find out that your loved one has a girlfriend, then you should not immediately panic and start scandals. Just evaluate their relationship first. Maybe they really are friends. This is quite possible if a man has known his girlfriend for a long time and met her long before meeting you. Their relationship has already been tested and they respect and value each other, so there is no need to interfere. To understand whether such a girlfriend is dangerous for a relationship, pay attention to a few points:
- How do they behave with each other? Are they flirting? Does behavior change when they are together? In such conditions, people usually do not hide their feelings.
- How will a man react to a request to stop communicating? For example, you can suggest limiting yourself to talking only on the phone, but without personal meetings, and see how your lover behaves. Will he be angry? Will she start sneaking out with her friend?
- Notice how he prepares to meet her. If he doesn't do anything unusual and generally feels like he's going to football with friends, then everything is fine. But if he carefully selects a suit, cleans his shoes, and preens himself, then this is already a reason to think about it.
- Offer to get together and look at the behavior of both. Try to act normal and show that you are ready to be friends. If your efforts are mutual, believe me that this is just a friend.
- Try to answer it during her call and talk. Ask how you are doing, tell them something interesting. If the initiative is received with hostility, then, most likely, there is more than just friendship. Of course, you can try to destroy the relationship between a man and his girlfriend, but what to do if there are many such girlfriends? It is impossible to fight with everyone at once. In addition, if your lover lies to you and cheats on you, then he will do this even without your struggle. So try to take care of your emotional state so that you are prepared for any situation.
Methods of influencing a husband's friendship with another woman
As a matter of fact, a wife should try to influence her husband’s friendship with some lady only when this person is not very eager to get closer to her. And if your husband’s girlfriend willingly and friendly communicates with all members of her friend’s family, congratulates them on holidays, prepares gifts for their birthday and tries to help in resolving some family issues, why be so nervous? Let her be friends with her husband as long as she wants. But in front of the whole family.
As for those people who call a man with or without reason, who constantly ask him for something and invite him somewhere, avoiding communication with his wife, some measures must be taken here. The easiest way is to establish friendly relations with your husband’s friend. You can answer her call to her husband and chat for a few minutes about trifles. And if she calls a man somewhere, go with him and grab a cake for tea on the way. Yes, in the end, so that the lady has no illusions, call her and complain that this ungrateful guy has got himself some chick and sends her tender SMS. In a word, you should turn on your imagination and try to neutralize the obsessive person and make sure that your husband and girlfriend have a fight. You look, and he will moderate his ardor.
In general, if your husband has a girlfriend, you should think twice and look for the reason. Nothing just happens. Probably, when communicating with her, a man receives what he lacks in family relationships. Most likely, he experiences spiritual hunger and is drawn to the one who can satisfy this hunger. Such a connection can be stopped if you become an even greater friend to your life partner than she is. This means that you need to be sincerely interested in his experiences, support him in difficult times, be sympathetic to his hobbies or share them, and have heart-to-heart conversations more often. And then the man’s need for a girlfriend will disappear. He will begin to communicate with her less and less, and then he will begin to call only on holidays.
In general, oddly enough, my husband’s friends are even useful in the family. Firstly, you can learn a lot of new things about your beloved from them. Secondly, the character type of the spouse’s friend allows you to understand what he lacks in communication with his other half. Thirdly, if a woman is really just a friend, she can help a man better understand family relationships and give practical advice. So let them be friends. But in the presence of his wife!
What to do if you are jealous of a man's girlfriend?
Jealous of my husband
Psychologists in such situations recommend using a very simple technique - talk to your partner, tell about your feelings, about the fact that it is difficult for you to cope with jealousy. Ask him to stop or at least limit his relationship with his girlfriend.
If he is not satisfied with this state of affairs, then try to find another compromise that will be convenient for everyone. If a man really loves you, then he definitely won’t ignore you. He can even break off all friendly contacts with his rival.
However, if a man has many women as girlfriends and even after your conversation the situation has not changed, then this means that these are not girlfriends at all. Only in this way can one explain the behavior of the beloved. And this can lead to him lying and hiding. Gradually you will understand that you no longer have anything in common. Yes, it’s unfortunate, but don’t be discouraged and give up, because there are many other good men around, so why waste time on someone who doesn’t deserve you?
My husband's friend - tactics towards him
What to do if your husband has a girlfriend of whom you are jealous? Apply a simple tactic towards a man: tell him about your experiences and jealousy. Ask him to stop this communication or limit it very much. Believe me, if there is friendship between “friends”, then they will give you time to get used to and come to terms with their relationship. They won't make you nervous again.
If your husband really loves and appreciates you, then he will be able to come to an agreement with his girlfriend. Some men don't value their friendships that much, so they easily break them off or end them.
If the husband is actually in a loving relationship with his girlfriend, then the situation will unfold differently. Firstly, the man will not hear women’s requests and will continue to communicate with his “girlfriend”. Secondly, he will begin to hide from his wife in various ways in order to see another woman again. Thirdly, they will find reasons to meet alone, and not together with their wife. The man will preen himself, devote a lot of time to his girlfriend, etc. All this clearly does not contribute to building your marriage, strengthening it and preserving it.
go to top
Pen pal on social networks
Despite their virtuality, this type of girlfriend quite realistically takes up your time and your husband’s attention. And such communication is often accompanied by very intimate conversations and flirting. But, according to clinical psychologist Olga Krasnova , there is no need to worry about such relationships. “If this correspondence has been going on for three months and the man does not take any steps to bring the relationship into reality, then this means this will not happen,” explains the specialist.
However, Yana Leikina is sure that it is wrong to ignore such relationships. The expert recommends switching a man’s attention and energy, trying to get him out of the online environment: “Get a pet, start a renovation project, or engage in extreme sports together.” The psychologist also advises being more interested in your husband’s life and unobtrusively introducing elements of romance and sexuality into the relationship. And when you score the required number of points in the eyes of your man, you can raise the question of him removing the interlocutor you hate from his friends list.
Julia Aug
Yulia Aug, photo: life.ru
Yulia’s first husband Stepan Zolotukhin was once her classmate. He left the acting profession for the sake of the business, which eventually quickly went bankrupt and the man was left without a job. This had a negative impact on the relationship of the young couple.
Julia Aug and Andrey Skulov, photo: iznat.com
Their next quarrel ended with the husband telling Aug that he was leaving her for another woman. As it turned out later, the actress’s best friend turned out to be the homewrecker. Later, the man attempted to return to his ex-wife, but she could not forgive him for his betrayal. In addition, she met a new love on her way - Andrei Skulov.
Husband and my best friend
It seems to me that I am slowly going crazy, and I have no strength to fight my emotions. I have been married to a wonderful man for 10 years, and we have three children. I am 33 years old, and my husband is 34. He is kind and affectionate; our mutual friends jokingly call him “a big, kind elephant.” My husband works in shifts - a month at work, a month at home, and his arrival is always our family holiday. He doesn’t leave my side, he loves and spoils the kids, and he never called me names or shouted at me, as happens in other families.
But in 2011, he stopped paying attention to me as a woman, sat for a long time in front of the TV, and came into the bedroom when I was already sleeping. In appearance, everything was just as wonderful, with the children, and he called me “sweetheart” and “darling.” I tried to talk to him, at first I jokingly said: “You and I live like brother and sister or like son and mother,” he laughed it off, hugged me and said, yes, our family can only be envied, dear. In fact, this is how it was: we have children, a car, an apartment, we always go to the store together, take a walk with the children. They also told me: “She gave birth to three children, but you look like a girl,” my husband said: “I’m the one who kept her like that.” In general, everything is great.
But in all seriousness, when I tried to talk, he almost completely stopped making love to me, 2-3 times in a month, despite the fact that he was still at work for a month (to be clear, his health is fine, and he rarely sex, even though it was on my initiative, everything is fine), he said: “You’re getting very tired, you’re the first to pass out.” Indeed, I was very tired then, the baby was one year old at the time, the eldest daughter went to school - lessons and all that, take the middle one to kindergarten, do housework, and cook something tasty for the family. In general, I didn’t sound a strong alarm then.
We went on vacation, I’m generally silent about vacation - for a month and a half he didn’t even touch me with a finger, they say, there’s nowhere, and there’s no time - some kind of nonsense. We arrived home, met some friends, did some minor renovations in the apartment, it was time for him to leave for work, and even on the day of departure he didn’t touch me, but I couldn’t even think of anything bad, just a thought flew through my head. He left, called and said: “Everything is fine with us, my daughter will grow up - we’ll just take care of ourselves.”
He arrived, we were all waiting for him, especially me. I went up to stroke his cheek, just touched him - he pulled away from me as if scalded with such eyes - somehow sick, exhausted, he even realized that he had done something wrong, and said: “It was a hard watch, I’m sorry.” . She set the table, he ate, drank beer and went to bed, saying: “I’m tired.” I cried quietly in the bathroom, put the children to bed and went to another room to sleep. The next day I let him sleep, fed the children, dressed up, put on makeup, came to wake him up - he didn’t react to me at all. Evening came, we sat down to dinner, I bought a bottle of dry wine, and we sat.
My friend is calling, we've been close friends since elementary school, we've always been together, and she helped me with the kids until she had a child with her common-law husband, and we shared all our secrets - now I think that only I shared, everything She told me about problems with her husband in terms of sex too. In general, she calls and asks: “Well, has your husband arrived? How did you meet, is everything okay?” etc. and so on. He says: “We will come to you now.” I say: “Who is this “we”?” - she’s talking about her common-law husband (and they separated for a long time then, which, in general, happens often with them), I was happy: “Well done, you’ve made peace, come to us.” I say to my husband: “K. and B. have finally made peace, and will now come to visit us.” His reaction was: “Why is she such a fool, what did she see in him? Such a cool girl, and he’s just taking advantage of her.” I answered: “On the contrary, it’s good - the child is common, and loves him, which means he loves him very much.” Then he says to me: “Why are you inviting me to visit? I should have asked.”
I was amazed by this reaction. He grumbled, which had never happened before, left the table, went to wash, shave, sat, was silent, and went to bed without waiting for the guests. I say: “What are you doing? They’ll come to us now.” “You yourself,” he says, “sit.” I thought and decided: “Well, go to sleep, and I’ll go run to the store, buy something for the table, after all, there will be guests,” and I remembered that the money that was in the house at that time was in his pocket - He ran to the store. Well, I took the money from his jacket, stood in front of the mirror, got dressed.
And then the most terrible thing that happened in my life begins - my husband, no, or rather, a MONSTER, whom I had never seen before in my life, jumps out of the bedroom and starts yelling at me like this: “Where are you going?” I say: “To the store.” “Where did you get the money - in my pocket?”, I said: “Where?”, he said to me: “Why are you rummaging through other people’s pockets? What were you taught? I didn’t even understand the problem, but he started beating me, grabbing me by the arms, hitting my head on the mirror with the words: “Look what a bitch you are, you’re the last bitch, why are you rummaging in my pocket?” and drags me around the apartment, first by the neck, then by the arms. I go to the bathroom from him, he pulls me out of there, again to the mirror and knocks my head on it with the same words that I’m the last bitch. I just covered my face with my hands and said: “This is nonsense, this is nonsense, and I’m dreaming about it.”
The children were shocked, I was shocked. And after he beat me, he got dressed and left. An hour later he came, bought himself a beer, and sat down in front of the TV. I went to the children’s room, cried all night, and only fell asleep in the morning. The next day I didn’t talk to him and didn’t understand anything at all, I was covered in bruises. I just said that I don’t want to live with him anymore. What happened here! Apologies, “I’m sorry, I lost my temper, it was hard at work, everything happens in life,” he almost roared. I say: “You made a girlfriend at work, so I’m not nice to you.” He denied everything, begged for forgiveness, followed me on my heels.
Just then my brother had a wedding, before it they seemed to have made up - sex with me every day, and “beloved”, and “sunshine” me. But he has changed, and his gaze is not the same - into emptiness somewhere, and is silent, keeps thinking about something, and does not hear me when I call, and the children are not happy, does not sleep at night, wanders around. Somehow I survived before he left for work. He left, I wrote him an SMS that I thought he had someone else. There, of course, he denied everything, I was only on sedatives, I couldn’t sleep, I kept thinking - why? Why is he doing this to me if he has no one? Yes, and I’ve known him since I was 15 years old, he couldn’t hit me without a reason, he carried me in his arms not so long ago... In short, I told myself that he had someone else.
I was waiting for him from work, I think I’ll be the best for him, and this way and that, and I’ll let him sleep longer in the morning until he gets up. I’ll prepare breakfast and go for a walk with the children myself (although before, when he arrived, he walked with the children himself when I had housework to do). Upon arrival, he will fulfill his marital duty, and that’s it, again somewhere out there, far from us, he won’t hug me or kiss me. He began to lash out at me and the children - he would yell for no apparent reason, and he would chase the children out of our room, although before in the morning we all loved to lie on the bed together and watch TV. I saw that something was happening to him, and he began calling me either “stupid” or “moron.”
But friends still came to us (we have two married couples, we have been friends with families for more than 15 years, and my friend always came alone - she and her common-law husband sometimes separated and then got back together), they sat as usual. Friends from married couples themselves began to tell me that S. had somehow changed, he was different, and he even shouted at me at the table. I was silent, didn’t say anything. I only told my close friend everything, and then she didn’t call me for anything, and came less often - only when S. came, she got out before us, and said, she still doesn’t have time. I also complained to my husband about this, that for some reason K. didn’t pick up the phone, didn’t call back, completely forgot about me. And then I needed her more than anyone.
I also have a student friend who lives in another city, and we only communicate by phone. So I started pouring out my soul to her over the phone, she knows my family well. After some time, I began to notice that my husband was wildly in love with the bath, he began to splash around there for an hour, and he didn’t even sit on the toilet for less than half an hour. I began to keep watch unnoticed - he comes out with a phone. I was shocked, I suffered for a week, watched, and then stood near the toilet and frankly waited for it to come out. What happened here! He was jumping around the toilet with the phone, didn’t know where to hide it, began rummaging through the cabinets, supposedly looking for something, flushing the toilet ten times, and I stood and roared, saying: “Do you think I didn’t notice that it’s been a long time since Will you leave your phone?"
We had a fight, I took the phone - there was nothing there, only his friends and relatives, but I forced him to take the details. I didn’t want to, I wildly denied it, but I took it. I didn’t find anything there, just continuous Internet both at night and during the day, and calls from my girlfriend - both incoming and outgoing, but not so much to suspect anything. I myself used his phone sometimes, maybe it was me who called. About the Internet, he said that he watched the news, the weather, sports, and I said: “We have two computers at home, unlimited Internet, two tablets - isn’t it easier to watch there?” He says: “Nobody bothers you there in silence.” He doesn’t communicate on social networks, I myself registered him on VKontakte and Odnoklassniki, but he doesn’t even look there, and I know the passwords.
In short, then things got really tight. I didn’t tell him anything anymore, I just kept it to myself about the other one, who, as I thought, was at work. I drank sedatives and tried to forget myself in the children. My friend came to us, we used to sit, I would drink a little, I would go to rock my youngest daughter and fall asleep with her, and they would sit further - my husband and my friend. I’ll get up in the morning and ask: “Why didn’t you wake me up?”, he told me: “Yeah, you’ll wake you up, but we weren’t sitting for long...”.
Then my daughter once said to me: “Mom, I don’t like Aunt K. and I don’t want her to come to us.” I say: “Why?”, and she says: “It seems to me that dad loves her, he looks at her in a way he doesn’t look at you, and when you fell asleep then (I don’t even remember what period she’s talking about, I She trusted her as herself, maybe that’s why she allowed herself to do this), dad went out to smoke with her, and the two of them laughed at you. Then they hugged and seemed to kiss.” I say: “What happened then?”, She says: “I don’t know, dad noticed that I was eavesdropping, and sent me into the room to sleep, and Aunt K. also shouted at me: “Go to sleep, don’t listen here.” " I say: “Why didn’t you tell me before?”, She says: “I was afraid that you would quarrel with dad.” Then I asked my daughter everything again and again, she said: “Mom, maybe it seemed to me, don’t be upset.”
I didn’t say anything to my husband, then I completely put it out of my head, I kept thinking that if he had anyone, it was there, at work. Here he is with me all the time, he doesn’t go to see his friends, although they called him more than once. So a couple of months passed, my soul was uneasy all this time, I felt in my heart that he was hiding something from me and that he himself was tormented by it. It was my daughter’s birthday, a small anniversary, and guests were invited. The girlfriend, of course, was a favorite, and another friend, with whom I kept talking on the phone, came to our city at that time and was also at her birthday. So, when she left, she called me and said: “Darling, don’t you think you’re looking in the wrong place? It seems to me that everything is happening right under your nose. Your husband didn’t lick K., and smoke with her (he doesn’t smoke), but doesn’t go out with everyone, and you’re like a fool with pies and fussing with guests, but he looked at her like a goddess! Think for yourself,” he says, “I only drank juice at the table (for health reasons), I couldn’t be mistaken, although maybe it’s always like that with you.”
I think it’s true that it’s always like this, but I, a fool, couldn’t even think about it. She didn’t say anything to her husband - she wasn’t caught, she wasn’t a thief. I think I'll just limit communication. Then we went on vacation for a month and a half, everything seemed to be normal, almost as before, and we walked together, and went to cafes, and he began to hug me just like before. We arrived home, on the very first day a friend called, congratulated her on her arrival, and she and her common-law husband were going to visit us. I say: “We’re tired from the road,” and she: “We won’t be long.” I say: “Have you made peace with your husband again?” (when we were leaving, they separated once again), she: “No, that’s it, just sex.” I told my husband everything, I look at his reaction and I don’t believe myself that I’m testing him, what he will say. He restrainedly said: “What a fool, you need to drive him in the neck, what does she think, with this place, or what?” I say: “When he comes, you can ask him yourself, if you’re interested, I don’t meddle in other people’s lives.”
In short, they didn’t arrive, so he said to me a couple of times: “Call your friend, why aren’t they coming?” I said: “If he doesn’t call, it means they won’t come,” and I went to bed. He sat and came to me with the words: “Why didn’t your girlfriend come?” I said: “I don’t want to.” Still, we had to see each other, and I look at them - she looks him straight in the eyes, and every time she repeats: “Now the only thing that connects us with our common-law husband is sex, it’s so cool.” Why should we say this?
And so my husband was replaced, again I became a “fool”, the children are generally “idiots”. I remain silent and don’t say anything about my suspicions. But she couldn’t stand it, she said it to my mother, and my mother said straight to my forehead: “Yes, I’ve been thinking that for a long time, but are you really going to tell me? You’re obsessed with the fact that he’s playing around at work.” Then I cried so much, because there is no direct evidence, how can I accuse my friend without knowing the facts and tell my husband? He will generally think of me that I am paranoid. But I began to remember everything and my friend’s words that she needed a husband like me, so that he would sit at home, not wander around with friends, spend evenings with his family, not like her husband - he always has some kind of business and incomprehensible movements. And the words of my husband: “If your friend wants to annoy you, first of all, she will get into my pants.” Then I racked my brains so much why he told me this, I remember the words, but not the topic. And I remembered the story of my youth, connected with a gentleman (in my favor), we then quarreled for a long time, he just liked me more than her. Maybe this is some kind of revenge, but why? I love her like a sister, like a real family member. This makes it doubly difficult.
In general, recently she literally came to visit us with her child, sat and drank coffee. I’m not even a step away from my husband, she’s somehow dissatisfied and is getting ready to go home. The child left her little thing with us (we have a lot of them here - T-shirts, underpants, toys) and the youngest daughter began to play with his little thing, the husband ran up and took it. My daughter was crying, I said: “Give it back, what will she do?”, he: “No, then M. will be upset.” The eldest couldn’t stand it and said: “Mom, he loves M. more than us, why don’t you see?” Then my husband kept shaking with this little thing and every time he told me: “Let’s stop by and take it.” I say: “I’ll collect all their junk and we’ll deliver it.”
So I collected everything in a bag, we went for a ride in the car, I said: “Come on, let’s stop by and bring K.’s things, otherwise you’ll have to leave soon, I won’t be able to get there with the children later.” How happy he was! Well, I call, but she’s not at home, she went to the forest with some relatives. I say: “Okay, another time.” And my husband: “What other relatives?” I say: “I don’t know.” He told me: “You know everyone who she’s with? Well, call and find out, again, she’s probably made peace with hers. And find out where they are, we’ll stop by, take a look, we’ll go for a ride anyway.” I started calling - she was blocked, he pestered: “Call, call, there’s a bad connection in the forest, maybe you’ll get through to the call.” I pretended that I was calling endlessly, I was shaking, the ground was disappearing from under my feet. And he: “Well, did you get through?”, I said: “No, she’ll call back herself, she’ll see the missed call.” He pestered: “Well, call again.” The children in the car were furious, he called them morons, “shut your mouths and shut up.”
Of course, I didn’t call, I’m trying to be calmer. I said: “Let’s go to mom’s,” and he said: “Here’s another thing to spend on diesel fuel.” We went home, arrived, he was silent, then for no reason he again shouted at me, at the children and lay down in front of the TV. Then a friend called and said she would come to visit tomorrow. Well, okay, the next day I sent my husband for a walk with my youngest daughter, saying that K. would come, and we needed to prepare something for the table and tidy up a little, he went happy. But my friend didn’t come, he kept pestering me: “Call and call.” I didn’t call, I said: “Probably, plans have changed.” I walked around darker than a cloud all evening.
I couldn’t stand it and said that I understood everything and guessed everything (I didn’t write a lot here), that he was in love with K., and what a fool I was for not noticing this before. I had a fight with him, he denied everything, swore even by his children, and the next morning he doesn’t even remember anything to me, he walks like silk: “Well, you’re such a fool, how could you think such a thing” and blah blah blah. But the day before his departure, a tipsy friend calls and invites us to visit, I say: “No, my husband has to fly to work tomorrow, things haven’t been packed yet.” In short, I make an excuse, and she: “Okay, you’ll still have time,” I say: “No, we won’t go,” and she: “Then I’ll come to you.” Surprisingly, the husband stands and shakes his head, saying, no, don’t. I say: “No, today we kind of want to be a family, especially since my husband still needs to go pick up his daughter from his grandmother.” And she told me: “So let him take me to you too,” and so persistently. Then I got carried away, I said: “Okay, I’ll tell my husband,” he, of course, agreed.
We arrived, brought beer, sat down at the table, my husband couldn’t even look at her in front of me and kept sitting on the sidelines. My friend just drinks and laughs at every occasion. I'm sitting on watch. Then the husband got drunk and forgot that he had to work tomorrow: “What, maybe the girls should go get some more beer?”, he blossomed all over. I say: “No, we still have a night of love,” just wrap it up. Well, in general, she called her common-law husband, saying, give us a ride home, he came and picked us up right away. And then I think: he’s not such a guy and bad as she says, and I remembered the words of a mutual friend, she communicates with his parents, so they say that their son is all worn out, like K. will either lure him to her, then she will drive herself out, like a cat, she doesn’t know what she wants.
We went to bed, my husband didn’t even touch me, either in the evening or in the morning before leaving. He said: “I love you, don’t be bored,” and kissed you at the threshold. On the same day, a friend comes to me without calling, supposedly to drink coffee. I look at her, and she’s kind of twitchy. “Why are you like this?” – I ask, she says, yes, she’s generally depressed, etc. and so on. I try to seem like the happiest woman in the world, I’m shining all over. And she asks me: “Well, did you have time to say goodbye to your husband?”, I say: “Well, yes.” And she hit me right in the face: “So did he sleep with you or not?” I almost fell out of my chair. “Of course,” I say, “I woke you up both in the evening and in the morning and set up a sexodrome.” The way she looked at me - I had never seen such a look - cold, full of hatred, and I didn’t imagine it, it gave me goosebumps. Then she got up with the words: “Actually, I don’t have time,” she left without even finishing her coffee.
The next day she came again and brought some of our things, which I myself had forgotten about. I say: “Come in, let’s have some coffee.” She passed, then my husband called me, I began to specifically talk to him, like a kitten, she got up and left with the words: “Bye, I don’t have time.” The next day I called: “I’ll stop by,” I said: “I’m walking outside with my daughter.” She drove up, paused, stood for about five minutes, said something, I didn’t even remember, and left. I still didn’t understand what was needed.
Now he calls me, says: “Sunny, my love, how I miss you” and all that, every morning SMS with wishes for a good day. And I, I just can’t hear. Is it possible to hit your sunshine and call him names? And every time I hear his kind words, in front of me is that MONSTER who divided my life, the life of my family into BEFORE and AFTER.
I don’t know how to continue living, I cry every day and think maybe this is a dream, and I just imagined everything. I have loved him madly since I was 15, he is my first love. When I imagine that he hugged, kissed, loved and wanted someone, my heart breaks into pieces. I walk like a robot, I don’t want anything, but I have children, I can’t get limp, and I don’t have the strength for anything. I am writing a letter, and tears are flowing, sorry for the mistakes. Please advise what to do, what to do, and maybe none of this really happened? Thank you!!!
The main rule of a wise man is to take your time!
“I love my wife’s friend, what should I do?” – the first advice here is: take your time. You may think that you are missing out on happiness by wasting precious minutes, but there is a good chance that true happiness is just around the corner. Feelings can quickly cool down, and not a trace will remain of them: you will remember with surprise how obsequiously you looked at your wife’s friend, and wonder in the present tense what was so fantastic about her.
Offending your wife with betrayal, divorcing her and rushing towards a dubious affair is a piece of cake. There won't be any problems later. In this case, you will lose your spouse’s trust, which will be almost impossible to regain. What if you were wrong? If love for a friend is just a temporary clouding of reason? How will you look your wife in the eyes then?
Therefore, remember the main rule of a wise adult man: take your time! Think over everything carefully and more than once, calculate all the moves and only then make the final decision. If you really feel numb, go see a psychologist. Let him judge the situation and give practical recommendations regarding it.
conclusions
True love for your wife's friend is not very common in real life. Basically, love is called fleeting passion, sexual attraction and strong sympathy, and these feelings, as we know, pass quite quickly. Therefore, before you jump into the pool headlong, that is, leaving your wife and looking for attention from her friend, strain your brains and think carefully about whether the game is worth the candle. Describe all the pros and cons of the idea, remember that you once married your wife also for love. In general, look at the situation as soberly as possible.
If you want to save your marriage, then stay away from temptation: do not interfere with your wife’s friend, keep communication to a minimum and drive obscene thoughts out of your head. With an effort of will you will achieve the ideal result: you will stop thinking and remembering the lady of your heart. Spending time with your wife with elements of romance will help you with this. This way you will switch your attention to your legitimate other half and avoid suspicions and scandals.
Family is very important for each of us, but it is not always possible to preserve it. When feelings do not go away, even though you tried your best to reduce them to nothing, it means that you have really seriously fallen in love. In this case, it is better not to torture yourself or your spouse and leave with dignity. Refrain from cheating - it is vile and does not lead to anything good. Find the courage to be honest with your spouse. Don’t expect a positive reaction from her: there will probably be a scandal, but the woman can be understood.
Love is an integral part of our lives, and risky things are often done for the sake of it. Whatever decision you make, we hope that it will be the right one and bring you the desired result.
Marina Yakovleva
Marina Yakovleva, photo: starhit.ru
On the path to family happiness for Marina Yakovleva and Andrei Rostotsky, there was a difference in their social status. The actor’s wealthy parents, who have noble roots, were never able to accept Andrei’s chosen one, the visiting Siberian Yakovleva.
Marina Yakovleva and Andrey Rostotsky, photo: zen.yandex.com
Marina’s best friend advised her to divorce her husband, and later the actress learned that she herself had feelings for Rostotsky. Thus, she simply got rid of her competitor. Of course, the friendship also ended after the divorce.
Female friends who can be dangerous
Let's look at what to do in a situation if your man has many female friends. Carefully study his manner of communication with them, flirting and coquetry should be wary, and if the man is calm and friendly, perhaps you have nothing to worry about. Casually ask how long your companion has known this or that friend and what connects them.
Girlfriends can be divided into several categories:
- Girlfriend from the past
This is a friend from the potty, perhaps your man went to kindergarten or school with her, or maybe they were friends in the yard. Such a friend knows your companion much better than you, and it is likely that your relationship was built with her approval. She always listens, helps and gives advice regarding women, as she understands them better.
It is better to keep such a friend in your field of vision. If possible, you need to make friends with her. Try going to a cafe together and asking for advice regarding your spouse. After all, who knows your man better than her?
We recommend
“How to arrange a romantic date for a man: good ideas and useful tips” Read more
- A colleague
A very unpleasant type of friend, because it is impossible to stop her communication with her husband. A shared office, corporate parties, smoking breaks and lunch breaks give you the ground for unpleasant thoughts and fantasies. And if, moreover, the colleague is smart and pretty, then every time her husband leaves for work spoils the mood.
In this case, you cannot give in to jealousy; you must think soberly and understand that if you know about your colleague, most likely she is not your rival. A man would try to hide relationships on the side as much as possible. Try to find out as much information as possible about your colleague. Perhaps she is happily married and you are in no danger. Attend special events with your spouse and take an interest in his work affairs more often.
- Virtual girlfriend
In the modern world, when the Internet surrounds us at home and at work, brightens up our leisure time, virtual friends are the same norm as real ones. Perhaps you suddenly discovered that your partner has virtual girlfriends that he likes. Maybe these are just interesting personalities - interlocutors from the forum or friends on the account. What to do if a man has many female friends on social networks?
This may be due to the fact that in real life you yourself do not pay enough attention to your companion. Try to change this situation. Go to a movie or an exhibition together, try to share your loved one’s hobbies. The main thing is to find common ground and common topics for discussion so that your spouse has as little time as possible for virtual communication.
- Loyal fan
This is a low-risk type of “girlfriend”. Rather, these are your husband’s acquaintances, whom he himself does not consider to be friends. However, despite this, the presence of such girls in your life is quite an unpleasant phenomenon.
These young ladies are openly attracted to your husband, actively calling him and provoking communication on social networks. Most likely, your spouse himself is not happy to be the object of such an obsessive fan. This can irritate him and even make him angry. Do not aggravate the situation with jealousy and interrogation. It is better to provide support to your loved one without succumbing to your rival’s provocations.
- Ex-girlfriend
An ex-wife or an ex-girlfriend does not at all mean a former rival. Often, if your husband initiated the separation, the feelings of the abandoned woman have not yet cooled down, and the resentment is quite strong. Such girls stop at nothing in trying to get their loved ones back. Absolutely any means are used.
If your spouse has maintained a good relationship with his former flame, you should be very careful. Try talking through the situation with your husband. Find out what connects him with this woman from the past, why they still communicate. Explain that you are uncomfortable with such friendship. Most likely, your partner values your relationship and will keep communication to a minimum so as not to irritate or upset your loved one.
