Elizaveta Boyarskaya
More than eleven years ago, the daughter of People’s Artist of the RSFSR Mikhail Boyarsky, while on the set of the film “I Won’t Tell,” met a colleague, 27-year-old actor Maxim Matveev.
Maxim was then in a relationship with actress Yana Sexte, but the man was so passionate about his new relationship with Elizaveta that he decided to divorce his wife, and a few months later have a new wedding - this time with Boyarskaya, with whom Matveev is still inseparable . Despite rumors about their separation, which have been circulating for many years, Elizabeth and Maxim are still officially married and have a common son, Andrei.
Yana, on the other hand, was going through the divorce extremely hard: her relatives said that the girl fell into depression and was on the verge of a nervous breakdown for a long time.
Relationship with a man who is 20 years older
My beloved and I have a big age difference... I am now at a crossroads. I don’t know how to continue to live and what to do. I understand that it is normal for a man to be older than a woman, however...
Six months ago I met a respectable man, Evgeny is 20 years older than me, I’m 25. This difference doesn’t bother me, he’s attentive, caring and I’m head over heels in love with him. But there are a few “buts”. My parents are categorically against our relationship, the main argument is age. And they still don’t know that he is married and Evgeniy has a child. However, he declares that he has not been able to get a divorce for six months due to various circumstances. And I didn't ruin their marriage. Parents won't understand this.
One day I accidentally ran into his wife, Irina did not create scandals or hysterics, I understood that she knew about my existence. But the wife did not present her husband in the best light, she said that Evgeniy offends her, does not help the child and practically does not see him, does not raise him, that he has problems with alcohol and he becomes very aggressive in this state. Evgeny denies everything and says that an offended woman can tell other things.
I didn’t notice such bad things in him - loving, smart, attentive. Maybe she was the one who brought him down? Maybe he’s just like this with her or is he lying?
What do i do? What if his wife is telling the truth and this is the other side of him that I don’t know about? How will this age difference affect our future lives? I want children, but he is already over 40? Maybe I'm so gullible and naive that I don't see obvious things?
Paulina Andreeva
The scandal that occurred in the fall of 2015 in the family of Fyodor Bondarchuk was almost the most discussed event in the world of Russian show business. After 24 years of marriage with Svetlana Bondarchuk, in which the couple raised two wonderful children, Fedor found a new passion. She turned out to be actress Paulina Andreeva, who is 22 years younger than her lover.
At first, the couple hid their relationship not only from fans, but also from Svetlana herself. Only in the spring the couple announced their intention to divorce and remain friends after the separation:
“With love and gratitude to each other for the years we have lived together, still remaining close people, maintaining mutual respect and love for our families, we, Fedor and Svetlana Bondarchuk, announce: we have decided to divorce... We have ceased to be a couple, but we remain friends,” Svetlana said then.
She still admires the girl’s beauty and admits that in some ways she herself became the reason they met.
Christine Asmus
It seemed that the marriage of Garik Kharlamov and Yulia Leshchenko was ideal. However, the couple managed to truly surprise those around them: it turns out that behind the perfect cover was hidden Garik’s infidelities with the “Interns” star.
The artists crossed paths at work for many years, since both worked for TNT, but they were able to get to know each other better only after, by pure chance, they were seated together at a gala event.
Kristina Asmus's romance with Garik developed too quickly, however, the lovers carefully hid their relationship, and Kharlamov told his colleagues that he had long separated from his wife, who had no idea about the discord in the family.
But soon Christina became pregnant, and, wanting to keep the child, the lovers finally confessed everything.
Garik divorced his wife, who later sued him for more than 6 million rubles, and in the same year got married to Asmus. Now the couple are happy together and are raising a 6-year-old daughter, Anastasia. The couple regularly congratulates each other on important dates on their Instagram accounts and together go through difficult periods of failure at work or bullying on the Internet.
From lovers to wives. What are the pitfalls?
So, here’s what the “second” women get:
1. A man with internal permission to cheat.
We, of course, are good and correct people. But... remember what happened the first time you skipped class or lecture? Drive, adrenaline, the feeling that you are doing something shameful and very forbidden. And scary at first. And then, when it turns out that nothing terrible happened, fear almost disappears, and arrogance increases. And absenteeism is becoming a habit for many.
The same thing happens to men. Once you cross this line, a huge temptation immediately appears to add treason to the list of acceptable actions.
As the saying goes, “when you marry a man who cheats on his wife, then you marry a man who cheats on his wife.”
2. A man who does not want to solve relationship problems.
Look: things didn’t work out with his wife. Maybe it's not easy. Maybe it has accumulated - who knows. In any case, difficulties appeared in their relationship. And what does he prefer to do in such a situation? Fight for the relationship, together with your partner, do everything possible to stay together? No. He prefers to run away from the problem. Moreover, escape in such a way as to receive all available bonuses from your partner for as long as possible, without admitting to cheating.
And this is his way of living as a couple. How does this suit you?
3. Two for the price of one.
They say, “wives are never exes.” And most often this is true. Even if a man gets divorced, there are several points that prevent him from completely belonging to only one woman:
First, there is habit. In a variety of forms. If he is used to taking care of his wife, all the time thinking about how she is living, then there is a very small chance that he will suddenly take it and forget about the one in whom he has invested so much. If there was no care and participation on his part, then he will still have “flashbacks” - periods of acute longing for his former life. Simply because his family occupied a part of his life, and he simply did not have time to survive the grief of parting with her.
Secondly, a couple (especially a family) is united not only by marital relations. They have common problems, friends, children, relatives - in a word, those parts of life that do not appear and disappear along with the stamp. For example, his friends invited him for his birthday. Who will he go with? And if now the ex is also their friend and welcome guest? How to “divide” relatives? What about children? What about business? All this will come up again and again in his life.
Thirdly, his feeling of guilt will not go away. No matter how the relationship turns out, no matter what happens, men, deep down in their souls, have a very hard time experiencing the feeling of being “bad.” Yes. He may mask this feeling with aggression towards his ex. But he won't stop feeling it. Especially if this man is a responsible being. An explosive mixture of pangs of conscience and a sense of responsibility for the one he once tamed will now and then force him to take care of his ex. After all, he is to blame. And I want to make amends.
4. Fears.
Many “second” women know about the concept of permission to cheat. They suspect that where there is one time, there is another. Having taken the long-awaited place of the wife, they rejoice for a while, but then... then fears begin to torment them: “Where is he staying? At work? He said the same thing to his ex when he was with me...”
When anxiety goes off scale, a woman begins to do everything that provokes a man to cheat. The severity of paranoia can be very different: someone is spying on him, someone is reading his correspondence, someone is simply losing peace. The result is quarrels, scandals, hysterics and nervous breakdowns. Even if a woman is a champion at hiding her own feelings, then along with peace she still loses confidence in her attractiveness. Which also doesn’t improve the situation, and simply repels the man.
5. Faded emotions.
Having an affair is forbidden fruit. Which is known to be sweet. And this greatly fuels feelings, artificially inflating the emotional connection. Well, think for yourself: how attractive are secret meetings, views that are understandable only to two... Does all this romance even compare with relationships that do not involve secrets? Stormy romances, as you know, break up in everyday life. From the desired and beloved Prince, he turns into something shaggy and in torn underpants. And she, once well-groomed, affectionate and understanding, becomes a “saw” with chronic PMS and in a bathrobe.
Every couple experiences this dubious magic. But in the case of a relationship that begins with a romance, the contrast between the Prince and the Frog is felt much more sharply. After all, we fell in love not with each other, but with strong emotions seasoned with romance.
Of course, every relationship has its difficulties. But marriages according to the “from lovers to wives” system combine the negative aspects of several situations at once: these are the characteristics of repeated marriages, the difficult beginning of a relationship, and the personal difficulties of each partner. There are so many pitfalls that few people manage to cope with it.
Tags: psychology of relationships, marital relationships, lovers, love triangle, betrayal, family
Albina Dzhanabaeva
In the summer of 2009, one of the strongest Russian couples, who raised three children and had been married for about 20 years, broke up. An affair on the side is not the only, but the main reason for the separation of Valery Meladze and Irina.
Back in the late 90s, Albina Dzhanabaeva got a job as backing vocals for Valery. On the very first day, the artist set a condition for his colleague: an exclusively work atmosphere should reign in the team, office romances are strictly prohibited. However, Meladze himself broke his rule a few months later.
The relationship between Albina and Valery lasted for many years and was already surrounded by many rumors. At the end of March 2010, the lovers were first noticed together during their joint trip to Kyiv - then the singer stayed in the same room with the ex-soloist of the VIA Gra group.
And when Dzhanabaeva gave birth to a son, Konstantin, no one doubted that he was the singer’s. But Valery still hesitated for a long time to officially announce his romance and for some time lived “with two families.” Only after Albina’s second pregnancy did Valery decide to file for divorce and confess to others about his relationship.
Vera Brezhneva
The story of the two Meladze brothers is ridiculously similar - both have a long relationship with their wife, which is unexpectedly interrupted by the ex-soloist of VIA Gra who burst into the life of the family men. Only now Konstantin Meladze was “taken away” from his wife Yana Summ by Vera Brezhneva.
The musician was married to Summ for almost two decades and raised three children together. However, even here, behind the ideal picture, secret relationships and betrayals were hidden, which Yana did not even know about, sometimes even communicating with Vera.
Meladze Sr. made a shocking confession only five years later. The couple soon divorced, and in 2015, Konstantin and Brezhnev secretly got married in Italy. The couple still doesn’t really like to advertise their relationship, only occasionally going out in public or publishing photos together.
Disadvantages of being a mistress
If the advantages of relationships with married partners are obvious: financial security, lack of obligations, passion and adrenaline, a chance to simultaneously look for a permanent life partner (although not always), then rarely does anyone think about the disadvantages. The mistress will feel happy exactly until her demands become higher than the capabilities of the chosen one. And we are not talking about material values at all. The overwhelming number of women “in secondary roles” are unhappy for several reasons:
- A mistress is not the only and not the main person in the life of a married man; his wife and children will always come first for him.
- Lovers are forced to constantly hide, so you don’t even have to mention going to the cinema, cafes, restaurants and theaters together.
- You cannot openly meet your loved one’s friends or introduce him to your loved ones - at a minimum, this affair will be discussed and condemned.
- The mistress must obey the man, because it is he who sets the days, times and duration of meetings.
- A “it’s just sex” relationship runs the risk of developing into something more that will ultimately break your heart and may result in depression.
There are many sad stories on the Internet on behalf of lovers who were never able to find happiness. Perhaps 9 out of 10 homewreckers who had such connections end up out of work. Of course, stories in the style of “My love story: he left the family and became my husband” also occur, but such a scenario should be considered as an exception to the rule.
When a woman agrees to become a mistress, she must understand that she will not be able to completely master her chosen one. He will always be torn between family and outside hobbies, often preferring stability and home comfort. Dreams that a loved one will leave his wife, abandon his children and propose marriage - in most cases remain dreams. Live in the present, soberly assess the prospects for the future and do not build castles in the air where there is no place for them.
