The formula for family happiness is perhaps one of the most difficult formulas in life. A successful marriage is what most of us strive for. And something that many never manage to create. Divorces, divorces, divorces... Unhappy spouses, children deprived of the attention of one of the parents, loneliness firmly settled in the house. All this can be found at every step. But marriages are created with the hope of a long and happy life together! Why does it work out for some and not for others? What are the secrets of family happiness and do they even exist?
Exist. And now we will try to find out what these secrets are.
What does family happiness depend on?
What is the main secret of family happiness? If you look at the relationship of happy couples more closely, you will notice something in common. Firstly, spouses in such couples simply do not exist without each other. In such families there is no separate “I”, but an inextricably linked “we”. Secondly, in successful marriages, husband and wife communicate a lot with each other. They discuss joint plans, problems, relationships with friends and family, the difficulties of professional activities, and so on. Thirdly, in strong families there is trust, thanks to which partners are as frank as possible with each other. They even tell each other about things that someone else is ashamed to talk about. And they know how to forgive their life partners, not criticizing their actions, but gently advising them. And finally, in happy families they do not stir up the past, remembering only the good.
Why it happened that one person became the real half of another is difficult to determine exactly. However, there are several conditions under which the likelihood of a successful marriage increases significantly. These include:
- Love and Respect
It must be recognized that not all marriages are created on the basis of lasting love. The superficial feeling of falling in love can quickly disappear, leaving an emptiness in its place. Therefore, if we have already decided to start a family, we must learn to transform falling in love into love. And try to respect your soul mate. It happens that in a family only one of the spouses truly and deeply loves. The other simply allows himself to be loved. This is where respect for your life partner is especially important. On its basis, immense affection for a loving partner can develop, which can eventually turn into love; - The ability to accept another person for who they are
We all have both advantages and disadvantages. This is the integrity of human nature, its individuality and, in fact, attractiveness. Trying to remake your soul mate is a thankless task. Yes, and meaningless, because advantages and disadvantages are relative concepts. Each person decides for himself what suits him in another and what does not. The opinions of others should not be the main thing in this matter and cannot be a reason for persistent attempts to change your life partner; - Trust and openness
In happy families, spouses are not afraid to confess their most secret things to each other. Confident that they will be understood, they openly express their feelings. This allows you to eliminate suspicion from the relationship and have no doubt that in a difficult situation your partner will support you and will not betray you; - Joint business A joint
business can be the desire to purchase furniture, a car, housing, decorating an apartment, cleaning, preparing dinner... The main thing is that the spouses enjoy it and are unanimous in their decisions. In addition, it is important that they share responsibility for the consequences of any actions. And, if troubles arose, they did not blame each other, but tried to deal with them together; - Lack of competition
In happy families, husband and wife do not compete with each other either in everyday life or in professional matters. They sincerely rejoice at the achievements of their partner and do not find out which of them is more talented or luckier; - The ability to constructively resolve conflicts
Not even the most prosperous family can do without quarrels. However, in strong marriages, conflicts have boundaries. Partners do not allow themselves to humiliate and insult each other, and certainly do not throw everything they can get their hands on. Each of them intuitively knows when to stop. And if the insults were nevertheless uttered in the heat of a quarrel, the spouses know how to forgive them; - Mutual sense of humor
This is especially useful during a brewing conflict. When two people have the ability to turn everything into a joke and laugh at the situation together, their relationship can be considered healthy and the marriage strong. If not, it’s time to sound the alarm: life together has cracked; - The desire to do something pleasant for your soul mate. This
includes affectionate nicknames, gifts, a desire to help, gentle touches, a meeting from work and much more. Maybe someone will find the addresses “bunny”, “cat”, “honey” to be sweet. However, without them, family life takes on a certain officialness, which does not allow the spouses to truly get closer. Sweet words, coupled with unexpected pleasant surprises, seem to say: “You are my dearest person! I always remember you and want to bring you joy”; - The ability to properly build relationships with parents
“Building relationships correctly” in happy families means discussing all the news, crisis moments and some major events, first of all, among themselves. It's no secret that many of us, when even minor friction with our husbands arise, run to complain to our mother. The result of such complaints is usually an ever-increasing hostility of the parents towards their husband and the husband towards them. It may well lead to the collapse of the family, even if the spouses initially did not want this at all. Therefore, you should not interfere with your parents in your family affairs. Let them just be very close people, and not controllers and managers.
Well, here, perhaps, are all the main secrets of family happiness. Of course, every prosperous family has its own little secrets and its own rituals that help preserve and strengthen the relationship between spouses. But no rituals will save us from troubles if we begin to re-educate our soul mate, begin to constantly hide something from him, do not trust each other and do not find common points of contact for communication. A family where each spouse lives on their own cannot be considered complete. This is simply a cohabitation of two people who are still comfortable with each other. Their future is unclear, their well-being is doubtful. Is it worth creating such marriages?
Each of us dreams of happiness. And we often rush to get married, believing that it is in marriage that we will find him. And then we lament because the husband turned out not to be what we wanted, a normal family did not work out, scandals do not stop in the house or there is a gloomy, deaf silence. Why do we need such a life? Wouldn't it be better to wait for someone who would be safe and warm next to you?
Let's see in what case marriage promises to be successful and whether we are ready for family life.
5.Compromises and the ability to forgive
It is human nature to defend oneself and one’s opinions to the very end. In problematic situations, no one wants to give in, because in this way a person feels that he is losing himself. To maintain a happy relationship, it is very important to look for compromises, stop in time, listen to the other person’s opinion and find some common solution to the problem.
In strong unions based on love and mutual respect, partners know how to forgive each other and try to quarrel as little as possible.
Love.
Many people believe that love, “breaking the roof”, should come instantly - and they are mistaken. This is the lot of love - to turn a person into a zombie, forcing him to think 24 hours a day only about his other half. But in fact, love begins to appear only when the pink veil falls from the eyes. After all, this feeling is not limited to sex, mutual gifts, and crazy actions.
The Apostle Paul wisely spoke about the depth of love. His words have been considered a hymn of love for several hundred years. Here are a few lines from his saying: “Love is patient, merciful, love does not envy, love is not arrogant, is not proud, does not act outrageously, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil...” In other words, when you love, you are ready to endure, forgive, change, and endlessly improve.
Without exception, all strong couples admit that they love each other. This is the first secret of family happiness.
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Secrets that make a family happy
Let's start with the fact that by family we mean a man and a woman who decided to go through life next to each other.
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Family relationships are not a way to escape from hopelessness and despair, hoping that another person will fill your life with meaning. This is a mutual decision of two people to give a piece of themselves to the other in order to make the loved one happier.
But even with good intentions, it is not always possible to save a family. So, 9 secrets of psychologists that will make your family prosperous and happier.
Rules and boundaries: each of you knows that you are not allowed to go further
Of course, at first glance this seems harsh, strange, repulsive. But in practice it works. Both men and women know their partner’s personal boundaries that should not be crossed.
For example, a husband knows that raising his hand against his wife is not part of their general relationship rules. Otherwise, separation is inevitable.
Rules, frameworks and boundaries help to respect another person and not do what he doesn’t like. Boundaries will allow a woman not to dissolve in a man, but to remain herself. It is easier for both parties in such a relationship to show respect.
This may be why prenuptial agreements are becoming more common. A person knows this limit line, crossing which he will have to pay.
The ability to shut up in time
The golden rule of a happy family, according to psychologists, which is followed by a man and a woman. Sometimes, in a fit of anger and resentment, we say a lot. You will regret it later, but you will not take back what was said. You can hurt a loved one unconsciously, without wanting to offend.
The ability to shut up in time will help maintain a happy marriage for years. It’s easy to do this - go out and take a walk or make a promise to yourself that for 5 minutes you will be silent and not respond to insult with insult. This helps and it saves the relationship from breaking up.
A comfortable home is very important for a man
That's why men agree to start a family. The knowledge that you will return home in the evening to the woman you love makes you happy and gives you hope. She gives harmony, hope in a bright future, believes in it. The competition is there, outside the home.
Here he relaxes, receives the necessary support and gains strength to move on into a world where men are merciless to each other, where it is important to be competitive.
Plan - where you are heading as a family, where you are moving, goals
According to psychologists, it is important to share this before starting a family and discuss personal views on life.
Where are you going, do you have common goals and a desire to create a cozy home and raise children?
Further, already being married, the man and woman discuss these moments. Awareness of the integrity of the family and the presence of joint desires will help preserve the family.
A question of money
Money is a part of our life. A person has the attitude towards money that he wants. But when it comes to family, opinions may not coincide. And you already take into account not only your needs and desires, but also the needs of your partner.
Sit down, talk honestly and openly - what are your expectations from the financial component of the relationship, do you want your husband to support you, will you maintain a joint budget and other similar issues.
Everyone has “their own” time, in which the partner does not interfere
Psychologists advise giving this time to your significant other voluntarily. Every person in the family sometimes wants to breathe, so that no one stands over their soul. This time also helps you look at yourself separately from your partner and realize your personal preferences and aspirations. The result is strong relationships in the long term.
Spend your free time on self-development. Men do not stop educating themselves and do not give up their hobbies, even when they are married. Women, on the contrary, take care of the family, forgetting about themselves and their own interests. A husband becomes more interested in his wife when she has a favorite hobby. There will be new topics for conversation, it will be more interesting to open ourselves to each other.
My husband is my best friend
Play sports or go on a picnic with your loved one as friends. It is important that there is a feeling - what a wonderful person he is, and how lucky I am that today I am returning home with him.
Be able to ask for forgiveness and build a dialogue
We all make mistakes, but learning to ask for forgiveness can help restore relationships. It is important not to put off such conversations, but to be able to immediately talk and admit if you have made a mistake.
Over time, to build a happy relationship, it is important for a woman to be able to build a constructive dialogue with her husband. A person may misunderstand, and if misunderstandings are discussed immediately, unnecessary grievances will not accumulate.
Do you laugh together
You need to laugh not at people, but at situations. When you can look at life situations together with ease and laugh at them, then the family will be happy.
You may want to find something to do together that will bring positive emotions to both parties.
How to change everything right now - some tips from psychologists
Family happiness is work. And if a woman is not satisfied with everything in a relationship, then a lot can be changed right now. To do this, do the following:
✔ Make a spontaneous decision that your spouse does not expect. The goal is not to shock, but to pleasantly surprise your loved one.
✔ A week without criticism with politeness and care. Consciously give yourself a directive - not to criticize or make comments to your loved one for a week. Instead, say nice words and make your partner happy. Give a nice gift.
✔ Try to imagine that today is the last day you live. There will be no chance to fix the situation, ask for forgiveness or start over tomorrow. Exists only today. How would your behavior change?
These are the effective secrets that will help a woman keep her family happy. A single recipe for family happiness has not yet been invented. What is important is the desire of both partners to live together and happily. Well, the desire to work so that the husband/wife and children are happy.
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