Why people break up: 18 reasons that will lead to a breakup

What might be missing in a marriage?

When entering into marriage, each spouse expects something from their partner.
When a husband or wife no longer meets the needs of their other half, things move towards divorce. A man, starting a family, dreams of receiving the following from a woman:

• selfless love;
• true feeling;
• accepting all his shortcomings;
• understanding a man;
• general views on life;
• compatibility with partner;
• sex appeal;
• mutual respect;
• opportunity and desire to have children.

When a woman gets married, she expects the following from her relationship with her partner:

• feeling of security;
• respectful attitude;
• male fidelity;
• financial well-being;
• selfless love;
• dreams of having children, the desire to help raise them:
• common interests;
• sexual compatibility.

Stages of conflicts that lead to divorce:

• dispute for leadership in the family, constant rivalry;
• visible cooperation - the distribution of roles in the family ceases to coincide with the desires of each spouse, but the realization comes that one needs to live by the rules, follow certain boundaries. Such behavior leads to the fact that everyone begins to live their own lives. Often in such a situation, they decide to save the family for the sake of the well-being of the children or the reluctance to share living space. Problems arise in sex, intimacy is mechanical in nature. At this stage, relationships on the side often arise.

Bad habits

One of the common problems is bad habits, various types of mania: alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction . They interfere with normal human life. There is no peace for the family, money is leaving the house. A person forgets about loved ones, does not pay attention to his wife, and does not raise children. In the final stages, fights, scandals, theft, and insults begin.

gambling addiction

To all this we can add the following: when people begin to live with each other, new sides of their nature , which, living apart, the partners were not aware of. At first, people try to either put up with each other’s shortcomings and habits, or try to fight them. Both get boring over time. People get tired of each other. Not everyone can work on themselves and relationships; often people still decide to take the simple route and end them.

Motives for divorce

Women file for divorce in 68% of cases (if we consider Moscow, this is 80%), the typical age is up to 50 years, and more often this concerns young women. After the age of 50, a higher percentage of men initiate divorce. This is due to the fact that the children have time to grow up, the old nests are no longer there, the man will not have to pay alimony, and at this age he still feels his masculine strength and is ready to create a new relationship with a woman who is much younger than him.

There are many reasons that push people to divorce:

• early marriage, which is based only on emotional attachment - young people do not think about a future together;
• late union - it is believed that after the age of 30 it is much more difficult for people to get used to each other;
• everyday problems - in order to prevent the dissolution of the union, it is necessary to treat each other with respect, help, and spend free time together;
• career - the desire to curry favor relegates the family to the background, intense busyness at work leads to the loss of interest in life at home, spouses eventually become strangers to each other;
• infidelity of a husband or wife, which may be a consequence of dissatisfaction in sexual life, the search for thrills, betrayal in revenge;
• difficulties of a material nature;
• disagreement with your spouse's habits;
• the disappearance of feelings when love turns out to be love;
• the birth of a child - young parents are sometimes unable to cope with the responsibility that has fallen on them and additional stress;
• fictitious union;
• absence of children;
• regular deception of one of the spouses;
• lack of trust;
• incompatibility of people - different views on life, opposite characters;
• marriage of convenience for material gain;
• drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction;
• moral oppression of the second spouse;
• interference of relatives in the personal life of a young couple;
• baseless excessive jealousy.

Life after divorce: advice from a psychologist

Most people find it difficult to cope with the breakup of relationships and the end of family life; in this case, it is better to seek help from a psychologist.
But if you don’t have the strength and confidence to go to the clinic, you can at least take the advice of experts:

1. First of all, you should realize what has already happened and what cannot be avoided. Having gone through 5 stages (shock, rage, bargaining, awareness, acceptance), a person will accept divorce as a fact, and this will already be a step towards exiting the crisis.
2. You must be prepared that it will be most difficult in the first 2-3 months after the divorce. During this period, you can make a lot of mistakes and do a lot of bad things based on emotions. Therefore, psychologists recommend giving yourself a “time out” for at least this period, not making any serious decisions and not radically changing anything in your life. The psyche should return to a more or less stable state.
3. Under no circumstances should you turn your children against your spouse. A big conflict will be created in the child’s soul, because he will want to please both the mother and the father, which will not end in a positive outcome.
4. You can’t suffer and cry around the clock, it won’t lead to anything good. You can give yourself a couple of hours a week to do this, and for the rest try to live your normal life - work, meet with friends and family, relax, take care of children, etc. This method will teach a person to manage his own emotions, which will later help him in life. any difficult situations.
5. When the psyche suffers, the whole body suffers, because they are a single organism. Don’t forget about health: you need to eat right, engage in physical activity, walk, and follow a daily routine.
6. Focus on what is happening at a given moment in time. There is no point in remembering what happened before, or making plans for the future. You should live in the present and enjoy what life gives you now.
7. A huge mistake that most people make is denying outside help. It is not necessary to contact specialists. Breaking up doesn't mean being alone. A person is always surrounded by family and friends, who will not refuse to be there in difficult situations. And we’re not just talking about moral support; an unsettled divorced person may need help with a variety of household chores: buying groceries, preparing lunch, picking up the children from kindergarten, helping with cleaning the house.
8. You can’t be selfish and think that the divorce was difficult only for you. Children always have a hard time with such an event; they need to be explained why it happened and that they are not to blame for what happened.

In the next video, a psychologist talks about the reasons for divorce and how to save a family.

Reasons in different countries

Let's look at the most common reasons for divorce in Europe. In European countries, there is an increase in well-being, the ability to correctly distribute material resources among different segments of the population, the development of benefits - all this leads to the fact that in the most developed European countries both men and women feel protected and realize that they can independently cope with any difficulties , even if there is a child. That is, for them marriage is not considered as an economic support. In addition, many people do not see the need to formalize the union and live in a civil marriage.

The six main reasons found in developed European countries include:

1. Beneficial solitude. For example, in Belgium the divorce rate is 71%. This is due to the fact that people understand the benefits of loneliness, and it is also due to the characteristics of the social security system.
2. Treason. Basically, we are not talking about a one-time affair. Here there is a long-term relationship on the side or a long-term extramarital affair. The reason is also noted when the person who cheated brings various sexually transmitted diseases into the family.
3. Drug addiction and alcoholism. European countries have the highest levels of alcohol consumption. A large percentage of people who drink are chronic alcoholics. At the same time, society has a negative attitude towards alcoholism. Drug addiction is also very common in European countries and poses a threat to families.
4. Homosexual relations. The number of divorces associated with the appearance of a husband or wife of a same-sex lover is increasing. However, if situations happen to a bisexual couple, then the matter does not come to a divorce, people simply add variety to their sex life.
5. Reluctance to have children, as well as infertility. Women are especially sensitive to this problem. Men are increasingly less likely to file for divorce due to their partner’s infertility. And a woman is ready to get a divorce even if her husband refuses children or does not agree to artificial insemination. Today, more and more young people are refusing the burden of having children; they do not want to spoil their careers or deprive themselves of the pleasure of living as they want.
6. Computer and Internet addiction. The computer completely absorbs the wife or husband, depriving him of the opportunity to show his interest in his partner.

Let's look at the situation in the USA. There is a fairly high divorce rate here. Women no longer feel financially dependent on men, despite the fact that their salary levels differ.

1. The need for more pleasure, which they are not able to get from this marriage. If the relationship that has developed in their family ceases to satisfy, everything is easily resolved by divorce. The fact is that Americans have a consumerist view of family. They easily change their partners. This way, people who have been divorced once find it much easier to decide to divorce again. So the second gap is observed in 60%, the third - in 73%, while the first - in 41%.
2. Incompatibility of beliefs, in particular national or racial, religious. Differences in methods of education may also be considered, there are different ideas about responsibilities in family life, and different views on politics.
3. Financial difficulties. Despite the fact that the country has a sufficient level of prosperity, there is a huge degree of social stratification. Various types of such problems are observed in 2/3 of families.
4. Violence in family. This includes the assault of a man who offends his children and wife, but also the exertion of moral pressure by a woman on her husband, she constantly nags him. This also includes ridiculing the weaknesses of the spouse, moral mockery of him.
5. Treason. It is much easier to find a new partner or change spouse than to try to improve family relationships.
6. Disappearance of sexual attraction to spouse. The presence of stress in everyday life and lack of stability leads to the fact that intimacy is viewed as a new stressful situation; partners look to each other only for moral support. This leads to more and more families in which there is practically no sex. However, over time, one of the spouses ceases to be satisfied with this, which leads to divorce.

How is it going in Russia?

51 percent of marriages end in divorce. According to this indicator, Russia is closer to the highly developed countries of Europe. With all this, the reasons for the dissolution of marriages are opposite. In particular, if in those countries there is a high level of social security, then in Russia young couples break up due to difficulties that have befallen them.

1. Difficult living conditions. Families often break up due to the fact that a young couple is forced to live with the older generation, there is not enough living space, difficulties in communication, and conflicts arise.
2. Early unions and pregnancy. Marriage due to pregnancy also often ends in divorce.
3. Treason. They can occur due to dissatisfaction with a sexual partner, because of problems in everyday life, if the wife criticizes a lot, if the marriage was of convenience, or people got married because of an unplanned pregnancy. All this eventually leads to a move to the left.
4. Alcoholism. This reason is not uncommon, especially for men’s problem with drinking alcohol. Women's alcoholism is rarely considered by men as a significant reason for separation.
5. Financial difficulties. At the same time, it is more often the woman who initiates the divorce, in particular, if the man refuses to work and sits at home. Male representatives are calm about the fact that their spouse stays at home, but they will not tolerate it if a woman begins to reproach them with a lack of salary.
6. There is no mutual understanding. Sometimes friends don’t want to wash their dirty linen in public and simply write in the reason column - “they don’t get along.” Although sometimes this really is the true reason for the presence of constant scandals or a complete lack of love in the family. Also included in this category are situations where one spouse wants a child, but the other does not.

Let's look at the statistics on the causes of divorce in Russia:

• 41% - addiction of one of the spouses, in particular drug addiction or alcoholism;
• 26% - lack of their own housing;
• 14% - interference of friends and relatives in the life of a young family;
• 8% - inability to have a child;
• 6% - long-term living separately;
• 2% - due to one of the spouses being in prison;
• 1% - long-term illness of the husband or wife.

You can look at statistics regarding how long it takes before a marriage dissolves:

• after a year or two, 16% of families break up;
• after three - four - 18%;
• after five – nine – 28%;
• in ten – nineteen – 22%;
• in twenty – 12%.

My neighbor divorced her husband because after the birth of her child, he stopped being interested in both her and the baby, began returning late from work in a tipsy state, and spent all his free time in front of the monitor screen. The girl, having decided to divorce, indicated in her statement the reason “incompatibility of characters.”

How to achieve peace and harmony in relationships

Every person wants to have a person next to him who understands him, knows how to listen, and can support and help in difficult times. This is the kind of person you want to live your whole life with.

You must accept the fact that your partner is not like you, he is different. And each person understands ideal relationships in his own way.

Relationships are the coordinated efforts of two people, built on reciprocity - mutual assistance, help and support.

It is necessary to understand that there is not only your point of view on the world around you. Your partner also has his own opinion, which may not coincide with yours and it would be wrong to change it to suit yourself.

Love is the desire to help a person, to make his life better. And if a person wants to be happy, selfishness should not come first. If a person is selfish, it will not be possible to build strong and lasting relationships with him. You need to get rid of selfishness, forget about your desires, learn to respect the person who is next to you.

Selfishness is behavior determined by a person’s desire for his own benefit. A strong form of egoism is considered to be defending exclusively one's own benefit. At the same time, a person can help another if it benefits him personally.

Source Wikipedia

We must accept his opinion, share his views on life and not try to change the person.

To achieve peace and harmony with your loved one, you need to overcome pride, ambition, and the thirst for power. You need to live your own life and participate in the life of your husband and family, be close, be together, but only when they need it. They should have freedom, the right to decide and choose for themselves.

There are only 2 irreparable things - an incurable disease and the death of a loved one. Nothing can be done here. Everything else can be fixed.

Has your loved one passed away? So what, what terrible happened? Look at it this way. You find yourself free, become independent and happy. Each person has his own life, which he himself creates and lives.

Women who are in their second or third marriage can understand me. When the first marriage failed, the situation seemed hopeless. Later you met your loved one, with whom you are now happy and you cannot imagine how you would live if you missed your loved one in life.

There is no need to be afraid to change or lose, because changes will bring new sensations, and losses will bring new meetings. And even after what you had to suffer and endure, you will learn a lesson - you will become strong and wise.

Possible consequences

Divorce has the greatest negative impact on children.

Divorce leaves its mark on each spouse, as well as on joint children. Spouses can fully recover from what happened over time. For some, this may take several months, and for others, several years.

All consequences can be divided into three groups.

1. Public. Divorce increases the level of morbidity, and psychotraumatic situations are possible. This causes nervous and mental disorders in all members of the family in which the divorce occurred. Loneliness, as a result of the separation of spouses, is a serious social and psychological problem for people. Children whose parents have separated grow up unable to appreciate family relationships and repeat the mistakes of their mothers and fathers. For society, the following consequences are observed: there is a devaluation of the institution of the family, a decrease in demographic growth, an impact on people’s working capacity, the growth of single men and women, the creation of single-parent families where upbringing becomes defective.
2. Aimed at ex-spouses. Men, like women, are in no hurry to remarry after a divorce. The fact is that people have already invested their souls in previous relationships and now do not feel any strength to re-enter the same waters, because there is a paranoid feeling and suspicions about creating a normal marriage. Women after divorce, who have children and are completely opposed to a new union, devote themselves to the child, fearing that the new husband may harm him. This also leads to the fact that most women are deprived of the opportunity to have another child, which affects population growth.
3. Influencing children. The percentage of single-parent families is growing, especially those in which the child is forced to grow up without a father. And this has an impact on their growing up, the likelihood of deviant behavior increases, and it also affects their performance at school.

Now you know why people get divorced. As you can see, there are a large number of reasons that can affect this. Spouses must remember that it is necessary to protect their union, constantly improve it, and awaken old feelings. Remember that it is much easier to destroy something than to build something new.

What to do if a relationship breaks down

It is very painful to realize that the relationships and mutual understanding that you have built over the years are crumbling. Romance fades, feelings cool down. And those wonderful and bright feelings are replaced by resentment, disappointment, and quarrels.

Men stop admiring their lovers, and women stop respecting them. Each of the partners is worried about this. But this is not enough, we urgently need to save the relationship. And to do this, you need to understand the reasons why everything happens.

A crisis in the relationship between a man and a woman is a normal phenomenon. But it can lead to their destruction if it drags on for a long time.

How to get out of a crisis situation

It is important to understand how to get out of a crisis situation.

Losing trust in a partner can have disastrous consequences. Trust is the basis of relationships, and without it, good relationships are impossible. Why does trust disappear? The reasons are different, but basically it is deception, resourcefulness, unfulfilled promises, cunning. All of them lead to a loss of trust, which is sometimes simply impossible to restore.

If people have different priorities, life values, or initially their views on life do not coincide, then sooner or later they will have difficulties in communication. In this case, there are two options - to break up or for one of the partners to change their fundamental beliefs.

Each person imagines in advance how his relationships will be built and responsibilities in the family will be distributed. But it is unlikely that you will be able to find a person who fully meets your requirements. Relationships often fail because expectations do not meet reality.

Routine and routine can kill love, respect and mutual understanding. At the initial stage of a relationship, life is filled with vivid emotions, and they must be constantly supported.

And another common reason for relationship breakdown is misunderstanding. If there is no mutual understanding, support, or respect in a relationship, then the relationship will collapse over time.