What is an open relationship
This is a union in which a couple experiences spiritual affection for each other, but each partner has the right to have sexual relations with other people. In fact, everyone understands what an open relationship is in their own way. But in general, this means that the partners love each other and their relationship is mentally monogamous, and physically polygamous.
The idea is that two people can have casual sex with someone other than their partner, but they do not feel any emotional attachment to the other.
What are the characteristics of an open relationship without obligations?
If you ask a person what exactly he means by the concept of “open relationship,” then most often in response you will hear that in such relationships the partners are not faithful to each other, in other words, everyone can sleep with whomever they want. However, this statement will be largely incorrect. An open relationship is much more complicated and also has its own rules and prohibitions.
An open relationship is a relationship in which respect for the freedom of the partner is at the forefront. When offering your chosen one this form of relationship, you must understand that you will have to say goodbye to the habit of controlling your man and demanding that he account for his actions. You must remember that there is love between you, and not a desire to sleep with as many people as possible.
Of course, in an open relationship there is no ban on cheating, but do not forget that it is your partner who comes first, and not the mysterious stranger in the club. If your partner needs you, then you should push aside all your lovers and give your attention to your partner.
Also remember that the issue of permitted cheating cuts both ways. Your partner has the same rights to a third-party lover as you do. Are you ready to deal with this?
Why a couple decides to make their relationship open
Every couple experiences a dulling of sexual desire over time. It depends on age, differences in temperaments, and the psychological situation as a whole. There are also physical obstacles - illness, long-distance marriage. Sometimes a strong relationship is accompanied by sexual dissatisfaction.
The way out of the situation is freedom. It often happens that the partners are young, temperamental people who perceive such relationships as polygamy. The approach in the future causes many misunderstandings and problems. Relationships end without justification.
The point is to throw out sexual energy, for which the other half is not ready, with another person and share everything else with the main partner.
Sometimes this becomes the salvation of a fading relationship, and also brings variety to sex life.
Freedom must be a conscious choice, on both the male and female sides. One partner should not be allowed to do this to please the other. You can agree to such a relationship as an experiment, the main thing is that there is no increased control on either side. Everything must be based on trust.
Read more: What stages does a couple go through in a relationship?
Pros of a no-strings-attached relationship
This section will collect some advantages of relationships without obligations, which I myself rethought when I had such relationships.
You can go fishing with friends
In a married relationship, where the man is completely under the control of the woman, going fishing is problematic, since there is always a suspicion that the husband is not going fishing, but to a brothel. The blessing in such relationships is that everyone belongs only to themselves.
Read more: Hellinger constellations, a powerful method to change your life.
No jealousy
I believe jealousy is one of the biggest killers of any relationship. It's absolutely terrifying when I see a guy or a girl jealous of each other. And most importantly, people do not understand that jealousy is a sign of self-doubt.
Good for your health
Sex is good for your health and mood. Fact. And it happens that a person does not have any relationship, but sex is necessary for physical health. Therefore, it will be a plus that you had sex, released all the tension in your body and had fun.
There's no point in lying
When a couple meets, you can always tell each other something that would be embarrassing to share with friends or family. When there is an open relationship, people often trust each other a lot. That's cool.
Sexual experiment
Psychologists have long established the fact that a girl is more liberated in sex, if she is not burdened by relationships, this is due to the fact that she is embarrassed to admit her fantasies with her husband. Here lie social stereotypes: if I talk about my fantasies, he will consider me a whore and his wife, and he will also get divorced.
Pros and cons of open relationships
Perhaps, from the outside it seems that such a relationship between a man and a woman is like a fairy tale, because the concept of betrayal is no longer so categorical. A mutual agreement allows you to flirt, kiss, and sleep with other people. But, like everywhere else, freedom has its pros and cons. The rules of conduct must be discussed in detail with the priority partner and an agreement reached on the evaluation of actions. Often, neglecting this leads to an incorrect perception of the situation.
Many couples, having tried a relationship without obligations, understand that such moral freedom is not for them and was acceptable only in words. People tend to overestimate their abilities, especially when it comes to moral freedoms in a couple.
Pros of a no-strings-attached relationship
The obvious advantage is, of course, the lack of routine. You can try many things, meet different people. Often this is what sparks the fire between a guy and a girl.
After spending time with a stranger without emotional intimacy, I want to feel it again with a priority partner.
This manifests itself through long phone calls and conversations, and increased attention to one’s appearance. The guys remember the importance of surprises and flowers.
Freedom also implies financial separation between men and women. Everyone plans their own budget, which helps eliminate quarrels over money, loans, and partners’ salaries. Costs are not divided in half. There are no legal formalities involved, which also frees you from resolving many issues.
Cons of a no-strings-attached relationship
The other side of the coin is still the same freedom. Partners need to understand that each of them has equal rights.
It happens that a person thinks only about his role and the liberties granted, and forgets about the role of the other half.
Jealousy and reluctance to share a person with others can hinder the development of relationships in the future.
Read more: To take revenge or not to take revenge: what to do if your husband cheated
Public opinion also plays an important role. No matter how independent a person is, comprehensive condemnation one way or another undermines self-confidence. In addition, parents exert pressure; a successful marriage and a happy family life for the child are important to them.
Open relationships: should you embark on this adventure?
I have two friends who believe that they have truly understood the essence of an open relationship. The first one always dates five different girls at the same time, convincing each of them that the wedding is just around the corner, somehow managing to hide his sexual insatiability. The second one has been married for seven years and even had a child, after which, in fact, the wife lost all interest in sex. This happens, as a rule, due to the fact that the husband tried to have sex with his other half again too early; this is a surmountable problem if you set the goal of establishing intimacy. But the guys acted differently. They agreed that he could spend as much time on Tinder as he wanted and sleep with girls under one condition - he spends weekends only with his wife and child.
I think even if you have never been interested in how an open relationship between a man and a woman should work, you can guess that the first acquaintance simply enjoys being an alpha male, but the second one seems to really understand how polygamy can save his marriage.
The essence of an open relationship is really that there is a guy and a girl who are officially dating or even married, but they willingly allow each other to sleep with other people.
For what? The psychology of open relationships is based on the fact that there is emotional attraction and attachment, and there is a less sublime sexual desire, to tame which is to make things worse for yourself. Of course, older people believe that this is debauchery and sodomy, the decay of society and the decline of morals. The founders of this, in their opinion, are, of course, representatives of the LGBT community. And in general, open relationships are an indicator of how wretched young people are today.
We will not draw conclusions whether it is good or bad to become a champion of polygamy, but the belief that youth or gays are to blame for everything is completely absurd (in general, as always). If you remember how emperors and their blue-blooded wives behaved, whether in France, England, or Russia (Catherine II alone is worth it), you will understand that in past centuries polygamy was not always considered such a great tragedy. Yes, the rulers hid their connections from a large number of their subjects, but at court everyone knew that they were womanizers.
The main issue in an open relationship, in fact, does not concern depravity and fornication at all, but precisely the theory that you can have sex without emotional attachment. There are, of course, people who are capable of this. Both men and women are ready to give in to the impulse of passion, and the next morning close the door behind their partner and not even remember his name. But in reality, this is much more difficult than it seems, because the desire to spend more time with a person who provides you with a great orgasm is absolutely natural, it distinguishes us from animals governed by the desire to procreate and other instincts.
The second stumbling block of an open relationship is jealousy. Yes, you really want to sleep with the cool girls you meet every day. But for this to be polygamy rather than cheating, you must allow your girlfriend or spouse to have fun with other guys. Are you sure that you can calmly go about your business, knowing that at this very moment someone else is making your lady love cum?
There are successful cases. They mainly concern couples who have been married for a long time, so their relationship has rather turned into a strong friendship, an influential alliance and a reliable partnership, but the spark and intensity of passions are no longer there. But there is confidence that you will never feel as good with anyone as you do with your wife. Therefore, even after the coolest sex, you should return home and stay in your family or relationship.
To be honest, it seems to me that it is more interesting to develop one relationship and take sex to a new level with a regular partner, without letting each other get bored. Or just don’t fool anyone and have fun without announcing to anyone that you are now a couple with someone else. But if you want to take the path of polygamy, here are the most common pieces of advice given by men and women who have already decided on an open relationship.
Agree that your relationship is a priority
You both have to stick to the idea that you are the most important thing to each other, which is why you only have one girl and she only has one boyfriend. The rest are just sex partners.
Be honest
Never hide your partners or keep quiet about dates. Tell the girl as honestly as possible about all your adventures, flirting, sex and dating. After all, you officially gave each other permission to sleep with anyone.
Start a joint calendar
You won't be able to get jealous or overanalyze the fact that your girlfriend is sleeping with someone else if you're on a date at the same time. For example, create a joint calendar on Google so that you always know where your other half is and who she is on a date with.
Let us know about your plans in advance
If you are going on a date with someone on Friday, notify her not in the morning of the same day, but a couple of days before, so that your girlfriend knows that you are busy that evening. Otherwise, you will have to face the dilemma of who to spend time with, and you remember: official relationships always come first.
Set boundaries
Yes, you agree that you will sleep with other people. But perhaps your girlfriend wants only her to give you a blowjob. And you don't want her to have anal sex. Only you set the rules and boundaries, but you need to do this from the very beginning and agree that you strictly observe them.
Don't sleep with other people in your home
Never have sex with other partners in your shared home or on the bed where you usually sleep with your girlfriend. This is not very hygienic and violates personal boundaries, which is unlikely to be pleasant for you or her.
Do not correspond with partners in front of her
One of the mandatory rules should be that you do not text your partners when you are spending time with your other half. She is the most important thing for you and the most pleasant interlocutor, which means that thoughts about sex friends should fade into the background. But if you understand that now you would be more than happy to flirt with this or that girl, know: you have failed the mission of “successfully existing in an open relationship.”
Probably,
Open relationship in marriage
It is believed that an open marriage has no future, and it certainly does not imply the presence of children. But everyone lives by their own rules. In addition, many relationships without obligations are born precisely after ten years of a monogamous, happy marriage.
There are certain rules for open relationships accepted between spouses:
- stipulate in advance the circle of people with whom you cannot have sexual intercourse (mutual friends, classmates, etc.);
- trust in each other and consent of both partners to an open relationship;
- perceive the priority partner as the only object of love and not experience similar emotions towards other people;
- if there are children, then one of the spouses should always be with them - interpersonal relationships between mother and father should not affect the healthy upbringing of the child;
- not to spend the night away from home with another person - this right remains with the spouse;
- take care of your personal hygiene and don’t come home smelling of someone else’s perfume;
- in case of sexual intercourse in a common house, it is necessary to change the sheets and ensure that the spouse is not embarrassed by the presence of other people’s things;
- with strangers, always only have safe sex with a condom;
- come up with and observe family traditions (trips to the park, weekend barbecues), putting them above other things;
- always wear a wedding ring (if this was originally customary upon marriage) and do not hide your marital ties from other people;
- speak openly about grievances and resolve problems in a timely manner.
Read more: How to forget a girl you still love
So let's say you've decided on an open relationship! How to start?
Set boundaries
You must set clear and defined boundaries before anything happens. Have you agreed that it is okay to form romantic relationships with others, or are only fleeting connections welcome? If you get attached, do you immediately leave your original partner? How often will you get tested for STIs?
Are you both non-monogamous or just one of you? Will you share your experience or will you stick to the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy?
All this must be determined by both parties, no matter how boring it may seem. And this is not a one-time conversation-agreement at the very beginning. These are ongoing discussions that you will have during all stages of exploration of your new experience.
Boundaries may change depending on the comfort level of both partners. Be honest when you feel things need to be adjusted, but the most important thing is that you stick to them.
Open relationships: the opinion of psychologists
Psychology considers the option of an open relationship between a man and a woman as a saving solution for a relationship that has reached a dead end. Of course, there are exceptions, but, in general, experts advise starting a relationship as a typical monogamous one and, if problems arise, or over time, moving on to open relationships. People with stable views on life and stable self-esteem are suitable for relationships without obligations. Psychologists also note that such relationships between people of relatively young age, according to statistics, most often end unsuccessfully - the partners do not understand the line between a riotous lifestyle and the reasonable use of freedom of action.
Natalia
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Who is this relationship suitable for?
For many people, relationships are like hard labor due to the fact that they have outlived their usefulness, but they carry this burden on their shoulders from the position of “I should”. But all this is dictated by society, since our grandparents perceived relationships only as serious. Therefore, such a relationship is suitable for those who broke up and do not want anything serious. The second point is that such relationships are suitable for those who are constantly traveling and on business trips, but you don’t have the strength to build relationships. It's better this way than nothing. And I think many will agree on this.
