Romance is, of course, wonderful. Bouquets of a million roses, walks under the moon, kisses in the last row at the cinema, and maybe a joint trip to Paris... But life makes its own demands, and now a woman wants to build her own nest, have rosy-cheeked babies - in a word, become a full-fledged housewife own life (to be honest, some of the rights will be claimed for the companion of this very life). How to move to live with a guy so that he understands that the decision has been made finally and irrevocably, there is nowhere to retreat? How can a girl take the first step? Let's see how we can solve this problem as quickly and painlessly as possible for all interested parties.
One move equals three fires. Benjamin Franklin
How to move in with your boyfriend if he has his own place
Let's first consider the easiest option - your loved one lives alone in his own living space, which you consider quite suitable for “development”.
Before you take action, you need to answer yourself a few questions:
- Are you ready to sacrifice some of your principles and habits for the sake of your lover?
- Do you think he is ripe for life together?
- Do you both know how to make mutual concessions, take into account the opinion of your interlocutor, and determine the boundaries of personal space?
If the answers to all these questions are positive, start preparing. Men are quite conservative people
in their habits (even young ones) and are very jealous of intrusions into their personal territory.
What are they afraid of? Loss of freedom! Moreover, there is a certain pattern here: the younger the potential life partner, the more pronounced this fear is in him.
Therefore, your actions should be smooth and gradual. Start small:
- stay overnight with him more often;
- arrange it so that every minute of spending time together is interesting to him;
- slowly “forget” various little things from him: a toothbrush, a comb, a spare set of underwear.
The last point is very important
: it will help the guy gradually get used to the fact that from now on he is not alone in his house. At the same time, he will continue to feel like the master of the situation: in fact, you don’t claim anything: well, you left the brush - so don’t buy a new one every time! Well, they put a new silk robe in his locker - this is just for convenience, so that he has something to change into, so the atmosphere will become more informal. Besides, the robe is very pretty, you look just great in it...
So, step by step, you will gradually move “in parts” into his apartment. And then it’s just a matter of small things: learn to accept not only each other’s strengths, but also each other’s shortcomings and understand that from now on you are a real married couple!
Pros and cons of living together
Positive aspects of living together:
- Your loved one is always nearby. Although living in a shared area takes away the romance, it is beneficial from a psychological point of view. Calm and stability, confidence in the reliability of relationships appear.
- When people live together, they get to know each other better. It happens that completely different character traits are revealed in a loved one that would be impossible to notice if living separately. However, in some cases, a loved one may not show his best side.
- For pragmatic people, the obvious advantage of living together is saving money. After all, running a common household is always more profitable than running a separate household (especially for those who rent housing). In material terms, it is much more economical to divide the costs of utilities and food between two people. But it’s still worth assessing if a man suddenly offers to live together in your apartment out of mercantile interests.
How to move in with your boyfriend if he was previously married
Men who have gone through a divorce become very careful after their first marriage.
But you have a wonderful “weapon” that always (well, almost always) works flawlessly: you know how to perfectly organize everyday life, and your beloved guy, having lived with his wife, already understands that living together with a representative of the fair sex means living in comfortable conditions. Let's try to apply this knowledge in practice.
When you visit his house, try to bring something pleasant into his life every time:
- cook his favorite dishes;
- give him gifts for the interior (small, but really necessary: a lamp, a table lamp, a rug for the bathroom);
- clean up the house (if possible, clean unnoticed).
Men love to be taken care of - and soon your hero will feel that when you are not around, he feels somehow uneasy: something is missing... or someone... Don't
forget about these important points: be interested in him activities, ask about hobbies, participate as equals in receiving guests. In general, your task is to make your loved one understand: living with you is much better and more interesting than living alone
. And then he himself will make an offer - well, maybe not marriage yet, but at least an offer to move in with him. There you are!
Just don’t be in too much of a hurry: never make significant changes to his life without his consent, don’t do general cleaning, and don’t get carried away with collecting socks scattered around the apartment in order to wash them and put them away nicely. All this may be perceived as an infringement on his rights.
As a matter of fact, that’s all true. But why would he know about this ahead of time?...
Should you move in with a man if you want to get married?
“Do you want checkers or go?” - remember this famous joke? It’s the same with a wedding – you need to understand yourself and understand how important a stamp in your passport and a ceremony with a white dress are to you.
If you don’t consider a wedding a fundamentally necessary matter, then you can safely move to live with a man: believe me, in everyday life “official” and “civilian” husbands behave exactly the same.
Should you move to live with a man if you still dream of becoming his legal wife? Ladies who are wise with worldly experience say that it is better not to do this before the wedding - because then the man will have no motivation left to legitimize the relationship! That is, why does he need “checkers” if he is already “going” with all his might and receiving all the bonuses of family life?
The best thing to do here is to hint to your loved one that the move will take place after the relationship is formalized (or after the engagement).
— Author — Dasha Blinova, website www.sympaty.net – Beautiful and Successful Copying of this article is prohibited!
Moving to a guy: psychological subtleties
If you have been preparing for your move for a long time, the guy will get used to the idea that you are his happy future, from which there is no point in moving away: it will come anyway.
And he himself will one day ask if you would like to try living together. Answering: “ YES!”
“, do not rush to immediately make radical changes in his home and start repairs. Do not yet transport your beloved parrot to your new home, who is accustomed to waking you up for breakfast at 6 o’clock with a loud “Good morning!” and don’t occupy half of your lover’s closet with fifty jars and tubes of creams.
Let the mother look after the parrot, and from the creams you can take the most necessary for now. The guy should know that his life flows as before, only it has become even more pleasant, because you appeared in it
:
- You are now watching movies together, wrapped in one blanket (so what if sometimes these are action films and fantasy films - don’t rush, gradually you will take everything into your own hands, and he will be happy to watch melodramas with you).
- You drink a glass of wine together on Fridays, celebrating the end of the work week, or go to a night disco and return in the morning to hug each other and fall asleep in the same bed.
- You make vacation plans together.
The key word here is “ Together
”. The guy discovers: it turns out that he missed out on so many joys until he lived with you!
- Then he makes you an offer. You are having a wedding, and life is getting better – according to your rules.
- Or he doesn't propose to you. But you still live together, and life together still gets better according to your rules.
Key pretexts for moving
- Strong love can serve as an impetus for quick thoughts about building a life together. Don't rush to follow your heart and turn off your head. But you also don’t need to rush or delay the moving process too much. As soon as you are no longer satisfied with the format of meetings on weekends, you need to think about living together.
- Partners often hush up important topics so as not to scare each other. But it is unrealistic to scare away a person who sincerely loves with such a proposal. Voice the idea not as a mandatory requirement, but as a disturbing thought.
- In relationships, initially maintain openness and integrity.
- age;
- duration of relationship;
- human thinking;
- benefits from common cohabitation, also material;
- the desire to be closer to one another.
Several factors can serve as an impetus for living together:
The main thing is that the basis should not be a beautiful picture shown in a movie or told by friends.
When discussing a move, do not use ultimatum phrases:
- “I’m already thirty years old, I need children!”
- “All my girlfriends are laughing at me!”
- “I’m an adult, but we meet with you like schoolchildren! I'm bored of this!”
- “If we don’t move in together, I’ll leave you!”
Speak softly:
- “I so want to cook you breakfast and accompany you to work!”
- “You’re all busy, you need a good rear!”
- “I really want to build a cozy nest and decorate everything there to suit my own taste!”
- “I see a good person in you, I love you!”
Received a direct proposal from a man
Representatives of the fair sex are now quite freedom-loving and willful. Many people believe that living together will eliminate all romance.
If the offer came from a man, it means that he sees you as a life partner and is ready to entrust you with the farm and himself. Such a person can be trusted, he is self-confident and ready to take responsibility.
Accept the offer of a loved one, but discuss the living conditions and development of your life in advance.
Hint about moving and expect an offer
If in the middle everything has been boiling for a long time and requires an urgent demonstration of the abilities of an impeccable housewife, take the initiative into your own hands. Do it in such a way that the man considers himself the source of the idea.
While at his home, fix the blanket on the couch or wash the dishes after dinner. Look carefully at very small objects, dishes, habits of your partner: where he puts his keys, cell phone, wallet.
Often a man loses sight of things and starts looking. Now you can come to the rescue and submit the required item.
If the apartment does not have enough clocks on the wall, towels, curtains in the bathroom, lemon maker, then give something to the young man.
A man rarely arranges his home, maintains harmony, as a representative of the fairer sex does, and pays little attention to details. But he will like that you are attentive to your home and try to make it cozy.
Offer to prepare something together if the man likes to do this. Keep it natural. A pleasant, cozy atmosphere has a calming effect on every man.
But just don’t adjust your living space to suit yourself. Don't put everything in perfect order, don't move things in the middle of the closet onto shelves that seem suitable, don't scold the guy for the mess, scattered socks. All men are guilty of this, and they cannot be changed either before marriage or after it.
Also find out tips from psychologists on how to realize if a man does not love you, but uses you https://woman-l.ru/muzhchina-ne-lyubit-a-polzuetsya/
How to move in with your boyfriend if your parents are against it
His parents are against the move. What to do?
Provided the guy has separate housing, there are no problems - you need to move, while trying in every possible way to continue to maintain a peaceful relationship with your parents and emphasizing that you always listen to their advice, but have already grown up enough to make independent decisions.
It is necessary that your adulthood be supported by something significant: at a minimum, it should be your own source of income.
Falling in love entails dire consequences. Planning for the future begins, moving to a new apartment, living together; Finally, children appear... Martin Page. Maybe a love story
If your parents are against it, what should you do?
You need to act together with the guy. Parents may object to their daughter's move for several reasons. They:
- not sure that the young man is reliable, serious and positive enough;
- they are afraid that the guy does not love their daughter enough and will not be able to take care of her;
- they do not want to recognize their little girl as an adult and let her go “free swimming”.
In the first two cases, it is necessary to introduce the guy closely to his parents.
Let them communicate, let him help his father and mother at the dacha, let him prove in every possible way that his love for their daughter is the strongest feeling in the world, for her sake he is ready to do anything. And, by the way, parents should know that the young man earns money himself and is ready to spend money on his family.
If parents still consider their daughter small, then she will have to demonstrate her independence: the ability to cook, organize everyday life, and resolve conflict situations.
If the young man’s parents are against moving (and he lives in the same apartment with them), it will be more difficult. Here you need to act extremely slowly and carefully.
The first thing that is required of a girl is to meet her parents and establish contact with them. Friendliness, openness, willingness to accept advice and help yourself - these are the levers with which you, like Archimedes, will be able to turn the world upside down.
The most intractable parents will soften over time and either accept a new “daughter” into their family, or agree to let their son live with her.
What will you need to be afraid of?
Taking responsibility for your own destiny is quite difficult, as it seemed at first. The home routine spoils the beautiful picture, the same thing, the blues.
Spend a lot of time with each other. There is no need to be afraid to tell your loved one that you are tired and not ready to take care of your worries today.
On a date, people glow with joy and look perfect. At home this is unrealistic: everyone is sad, sick, angry, tired and wants to be alone. You must be able to accept your partner’s inconsistent attitudes and not be offended.
Before you start living together, ask how the guy imagines it. Some people do not want to give the fairer sex any personal space, but they take care of their own. Selfishness and injustice must stop! Strong healthy relationships are steps forward, not running after each other.
Mom and dad men against relationships
Very often the mother opposes it, not wanting to share her son with anyone. Don't go to the incident, try to make friends and get close to her. Let her know that you see her as an authority, ask questions of advice. Find out the reason for the mistrust. Find out how the relationship between the guy’s parents began, show good manners and tact. It is not always easier to get close to a young father. If there is no daughter in the family, you can become one.
Mom and dad of the fair sex are against relationships
The girl’s mom and dad are afraid that the guy treats her insincerely, that the poor girl will suffer from violence, return home pregnant, she won’t get married, and her reputation will be damaged. Fears do not appear out of nowhere; parents should not be accused of stupid prejudices.
A man must show nobility, talk with the girl’s dad, show concern and tact towards her mother. The main thing is not only to show off in order to achieve the goal, but to weigh the decision to live together a couple of times, to look honestly at the situation. Otherwise, in the future you will simply be ashamed in front of adults to whom you proved that you are independent and reasonable.
If a man sincerely loves a representative of the fair sex, then a parent’s ban on cohabitation can often become an impetus for going to the registry office.
Difficulties in establishing relationships with household members
Living in the same house with mom and dad is strongly discouraged by both psychologists and experienced couples.
A woman comes to a man’s house with her charter. Being regularly submissive and living according to the advice of his mother will not work: the education and customs of his own family will be reflected.
There is no room left for two women in one kitchen room, no matter how you manage, there will be a reason for a quarrel, and there will be nowhere to escape from the epicenter of the conflict.
A man who moves in with a representative of the fairer sex is often perceived as a gigolo. The girl’s mother will find a reason to reproach her for laziness, even if the guy disappears for days at work and sleeps off at home.
Young people often violate the usual structure that has developed in the home. Mom and Dad are embarrassed to talk about the inconvenience caused by dinner in the living room, loud TV, laughter and noise coming from the bedroom.
Discontent accumulates, and then pours out to the surface like an erupting volcano. There will be quarrels between lovers in plain sight. The couple will make peace and forget, and mom and dad will remember for a long time. A separate apartment is considered an excellent option for a guy and a girl to live together. The climate of the new family must be inviolable and unshakable by outside interference.
The psychological side of the issue of moving
From a psychological point of view, moving is always stressful. Positive or negative depends on the climate in the family.
If a girl was under moral pressure at home, she has long cherished the idea of escaping from her parents’ control. But he doesn't think he's getting under the guy's control. It is better to leave the home nest and live alone, and if you really want, you can move in with the person you love. Otherwise, care and attention from the young man can be regarded as pressure and complete control.
Quarrels and alleged conflicts
The more invisible aspects of married life you discuss before it begins, the less you will scold. But a disagreement is considered a normal event in a couple whose relationship is developing. If there are no questions, then you are indifferent to each other.
There is no need to be afraid to discuss, especially regarding everyday issues. In a dispute, truth emerges. Give suitable arguments, do not use foul language, and be able to stop in a timely manner.
If an incident occurs, you need to cool down quickly.
A walk is considered a wonderful way to get away from the showdown. Get together and walk silently in the yard. Or go to the supermarket for a cake. Joint tea drinking reconciles even heads of state.
Domestic squabbles should not leave the house and become overgrown with rumors. There is a risk that after a small conflict, someone’s mother will appear on the doorstep and cause a worse brawl.
Need to keep leaving the house
When you live with your partner, you may develop a habit of staying at home. After all, you no longer have to go anywhere to see your loved one, he is always near you. Sometimes you just want to cook something at home or order pizza and watch a movie in your pajamas. But you need to go out sometimes to keep the fire in your hearts alive.
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