An ex writes after a breakup: why, and what to do about it?

What does it mean if your ex-boyfriend writes?

Depending on the number of messages you receive and their content, your past partner wants to tell you something in this way. Perhaps he wants to remain friends, but does not dare to say so openly, or has other hidden motives. Here are some reasons why he might keep sending you text messages. But still try to answer his letters carefully. Because he is unlikely to be honest and openly admit his intentions. Therefore, you must study the situation as a whole, and draw your own informed conclusions.

The guy is just bored

The first reason why an ex texts after a breakup may simply be boredom. After all, if the two of you spent a lot of time together, then it is natural that your last boyfriend will begin to miss communicating with you, and he will miss your presence. Although, this may come as a surprise to him. Because he expected all feelings to stop the moment you broke up. But he was deeply mistaken. Relationships are not so easily broken and forgotten. Therefore, in this way, by sending you messages, he tries to maintain this line of emotional connection. And your answers console him, at least a little.

He's lonely

If your ex is left alone after a breakup and can't find a new girl, then naturally he will feel lonely and just want attention. Considering the amount of time you spent together, texting each other, and being in a relationship, he may be tempted to write to you again in order to somehow diversify his loneliness.

Why does the ex write what he might need?

A breakup almost always hurts. At the very least, moral discomfort. After all, women invest their feelings and soul into relationships. Only over time is it possible to regain psychological balance and begin to enjoy life again.

It was at this moment that a message suddenly arrived: “Hello! How are you?" The girl has questions: why does her former lover suddenly write to her, and how to react to this.

If the breakup was recent and the man was the culprit, he may feel remorse and want to apologize. When the girl initiated the end of the relationship, then perhaps the guy is burdened by the understatement, he wants to discuss grievances and get answers to his questions.

It happens that during the separation, a man realized that he loves and does not want to lose his ex-girlfriend. When a guy is really ready to return the relationship, he will soon prove it with his actions. His deeds will speak of the seriousness of his intentions.

It happens that a man only talks, but does nothing: he does not care, does not help, does not strive to develop relationships. Then he may have completely different intentions.

How to reply to his messages

It will be easy for you to fall back into old patterns of texting with your ex-boyfriend, and you will be tempted to text him back right away. After all, you both have been constantly texting each other for a long time, so you will want to answer him quickly. But it is extremely important for you to think carefully before you begin to answer. Analyze his texts and try to understand what exactly he wants?

The best way to respond to his messages is to simply take your time to respond. Don't respond for a certain period of time. As a result, his interest in you will only grow. And you will have more time to correctly formulate the answer and determine what exactly the guy wants. If you understand that he wants to renew the relationship, then you can answer him based on your desires and feelings.

Exes tend to come back at the most inopportune moments.

You feel as satisfied as possible, perhaps happily dating someone, and then for some reason you check your student email, where you receive a “letter of happiness.” And it’s amazing how we always anticipate such a scenario of events, which is why we are drawn to check our intuition. That's why we dig into old email, update forgotten profiles on social networks, or remember about outdated SIM cards.

And the exes seem to know when to write to us. When you least prepare and expect it. You are sitting in a cafe with friends, where they see a treacherous notification on your phone. Or you’re driving to an important meeting. Or simply enjoying a secluded evening in the company of your partner.

A wave of goosebumps instantly covers you, and everything inside your stomach ends abruptly - what happens when you fall in love or are afraid of the past. You are frightened by the emotional reaction that this sudden return from the old world has caused. Haven't the feelings subsided yet? Can you still have anything left for this person - after so many years?

Self-analysis does not lead to good, so instead of common sense, internal cockroaches begin to organize a coven in your head. And in order to sort out this whole mess, you decide - which is very predictable - to answer the letter.

And the further you plunge into the world of memories, the more uncomfortable you feel - as if you were cheating on your partner. Yes, perhaps you always return with warmth and trepidation to your former love, but this happens without additional incentive in the role of the main character of your past relationship.

How to get back to your ex boyfriend

Depending on how you feel, you can decide whether it's worth getting back with your ex-boyfriend or whether it's better to forget about him. This is a choice that you will need to make consciously and think carefully about. After all, if a man writes messages to you again, then in most cases, this is a clear sign that he wants to restore the relationship. That's why we've prepared some tips on how you can get back to it.

Again, take your time when it comes to responding to messages or talking to your past boyfriend. But keep an open mind and see where it takes you.
Be frank and straightforward. Your ex may have ulterior motives for contacting you, so it's important that you be very direct when texting or communicating in person. You might want to see how he responds to your straightforwardness. Therefore, there is no need to restrain yourself.
Study your feelings well. After all, if you want to return to him, even if you experience certain feelings, you must check yourself and make sure that this is what you really need. If you feel that restoring a relationship with this person is a road to nowhere, then why are you doing all this?
Chat with him live. At this point, if you feel comfortable with the idea of getting back with your ex, then try dating him. Go get some coffee or something. And in a calm atmosphere, talk about your relationship.

Why ex-men call: the main reasons

He imitates his feelings:

Most women note that ex-boyfriends always call at the wrong time. This means that the girl has begun to live a new life. Perhaps she has a new young man with whom she feels happy. This is exactly the situation that indicates that the call was made at the wrong time. Meeting former lovers is now possible only in another life.
Human memory is inexplicable. Getting rid of the past is difficult, or rather, impossible. Sometimes a woman can be overwhelmed by memories, which intensify after a call from her ex. If you have lost feelings for your past partner, do not attach much importance to this call. It is no longer possible to restore love, so you should not try to repeat what is already in the past.

Men's tricks:

Psychologists have long tried to understand why an ex-boyfriend calls a woman after a breakup. They note that this may be due to comparison. Guys tend to compare their new girls with their past ones (behavior, appearance, etc.). He is trying to figure out who will be better with him.
When a guy realizes that his ex-girlfriend was better, he plans to do anything to get her back. Now it’s up to you to decide whether to restore the relationship or not.
Some men increase their self-esteem by calling. They are trying to prove to themselves that they are the best, and the woman made a mistake by breaking off relations with him.
They also tend to feel that their ex-girlfriend has a new lover, and they try to do everything to ensure that she does not manage to build a new relationship.
Some men tend to think that a woman is capable of doing something stupid after the end of a relationship. By calling, they try to dissuade her, calm her down and support her. Such guys need to immediately express everything that you think about them and break off the connection for good.

Don't fall for the tricks
Return to the past:

When an ex-boyfriend calls, the girl involuntarily begins to remember everything that happened to her during the relationship. Mentally, she wants to go back to the past, but common sense often does not allow her to do this.
If a guy's words make you emotional, don't resist it. Each person chooses for himself not only the path, but also the trials. It is quite possible that with his call the man wants to bring you back.
There are many couples who reunite after a long break and live happily. It all depends on your desire and the conclusions that both partners make while being away from each other.

The man is bored:

A call from your ex does not always mean that he is still in love with you. It is quite possible that he has sympathy for you as a person. It’s not for nothing that you were together before and lived many happy moments. Often people call their ex-partners out of habit.
There are couples who, after a breakup, maintain friendly relations . However, it is difficult for them to become close friends, because their feelings can return at any moment.

Man as a victim:

It's not uncommon for ex-men to call to make sure their ex-girlfriends are happy without them. The breakup of the relationship could have a negative impact on their self-esteem, and they enter the role of sufferer, victim. And often this is critical for women. After all, such a manipulative position hooks them, and they run to save their ex.
When a man is unable to correct the situation, there is no need to save him, especially if he is the initiator of your breakup. If it was difficult for you after the breakup, remember your emotions and understand that if you survived and were able to open up to a new relationship, then the man can handle it too. Try to keep the conversation formal or not communicate at all.

A man wants to hurt you:

If a man’s self-esteem is hurt, he begins to insist that the ex-woman has lost a worthy person. He can call to tell about his successes so that the girl realizes her mistake and tries to return to him.
Sometimes revenge manifests itself in other ways. A man may call to tell his ex about how good he is with his new girlfriend.
There is no need to continue such conversations, listen and clarify details about his life. Tell him that you are no longer interested and that if he is happy, then you are happy for him. But try to say this as calmly and in a good mood as possible.
Hysterical notes can reveal anxiety in you. And the man will understand that he can mock you in this way. If you say this calmly and add that you have no time to talk because you are busy, you can consider yourself the winner of this battle.

He seeks revenge:

If you initiated the breakup, the guy will try to take revenge. If he is too nice and polite during a conversation, you better be wary. There's a good chance he's up to something.
Often, guys do everything to get their ex-woman back, and then leave her again. This is how he wants to assert himself.

Anger or desire for revenge
He wants you back:

If the breakup was long and the guy had time to realize his mistakes, he may try to win you back. If you don’t want to “step on the same rake” again, try to move the conversation in a different direction or abandon the conversation altogether.
If you have long wanted to restore your relationship with your ex, immerse yourself in pleasant memories and let the young man achieve what he wants. Believe only your inner experiences.

Lust for control of your life:

Men can also call their ex-girlfriends because they want control over their lives. In the first few minutes of conversation, you should determine whether he wants to control your life or whether he wants you to control his life.
If a man asks where you go and what you do, it means he plans to control you. If you are not comfortable with such interrogations, immediately set all boundaries. Try to distance yourself from his behavior and let him know that you can control your life yourself.
If he calls to complain about his life, it means he is happy with the mother-son relationship and wants you to continue to control his life. Although this may seem touching, refuse such communication.
Remember, your relationship is over and you don't owe your ex-partner anything. Build boundaries around yourself and don't let your ex cross them.

Guilt:

Often relationships between partners do not end quite decently. With his calls, a man can try to make amends and correct the situation. If he calls to improve the relationship, you can try to forgive all grievances.
If during the call you hear that the guy is planning to return you to a dependent position, end the conversation. Remember, only you can worry about your happy future.

The guy makes a choice:

Often men leave their girlfriend as a backup option. Frequent calls can tell you this. This means that the man is not getting something in his relationship with his new girlfriend, so he is trying to find it in communication with you.
If you continue to encourage this behavior, you will encourage his selfishness and narcissism. Immediately explain to the guy that you will not be a backup option, and you only agree to friendly communication or no communication at all. Let him make a choice and no longer bother you with his strange calls.

Your ex may compare you to other girls

How to get your ex to stop texting

On the other hand, you may have no desire to renew your relationship with him, and you do not want to correspond with him. In this case, you must make it clear that he will not bother you anymore. So be clear about how you feel. Be clear in your responses to his messages, and make it clear that you have no desire to correspond with him.

But first, ask him to explain why he writes? Although the guy may not reveal the real reason, you should still ask why he decided to contact you. In the event that your ex writes after breaking up and does not respond to requests to leave you, then simply block his number. Most smartphones have a feature that allows you to block a person's number if they text, and social networks and instant messengers make this even easier.

Reasons with a sign why an ex writes after a breakup

If an ex unexpectedly writes to a woman after a breakup, then she should put aside the surging feelings and soberly assess the situation. It would not be amiss to remember the reasons for the breakup and who initiated it. This will help you not to delude yourself and critically evaluate the situation so as not to make mistakes. As a tip, it's worth keeping in mind 8 reasons why your ex might text.

My ex is writing because he wants to know he made the right choice.

You need to understand that men remember their former ladies when something didn’t work out with their new passion. A crisis arose in his new relationship, a quarrel occurred, and something began to go wrong. So he remembers that his ex was better in some way or loved and cared about him more.

Read more: What is a monogamous relationship

It happens that a former loved one will write, then disappear, then reappear on the horizon. This confuses the woman: she does not understand what he needs. And this is just a reflection of his current relationship, the dynamics of their ups and downs.

When he has a fight with a new woman, he starts writing to you.

As soon as the storm has passed, he disappears. It's so easy to track what's going on in their relationship right now. Just don’t rush to the conclusion that he finally appreciates you and wants to come back. Otherwise I would have returned already.

Decides to check if you are still attached to him

Don't forget that men are owners. The fact that he himself left the woman does not prevent him from checking from time to time whether she still belongs to him.

When he writes to a girl, he tries to understand the situation based on her response. If a woman reacts emotionally, then he concludes that she still cannot forget him. It didn't matter whether she answered him warmly or aggressively. The main thing is that you care.

Now, if a girl is cold and indifferent, then this will hurt him. The man understands that this woman is no longer his.

Boredom

He just got bored. His new girlfriend went on a business trip, his friends were busy, and there was nothing to do after work. He could be scrolling through his news feed on social networks and accidentally stumble upon a photo of his ex, or he could just accidentally remember about her and decide to write just like that, out of nothing to do.

He could briefly indulge in slight nostalgia and decide on a non-binding correspondence. Like with an old friend.

Out of curiosity

Something reminded him of his former girlfriend. And he became curious to know how she lives now. What he does, what he does. Does she have a new man? What if not? Suddenly she still suffers for him, so great and unique.

Read more: How to attract a girl's attention

Curiosity prompted him to write a message to his ex to find out about her current life without him.

I decided to show off

If the girl broke off the relationship, then the man’s pride was hurt. Even after a long period, he wants to prove his worth to her, so that she understands, and even better, regrets the one she lost.

Inquiring about the affairs of your ex-lover is just an excuse. It doesn’t matter what achievements to brag about: a career, a cool car, a new girlfriend, the main thing is to fluff the “peacock tail” in all its glory to satisfy your ego.

Need sex without commitment

There was a pause in the relationship in the man's life. Searching for and achieving a new passion requires effort and expense, for which the guy is somehow not ready at the moment.

Then he can remember his ex or exes. After all, this is the easiest option to get sex for free and quickly. Women are designed in such a way that it is easier for them to let ex-boyfriends into their bed than new boyfriends. If one disagrees, the other will show favor.

Wants to increase self-esteem

The ex could have had a fight with his new passion, or things weren’t going well. At this moment he wants to raise his self-esteem. And nothing pleases a man’s pride more than a woman who loves and thinks about him.

After writing and making sure that she still can't forget him, he gets a dose of dessert for his ego. The man calms down: he has confirmation from his ex that he is unique, special and unforgettable. It is quite possible that he will be happy to boast about this fact among his friends.

Likes to play

He understands that the woman has feelings for him. And men, of course, like to be loved. Even after a breakup, it’s nice to receive new portions of self-love from a girl. At the same time, he keeps her at a distance, which hurts her feelings.

Read more: How to return former passion and love to your relationship with your husband

This is manipulation. The man acts like an egoist. It is better for a woman to break such a connection: it will bring nothing but suffering and devastation.

Ex gets in touch and disappears

The ex sends a ping - some insignificant message and watches the reaction. If you fall for it, she understands that you are ready to rush to her at the first call and disappears further.

Another option, when there was a breakup, then the ex pulled the guy once, he immediately flies to her at all pores, then she dumps him again, then he thinks: “Why did I see her? After all, he lived normally. And now go through the breakup again. I’ve already imagined our bright, distant future.” He worries again, moves away again, time passes, then she casts the bait again, he runs to her again. And this sometimes continues for many years.

Moreover, the guy does not let go of this story, so he does not experience any emotions towards other girls. Well, you get hooked on it yourself. There are situations where you need to make a strong-willed decision with your head.

Okay, let's start from a different scenario. Let's assume that she is suitable for a relationship . If you are aware that she had other relationships , you should understand what this means. And the most unpleasant scenario is when the guy decides to make peace.

They make up, a week, two, three pass, the guy begins to understand that he is simply pounding with anger and resentment that there was another next to his woman. And he begins to express this insult to her. What does it all lead to? She can reassure you several times, say: “No, you are the most beloved, but it didn’t work out there,” your resentment will not go away.

And after that, when you remember this again, she will say: “Listen, why did you put up with me in the first place?”, the guy thinks: “Really, why? I probably shouldn’t remember this.” And then he begins to try to somehow please her, sweeten her, adjust to her. And it turns out that the guy begins to fall into a weak position again, and she begins to blame him, leaves him, he again begins to suffer for her. In short, a vicious circle.

How long have you not spoken?

Depending on how much time has passed since your communication, what actions should be taken will depend:

Days. It hasn't been that long, so take a break and focus on yourself for at least 48-72 hours. A few days can give you time to forget everything that caused the quarrel and rethink what was happening.
Weeks. If a few weeks have passed and he hasn't called or texted, now is the time to try again.
Months. Try texting your ex and asking how things are going. Below we'll give you some tips on how to start a conversation.
Years. Several years after your breakup, you want to text your ex, most likely to reconnect. Again, just like with the breakup a few months ago, use the tips below.

If you are still in the first 30 days after a breakup, you should adhere to the “no contact” rule.

Reasons why it's better not to get back in a relationship with your ex

you are showing your weakness.

In this case, a person can use your weakness to his own advantage. If you feel that after a breakup your ex-partner is showing increased interest in you, know that these are simply attempts to manipulate you. A man may try to take revenge on you for his battered pride. By showing your weaknesses, you seem to disarm yourself and remove your reservation. This is very dangerous, since you do not know for sure how your ex-man will behave in this situation.

you are not made for each other.

This is the reason you broke up. There is no need to resist fate and prove otherwise. This is already a passed stage of your life. You cannot step into the same river twice. Accept this and move on towards your happiness.

you are moving away from a bright future.

Banal physical connection, ordinary sex do not let you leave this person. But in this way you lock yourself in a cage and do not allow yourself to develop. This can lead to such serious consequences as an unplanned pregnancy. And then your common child will experience all the “delights” of such an unhealthy relationship.

you are slowing down your development.

New acquaintances help people lift their spirits and expand the boundaries of consciousness. Now this does not require much time and effort. You can use online resources to find your soulmate. You just need to present yourself correctly.

he or she will not change.

Often we hope that a person will change for the better. This happens, but extremely rarely. After all, a couple of years is not enough to change your character traits and change your priorities. Sometimes this takes decades.