What is emotional hunger
In psychology, emotional hunger is a state of lack of feelings and emotions (positive and negative). Essentially, this is an imbalance, a violation of harmony in the emotional state. A person experiences pleasant sensations less and less often, and at some point he becomes absolutely indifferent to what is happening around him. It turns out to be a kind of vacuum, sterility.
To put it in simple words, emotional hunger is a lack of attention, support, kind words and praise from the people around you. In especially difficult situations, this is detachment from the world, isolation caused by some kind of psychological trauma. In any case, the deficit of emotions requires replenishment. And often a person tries to overcome it in all available ways.
According to psychologists, emotional hunger is an extremely insidious and dangerous condition that provokes promiscuity. A person “hungry” for emotions is ready to do anything to get rid of the frightening emptiness inside himself. Sometimes he takes unnecessary risks.
Emotional hunger
“...A woman must ALL THE TIME keep a man in the dark about what she thinks about him, what she feels for him, and at a certain distance?..”
No, a woman can be sincere with a man, and she can tell him everything about everything. It’s just that when you don’t experience emotional hunger, you’re not so fixated on relationships and a man, so you wo n’t tell him about how dear he is to you, but about how great you live.
. And these are fundamentally different things.
Diana, a woman does not need to play some games, hiding something from men, or not telling them something, or, on the contrary, running after them. She needs to have the necessary education on how to properly arrange her life in order to please the best men.
It is important to understand that the modern education system does not teach this to women. Hence the problems. Girls, because of their emotional hunger, attack a man, constantly telling him about himself or “about us”... And he gets scared of this pressure and runs away.
It is important to learn to understand your mental structure, as well as the psychology of men - then there will be no problems.
Signs of emotional hunger
The first and most important sign of emotional hunger is overeating. You have definitely had situations where, during stress or conflict, you suddenly felt intense hunger. Is not it? Moreover, you were not drawn to healthy food at all. Most likely, you wanted to eat a big chocolate bar or, for example, pizza. With a lack of emotions, there is no hunger as such, it just seems that unpleasant feelings will disappear if you just eat something tasty.
There are other manifestations of emotional starvation.
Toxic relationship
In order to cope with emotional hunger and inner emptiness, a person is ready to endure any humiliation and bullying from his partner. For him, this is a way to get (“beg”) at least a little love. Any scandals and conflict situations are seen as an opportunity to exchange energy.
And although this state of affairs does not bring happiness and pleasure, the person will not break off the relationship. He is afraid of new meetings and acquaintances because he does not know what they will bring.
Workaholism
Probably the simplest method of getting rid of emotional hunger. A workaholic tries in every way to earn love and praise from his superiors, sacrificing health, nerves and time. He is sure that a good attitude must be earned, that he simply must work non-stop, that working for the good of society is something sacred. You will never hear the word “I” from such people. They forget about their wants and needs.
Conflict, complaints
Another sign of emotional hunger. A hungry person demands any emotions from those around him, even negative ones. For example, schoolchildren disrupt classes. According to psychologists, most often they do this not out of harm, but in order to get attention, which they lack in the family. And in this case, what is needed is not punishment and a bad mark for behavior, but work with a specialist.
Psychosomatic symptoms
Emotional hunger can lead to the development of unpleasant physical health symptoms. Sometimes this works as a signal from childhood. Many people remember that they only received attention from their parents when they were sick. In adulthood, a lack of warmth and care manifests itself in various diseases.
Shopaholism
Most often, women satisfy emotional hunger in this way. When making their next purchase, they receive a lot of positive emotions, thanks to which they fill the inner emptiness.
It is worth saying that shopaholism does not help for long. Soon you will need a new portion of sensations. As a result, the shopaholic has closets full of clothes and trinkets, but this is not what they would like.
Spiritual practices
Do you know people who change religious views or spiritual mentors like gloves? So, in this way they are trying to overcome emotional hunger. They try one thing, then another, compare and still can’t stop.
Internet and social networks
This is an attempt to get rid of emotional hunger with the help of the virtual world. There you can remain anonymous, not show your true face, and at the same time receive everything that is not in real life. The World Wide Web gives an imaginary feeling of being needed.
How to identify emotional hunger in yourself
Check if you have at least one of the listed symptoms? Let's take, for example, the most common of them - eating. Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you eat more when you're stressed?
- Do you eat when you are irritated or sad?
- Do you reward yourself with something tasty for achievements and victories?
- Do you feel like you've lost control over your eating?
If you answered yes to 2 questions, you are emotionally hungry.
Emotional hunger - part 2
The first part is here
To break the cycle of emotional eating and get out of it, you need to learn to distinguish between emotional and physical hunger. The emotional “hunger” for food can be truly intense; so much so that it can easily be confused with the physical need for food.
Unlike physical hunger, which develops and intensifies over time, emotional hunger comes unexpectedly, is literally experienced as unbearable and requires immediate satisfaction. But, despite all the apparent insurmountability and impossibility of waiting, emotional hunger seeks satisfaction in certain products. When we experience physical hunger, we, by and large, don’t care what to eat.
Emotional hunger usually sounds in our head like: “I don’t want anything else but..” - and most likely this “except” will be more like chips or pizza than a cutlet with mashed potatoes.
Emotional hunger is more likely to lead to unconscious eating: stopping to eat not from a feeling of fullness, but waking up to the sound of a spoon scraping the bottom of an empty ice cream packet - and discovering that you don’t even understand whether it was tasty or not. When we eat in response to physical hunger, we do it much more involved and consciously, which helps us gain satisfaction from what we eat and notice satiety and the sufficiency of the portion. But emotional hunger can be difficult to satisfy and the opposite experience arises: we eat, but we want more and more, more and more - until we feel full.
We usually experience the feeling of physical hunger in the stomach; it begins to characteristically “rumm”; panting or slight pain in the stomach may occur; everyone has their own distinct and understandable signals of true hunger. Emotional hunger is localized in the head and gets stuck in it so obsessively that there seems to be no other way to stop thinking about a certain taste other than to get what you want as soon as possible. And, most unpleasantly, satisfying emotional hunger leads to feelings of regret, guilt and shame. When we eat out of physical hunger, we are unlikely to feel guilty about anything, since we are responding to the natural needs of our body.
In order to successfully cope with emotional hunger, it is necessary, first of all, to determine the causes of its occurrence. You need to understand what thoughts, emotions, situations and events force you to seek rest in food. In most cases, negative emotions act as a trigger, but for some, as we remember, positive emotional experiences, for example, the desire to reward or praise oneself, may well become a provocateur. We will look at these reasons in more detail in the next article.
Author of the article: Natalya Kerina
How is emotional hunger different from physical hunger?
Physical and emotional hunger differ in several ways:
- Sudden onset. Normal hunger occurs several hours after eating. The desire to snack when emotional appears suddenly. Just 10 minutes ago you felt full, but now you can’t imagine life without chocolate.
- Physical hunger can be easily overcome with any food, such as fruits or berries. When you're emotional, you want something special.
- Food satisfies real hunger. The deficit of emotions remains in any case.
Another difference lies in the reaction to food. After lunch or any other meal, you feel satisfied. The body received what it needs for normal functioning. With emotional hunger, every piece of candy, pizza, or hamburger you eat will make you feel guilty and ashamed, which will only make the situation worse.
What is the difference between emotional hunger and physical hunger?
Emotional eating is caused by a number of factors, including stress and hormonal changes. There are four main indicators that can easily tell the difference between emotional hunger and physical hunger.
Sudden onset
While true hunger occurs gradually, emotional food cravings arise suddenly. For example, 20 minutes ago you felt full, and suddenly you felt very hungry.
Food selection
Physical hunger can be satisfied with any food (an apple), but emotional hunger makes you crave something special (for example, you want chocolate cake).
Reaction to food
Satisfying physical hunger makes you feel better: you've given your body the fuel it needs. Satisfying emotional hunger makes you feel worse: you feel guilty, ashamed, or sad. If you struggle with negative emotions every time you eat, reach out to a therapist you trust to develop a healthier relationship with food and yourself.
Degree of satiety
Physical hunger disappears if you eat enough, but emotional hunger remains. That is, your interest in food disappears after you have eaten a regular portion, but emotional hunger persists and often leads to uncontrolled food consumption.
Take our quiz to find out if you're emotionally hungry:
- Do you eat more when you're stressed?
- Do you eat to calm down or when you're sad?
- Do you reward yourself with food?
- Do you feel like you're losing control over your eating?
If you answered “yes” to two or more questions, you are an emotional eater.
Methods for satisfying emotional hunger
There are several ways to cope with a lack or absence of emotions and overcome emotional hunger.
Create a positive image for yourself
Understand that you don't owe anyone anything. Get rid of the feeling of guilt in front of others, do not be ashamed of yourself. Remember - you are a good person with a lot of advantages. And everyone has shortcomings.
Where to start creating an image? Think about what you do best. Let it be a cake. When meeting someone, mention this skill and don't talk about weaknesses, such as not knowing how to swim or drive a car. Confidently imagine yourself as the best pastry chef. And believe me, others will think the same about you.
Confidence in one thing will quickly spread to another. And those skills and abilities that require improvement, improve over time.
Learn to praise yourself for every right step, for any, no matter how small, achievement. Remember that you can do absolutely anything.
End a toxic relationship
Constantly returning to the past, experiencing grievances and defeats is wasteful and a waste of emotional and mental resources. Think about it, do you need it? Can you always satisfy your emotional hunger with such emotions? Hardly. Therefore, make an action plan and strictly follow it.
The first thing to do is to thank everyone who at one time played some role in your life. These could be friends, mentors or just acquaintances. The next step in the fight against emotional hunger is to express gratitude to your enemies. Imagine how tense they were, trying to ruin your life by any means. But instead they made you stronger and wiser.
Now you need to open up to new relationships. The main thing in them is reciprocity. Keep in mind the wisdom of the Chinese about the ten steps. If you made five towards your partner, and he didn’t even move, turn around and go in the opposite direction.
Don’t forget that relationships should bring joy, motivate action and development. If everything is so, then soon there will be no trace left of emotional hunger.
Find something interesting to do
Another way to deal with emotional hunger. This is not about a hobby, but about work. It's not that simple here. Many of us choose a profession based on the opinion of the majority, in particular, parents or society. And then it turns out that the soul is not in the mood for work at all. What to do in this case?
The answer is simple - try it. In the area where you will achieve the best success, stay. But from time to time, do some self-reflection and ask yourself these questions:
- Do I like what I'm doing now?
- What else do I want to do?
- What am I interested in?
- How do I imagine myself in 5-10 years?
- Will I work in the same field in the future as I do now?
Also pay attention to your bodily sensations. If you feel light, focused, mobile and have fun at work, you've made the right choice. In such circumstances, there will definitely be no emotional hunger.
Reconnect with parents and relatives
Parents give us everything we need for life. This means care, shelter, food for every day and much more. But at the same time, their upbringing and behavior in general brings with it some difficulties and conflicts. On the one hand, they guide us, and on the other, they limit us. And it often happens that we focus our attention precisely on the limitations, which is why negative images of our father or mother are created in our heads. They interfere with communication, obtaining the necessary emotions and resources.
Imagine a tree, one of whose branches scolds the trunk and decides to refuse the juices and nutrients coming from it. Naturally, she will die soon. It’s the same with people. It is important to always maintain full relationships with relatives, even in cases where they treat us unkindly.
Take care of the baby part
In the fight against emotional hunger, you need to get rid of traumatic experiences from childhood. It happens that relatives and friends, including parents, are not perceived as those who can provide support and care in a difficult situation. Here you need to act something like this: you can turn to your little self in your imagination and make a promise to take on the role of father and mother as an adult. Tell the little “I” that you will not hurt him, but will take care of him, no matter what happens.
If you cannot cope with psychological trauma on your own, do not hesitate to seek help from psychologists and psychotherapists.
Work on limiting beliefs
Emotional hunger often develops because we are labeled. Perhaps you also think that you are not worthy of love, that you cannot tell others about your achievements, that you should never make mistakes. Fight these beliefs. Return them to the author, the person who inspired them to you.
Instead of limiting beliefs, embrace the good. Say that you deserve better, that you will achieve success, that you have the right to make mistakes, because you learn from mistakes.
Grow up
Growing up is a change from a passive role to an active one, an increase in the level of independence. If a small child depends on his parents, then an adult depends on himself. He has the right to build his life the way he wants.
As soon as you understand this truth, realize that life depends only on yourself, you will learn to correctly distribute your strength and resources, including emotional ones. A conscious adult is not afraid of emotional hunger, since he can notice the deficiency in time and correct the situation.
What is emotional hunger? Psychology
Food is essential for all of us. For some it is a way to satisfy hunger and maintain health and energy, while for others it is a way to kill boredom, relieve stress or alleviate emotional pain.
Emotional hunger is the habit of regularly consuming large amounts of food. This appetite is caused by various feelings, but not by hunger.
Experts estimate that 75% of overeating is caused by emotions. Feelings such as loneliness, boredom, anger, disappointment, depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem can lead to unconscious and uncontrollable overeating.
Fortunately, there are many ways to overcome food addiction. This requires the desire and strength to admit that such a problem exists.
